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File 125219483784.jpg - (462.28KB, 1680x880, sa.jpg) [iqdb]
222 No. 222
This will serve as the thread for unexplored routes, , and pretty much anything I write that is tangentially related to ULA.

First up is the Kisume H-scene I promised you way back when. Updates at the speed of copy-paste.
Expand all images
>> No. 223
File 125219490356.jpg - (774.17KB, 1035x1248, kisume.jpg) [iqdb]
223
"I'm home!" you call into your house, kicking off your shoes at the door and walking into the kitchen. Kisume's already at the stove, cooking some kind of meat for dinner. "Smells good," you say, leaning over her shoulder and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Welcome home, Taizou," she says, turning in her bucket to face you and return the kiss. "Dinner's almost ready. Can you set the table?"

"Sure thing," you reply, pulling a few plates down from a high cupboard and heading to the dining room.

This has been your daily routine for about a year now, and you couldn't be happier. After everything that happened with the council, you were more than happy to settle down for a while, and took a job in the city selling stuff from the human village. Not exactly highly profitable, but more than enough to keep yourself fed.

You and Kisume, that is. When you first met her, she didn't seem to want anything to do with you, but the more you came to hang around with her and Yamame, the less distant she became around you, until you were as close with her as you were with anyone else in the underground.

That didn't stop you from being surprised when she asked you out, though. Or, more accurately, when she had Yamame ask you out on her behalf; she may have gotten less distant, but she was still as shy as ever. To tell the truth, you honestly hadn't thought of her like that before (in part because physically, she looks like a girl in young teens), but she was your friend, and you weren't going to just turn her down offhandedly. You decided to go out with her, at least once, if only to let her down gently.

And lucky you did. When the two of you were alone, she became... a different person: still not too outgoing, but with a razor-sharp wit and a playful side you'd never seen from her before. Plans of letting her down gently fell by the wayside, and before long, you went on a second date, and then a third.

"Order up!" Kisume calls, floating into the room carrying the meat from earlier. You snag a small piece as she's setting the tray on the table and pop it into your mouth, earning you a flick on the forehead.

"For shame!" she says with a smirk, settling herself across the table from you. "All day long slaving over a hot stove, taking care of the children and that's the thanks I get?"

"Whose children would those be?" you shoot back, shoveling meat onto your place. "I don't remember seeing any on the way in."

"There wasn't enough meat for the stir-fry," she says flatly, taking a portion of the meat for herself. "I had to improvise."

You stare at her for a second before bursting into laughter, and she joins in after a moment. "You win, you win," you say, setting down your plate to give her a mock round of applause. "Strange, for such a good cook to be capable of such horrible taste."

"At least I don't make horrible puns and try to pass them off as humor," she replies, sticking her tongue out at you.

It's been a few years since that first date of yours, and the two of you have been together ever since. You moved into your current house about six months ago; living with Yuugi was never boring, but you'd been wanting your own place for a while now, and Kisume moved out from the caves to live with you once you got it. Since then, the two of you have, for all intents and purposes, been married; you'd even considered having a ceremony, but Kisume didn't want to go above ground for one, and according to Yuugi, a marriage for the oni consists of telling people you're married until everyone who lives near you knows. You didn't really mind not having one; just everyday scenes like this have been enough to keep you happy.

Today's scene seems a little off, though; the dinner table is quieter than usual, and Kisume seems to be avoiding eye contact as well. "Something on your mind, Kisume?" you ask.

"Taizou, I was thinking..." You can't help but smile slightly as she speaks. She may be bold in some ways, but she's remained shy in others. Not too terribly long ago, she wouldn't have even gotten this far when talking about her own thoughts; you would have had to coax it out of her, convincing her that yes, you did want to hear about what she was thinking, and no, it wouldn't be boring or stupid. Now, though, you just wait patiently, without prompting, for her to finish her thought.

"I was thinking about something we talked about, and I think..." She looks away from you again, grasping a handful of her clothes tightly."...I think I'm ready to... to go all the way."

Ah, so that's what this is all hey wait a second.

"What was that?" you ask, throat suddenly dry.

"Don't make me say it again," she deadpans, blushing and looking away.

You think a little surprise is warranted, though; the bedroom is one of those places where she's managed to retain her shyness, to the point that, depending on your definition, the two of you haven't actually had sex yet. That's not to say that you've had no sex life; she may be shy, but she's no prude, and she has several talents that have kept you from pressing the issue too hard. Still, it has been an issue... until now, apparently.

"N-now?" you eventually sputter.

"N-not on the table, no," she says with a smirk that belies her own trembling voice. "I was thinking we could finish dinner first."

You finish your meal in record time, and the two of you leave the dirty plates on the table as you make your way to the bedroom. You move in for a kiss as you reach the door, but she puts a hand on your chest after a few seconds.

"Wait." She bends down, legs disappearing into her bucket, and holds a hand up towards you. "Grab my hand, and I'll take you down."

"Down?"

"Just trust me, okay?" she says a little sharply, biting her lip and looking away. You follow her instruction, taking her hand in yours, and you feel her slim fingers wrap around yours.

And then she's gone, descended completely into her bucket, setting you off-balance and dragging you towards the ground by your hand, your head on a rapid trajectory towards the far edge of her bucket. You close your eyes and twist your head to the side, trying to soften the blow; when it comes, though, it's not hard at all, feeling more like hitting skin than wood. You open your eyes as your head is dragged into the bucket, and you feel another soft blow against your shins as your feet leave the ground. After that, you're completely upside down and falling into the darkness.

---

After a few moments, though, you... stop. You don't hit anything, and you're still engulfed in blackness, but it's different now. There aren't any sources of light, and you can't see anything around you, but you can still see your own hand perfectly when you hold it in front of your face. All of your personal effects are gone, too, including your clothes; apparently, they were spirited off of your body sometime during the fall. You're not standing on anything, either; as far as you can tell, the only thing here is you, floating in the void, stark naked and feeling a little vulnerable. "Kisume?" you call out to the darkness.

And the darkness replies. "I-I'm here," Kisume's voice says, louder than you've ever heard it before, seeming to come from everywhere at once. You turn around once, looking for the source, but there's no sign of her. "I'm coming out, so c-close your eyes, okay?"

"Okay," you say without hesitation, closing your eyes to no apparent change in scenery. As you do, you hear a sound; one with a source this time, a rustling noise from a few feet behind you. You keep your eyes closed, fighting the urge to turn around. The noise continues, and you remain in silence, unsure of what's happening, until you feel a touch against your back. The touch continues, and you feel bare skin pressing into your back as Kisume's hands cover your eyes. You keep your eyes closed even under her hands, reaching back to return the touch by brushing your hands along her legs.

"Sit down," she says, and you do, finding the motion surprisingly easy even without a floor to sit on. Kisume stays pressed against you, draping herself over your shoulders to keep her hand over your eyes, and you feel her bare nipples drag across your back.

"K-keep them closed, okay?" She's standing now, her voice coming from slightly above you. "No matter what."

"No matter what," you echo dutifully, cupping your hands over hers, and leaving them there, over your eyes, even as she pulls her own hands away. Her presence leaves your back as well, leaving you feeling a little chilly at the sudden loss of heat. You can't hear her footsteps, but you feel her move, stepping out in front of you. She moves closer, putting a hand against your leg, and you can feel her breath against your face.

"Is it okay to open my eyes yet?" you ask, and you feel her gasp against your face at the same time as you hear it.

"N-not yet," she says, backing away from you slightly, but keeping her hand on your leg. After a moment, she adds her other hand to the opposite leg, and the two of them trace a path up your body in tandem, brushing past your hips and stopping at your stomach. Slowly, they work their way around your back, and Kisume's body gets closer to yours again, until her body is pressed against yours, her head resting in the crook of your neck as her arm wrap around you in a full embrace.

You can't help it. You remove your hands from your eyes without opening them, wrapping your arms around her loosely. She jumps at the contact, as you knew she would, pulling back slightly. "K-keep your eyes closed!" she says, face inches from your own.

"No matter what," you reply, tilting your head down to what you assume is facing hers. She remains still for a moment, probably making sure you're telling the truth, before moving back into the embrace, one you return as fully as you can. The two of you stay together, saying nothing, listening to the sound of each other's breath; you don't know how long. Eventually, Kisume pulls away slightly, hands tracing their way farther up your body until she's caressing the sides of your face. She pulls your head down slightly, and her lips brush against yours gently, closed at first, then opening into a full kiss that you return as gently as you can.

Kisume gasps at the two of you finally break apart, chest heaving as she rests her chin on your shoulder. "Taizou," she whispers breathily, panting into your ear.

"Kisume," you say, breathing rather heavily yourself. "Is it okay to open my eyes yet?"

She freezes, fingers digging into your back slightly as her hands tense. For a while, she says nothing at all, just continuing to breathe into your ear.

"J-just a second," she says finally, and you can feel her voice tremble as she pushes herself away from you. You let her go, sitting back as she stands up. Silence reigns for a moment, and you can't tell what she's doing at all.

"It..." She speaks, nearly too quiet to be heard. "It's okay now."

You open your eyes.

And there she is.

It's really not unusual, seeing her like this; you've seen her naked plenty of times under different circumstances. If anything, this should be more uncomfortable than usual, with her as nervous as she is. Really, apart from anticipation about what you have planned, you don't see any reason to make such a big deal of this.

So why is she more captivating now than ever before?

You move forward towards her, taking her in with your eyes. She really is nervous; you can see her slender shoulders tense, hunching up against her neck. Her eyes are squeezed shut, a favorite tactic of hers against embarrassment, and her arms are locked against her side, hands clenched into fists. You're seized with a sudden desire to grab her hands, to tell her how beautiful she is to you, to hold her until that tension goes away and she understands that she never needs to feel embarrassed around you again, but you know it would be too much, too fast for her, that you have to go at her pace.

Except.

"Kisume." You speak her name, and her eyes fly open, staring at you with untold emotion in her eyes.

"You're... beautiful."

Shock. And then... a smile, reaching all the way up to her eyes, as she extends shaking hands towards you.

"I want to..."

She doesn't have to finish her sentence. You move towards her and kiss her again, a fiercer, more passionate kiss this time, and she responds in kind, pushing her face up to yours as the two of you press your naked bodies together. Your hands automatically make their way from her shoulders down, stopping around her chest, and your fingers find a nipple. You stroke it gently with a single finger, and Kisume gasps into your mouth, an opening you use to deepen the kiss even further.

The two of you fall back gently against the nothingness, Kisume landing on her back, and you break the kiss without a word, pausing above her for a moment before tracing your tongue down her neck. You continue downward, leaving a thin trail of saliva along her collarbone. Your mouth ends up at Kisume's other breast, and you take as much of it into your mouth as you can, licking up and down in broad strokes. You feel her back flex as you pass over her nipple and focus in on it, rolling it between your teeth as you flick your tongue across it.

You nearly stop, though, as your feel a feather-light touch against the head of your erection as Kisume's hand brushes against it. Almost involuntarily, you shift your hips upward, and her warm fingers wrap themselves around your shaft, drawing themselves up and down just fast enough to be pleasant. Switching your mouth's attention to her other breast, you move your hand farther down, caressing her stomach down to the base of her thigh. Moving as slowly as you can bear, you brush your fingers across her hairless slit, then push a finger inside.

"Mmn!" Kisume lets out a muffled moan, and her grip tightens around your manhood. You press on, moving your finger in and out a few times before adding another in, and her wetness spreads over your fingers. Slowly quickening your pace and increasing the depth as far as you can, you rub your thumb around the top of her slit, and Kisume's hand reciprocates, tightening her grip as it travels the full length of your shaft, producing an unbearable friction.

"Thhhhere!" she hisses as your thumb encounters a small nub of flesh, pushing her hips up against your hand, and you oblige her, slowing the motion of your fingers inside her to focus on it. You feel her fluids against your hand as you draw circles around her clit, grazing it with your fingernail just often enough to make her tense up each time. That's a good sign, but is it going to be enough for you to penetrate her?

Well, one way to be sure of that. You move down her body again, reluctantly pulling her hand away from your erection, and position your head just below her belly button. Blowing gently through the small patch of hair, you lower your mouth into place, drawing your fingers out of her and replacing them with your tongue. Her hands touch your head, fingers tangling through your hair, and she spreads her legs farther apart. You respond by going in deeper, pressing your tongue upward against her walls as you bring your free hand to bear on her button.

"F-faster," she breathes, and you increase your fingers' speed, stimulating her more directly. She responds with a long, low moan, tightening her legs around you involuntarily. You try to increase your tongue speed as well, ignoring the pain in your neck from holding this position, and the moan moves up an octave, becoming something closer to a squeal before petering out. You take that as your cue, and in a single motion, you slide your tongue out of her opening, replacing it with your fingers as you lick upwards towards her clit, covering it with your tongue.

"Nnh nnh nnnmmm..." Kisume's moans are getting higher-pitched and faster now, and she pushes her hands against the back of your head, smothering you against her body; you can tell she's close to coming. You switch to one of her favorite techniques, pressing your lips against her skin and sucking in to form a vacuum around her clit as you curl your fingers inside her. You hold the position for a long second, unmoving, before slowly uncurling your finger as your tongue touches down, and--

"Nnnnaaaaahhh!" She lets loose, grabbing two painful handfuls full of your hair as her pelvis arches off the ground, grinding your head into her for all she's worth. You stay the course, keeping up the stimulation as best you can while she rides her orgasm, and after a few seconds, she sinks back to the ground, her walls contracting weakly around your fingers a few more times as her body goes limp. You slowly move away, drawing a finger along the length of her mound once more by way of parting before moving back up her body.

She's still breathing in small, shuddering gasps, a blank expression on her face, but the corners of her mouth turn upward as the two of you lock eyes. Her hands loop around your shoulders, and she pulls her upper body up to yours, meeting you in a kiss, apparently unmindful of the residue she's left on your face. Your whole body shivers, and you break away quickly, more ready to go than ever. "Can I..." you begin, only to be cut off by a single finger against your lips.

"Yes," she whispers in your ear, bringing her hands to your shoulders. "Let me."

Just the sound of her voice is enough to make your already-hard erection throb painfully. Her hands on your shoulders guide you, pushing you down onto your back while Kisume straddles your chest. After you get situated, she shuffles backwards, pushing herself onto her knees, and grabs your length between her legs, lining it up with her opening. You shudder as she finally manages, slipping the head between her lips and pausing. The contrast is unbearable, and you grit your teeth, resisting the urge to thrust it all in at once. After another second, though, Kisume makes a similar facial expression, wincing and looking down, and you feel something inside her pressing against your head, blocking your entry.

...Oh. Her hymen was never a problem before, opening wide enough to accommodate everything the two of you had done up to now, but your penis is quite a bit thicker than your fingers. She continues to struggle, tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she tries to push herself onto you, only to stop short every time. Eventually, she looks down at you with a complicated expression on her face. "I want to..." she says, voice pleading. "Can you..."

You reply by reaching out towards her hips, repositioning yourself slightly before taking hold of her waist. She's already as wet as she's going to get, and there's no way to make this any easier. "Ready?" you ask, and she nods shortly, her muscles tensing under your hands.

That won't do. You grab her sides once again, higher up this time, and squeeze. "Relax," you say, smiling despite yourself, and she smiles back at you nervously, clearly trying to relax herself. Satisfied, you slide your hands back down to her hips, lifting her up slightly, then firmly pushing her back down. You hit the resistance again, and Kisume's eyes squeeze shut, but you keep pushing, trying to end this as quickly as you can.

"Oh, ow ow ow oww!" she yells, falling forward slightly, catching herself with her hands against your chest and grabbing, scratching with her fingernails. Finally, you break through, and she lets out a whimper, sagging against your chest and breathing heavily.

The feeling is... phenomenal. She's incredibly tight, so much that it's almost painful, and you can feel her pulsing around your shaft from all sides. It's all you can do to stay still as she recovers rather than flipping her over and ravaging her.

And recover she does, the look of pain on her face slowly vanishing. She leans forward, sliding you partway out of her, and you share a short kiss before she pushes herself up. "I love you, Taizou," she murmurs.

"I love you too, Kisume," you reply simply.

She shift backwards, sliding you all the way back inside her again, and stops for a moment, bracing herself against your hips.

Then she moves.

Slow. Incredibly slow. It's torture, the way her folds creep over every inch of your manhood. You let out a moan without meaning to, deep in the back of your throat, as her outer lips reach the head, pulling themselves over it with a wet noise. She pauses briefly, and your shaft is exposed, glistening with her juices, then she reverses direction, lowering herself back onto you, and the torture begins again.

"Full..." she moans as she reaches the bottom again, the two of you joining together seamlessly, and she grinds against you, shifting her walls around you as she moves back and forth. The stimulation is unbearable, and just as you find yourself growing used to the rhythm, she starts moving up and down again. Over time, she speeds up, clearly beginning to feel the pleasure herself, and before long she's bracing herself against your stomach to thrust herself back and forth over your length. It's incredible.

But... it's not enough. Her speed is just a little too slow, the heat and friction of her movement not quite enough, and every time you feel yourself approaching the brink, she pulls back, keeping you from finishing. You try to control the pace yourself, grabbing her hips and thrusting yourself, but she's too strong for you to force it. You bear it for as long as you can, your brain going numb from the pleasure, but you can't bear it forever.

"Kisume...!" Speaking her name, you sit up, pressing your bodies together and bringing your hands behind her back. Before she can do anything, you lower her down, taking the top position for yourself and pumping your own hips, thrusting into her faster. The surprise in her eyes is palpable, and you lunge in to kiss her, your tongue forcing its way into her mouth. After a second, her own tongue begins to fight back, and you feel her arms at your back pulling you closer as her hips begin to pump with your rhythm. Taking that as acceptance, you ramp up your speed even further, a wet slapping noise resounding as the two of you fuck each other.

Before long, Kisume raises her voice again, giving a high-pitched squeak every time you plunge into her. "Taiiiizou..." she wails, her mouth wide open and her face a mask of pleasure. You feel your own orgasm approaching and lower your body to hers, rubbing frantically against her chest with your own as you continue thrusting. "I'm... again... aaaaahhh!"

Her contractions around you are enough to push you over the edge. You give one last thrust, burying yourself into her as deeply as you can, and your mind whites out as you feel the first shot of your seed spurt into her. The two of you hold that position, all of your muscles straining against each other, as you empty yourself fully.

Your mind returns, and you relax, your body falling to the side of Kisume's. The two of you stare into each other's eyes, neither of you comprehending anything but the feelings of the moment as your heaving breath mixes together. You pull your softening member out of her, feeling the small aftershock of stimulation, and the two of you stay like that for a few long moments, just holding one another.

She's the one who moves first, meeting your in a slow, easy kiss. Despite your lack of breath, you don't pull away for a long while, closing your eyes and savoring the sensation of her lips, her mouth, her tongue.

You both back away at once, still breathing heavily, and you roll onto your back, pulling Kisume onto your chest. She lays against you for a moment before pushing herself up, looking you in the eye.

"..."

"..."

"More...?"

"...Yeah."

Kisume immediately descends to your crotch, and you feel yourself twitch as she runs her tongue along your shaft. You tilt your head back and close your eyes.

You may be in for a long night.

---

You're spent.

All totaled, you came four times, and Kisume... well, you're not exactly sure, but you stopped counting around five, so you don't think you short-changed her in the slightest. That impression is reinforced by her contented (if slightly dazed) smile as she lays prone across your body, eyes nearly closed and arms wrapped around your midsection. You're pretty sure you're going to be sore, if not bruised, by tomorrow morning, but for now, you can't help but feel the same as she looks, leaning your back against... whatever makes up this world as you rub her shoulders gently.

Sighing, you look down at her; you feel like you have a chance to see her body in a different light, after what you've done (especially considering that there's no way you're going to be getting aroused again, barring divine intervention), and you run your eyes over it, from head to toe.

Her toes. It occurs to you that this is the first time you've seen her feet. You feel the strange urge to reach down and touch them, but push it aside; she's on top of you now, and you'd rather not disturb her. There's nothing special about them in particular, but it seems like a milestone in your relationship, somehow, to have seen them. The thought barely crosses your mind before you start to laugh silently; you just took her virginity, and you're thinking about her feet as a milestone?

The motion of your stomach rouses Kisume, and she pulls her face up to yours, kissing you lightly. "That was good," she says, leaning heavily against your chest. "But now I'm all sticky."

"I could use a bath myself," you reply, leaning in to take another peck on the lips for punctuation. "I don't suppose you've got one of those tucked away in here, do you?"

"No such luck," she says, pushing herself to a sitting position. "I'll fetch your clothes, and you can go take one first."

Oh, yeah, your clothes seemed to disappear when you entered her bucket, didn't they? "Where did my clothes go, anyway?"

She smiles guiltily at you. "Confiscated. I didn't want to be the first one to strip." She points over your shoulder. "They're just in the dresser now."

Dresser? You lean forward slightly, taking a good look at just what was supporting you. Sure enough, you see dark brown wood, formed into a short, wide chest of drawers. Were you leaning on this the whole time? "I don't remember this being here earlier," you say.

"This is inside my bucket," Kisume explains, standing and opening one of the dresser's drawers. "So I can control where things are and what you can see. It's a part of me, really."

"So I'm inside you now? Kinky," you say with a smirk, and she punches your shoulder lightly, giving you a mock frown, before dropping your clothes on you.

"Very funny. Go clean that dirty mind of yours," she says, shooing you away with a hand.

"Aye aye. Which way is out?" you ask, sitting up and stretching out your limbs.

"Stand up," she says with a grin, and you do, forcing yourself to your feet as--

Woah. You're... back. Back in your house, back in the same hallway outside your bedroom that you stopped in so long ago. You look down to see your body sort of... taper off, your legs disappearing below the knee into Kisume's bucket. You experimentally raise your foot, and watch as it rises from the bucket, bending space in a way that you can't quite seem to focus on. You step one foot out onto solid ground, but can't help experimenting with the other, drawing it in and out of the bucket a few times.

You abruptly stop, however, when you hear a door shut somewhere in the house. Who is it? You're pretty sure you locked the front door as you came in, and the only people with a key are you and Kisume, who are accounted for, Yuugi, who should be at her own home at this time of day, and--

Yamame.

"Kisume! Taizou! Are you here?" You figure it out just as she rounds the corner, calling out for you and Kisume.

And you're stark naked, your clothes still in your hands, with one of your feet still stuck in Kisume's bucket.

You stare at each other.

"Eep!" Yamame lets out a noise halfway between a scream and a squeak, and turns around in the doorway, slapping her hands over her eyes. You pull your foot from Kisume's bucket at the same time, hiding your body behind the door frame of your bedroom.

Silence.

"I... I'm going to come back later."

"That would be best."

---

Kisume doesn't speak for the first few minutes after you tell her what happened. Luckily, the two of you have plenty of time to work things out with each other, as Yamame doesn't come back for another three hours, knocking quite loudly when she does Her hands are over her eyes even when you open the door, and it takes several minutes of reassurance to get her to lower them.

The next time you see Yuugi, she laughs at you for a good minute straight, then offers you a drink and sex advice, most of the latter centering around techniques that you're pretty sure could leave someone paralyzed if executed incorrectly.

You deliver some books from the surface to the Palace, and make conversation with Satori while you're there; even she can't suppress a smirk when you think of the incident. You make her swear not to tell any of her pets, especially Orin.

The next day, you and Kisume do it again. You remember to lock the door this time.

---

Continued in next post.
>> No. 224
This postscript is in a new post because I hit the post size limit. The new, improved post size limit. With porn. What the hell. Seriously.

So this is my first attempt at writing an H-scene or anything of the sort, and I'd like your serious feedback. "I came" is good to hear, and if that's all you have to say, then say it; it tells me I've done right by at least one person. However, I'd really like your opinion on anything that gave you pause or seemed out of place; oddly enough, I'd actually prefer to hear about the non-H portions, as lessons I learn there can be applied to more general writing, but any criticism is constructive criticism. (Except 'shit sux lol', but yeah.) Remember, I'm writing the (eventual) end of ULA, too, so you have a vested interest in my improvement.

The 'aftermath' short of the bad end suggested by >>83 will be posted later tonight. I have it done now, but I'm pretty sure posting it right after this would give people some sort of emotional whiplash. (If you thought the bad end was grimdark, you ain't seen nothin' yet.)

Cheers.
>> No. 226
Get the hell back to writing Memoirs of a Vampire, damn you. ;_;

If you must write H-scenes, there's two token males in that story anyway.



Now excuse me while I actually read this out of respect for you as a writefag.
>> No. 227
Nice cute little story; I'll forgive the exclusion of "came buckets".

Not sure if I want to read the aftermath of that bad end...
>> No. 234
File 125219745873.jpg - (162.15KB, 433x700, 3100240.jpg) [iqdb]
234
Top-notch. Write as many of these as you can. I didn't even really like Kisume until I read this.
>> No. 261
Excellent.

More than that, however, I think, is that it was sweet. From the way you describe the aftermath, I'm not entirely sure I could stomach it after how wonderfully this turned out.

Bravo.
>> No. 262
>the aftermath

I want him to post it tonight. Just need to get it over with.
>> No. 268
>>262
As you wish~

---

Dear Diary,

Yesterday, Miss Yuugi gave me a diary and something to write with after Mr. Taizou died. I was crying a lot She said that I couldn't go outside because it might not be safe anymore, and that sometimes writing things down helps you think about them and feel better. I don't feel I don't really know what things to write down, but she also said that people use diaries to write about what happens to them everyday, so I'm going to write about what happened today.

Today, I woke up in Miss Yuugi's house. She was shaking me, saying that we had to leave. She looked scared, and I had never seen Miss Yuugi look scared before. We ran out the back door and started flying towards the caves really fast. I heard shouting from behind us, so I turned my head and looked.

Lots of buildings in the city were on fire, and the palace had fallen down. I couldn't see very well through all the smoke, but it looked like lots of people were running around the city fighting. I looked down, and realized there were people below us too, and some people with torches were near Yuugi's house.

We flew over the canyon between Miss Yuugi's house and the caves. The bridges were on fire too, and some of them had already fallen down. I could see more people fighting on both sides of the canyon. We flew straight to the caves, so we went over the bridge that Miss Mizuhashi guards. She didn't really like me, but she didn't really like anyone else either. I think she was just angry because she couldn't leave her bridge.

It was on fire too, all the way from end to end, and over the entire surface.

I covered my ears so I didn't have to hear her screaming We kept flying until we got to the caves. I could hear voices here too nearby, and I could see little fires that people had set all around, and Yuugi said we would have to go to the surface. I shouted for Kisume, because I thought she would be here, but I didn't hear her reply. I tried to go find her, but Yuugi wouldn't let go of me and kept pulling me towards one of the caves. I used a disease that makes your muscles weaker Eventually, she let go of me, and I ran into a different cave and kept shouting for Kisume.

She's a tsurube-otoshi, so her bucket is part of her body. She was the only tsurube-otoshi I had ever met, but she said that they like dark places like caves where they can make surprise attacks, so I'm sure there were other ones underground.

And we had played hide-and-seek before, even though it's a little boring in such a big space, and she was really hard to find, because she's so small and can fit in little holes in the rock, so I'm sure if she hid herself, nobody would be able to find her.

And lots of people get water by collecting it from the canyon, and sometimes they do it using buckets, so a bucket is a pretty common thing to see, right?

So I'm sure the bucket I found wasn't hers, because she wasn't in it, it was empty, except for a little bit of something that smelled like rotten meat stuck to the bottom, and she always kept it clean, so it must not have been hers.

It wasn't hers. It looked a little like hers, because of the chip on the side and I know it wasn't hers.

I don't really remember things very well after that. Miss Yuugi found me again and took me inside one of the caves and started taking rocks out of the ceiling, trying to get to the surface. Some people came, and she fought them. I'm not really sure whether they were oni or youkai. I think one of them died. Miss Yuugi got hurt too, but she says she's fine now.

Eventually, Miss Yuugi finished digging, and we flew up and out onto the surface. It was still dark, but I could see the human village close by. Miss Yuugi went the opposite direction, towards a forest, and I followed her. We stopped flying once we got there and walked through the trees for a little while. Miss Yuugi stopped and said we would have to sleep here for the night, then showed me how to sleep in a tree without falling out. I was still tired from being woken up, and I closed my eyes for a long time, but I couldn't get to sleep, so I got back up.

Miss Yuugi was sitting on the ground, drinking some liquor and looking back towards the hole she had dug to get out and crying. I went to sit by her, and she gave me the bottle she was drinking from and told me to have some. I don't really like the taste of liquor, but I did what she said. We shared that bottle, and then we shared the other one she had with her. After a while, my head started feeling fuzzy and I started crying too Eventually, I fell asleep, but I woke back up, and the sun still wasn't up. I wasn't sure what to do, but I felt my diary in my pocket, so I decided to write in it, and that's what I'm doing.

Miss Yuugi is asleep, and it's still dark. I'm not sure what we're going to do when the sun rises. I think Miss Yuugi said something about going up the mountain, away from the human village, but I'm not sure if she knows either.

I'm scared.
I want to go home.
I miss Kisume and Mr. Taizou.

---

So there you have it. Everything about feedback that I said earlier still applies, even though this one is more gimmick-based.
>> No. 271
>>268

Wasn't as bad as I was expecting.
>> No. 272
>>271

and by bad, I mean soul crushing.
>> No. 273
>>268
;_;
>> No. 274
Going to write any shorts for other BAD ENDS?
>> No. 278
>>268

That's a sucker punch alright...

And I thought this was just a incidental tale that might prevent SA from occurring, not something so grim and dark...
>> No. 302
>except for a little bit of something that smelled like rotten meat stuck to the bottom

Kisume... ;_;

I at least think the aftermath to be "bad" enough in the "good" sense, if that sentence makes any sense.

And the quote from above struck me twice as bad since I read the H-scene and the aftermath in succession.
>> No. 324
>>302
That's what I mean by sucker punch.

Not even Teruyo's bad end afterstory was this bad...
>> No. 406
File 125234770078.png - (66.34KB, 241x260, digdug.png) [iqdb]
406
I died a little...in my heart.
>> No. 409
Okay, this is a dumb question about the BAD END... but why did Kisume wind up the way she did? As in, a bit of meat on the bottom?
>> No. 411
>>409

I kind of imagined her end was like churning butter.
>> No. 419
>>224
Very delightful and quite stimulating. It really is quite an adorable story, and the little post script with the other Underground residents inspired quite a d'aaaawww.

Now to be mean: technically quite flawless, but the ommission of a description of Kisume's physique and appearance was quite glaring. Breasts, hips, butt, stomach, fingers, shoulders, neck, eyes, tongue, ears, skin, face... nary a sentence describing any of these (beyond having them) is present. After entering the bucket, you can replace Yamame's name for just about any Touhou. I think the paragraph after
>So why is she more captivating now than ever before?
could have contained a more detailed description of Kisume's appearance, along with how she was behaving. Even before that, when she covered Taizou's eyes with her hands: what did it feel like? The touch of her fingers, hands trembling in anticipation, the warmth of her supple frame pressed against Taizou's back? In order to create a very sensual piece of fiction, I think you need to balance the 5 senses with the narrative of what is actually happening.

>>268
This was certainly more than I had expected, but very fulfilling to say the least. I had prepared myself for "Yuugi and Yamame are sad, and they tried extra hard to keep Reimu and Marisa out to keep the same from happening to them," but the out-and-out destruction of the underground kingdom because Taizou got his head caved in was an order of magnitude beyond that in terms of interesting.
>> No. 441
>>419

True on both counts; I never seen anything going to shit so badly due to one death. Also more details would have helped; sure I filled in the blanks, but details of the girl helps in this regard.

>>411 (Note Kisume fans do not click on this)
You did not need to say that.

Glas, you magnificent bastard! (what else to say of someone who does such a downer of a post bad end timed right after a cute little H-scene, when both involved a character, combine making an terrible effect on people than if you posted that post bad end in another thread.)
>> No. 496
>>419
Thank you. Reading back, that portion and after the second section break stand out as particularly egregious in terms of skimming over the details.

>>441
Archduke Franz Ferdinand? It's not the death, it's the situation surrounding it. One person can't start a war, but they can pull a trigger, in both a literal and metaphorical sense. That applies to the main story in ULA as well.

>>409
You ever had shaved ice in one of those conical cups? Y'know how you can eat most of it just fine, but there's always a little bit stuck in the corner that you can't get out?

...Yeah.
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