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136744 No. 136744
This story is ridiculous.

Absolutely ridiculous. It also takes a back seat to Compensation: Adequate, but I don't see this taking more than a few posts.

You have YAF to blame for the idea, and Demetrious to blame for making the characters so likable.



Something in your head isn't quite right. But you're fine with that. A hairline fracture down the crystalline structure of the ice. But it'll melt and refreeze, and be back together and totally fine.

But different.

Something's different and you can't quite put your finger on it.

Freezing frogs just doesn't do it for you anymore.

The frogs know you're the strongest.

But who cares about the fucking frogs?

Not you.

What is a hairline fracture? Some might call it a crack. Some might say your head has cracked.

No. Eye crack heads.

With that in mind, you've wandered into the forest. Punched a tree down to show your dominance.

And it still isn't fucking enough.

But that tree is just sitting there. Which gives you an idea.

You make a knife out of ice, and pick up a decent-sized chunk of wood. And start whittling. And whittling. It's keeping you occupied, but your mind wanders.

2.75 inches in diameter.

42 inches long.

One kilogram.

Tapering down to one end, with a knob to top it off.

Almost done.

With the knife, you carve in the last bit to top it all off- “Louisville Slugger.”

Perfect.



This weather is odd, and unseasonable. It's raining, and there's a thunderstorm tonight.

Oh well. At least tomorrow's a weekend, and I don't have to hold a class.

The teapot you had setting begins to whistle, and you take it off the heat. Taking the lid off and reaching into a small ceramic pot, you break off a bit of the Pu'er tea, and drop it into the teapot.

Now to let it steep...

The smell of Pu'er tea is nice and relaxing. Sure, some people don't like it, but you do, and the Pu'er was probably the nicest gift you ever got from Meiling.

You lean back in your chair, and start to read one of the books you borrowed from Patchouli the other day, in exchange for her getting a look at your histories. Patchouli has the best trashy romance novels that you crave.

Suddenly, there's a knock at your door.

Thunder rumbles.

Who came out to see me in weather like this?



“Oh Miss Keine,” you say, in a soft singsong voice. “I wanted to say hiiii~”

The grip of the maple wood in your hand is comforting. This will make you feel better.

You give the door another soft rap with your other hand.

From inside, you hear Keine: “Hold on, I'm coming.”

The knob turns, and the door swings inward. You step onto the threshold so she can't close the door on you.

“Oh, hi, Cirno, what are you doing out so late in weather like this?”

“I just had to see you, Miss Keine.”

Having said that, you swiftly bring your baseball bat to bear on Keine's left kneecap with a sickening crunch. Keine gasps in pain, and her leg buckles. Bringing her head to the perfect height for a home run.

And Eye'm Barry Motherfucking Bonds tonight.

The bat connects squarely on Keine's jaw, and she's flung backwards a good few feet.

The teapot starts to whistle.

Eye can't stand the smell of Pu'er tea.

You walk over Keine's gasping, stunned form, driving your heel straight into her gut. Having reached the teapot, you remove it from the heat.

“Can't let good tea go to waste, Miss Keine.”

You start to pour the scalding, boiling-hot water onto Keine's face.

The steam and screams are rather gratifying.

Almost brings a tear to my eye.



[ ] Keine: Fight back!
[ ] Keine: Call for help!
[ ] Keine: Write-in
[ ] Cirno: Physical abuse
[ ] Cirno: Danmaku abuse
[ ] Cirno: Write-in

>> No. 138921
>>138895
In Federal Russia, Prime Minister/President/Tsar of all the Russias assassinates CIRNO!

Cirno stands no chance before The Putin.
>> No. 138934
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138934
Regarding current votes:

>[x] Cirno Vs. The World

This is the story!

>[x] Wriggle

This is cruel and hilarious.

>[X] Cirno vs The Investigator

You're a terrible person.

>[x] Cirno vs Xration.

What is wrong with you.

>[x]Cirno vs Suwako.

THE WHEEL OF FATE IS TURNING

>[x] Cirno vs. Ivan

What Ivan? Ivan Drago?

>[x] Cirno vs Putin

REAL SOVIET DAMAGE!

>[x] Cirno vs. Zalgo

No.

>[x] Cirno vs. Stardust the Super Wizard

Who the hell is that?
>> No. 138937
File 130175675335.jpg - (260.82KB , 1027x710 , eat-heart.jpg ) [iqdb]
138937
[x] Feast on Keine's heart to acquire her powers.
Then she'll be the strongestest!
<-----

then
[X]Mystia Lorelei
Should be nice meaty easy squishy AND near target.

Go go heart eater Cirno!
>> No. 138938
[X]Cirno vs SolusLunes
>> No. 138939
A one on one fight with any of them would be beneath the strongest!

[x] Wriggle, Mystia, and Rumia
>> No. 138950
>>138937
So what's that from?
>> No. 138953
[x] Cirno vs Xration.
Sounds good to me. If Cirno wins, a horrible rapist dies. If Xration wins, Keine's murderer dies or breaks. Either way, I win.
>> No. 138963
>>138950
http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Shako
>> No. 138975
>>138963
Thanks.
>> No. 139032
[x] Cirno VS Meiling.

We cannot allow her to spread that 'gift' of Puer tea!
>> No. 139034
[x] Cirno vs Cirno

The strongest battle.
>> No. 139035
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139035
>>139034
Make that Burno.
>> No. 139045
>>139032
Personally I like Pu'er tea, but that's just me.
>> No. 139047
>>139045

That was more what I think Cirno'd do, as I have never tried that particular variety of tea and as such am unable to judge.
>> No. 139049
>>139047
Good point. Works for me.
>> No. 139064
File 130188600350.jpg - (59.15KB , 459x319 , stardust.jpg ) [iqdb]
139064
>>138934
>>[x] Cirno vs. Stardust the Super Wizard
>Who the hell is that?
Stardust, whose vast knowledge of interplanetary science has made him the most remarkable man that ever lived, devotes his abilities to crime-busting.
>> No. 139081
>>138795
[x]Feast on Keine's heart!
[x]Cirno vs. Suwako!
>> No. 139122
[x] Cirno vs Xration
>> No. 139123
[x] Whatever SolusLunes likes best out of the previous votes, just write something already
>> No. 139124
[x] Something sexy?
>> No. 139142
[x] Cirno vs Xration
This is the best idea anyone has ever had.
>> No. 139154
[x] Cirno vs. Jin Katsuaragi

ice car chicken!
>> No. 139290
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139290
[x] Cirno vs. Suwako

“Pilot to bombardier, pilot to bombardier, are you ready to go?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be!”

“Well then, we’ll be passing over the shrine in just over three minutes. You might want to get the ramp in the back opened up!”

“Roger that, opening now.”

You flick the switches to lower the ramp and raise the door. Sure, it’s a bit big of a plane, and completely unnecessary, but hey, Nitori always had a thing for “if you’re going to do it right, you may as well overdo it right.”

Shit, she even brought a plane with four engines. Four! For two people. Can she even fly this thing alone? You guess so, because she’s the only one up front. You’re standing at the edge of the ramp, holding onto one of the ADS arms, hair blowing in the wind.

“One minute, Cirno!”

I’m coming for you, Suwako!

The plane passes over the drop zone, Nitori turns on the green light. You tear the headset off your head, and fling it forward, to make sure that it won’t fall off the plane with you. Finally, you get a running start, one hand on your Louisville Slugger, the other on your parachute release cord.

“WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

--

Sure, you can fly. Sure, none of this was necessary. Sure, you didn’t even need the parachute. But GODDAMN this is fun! You’re plummeting from 10,000 feet towards the Moriya shrine. The altimeter on your wrist is counting down, as you see the buildings grow larger below you. Finally, you select one that you think probably holds Suwako while she sleeps this fine night, and angle yourself towards it. At 1,000 feet, you pull the ripcord on your parachute, and are jerked around by the opening shock.

You’re slowing down at a good pace, and still on target for the building.

Finally, fifty feet above the roof, you flip the quick-releases on the harness, unbuckling you from the parachute, and you pick up speed as you fall towards the roof.

With a resounding CRASH, you plow through the roof and land right next to where Suwako is sleeping, amid splintered wood and stirred up dust.

Her eyes reflect three things: utter surprise, sheer terror, and your smiling face.

“HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SUWAKOOOOO~”

--

[ ] Write-in.
>> No. 139291
[X] BEE SEVENTEEN BAWMER.

What? We should be as ridiculously stupid as possible with this.
>> No. 139293
>>139291
The B-17 only drops small, WEAK bombs.

It is a plane for SMALL, WEAK PEOPLE.

Nitori flies no SMALL, WEAK PLANE.

SHE FLIES A PLANE THAT DROPS THE MOTHER OF ALL BOMBS. KABOOOOOOOM
>> No. 139295
>>139293

Screw you Lunes, I KNOW WHAT'S BEST!
>> No. 139304
[ ] Cunt punt!
>> No. 139305
[x]Explode
>> No. 139306
>>139290
[x]It's just like freezeing frogs at the lake!
[x]Batter up! Swing!
>> No. 139309
[x] Suwako: Conjure your iron rings and kick this trespasser's ass right back out the hole she came in.
>> No. 139311
>>139305
I lol'd

[x]It's just like freezeing frogs at the lake!
[x]Batter up! Swing!
>> No. 139317
[x] It's just like freezeing frogs at the lake!
[x] Batter up! Swing!

>>138934
I was refering to the Ivan in Wintertime Alchemist, the story on /coriander.
>> No. 139318
[X] BEE SEVENTEEN BAWMER.


YES.
>> No. 139319
[x]Hax Sign: Freeze Everything
>> No. 139322
No Xration? You wuss.
>> No. 139347
[x]It's just like freezeing frogs at the lake!
[x]Batter up! Swing! -Hul-- Cirno SMASH!
[x]Will it blend?