[Return]
Archived Thread

File 12975489955.png - (155.91KB , 299x286 , YOU'RE A WIZARD HARRY.png ) [iqdb]
134719 No. 134719
Previous three threads:

Thread 11 >>131167
Thread 12 >>132680
Thread 13 >>133878

In which a writefag's only trick is to make thread starter images blend in with the Photon background.




“Well we’ll just-”

“CAHMMMMMFPH” Cirno exclaims through your hand.

“-helptidyuptheplacetakeiteasybyenow!” you blurt out, hastily dragging the thrice-damned loudmouth fairy with you towards the doors. Once you’ve got her safely out of earshot, you release her mouth.

“Hey! Hey!”

“Cirno, please shut the-”

Listen to me, she’s got cat ears!”

“I KNOW!” you cry, throwing your hands in the air. Duke and Suwako look up from their conversation.

“... that it’s a big mess! That’s why I’m asking you to help!?” you stutter nervously, followed by a brittle laugh. Suwako just shrugs and turns back to her tea, but Duke, you knows you far better, gives you that god-damned golden-eyed Serious Face again.

You smile crazily.

His eyebrow twitches.

You slash your hand through the air harshly and grimace.

Though you’re too far away to hear it, and his shoulders remain motionless, you can hear the long, gusty Hound Archon Sigh you know Duke just heaved replay in your head from memory. Suwako says something to him, and he turns back to his conversation, daintily lifting one tiny teacup in his massive hand.

You kneel, speaking low: “Cirno, gods damn you if you say word one to Patchy about those ears, you hear me!?”

Cirno frowns. “But we need to fix ‘em!”

“Say anything and I’ll fix YOU!” you growl desperately. “They’ll go away on their own in a little bit, but if you point them out she’ll get pissed and I’ll never get any help from her so keep it under your hat, would you?”

“I don’t have a ha-” Cirno stops, then grabs at her head. “Oh no! Teacher’s spare hat! I- I-”

“Right here,” Sakuya says from behind you. “Found it in the hallway outside.”

“OY!” you exclaim, twirling and backpedaling. You manage to trip over a pile of unshelved books and fall flat on your rear.

“I’m going to need a new ass at this rate,” you complain. Sakuya smiles at you brilliantly as Cirno accepts the hat.

“Done with the bathroom already?” you wonder, creaking to your feet. “Pretty-”

“-fast?” Sakuya finishes, cocking her head slightly.

“Um,” you say stupidly. “Right.”

“I also found this,” she says, handing you the wand you dropped in the hall immediately before Pyonta went eldritch on your ass.

“Oh, thanks,” you say, taking it. “So is this what you do every day, pick the place up after a bunch of magic-users trash it?”

“Only occasionally,” Sakuya says, sighing. “Every now and then we have an Incident, or Patchouli catches Marisa snooping in the stacks, and they have it out...” she looks around at the toppled bookcases and hundreds of tomes scattered everywhere- “but I get to clean it up.”

“It’s not his fault!” Cirno interjects. “He got tackled by a greased tentacle monster.”

“....Thank you, dear,” you mutter as Sakuya processes that mental image, biting her lip in an obvious effort to suppress laughter.. “Anyways, I can handle this much for you, at least.” You clap your hands, rub them together briefly to limber the joints, and make a few arcane gestures. “Sirrah Gophero Internus!

There’s a slight rustle in the air as a veritable horde of Unseen Servants come into existence. “Right, straighten up this disaster!”

The Servants hop to, and soon they’re stacking up the scattered books neatly. “The spell lasts a while; once you get those shelves up again, you can have them shelve them.” You look around, shaking your head a bit. “Might have to cast it again tomorrow for ya, or dig out a scroll if they don’t finish by then. By Christ, we did make a mess in here.”

“Who’s Christ?” Cirno asks.

“Oh, he was a famous cleric,” you reply. “Kicked ass on the Imperial Legions two millennia ago, including the Imperial high archmage. Wizards have used Christ’s name as a swear word ever since, though the archmage was kind of a prick, if you read the histories.”

“Wizards have their own swears?” Cirno wonders.

Sakuya looks at you aghast. “You’re teaching Cirno wizard swears!?

“Hey!”

Sakuya smirks again. “Once you get past the surreal insanity, you’re kind of fun to harass.”

Now she’s messing with you. You curse Pyonta silently. One greased-tentacle-monster tackle has ruined everything.

Sakuya is clearly amused by your reaction. “Nice change of pace; a visitor that cleans up after themselves. Nice change of pace, period.

“I thought you had ‘Incidents’ all the time?”

“Occasionally,” she corrects you. “I said occasionally. And even then, everybody gets to have a danmaku duel, but I clean all of it up. The most interesting thing to happen around here lately is Patchouli trying braids.” She fishes a pocketwatch out of her apron and consults it. “I must catch up with my tasks. Try to stay alive until lunch, okay?” There’s a little click, and the maid vanishes.

You immediately flop onto the end of a toppled bookcase, resting your head in your hands. “Whuh.”

Cirno hops up and takes a seat on the bookcase next to you.

“What’s wrong?”

“Its.... its been a long morning.”

“Yeah,” she replies. She sits in silence for a few more minutes, drumming her hands idly on the bookcase.

“So, uh... are you and teacher going to-”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” you snap.

“Oh,” she says quietly, falling silent. The fairy looks at the floor and starts swinging her legs a little.

Guilt wells in your chest. You’ve been pretty brusque with the little fairy recently. You’ve had an extremely taxing morning, true, but she’s certainly shown a lot of concern for your troubles. A lot of concern, actually. Which is odd, because at times she doesn’t seem to believe you genuinely care about her.

“You don’t have to say that... I’m more adult then that...” she had said, after you’d promised to teach her magic.

.... wait.

“Hey, Cirno,” you say conspiratorially, leaning in a bit. “I think it’s time for you to learn... wizard magic!

“Really?” she asks you suspiciously.

“Of course! We’re in the Voile library, and I – well, you weren’t afraid to come hug me when I was all crazy, so you can definitely handle this.”

“Oh boy!” she says, excited again. “Are you gonna show me that Fireball! Or the Skadoosh spell? Or what?”

“Not sure yet,” you say, getting up and gesturing for Cirno to follow. You both walk a little deeper into the stacks, until you have complete privacy. The towering bookshelves with their moldy tomes deadens even the sounds of your footsteps. You come across a reading nook with a table and a few chairs, and bid Cirno to take a seat. She perches Keine’s spare hat upon her head, adopts a studious expression, and touches her chin in a fairly good impersonation of Keine when she’s feeling thoughtful.

“Wait,” Cirno says, suddenly apprehensive. “I have to read your books, right? I’m not very good at reading, yet.”

“Actually, no. I’m just... wait, I need to explain this to you.” You sit back in your chair and get comfortable. “See, as a fairy, you use magic instinctively; it runs in your blood. On my world they call people like that sorcerers.” Equating human sorcerers to fey creatures that embody elemental, wild magic isn’t an exact analogy, but close enough for your purposes. “Wizards, though, we come to understand magic academically.”

“That still means I can’t learn your magic without reading books,” Cirno says glumly.
“Au contraire.”

“You take that back!” Cirno demands.

“No, it means – nevermind. The point is, magic is magic. It’s a multiuniversal constant. Sorcerers and wizards cast the same spells, just in different ways.”

“How?” Cirno asks, some of her excitement returning.

“Wizards, we have to ‘prepare’ spells. That’s what I’m doing in the morning with my books. I’m actually casting most of the spell, right there. There’s an interrupt point ‘built-in’ to the spell, and when I want to uncork it, I just utter the last few words of the spell and bam!” – you snap your fingers – “it’s finished.”

“So why don’t you prepare like a billion spells and set them all off at once?” Cirno asks.

“It’s complex. Magic is a lot like... water,” you decide, realizing that Cirno probably doesn’t know what electricity is. “Once you tap it, it wants to flow. My mind is actually holding the potential of those spells like a dam.”

“Sooo...” Cirno says, musing. “The better your brainmeats are, the more magic you can hold in it?”

“Succinctly put,” you say, amused. Cirno nods with finality, as if this confirms a theory of hers. “Anyways... sorcerers needn’t prepare spells like I do. You know how when you use your ice magic, it’s almost as natural as breathing?” Cirno nods. “That’s the way sorcerers use it. They don’t ‘prepare’ anything because casing the entire spell is internalized like that, intimately familiar.”

“So why don’t they whup ya?” Cirno puzzles. “If they can cast until they get tired, but you only got so much?”

“Because their repertoire is very limited,” you explain. With a wide sweep of your hand, you indicate the many bookshelves around you. “There’s an ancient saying, ‘a wizard who reads a thousand books is wise. A wizard who memorizes a thousand books is insane.’ That’s because it’s impossible to memorize a thousand books without going loopy... and it’s just as impossible for a sorcerer to completely memorize a thousand spells.”

Cirno rubs her chin, hunkering into a thinker’s pose. “But... you have all those books. And you were reading Marisa’s books... you can prepare any magic you can read?”

“Exactly!” you say, delighted. “But a true sorcerer can’t, because they haven’t spent years doing the study required to understand magic in a more academic sense. Still, they can learn almost any spell a wizard uses, given time.”

“So I can learn!?” Cirno says, excited.

“Yeah!”

“What’cha gonna teach me!?”

Presdignition!” you say dramatically.

“Awww,” Cirno says, disappointed. “Not Fireball?

A quick mental image of a fireball-hurling Cirno flits through your mind, and you blanch. “Not quite yet. And don’t knock Presdignition. It can do all sorts of awesome things. Light campfires with wet wood, flavor food when you don’t have any salt, clean stains out of your clothes without having to wash’em, stuff like that! And it’s pretty easy to learn.”

“Okay, show me!” Cirno says, excited. You reach into your pocket and pull out your oldest workbook, from when you were still an academy brat. “Right, here’s how you do it...”

You lose track of time as you demonstrate Presdignition for Cirno a few times, walking her through the steps of the spell, and encouraging her to practice it a few times. The fairy revels in the attention, and focuses on the task with single-minded determination.

A good thirty minutes later, you tousle her hair affectionately and call an end to practice. “That was excellent,” you say, and mean it. You should have expected it, of course – fey in general and fairies in particular are almost wild magic made tangible, and Cirno is an especially powerful example of her kind. Despite that, Cirno still surprised you.

“Time to get my tour,” you say, pointing to the front of the library, Cirno following. After only a few steps, she runs up beside you and starts tugging on your robe energetically.

“Hey, what, what?” The fairy grabs your sleeve and hauls on it, forcing you to crouch till she can whisper in your ear.

“I hear somebody following us!”

You doubt she’s mistaken; the fairy has unusually sharp ears, as you’ve discovered more then once to your detriment.


[ ] GET OUT OF HERE STALKER!
[ ] Let Patchouli deal with it; it’s her library.

-----------------------------

Yes, I’ll be dealing with Mind Blank quite soon.

>> No. 134720
[x] GET OUT OF HERE STALKER!

Best to deal with it now.

also, Presdignition? I assume you meant Prestidigitation.
>> No. 134721
I bet it's Koakuma. We haven't seen her yet so she's got to be wandering around here somewhere.
>> No. 134722
[x] GET OUT OF HERE STALKER!

I can't wait till we get to Ray of Frost.
>> No. 134723
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

If it was a Marisa book raid there would be alot more noise and there's a chance it might be Kiene and we don't want to flip out at her again.

The chances of the "stalker" bieing friendly outway the chances of it being an enemy.
>> No. 134724
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.
>> No. 134725
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

Don't be so damn paranoid. It's just one little devil.
>> No. 134727
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

Wizardnon is an invited guest at the library, he's got no reason to panic and hide or something like that.
>> No. 134728
[ ] GET OUT OF HERE STALKER!

Do it in the Wizard's way.
>> No. 134729
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.
>> No. 134730
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

Pyonta is gone, no need to flip out again.
>> No. 134732
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.
>> No. 134734
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

Either Koa or Marisa.
>> No. 134735
[X] GET OUT OF HERE STALKER!
>> No. 134736
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

The sensible answer. Maybe the most sensible thing we've done all day.
>> No. 134737
Demetrious I freaking love how you weave quotes from everything from Memes in 4chan, to Quotes from Mtg cards into your story, it makes the hilarity that much more awesome.

[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

NO NO WAIT I got an idea, lets let Cirno handle this, she's a natural at hiding right? Let us give her a larger part in this coming event

[X]Firstly use our palm off skill to give Cirno an impressive looking wand of GLITTER DUST, telling her the command phrase for it (because she looks like she counts as a Sorceress. Have Cirno hide and you go on ahead and when the stalker passes her by she uses her new wand to TAG the stalker with Glitter Dust and cry out to you that she got it.

1) She feels better at being a part of things and well pride in her new powers.
2) Shows us our student might have greater potential
3) Nobody expects the 'baka' of Gensokyo to actually do something MEANINGFUL so this idea is full of win and SNEAK ATTACK.

Rant: Sorry to nit pick but its written Prestidigitation.
>> No. 134738
>>134737
Oh oh...and we ourselves can use Ghost sound and Silent image to make it look like Cirno is still with us yapping away.

A perfectly WIZARD way of out thinking a stalker.
>> No. 134740
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

>>134737
Too drawn out and not worth the effort. Besides, where did you get the idea that she has ranks in Hide in Shadows or Move Silently? Even if she did, they will be non-class skills with low ranks which will probably fail the appropriate opposed checks, considering how few skill points she would have per level for the more important or social things.
>> No. 134741
>>134739

Dude...the wizard just went crazy for an alchemy lab to go nuts for ten minutes to make a salve and two vials of dragonbrew.

Why isn't it worth it? Do you not think that the wizard is more then ready to show someone he isnt a complete nimrod? Outsmart someone right now is what McWizard needs to boost his ego after the blow it took with Tentacle Beast Pyonta.

Oh and Fey get Stealth (Hide and Move Silently in D&D3.5) As class skills regardless of class by virtue of their subtype, so yeah Cirno might not be the BESTEST at Hiding, but I'll bet she'd jump at the chance to prove herself as THE GREATEST IN ALL THE LANDS.
>> No. 134742
>>134741
>Do you not think that the wizard is more then ready to show someone he isnt a complete nimrod?
You're trying to open hostility with someone who we don't know is "stalking" them, and who might simply be part of the as-yet-unknown library staff. Glitterdusting the person in the back is rude and uncalled for.

And to prove what again? That he's overly trigger-happy and paranoid over everything that moves? That he's prone to causing even more trouble after he resolved specifically to stay out of trouble in the very last vote? That the Anons who control him just want to cause chaos in this story for amusement? Some of this is already standard knowledge.

His ego will fix itself when he makes up with Keine. Not by going out of his way to cause more trouble by plotting to use magic in the most inane way possible instead of just opting to talk with some peaceful intent. I'm not sure how the latter translates to being a "complete nimrod" but whatever.
>> No. 134743
File 129756667687.jpg - (834.60KB , 1200x1600 , 1285908044153.jpg ) [iqdb]
134743
>>134742
I never EVER SAID attack them, where in my action did you see any hostile reaction to ANYTHING, we are being followed by a stalker that is a given, stalking which is seen in our world as a hostile action (see Predatory stalking in the wild or stalking itself in the human species).

What my actions suggested and please pay attention this time, is to OUTSMART a stalker, to show them that you cannot stalk a MASTER (capitals there) wizard AND to help our new apprentice gain some self confidence by participating in the discovery of the identity of our naughty shadow.

Maybe you were unaware of what the spell Glitterdust does so please let me repeat it here for clarity:

Glitterdust
School conjuration (creation); Level bard 2, sorcerer/wizard 2
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (ground mica)
Range medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Area creatures and objects within 10-ft.-radius spread
Duration 1 round/level
Save Will negates (blinding only); SR no
A cloud of golden particles covers everyone and everything in the area, causing creatures to become blinded and visibly outlining invisible things for the duration of the spell. All within
the area are covered by the dust, which cannot be removed and continues to sparkle until it fades. Each round at the end of their turn blinded creatures may attempt new saving throws to end the blindness effect.
Any creature covered by the dust takes a –40 penalty on Stealth checks.

You want hostile? I would have said CARPET ISSAC STORM THAT M**HER F**KER which would lay waste to half the library and ire Sakuya to no damn end.

So in summary: I'am not hostile this action was to merely outsmart our pursuer, please read your spells and understand comrade building and apprentice to Master relationships when you see them.

P.S I know this is not the Cirno that Demi is using, but Iam posting it to show the Fey subtype to this gentleman and its skill list.
>> No. 134744
[x] GET OUT OF HERE STALKER!

I SAID COME IN, DON'T STAND THERE.
>> No. 134745
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

They seem to have business with us, and so I'd be inclined to not ignore that. It could prove important to know what their deal is.

That said, even aside from the fact that our "stalker" hasn't acted particularly hostile yet, after all the insanity that was our last confrontation, it feels like a nice change of pace to try to face this one a touch more... low-key and reserved.

We've already seen that our Wizanon isn't just a one-trick pony, after all--and caps-lock ZUUL isn't our only answer to everything. Especially on the heels of such a draining experience as we've had, it seems the ideal time to give that side of him a go.
>> No. 134746
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.
Your Sakuya somehow grows on my. When you don't write her as a bitch she is pretty fun to have around.
>> No. 134747
[x] GET OUT OF HERE STALKER!
>> No. 134748
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.
>> No. 134749
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

Cirno is the best medicine. Spending time with her presumably calmed us down, like a good daughter would. Thus, we can react to what is presumably not a threat and probably just someone curious about our magic-teaching shit. The whole stalker thing rather than outright attacking/yelling suggests that it's not an angry patchy or remi, and thus can be reasoned with or just wants to talk/see what's going down.

If it's Flan though, we're so fucking fucked.
>> No. 134757
File 129759325828.jpg - (598.26KB , 707x1000 , dec2aa66b4069e276dd1c8fde474895f.jpg ) [iqdb]
134757
[X] GET OUT OF HERE STALKER!

Sorry too much S.T.A.L.K.E.R.

still this should be good.
>> No. 134776
File 12976239114.jpg - (36.64KB , 223x310 , Image_ashx.jpg ) [iqdb]
134776
[X] I SAID COME IN, DON'T JUST STAND THERE.
>> No. 134777
[X] I SAID COME IN, DON'T JUST STAND THERE.

I just can't resist this writein. He's that one guy I always felt REALLY bad for killing.
>> No. 134778
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

I'm really worried about Keine. I don't think we should assume a good relationship with her is a given...
>> No. 134779
>>134778
Things will be resolved as they must. We will make amends and reconcile with Keine in due time. Do not fear, we will find the right way.

... or perish trying.
>> No. 134780
>>134776
I thought wizanon was a D&D wizard, not an MtG wizard.

I admint the quote still makes sense in the Prime Material Plane.
>> No. 134783
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

Someone needs to learn and use Vengeful Gaze of God.
>> No. 134784
>>134743
>A cloud of golden particles covers everyone and everything in the area, causing creatures to become blinded and visibly outlining invisible things for the duration of the spell.
>causing creatures to become blinded

Because suddenly hitting someone with the magical equivalence of a flash-bang (well, the flash at least), just because Cirno heard them following you is not at all an unreasonably hostile and trigger happy action.

Besides, they don't even have to be invisible for them to follow anyone. Wizardnon could just throw a glance over his shoulder and that might be enough to find out who's following him.

Why go through an unnecessarily elaborate routine of trickery and subterfuge (which usually isn't wizards' strong point anyway) instead of:
1. Stop.
2. Turn around.
3. Say "who's there?"
4. ?????
5. PROFIT!


If it's Ko, we shouldn't have any reason to blast her in the first place, Marisa might sort of deserve it but from Patchy, not Wizardnon. If it's Flan-Flan on one of her bad days they're probably fucked either way, so let's not piss her off in case it's a good day today.
>> No. 134785
>>134784
>magical equivalent of flash-bang
>tacticool Gnomish crossbow

... an idea!
>> No. 134792
File 129769842221.jpg - (220.39KB , 850x1133 , 1fb98786ad684ebc6bcfdacef07ba9cc.jpg ) [iqdb]
134792
Cirno will grow up getting taught by an unique teacher.
She will be the strongest.
>> No. 134793
>>134792
>an unique teacher
a unique teacher

English is weird sometimes.
>> No. 134799
File 129771716712.jpg - (70.17KB , 640x480 , Discworld2_4.jpg ) [iqdb]
134799
Hm, although [x] Ask CALMLY who it is is a good idea, I can't help but shake the feeling that We are being followed by our soon to be Necromancer antagonist, (or Marisa sneaking into the library only to see Neko Patchy thus, informing her of her condition in result pissing her off.)

So I'll go with:
[x]Quickly turn around to confirm that it's someone you know.
[x] Ask CALMLY who it is.

Also, I cant get the image out of my head that our Wizanon is the guy from Discworld.
>> No. 134800
>>134799
MCwizard is in no way, shape or form anything like Rincewind - as hillarious as that might be.
>> No. 134803
Odds that if Sakuya sees Patchouli, she'll time-hax her way to go pick up a camera and take a photo of her?
>> No. 134804
>>134803

It'd make for good blackmail material, at least.

On a related note, I'm waiting for the wizard to bump into the Kappa at some point. Wonder how he'd take modern tech once he bumps into someone who doesn't just wave it off as magic.
>> No. 134805
>>134804
I doubt he's a stranger to the Kappa's brand of tech; Gnomes, anyone?
>> No. 134808
>>134805

Point, he did come in on an airship, albeit that rather quickly became half of an airship, followed by a transition into burning wreckage.

More thinking of what his reactions would be to human modern tech, the sort that, at the very least, doesn't make a habit of exploding unless it's supposed to. Figured the Kappa might have a bit of it kicking around, though the village would obviously have some too.
>> No. 134809
>>134808
Well, he already passed off the refrigerator as an enchanted white cabinet for cooling, and running tap water as some other minor utility enchantment. He did note that these kinds of permanent enchantments would be expensive and odd for a setting like this. He also noted Aya's camera as a "strange device" but put no further thought into it.

Granted, they aren't really definitive examples of modern technology like computers or cars, but Gensokyo doesn't exactly have the infrastructure to support such things, and most of it would end up as junk at Kourin's place.
>> No. 134810
>>134809
Typical Kappa tech isn't that advanced, there are some exceptional developments, but the typical stuff would remind him of Gnomes.
>> No. 134814
By the way, have we cast Mind Blank yet?
If not, why the fuck not? Last thread seemed to have a majority of anons agreeing that there is no reason not to cast it, and several reasons why we should have cast it a few hours ago already.
>> No. 134874
>>134810

I wouldn't say that. The only kappa tech we've seen are Aya's camera, Hatate's cellphone with camera, Marisa's cellphone with clear reception all the way down to hell, and cloaking devices.

That's pretty much current tech bordering on the advance tech level.
>> No. 134876
>>134874
We haven't seen any of those things in this story (except Aya's camera, which we didn't examine in any detail), though. Kappa tech could be Magitek in Demetrious' interpretation of canon, for all we know.

Also, forgot your sage.
>> No. 135035
Demetrious, it seems, has a very strange schedule to keep in his life.

That, or new updates require quite a great deal of forethought and planning. A very great deal.
>> No. 135143
File 129846697140.jpg - (170.13KB , 1200x993 , 20dd65940468d3f3c8710184c5f7ce94.jpg ) [iqdb]
135143
>>135035
Yeah I thought he said he was going to update daily a few weeks ago.
...Maybe he hates us and decided to quit the story?...oh gods I hope that isn't true.
>> No. 135144
>>135143

The man's just ill.

He's not a robot,or some wizard. He has to take care of himself, you know.
>> No. 135178
>>135144

>>[Demetrious]'s not a robot

You lie
>> No. 135189
File 129852851988.jpg - (67.80KB , 800x534 , 1298091534279.jpg ) [iqdb]
135189
[X] Ask calmly who it is.



You frown, scowling at nobody in particular. You’ve learned two things about Gensyoko so far: first, the crazier the hat, the more dangerous the owner and second, how to spot incoming hijinks.

And after the events of the past hour, you have no energy for hijinks. Hell, you cast a non-evocation spell a little while ago. Any more of this and you’ll be downright domesticated.

Turning to the dusty stacks, you sigh gustily. “All right, enough bullshit. Who’s sneaking around back there?”

A few moments pass in silence.

“Okay. Cirno, help me push this bookshelf over.”

“Oh wow, really?” Cirno wonders, keeping hot on your heels as you charge loudly across the small reading nook, building momentum to carry out your threat.

          “Wait!”

     “No!”

             “STOP!”

Three separate voices cry out from three distinct locations, then suddenly fall silent.

“Aya?” a voice from your left says darkly.

“NO!” denies a higher-pitched voice from somewhere to your right. “Awshit. Shit.”

“Oh yes,” comes the voice from the left again. “Still after those panty shots, you shitbird!?”

“Like anyone wants pictures of those granny bloomers!” the other snaps back. There’s an immediate thunder of sprinting shoes on hardwood from your left, moving directly towards the other voice. Realizing her error, the victim squawks with alarm just before the crash of a collision echoes through the aisles.

“Screw this,” you mutter, strolling away casually as a shrill voice yipes in time with a reedy thwhak-thwak-thwak from somewhere in the stacks. As you stroll towards the front of the library, you see Duke approaching.

“There you are. The librarian asked me to fetch you.”

“Sorry. Lost track of time, there.”

Duke turns his head suddenly, ears pricked. “Do you hear-”

“Nnnnope,” you say immediately. “How was your little chat with Suwako?”

“Educational. She was quite interested in our local planar cosmologies,” Duke says. “Quite charming for a goddess, too.”

“She can be quite charming, yes,” you say warily. “Speaking of cosmologies... how long has it been since I summoned you?”

“Close to twelve hours, or thereabouts,” Duke muses.

“I prepared another Planar Binding this morning, so I can have you back whenever. You wanted a few hours to make your report to your superiors, right?”

“It’d be a much more complete report if I knew what you were actually pursuing here, aside from that schoolteacher’s rump,” Duke points out. “At present, my report would say you slew the dread Loffo and now are sleeping over at a devil’s mansion after a midnight rendezvous with evil cultists.”

“As long as nobody knows I’m consorting with fairies,” you say lightly in Draconic. A hard heel comes down on your toes, making you yelp.

“I heard that!” Cirno says angrily, glaring up at you and holding Keine’s hat on with both hands. Duke tries very hard to look impassive and Lawful, but fails.

“Shaddap,” you growl, catching his slight smirk. Goddamn hats. Nothing but trouble. “Okay. So. What happened was, er, um.” You unroll your mental skein swiftly, trying to put things in order. “Okay, so me and half an airship get teleported here along with Loffo, and I crash it on him. Then Cirno here finds me and-”

“-he was EATING THE DRAGON with his bare hands and his face was covered with bluuuuud~” Cirno adds excitedly.

A sudden desire to polymorph Cirno into something without vocal cords pulses through you with white-hot intensity. “Cirno... shut up,” you whisper like a blade along a whetstone.

“... and then he talked to me like that,” Cirno says, muted.

Duke blinks.

“Perhaps we should discuss this later.”

You nod in hasty agreement.

“I shall search out a book of history,” Duke informs, “that I might know this madhouse better.”

“Wise,” you say. “After I’m done with the librarian I’ll come find you.”

Duke’s perpetual hounddog frown deepens slightly. “Would you like me to shadow you from behind the shelves? It is not wise to be alone with a powerful spellcaster whom serves devils.”

You nod slowly. “I’ve considered that... but if any of them wished me harm, they’ve had ample opportunity. The hostesses motives aren’t clear, but so far she’s been feeling me out, so to speak. I think she’s sizing me up.”

“Never be far from allies,” Duke intones seriously.

You look down at Cirno, who’s gripping your robe tightly with one hand. “I scarcely think it possible to do otherwise.”

“Nonetheless I shall keep near. If that pseudonatural abomination could penetrate your mental wards, other things may also.”

“What? I didn’t have any active,” you reply. “Not that it would have helped, mind you. Wards prevent deliberate intrusions, not the warping of your mind via contemplating the unpossible. That’s like trying to unfold paper by throwing a mosquito net over it.”

Duke regards you warily for a long moment. “You have not undergone the...” he twirls his finger uncertainly. “The spell which blanks the mind?”

Mind Blank? I prepared it, but didn’t cast it.”

Duke leans in ever so slightly, seeming to loom above you. “You are in the heart of dangerous territory, a guest in a devils stronghold, and you have prepared, but not cast your most powerful mental ward!?”

“Hey, that’s- it’s- strategic!” you object. “Yesterday morning somebody scried upon Keine and I, and it was followed immediately by an attack. I’ve cast Detect Scrying this morning, now I’m waiting for a bite. Mind Blank prevents all scrying, so...”

Duke quirks an eyebrow and turns his head ever so slightly. You brace, recognizing the tell.

“In this dimension, who can use scrying magic?”

You sigh. “Dude, I’m a mage. I know this shit. Do we really have to play twenty ques-”

“Who!?”

You sigh, surrendering. “A rather short list.”

Duke nods thoughtfully. “Does the schoolteacher know any of them personally? How well?”

You think back to your conversation with Yuyuko, thinking over the short list of suspects she gave you. Alice, Byakuren, Marisa, and Patchouli. “Cirno? How well does Keine know Byakuren?”

Cirno strokes her chin in exaggerated mimicry of Duke. “Byakuren lives near the village, but I don’t think they’ve even talked... perhaps met in the market? She hasn’t been around that long.”

“Alice? Marisa? Patchouli?”

Cirno shrugs. “Don’t think she knows Alice at all. Marisa moved out of the village before Keine started her school. She’s scared of the Mansion, and Patchy never leaves!”

Duke nods knowingly. “So without having met her, or even possessing a picture, how would your mystery magician scry upon her? Or you, for that matter?”

“They’d just scry on her house,” you reply automatically.

Realization strikes.

“Buh- but I’ve met most of those people now!” you object.

“I don’t know much about magic, oh great mage, but I have been trained in counter-espionage. Scrying upon the strong willed – such as powerful wizards - is quite difficult with only firsthand contact,” Duke says. “They’d know this, and thus prefer an area scry anyways. Obtaining personal property to allow for a personal scrying attempt is a common goal of spies wishing to see rooms the target has authority to enter, but they do not.”

You open your mouth to form a retort... and close it again. You remember how the magical sensor was deliberately moved... a good distance away from you, in fact. Scrying spells targeted on an individual can’t do that.

“What just happened?” you cry.

“You got oooooowned,” Cirno croons with relish, and you lightly bop her on the hat.

Duke shakes his head sadly and claps you on the shoulder. “Your objections are over-ridden. I am staying close. Oh, and cast that bloody spell already!”

You pat the air in a pacifying gesture “Aye Aye, Cap’n.” Right then and there, you go through the motions and cast Mind Blank. Duke nods, satisfied.

You shoo Cirno off with instructions to corral the fairies by the doors and make them participate in the clean-up, and at long-last, stroll over to the reclining Patchouli to begin the long-delayed tour.

“At long last,” Patchouli declares dourly from her futon. “The celebrated Wizard arrives.”

“Sorry, got caught up by some things.”

Patchouli sighs wearily. “Like what?”

“Stuff,” you say curtly, annoyed with her attitude. “Now can we kindly begin that tour?”

Patchouli shrugs, extending a hand. You help her up. She gestures silently to the stacks, and you quietly follow.

With the hijinks finally on hold, you can finally appreciate the vastness of the Voile Library. The deeper into the stacks you and Patchouli stride, the taller the shelves climb, until they become impossibly massive. Windlass-operated scaffolds service the towering constructions, their tops lost in the gloom of the distant ceiling. You belatedly notice that Patchouli has summoned a light globe ahead of her, which is seemingly the only illumination this deep in the library.

You sniff a bit, pungent mildew assaulting your nose.
“I’ve been adding to this library for roughly a hundred years, now,” Patchouli says softly. Her padded footsteps are lost under the clump clump of your boots. “I don’t know how to give you a tour... so many books, so many categories. I’ve been researching and archiving varieties of magic in here all my life.”

You reach out and gingerly touch the spine of one of the musty, leatherbound tomes. You sense the faint tingle of magic lurking within. “Your gimories are warded?”

“I stopped bothering with that decades ago.”

Which means these tomes are buzzing with pure magical potential. They must have impressive magic squirreled away within.

A spasm of coughing shakes Patchouli’s delicate frame, and she stumbles, her light globe going out. In the near-darkness, you hear her slump against a bookshelf and the weak scrabbling of her slippers on the dusty floor.

Klapon,” you whisper, touching the brim of your hat, and the headgear begins to glow with a Light spell. You see Patchouli sitting on the floor, slumped against a bookcase.

“Are you okay!?” you say, kneeling by her. The last thing you need is for the witch to inconveniently drop dead with kitty ears ‘pon her head bearing mute witness to your handiwork.

“The.. du-uh-CHOO!” she sneezes gustily. A few rattling breaths later, she seems to recover. “The dust. Every time I come back here...”

“Why don’t you clean it up?”

“Too much work, of course,” she replies, accepting your hand. You haul her to her feet, hanging on till you see she’s steady.

A hundred years of inhaling dust and mold will do that to a person, but it’s not exactly hard to dust. Wind spells easy to cast, much less Unseen Servant style spells.

Interesting.

“Well,” she says, “any idea where you’d like to start with this, ah, tour?”


[ ] See if you can extract any information about herself, why she’s here and working with bratty Remilia.
[ ] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
[ ] Ask her about the mushrooms Marisa seems to use as a reagent.
>> No. 135190
File 12985285771.png - (104.18KB , 368x434 , 1298266201967.png ) [iqdb]
135190
>>135178

COMPUTERS GET VIRUSES TOO

Though I don't think they puke for two days then get sinus headaches so bad they post an update in the wrong thread. WOOOOO
>> No. 135191
File 12985287577.jpg - (22.78KB , 360x360 , mrpopo.jpg ) [iqdb]
135191
>>135143
>...Maybe he hates us and decided to quit the story?
>> No. 135192
>Klapon

Oh you.

[X] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
>> No. 135193
[X] See if you can extract any information about herself, why she’s here and working with bratty Remilia.
>> No. 135194
[x] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.

I'm only doing this because it seems best; Still set on Keine route
>> No. 135195
[X] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.

>>135191
You'd be surprised how common that is.
>> No. 135196
>“-he was EATING THE DRAGON with his bare hands and his face was covered with bluuuuud~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fVDGu82FeQ

[X] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
[X] See if you can extract any information about herself, why she’s here and working with bratty Remilia.
>> No. 135200
>>135190
>post an update in the wrong thread

Oh wow. Wish I had seen it.

[x] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
>> No. 135202
[x] Ask her about the mushrooms Marisa seems to use as a reagent.
>> No. 135203
File 12985464735.jpg - (347.25KB , 989x741 , 1297740939515.jpg ) [iqdb]
135203
>>135191
Never have I been so grateful to be fucking TOLD.
Welcome back Demetrious...do not ever change.
<Pic related, my face when Deme came back>
>> No. 135204
>>135189
[X] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
>> No. 135205
>“Quite charming for a goddess, too.”

I guess she finally told him or he figured it out?
>> No. 135206
[x] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
>> No. 135207
I'm calling it, Suwako wants Duke's knot.
>> No. 135209
[X] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
[X] See if you can extract any information about herself, why she’s here and working with bratty Remilia.


>>135207
Not much to "call" because, I mean, who DOESN'T?
>> No. 135210
>“Wait!”“No!”“STOP!”
>Three separate voices cry out from three distinct locations, then suddenly fall silent.
“Aya?” a voice from your left says darkly.
“NO!” denies a higher-pitched voice from somewhere to your right. “Awshit. Shit.”
“Oh yes,” comes the voice from the left again. “Still after those panty shots, you shitbird!?”
“Like anyone wants pictures of those granny bloomers!” the other snaps back. There’s an immediate thunder of sprinting shoes on hardwood from your left, moving directly towards the other voice. Realizing her error, the victim squawks with alarm just before the crash of a collision echoes through the aisles.

So who was the third voice?
>> No. 135211
[X]Order the Unseen Servants to start dusting once they're finished cleaning up the Pyonta-related mess

[X] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
[X] See if you can extract any information about herself, why she’s here and working with bratty Remilia.
>> No. 135215
[x] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
[x] See if you can extract any information about herself, why she’s here and working with bratty Remilia.
>> No. 135217
[x] See if you can extract any information about herself, why she’s here and working with bratty Remilia.
>> No. 135220
[x] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
-[x] Try and see if you can use your last 'unseen servant' to clean the place as you go.

He'd probably need to fill all his spell slots with the same spell for a month to clean up the whole place but meh. Something is better than nothing.
>> No. 135221
>>135220
At least it's a first-level spell, and we have plenty of those slots, along with other higher-level spells to cover the other bases. A Gust of Wind might make things go a bit faster too, though I'd like to keep it on hand for any potential Cloudkills being thrown our way. It might even be used in a danmaku duel context in various ways, though I'll leave those ideas up to the author. May as well use one up if we have multiple Gust of Wind spells memorized, if we're sure it won't cause an even greater mess by forcing the books from the shelves with torn pages flying everywhere.
>> No. 135227
[X] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
>> No. 135233
[x] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
>> No. 135236
[X] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
>> No. 135237
>>135221
Careful with those Gust of Winds, lest we end up as the new Moriya Shrine Priest.
>> No. 135239
[X] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.

Heh. I'm half-tempted to suggest using Limited Wish: Control Winds to dust the entire library in mere minutes. Keep in mind it has a RADIUS of 680 feet at Wizard's current level, bigger than most TORNADOES. Set it to a gentle updraft, not enough to even rattle the books, have it all blow towards Wizard; with a 10ft radius calm Eye, it'll gather the dust in a big ball above his head. SCREW YOU PHYSICS, yes we can have single-directional wind, magic is awesome like that. Stray papers flying about could be grabbed with Telekinesis.

Then again... 300xp to clear a library? That's a pretty steep cost for some cleaning. I'm sort of on the fence about it, but still... it would look awesome.
>> No. 135246
Write in: ask her about Gensokyo's nature.

Is it a demiplane, a pocket dimension, what? The whole reason Zuul came to visit was to figure out how to leave. The goal is making planeshift work.

And if Cirno asks why you want to leave, well, you can planeshift anywhere, but wizards are supposed to eventually settle down and build a tower as a base of operations somewhere.

As for cleaning...

Unseen Servant... lasts 1 hour/level, and can never be farther than 25 feet + 5 feet / 2 levels from the caster.

Okay, so. Let's think about the feat Craft Wondrous Item. To make a continuous spell effect, that's a market value spell level x effective caster level x 2k GP. First level spell, that only needs an effective caster level of one. So it would be worth 2000 GP to make a minor magic item that has a continuous unseen servant effect. That would require two days, 1000 GP in materials, and would burn 80 xp. What a nice thank you gift for the librarian.

Give a touhou a fish, she eats once. Give her a magic plate that conjures fish...
>> No. 135252
>>135246
That is, of course, supposing he has that feat, or is willing to quest/grind all week up to level 18 to get his next feat. He can get only so much exp from punching faeries in the face over and over while camping their respawn point, as enjoyable as it would be for him for the first hour or so.

Though it's certainly a good gesture, if it can be managed.
>> No. 135255
File 129857925448.jpg - (182.00KB , 512x512 , 1291951482799.jpg ) [iqdb]
135255
>>135210

WHO WAS VOICE?

>>135205

Archons come from Celestia, which is essentially the Heaven of D&D, so if she didn't tell him outright, he probably picked up on it.

>>135246
Since magical research was the entire point of the visit, it's going to happen anyways, at some point during this library visit. No point in giving anon [ ] Conversation choice [ ] Conversation choice [ ] CORNERSTONE OF FUCKING PLOT CHOICE. Votes will determine how you approach the conversational dynamics, but that core business will be addressed no matter what.
>> No. 135260
[x] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
[x] See if you can extract any information about herself, why she’s here and working with bratty Remilia.

These two seem to go together well.

>>135210
Koa?

>>135246
This would be kind of awesome. Maybe we can do it in thanks after she helps us out with something big, and/or as a gift to get into her good graces for some reason.

>>135207
Took me a moment to figure out what you meant. I now want to rewind time to where I didn't know.
>> No. 135263
[X] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic
>> No. 135272
[x] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
>> No. 135275
[x] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.

[x] Ask what an "Aya" is and what it does with those pictures of panties it apparently likes.
>> No. 135287
>>135275
We know who Aya is.
>> No. 135293
>>135255

Ok, who was OTHER third voice? Aya is easy as directly mentioned, Koa is very logical choice, so who was Aya opponent?
>> No. 135294
>>135293
Marisa.

Don't we owe Aya an interview?
>> No. 135295
[X] Order the Unseen Servants to start dusting once they're finished cleaning up the Pyonta-related mess.

[X] Ask Patchouli more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
-[X] Maybe get a basic lesson in fully spontaneous casting?
>> No. 135307
[x] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.
>> No. 135314
[x] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.

Sounds like she'll be interested in our kind of magic, too. Information exchange!
>> No. 135319
>>135246
I've thought about something similar, made even better by the addition of Silent Image and Ghost Sound to make a infinitely respawning servant/decoy/trapmonkey that can look and sound like anything and can appear to go invisible simply by turning off the silent image. If you want to be a bit less frugal about the whole ting, you can furthermore include Arcane Eye and suddenly you have a magical telepresence robot. Have the robot carry around the magical item that made it and then has indefinite range. If you want to be truly extravagent, then you go a step farther and make it an intelligent item
>> No. 135329
File 129871006795.jpg - (69.33KB , 470x315 , eva07.jpg ) [iqdb]
135329
>>135239
I'd be hesitant to use a wind-control spell in a library. Of course, limited wish does have an 'other effects of similar power level' clause... a building-sized prestidigitation hardly seems more powerful than move earth. (Whether it gets described as a windy thing is gravy.)

... that said, >>135246 is probably a better suggestion.

>>135252
Or he could wish it into existence, if he doesn't have CWI. (Full wish this time.) There was some discussion of giving Patchy a wished-up +n amulet of health a thread or three ago, wasn't there?

Also, I think we were 17th level when we singlehandedly slew Loffo way back when, and we just defeated a pseudonatural abomination with grease and a whale. (Was the grease amber?) We may be pretty close to 18th level already!

We should take a level in a prestige class. Pic related.
>> No. 135335
>>135329
Very few prestige classes are worth taking ONE level in.
Especially this late.
If you've gone pure wizard until level 17, you might as well go pure wizard the rest of the way.
>> No. 135338
>>135335
Archmage isn't bad. We could also go that one Focused Specialist class, IIRC.

But, considering the kind of story this is, hands off straight Wizard 20 is pretty convenient and saves Demetrious some sanity. Also we wouldn't need to bother with arguing about class choice.

I'm in favor of Wizard 20.
>> No. 135355
File 129876060986.jpg - (359.36KB , 1500x1338 , f84a34c68f5cea4e7459f3bf20fe6f982ada5a1e.jpg ) [iqdb]
135355
[X] Dust the library.


“Tour?” you say, smirking at the lovely witch with your best roughish charm. “Hardly fair for you to do something nice for me if I don’t return the favor, eh? Why don’t I clean up a little around here?”

Patchouli cocks her head a little, the cat ears making her puzzled expression unbearably cute. You quickly turn your back to her to hide the pleasant blush spreading across your face. A grandiose twirl of your robe and dramatic hand gestures serve to mask the purpose of your evasion.

“Diddlyous. Shipaslash doofus Klaatu barada nikto!~” you mutter, feeling a surge of power drain from your body as you pay the hefty cost of Limited Wish. An exhilarating surge of energy jolts through your bones as one of the mightiest spells ever penned into a spellbook tears a hole in the fabric of space-time itself. As usual, the universal fabric resists such treatment, and you must focus your mighty intellect wholly on the task of subjugating it.

Come on, spacetime, why you gotta make me hit you?” you think sadly as you pimp-slap the universe into obeying your will.

“Wha- what are you doing!” Patchouli demands tremulously, no doubt alarmed by the flickering eldritch fire washing over you. Slowly, you turn to face her, turning your palms upward to display the phenomenal cosmic power arcing between them.

”DUSTING!” you roar, and Patchouli shrinks back, hands crossed over her breast fearfully.

What a wuss. If she thinks dusting is scary, god forbid if she ever gets to see a Dwarven trading post. You slap your hands together and a tremendous thunderclap BOOMS through the Library – and the Winds are unleashed, charging down the aisles and battering the bookshelves with their fell power. Raising your hands, you direct the gales upward, their tearing force stripping a hundred years of dust and detritus from the pages of the most neglected books on the highest shelves.

With a wave of your hands, the cyclone departs.

“Now whaaARRFFFGHIT!” you sneeze, interrupting your smooth, witty comment. A century of dust has been kicked into the air by the cyclonic forces you just unleashed, and the air feels physically thick. You pull your shirt over your mouth to allow breathing.

There’s a pained rasping from the floor.

“Patchy!” You kneel besides the stricken magician. She tries to breathe, and a horrid spasm of coughs racks her delicate frame so terribly her back arches off the floor. Her face is turning blue.

“PATCHY!”

Her lips move sluggishly, trying to mouth a spell, but she has no air to power the words. Another thin, rasping breath is immediately expelled from her lungs by a violent cough. She reaches out to you desperately, naked fear in her eyes. As you watch helplessly, mind racing through options, her eyes roll back in her head, and her weak gasps cease.

“Uh, Patchy?”

You gingerly poke her cheek.

“Patchy?”

Silence.

“Oh, shit,” you whisper. “This... this isn’t fair. This isn’t fucking FAIR!” Raising your eyes to the ceiling, you feel hot wrath surge through you at the raw injustice of the universe. Powerful wizards summon the mightiest of spells for laughably trivial tasks all the time. Why does it go wrong for YOU!? Why does Wish never, ever fucking work!?

... of course. Him. The miserable bastard, exiled father of the gods, still working his mischief where he can. Gygax.

“You twisted it...” you whisper. “You twisted it all up.” He took the power you’d worked so hard for, bled for, and used it to kill the one woman in this place who was a good match for your abrasive, violent, highly active lifestyle.

“DAMN YOU!” you scream at the gods, hurling your words towards the vault of heaven. “DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

Some minutes later, the rage subsides and you become aware of your surroundings again. You’re kneeling in a duststorm with the body of the mansion’s Librarian before you. Desperate excuses flit through your mind. Dust Elemental attack? Lethargic autoasphyxiation? Terminal lassitude? Six-month youkai hibernation?

You shake your head violently, banishing such weak thoughts. There’s no talking your way out of this.

You need to dispose of the evidence.

Seizing Patchouli’s body by the leg, you drag it through the choking dust-storm towards the back of the library. You need as much privacy as you can get.

When you finally reach the back wall of the massive library, you drop Patchy’s foot and start scooping books off the shelves by the armload, dumping them on the floor. In three or four trips you’ve managed to build up a huge pile of moldy grimories and mildewed tomes, standing as tall as your chest. Task done, you fish a flask of lamp oil out of your robe and liberally douse the pile with it.

You reach down and grab a handful of Patchouli’s pajamas at chest and groin, then hoist her up.

“WHUN!” you declare, swinging the body back, then forward.

“TWO!” The body’s swing gains pendulum-like momentum.

“THREE” You release Patchouli and the dead witch lands upon the pile of books with a soft whump. A cloud of mold spores rises from the books and starts you coughing anew.

“Skadoosh!” you command, and a jet of flame springs from your fingertip. You apply it to the books and the flames woosh! up dramatically, dancing and licking at the slain magician.

“Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch!”

Looking down, you see a fairy ring rapidly growing around the base of the pile, the little blighters linking their arms and dancing a joyous circular jig ‘round the pyre. Yeah, this day just gets better and better. You look up at the distant, vaulted ceiling. Given the ceiling height and the size of the library, there should be enough room for the smoke to dissipate a bit.

Speaking of, where’s the smoke?

You look down to the pyre.

“NYYAAH!” you cry, clutching at your face. The flames are growing weaker.... weaker... and with a final flicker, they’re as dead as Patchy.

“What the fuck!?” you curse, snatching at a smoking book. The mildewed tome falls apart in your hand.

“Fuck! It’s all too mildewed to fucking burn!” You poke Patchouli’s body, which is likewise singed, but intact. “Your body is too soaked to burn, you TEA CHUGGING BITCH!

Turning the air blue with your invective ingenuity, you grab Patchouli by the legs and haul her off the impromptu pyre. You get to the doors of the library without incident, hacking and coughing on dust all the way.

You stick you head out the door and cautiously examine the hallway. Coast is clear. You go sprinting down the hallway, dragging the smoldering, dead witch behind you. You’re just approaching an intersection when you hear somebody sniff.

“... is that smoke?” Meilings bright voice ponders from somewhere past the corner.

You dive sideways at the first door you see, bashing it open with your shoulder. You find yourself in a large bathroom, complete with shower. You boost Patchouli’s body into the tub, haul the shower curtain shut, and turn on the water. Just as the broken door behind you begins to swing open, you dive behind the narrow crevice between the wall and the tub.

“.... hello?” Meiling asks uncertainly. Underneath the claw-footed tub, you can see the gate-guard’s green shoes, and Patchouli’s hat laying upon the tile.

Shit shit shit shit SHIT

“Oh!” Meiling says, seeing the hat. She picks it up. “Sorry, Miss Knowledge. I thought I smelled smoke from in here!” She turns and leaves, apparently not questioning the broken door.

You wait a few minutes to ensure the coast is clear, then emerge from the crevice. Letting the shower run to cover the noise of your efforts, you haul Patchouli’s body out of the tub.

Now you have a singed, soaking wet body. God dammit. You sit on the toilet lid and adopt the Thinker position, trying to figure a way out of this mess. Gelatinous cubes usually dispose of bodies quite nicely, but they don’t like wet bodies and you don’t have a Cube on hand anyway. What kind of animal wouldn’t mind a soaking-wet meal?

“Aha!” you think, clapping your hands. Standing on the toilet seat, you raise your hands and cast a powerful Summon Monster spell. On the floor before you, four fiendish crocodiles appear. You point at Patchouil’s body and command them:

“EAT!”

The crocodiles roll their eyes at each other, give a sort of reptilian shrug, and go to work, chomping down on the body and shaking it about a bit. You smile, thinking you’ve finally found your solution.

The crocodiles become more ginger in their treatment of the body, then scuttle away from it.

“What the hell!?” you demand.
Fiendish creatures are none too bright, but unlike their ordinary counterparts they’re mildly sentient. Your tongues spell translates their grunting enough to convey the general idea.

“TASTE bad!?” you snarl, hands curling into fists. “Like HERBS? Who fucking cares? If you don’t chow down on her ass I’ll be wearing yours for fucking boots!

The crocodiles shake their scaly heads as one. Fucking crocks, appetite over everything. Irritably, you snap your fingers and banish the worthless fuckers.

Now you have a singed, soaking wet, lightly gnawed body in tow which will be your death sentence if you’re discovered.

Things are not going well.

[ ] Realize this is not a real update.
[ ] Demand a continuation in /words/ despite this being a joke update.

THIS WAS A JOKE UPDATE. NOT A REAL UPDATE. I'm working on a real update for late tonight. When I tried to write yesterday, this one just... happened. Consider it a filler episode.
>> No. 135356
[x] Demand a continuation in /words/ despite this being a joke update.
>> No. 135357
[x] Realize this is not a real update.
-[x] Laugh at how stupid it'd be to use limited wish to clean the library
>> No. 135358
File 129876164822.jpg - (219.96KB , 600x670 , nobody likes me everybody hates me.jpg ) [iqdb]
135358
>kill the one woman in this place who was a good match for your abrasive, violent, highly active lifestyle.
See pic.

So it was you. Whatever, get back to work.
[x] Realize this is not a real update.
>> No. 135360
>>135355
And this is why "I wish the library was clean" is better than "I wish all of the dust on the shelves and in the books was in the air". I'm not sure limited wish can do that though, as I don't know of a good spell to mimic for that effect. (9000+ unseen servants could do it in a semi-reasonable time frame, but are so very not on the list of approved uses.)

Also, [x] Realize this is not a real update.
>> No. 135363
[x] Demand a continuation in /words/ despite this being a joke update.
>> No. 135364
[X] Demand a continuation in /words/ despite this being a joke update.

As usual your writing is too awesome to not want a continuation.
>> No. 135365
[x] Why bother with /words/? Make a new thread here on /th/ so it can be archived as a related side story.
>> No. 135366
>With a wave of your hands, the cyclone departs.

YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG, BRO!

Control Winds lasts 3 hours at your level! Just keep the winds going, maybe put a big hole in the ceiling to let all the dust out... oh, and kick em up to hurricane force while you're at it, otherwise you could be here all day! Jesus. No wonder the wish went wrong, with you expecting it to do all the work for you. You just gotta be more persistent! More CREATIVE!

Back in my day, I cleaned a city so well, the Guild of Archaeologists found it on another continent nearly sixty years later! You didn't hear ME complaining about a few leftover bodies, did you?! Put your back into it, man! Honestly, wizards today...
>> No. 135367
[ ] Realize this is not a real update.

That was entertaining, but let's not spend precious time on that. I'd rather have the real thing.
>> No. 135368
>>135358
Fear not, He did this to mock the twits who thought of such a stupid idea for the sake of progressing with Patchy. We know who the real best match is for the Wizard.
>> No. 135369
>>135368
We don't know if Cirno would be open to such blatant sexual advances though. Sure we've offered her omnomlettes, but we have yet to ruffle her hair. That's a requirement!
>> No. 135370
..."Weekend at Patchy's"?
>> No. 135371
>>135368
Yeah we know whom she is, but we were wrong about the approach, message received.
>killing the one woman in this place who was a good match for your abrasive, violent, highly active lifestyle.
MONSTER. You're a monster Demetrious. You deserve all the Spheres of annihilation of the world.

[x] Realize this is not a real update.
-[x] Die without a fucking save.
>> No. 135372
[x] Demand a continuation in /words/ despite this being a joke update.
>> No. 135373
File 129877546759.jpg - (19.57KB , 449x338 , anglypatchouri.jpg ) [iqdb]
135373
[x] Realize this is not a real update.
>> No. 135374
File 129878436741.jpg - (96.65KB , 600x565 , Tamiflu-by-Roche.jpg ) [iqdb]
135374
What.

WHUT.

[x] Realize this is a fake update when told.

[x] And not the result of potent antiviral medications.
>> No. 135377
[x] Realize this is not a real update.
What the hell deme, what the hell?
>> No. 135379
Oh holy shit I thought this update was real. I was WAT-ing the entire time.
>> No. 135380
Hint: Check mail
>> No. 135381
It's like I'm really reading Compensation: Adequate!
>> No. 135387
>>135381

Don't start that.
>> No. 135389
>>135381
You couldn't possibly be doing that! Everyone knows he never updates!
>> No. 135390
>>135387
What? I like that story.
>>135389
You're no glasnost. Get back to work~
>> No. 135401
>>135390

Hmm, for a moment I thought you were another random anon, and that your post was actually negative about Compensation.

The fact I haven't read Compensation may have some weight.
>> No. 135413
>>135381
Nah; the Wizard didn't call her a hooker.
>> No. 135431
[X] Realize this was not a real update.

Poor Patchy. We'll treat you better once we return to reality.
>> No. 135433
[X] Realize this is not a real update.
[X] Demand a continuation in /words/ despite this being a joke update.
>> No. 135434
[ ] Demand a continuation in /words/ despite this being a joke update.
>> No. 135435
File 129892840979.jpg - (182.31KB , 850x637 , patchynekomimi.jpg ) [iqdb]
135435
[x] Realize this is not a real update.
-[x] Die without a fucking save.
>> No. 135437
>>135371
>>135435
U mad? It was pretty fucking stupid to think of using limited wish on cleaning a library.
>> No. 135438
>>135437
It was pretty fucking stupid of Wizard to not compress the dust into a ball.
>> No. 135444
File 129894927285.jpg - (28.00KB , 450x450 , 1270395349303.jpg ) [iqdb]
135444
[x] Realize Demetrious takes his sweet time to update. Again.
>> No. 135446
>>135438
True that, I'm sure there was some sort of non-"limited wish" spell to do that. Then again the people who thought that up weren't using their upper heads.
>> No. 135450
File 129896174080.png - (419.42KB , 477x700 , uwamad.png ) [iqdb]
135450
>>135437
>> No. 135492
>>135437
>>135438
It's pretty stupid to cast wish or limited wish ever
>> No. 135514
>>135492

Permanent ability bonuses are stupid now?
>> No. 135528
>>135514
+5 inherent bonus to all stats must be small change to the sort of items he gets in his campaigns. Unless he's using stat tomes instead.

Of course, 30 wishes is seriously expensive.
>> No. 135530
File 129911015455.png - (655.65KB , 850x543 , 773006e6cb97ba54e25fd70b3e00912f.png ) [iqdb]
135530
[X] Ask her more about her apparent hobby, researching and archiving different kinds of magic.



“You archive magic?” you ask, squinting quizzically.

“All kinds,” she says softly. “Enchantments, summoning, illusions, sealing circles and wards, geomancy, runic binding and inscribing...” her voice trails off as she sweeps the massive library with her gaze.

“Hold up. There’s a big difference between schools of magic and entire different magical paradigms!

Patchouli ignores you, striding away into the deep shadows thrown by your glowing hat. She’s moving with heretofore unknown speed, and you must hustle to keep apace.
“Do you just collect the texts, or have you actually learned different systems of casting?” you inquire breathlessly. “More then one or two, that’d take a lifetime – several lifetimes!”

“It’s not that hard,” Patchouli says, sounding quite bored with you.

“We must be talking about different things, then. Not even the magic makes sense in this.... uh... ” you trail off, looking around. Patchouli has led you into a huge open area deep in the library, a wide floorspace at least sixty yards deep by thirty wide. Glowing orbs dangling on long cables of staggered length softy illuminate the massive space. The shelves continue uninterrupted on both sides, forming unbroken walls that stretch impossibly high into the gloom of a barely-visible ceiling. The rear of the vaulted space seems to be the back wall of the library, for huge doors are visible at various heights, set in the middle of yet more shelves. A spiral staircase in one corner leads to said portals, and winch-operated scaffolds dangling on long cables service the endless bookshelves, but overall the space looks uniquely suited to a flying magician.

“This is my main workspace,” Patchouli says, catching your long examination.

You look around at the shadowed vault of knowledge a moment more.

“Nice carpet,” you allow.

Patchouli rolls her eyes and makes for a table sitting in the middle of the floor, which has been covered with a thick red carpet. You’re forced to step around dozens of book-towers, much like the ones littering the smaller alcove at the library entrance. A tidy magician, Patchouli ain’t.

You snag a book off a pile at random and toss it on the table in front of Patchy the moment she seats herself.

“We may as well start here,” you say impatiently, flipping the book open. “This, right.... here?” You pick up the book and squint at it, then flip it over to read the title. “Harlequin... romance!?

“GIVE THAT HERE!” Patchouli gasps, lunging for the book. You let her snatch it from your hands.

“Harlequin!?” you repeat with fresh horror. “Like.... clown sex!? That’s just vile.”

“It’s nothing like that!” Patchouli objects, turning beet-red.

“It says ‘harlequin romance’ right on the flippin’ cover!” you point out. “Man, what other crap do you have in here?” Your hand moves towards the closest pile.

A blast of force hits you in the chest, sending you ass-over-teakettle into several piles of stacked books a bit behind you. The thumpblump of grimories returning to earth fills the air for a few minutes.

You take a moment to verify your limbs are still attached, then remove the book that landed, open, on your face. You squint at the text.

“I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me,” you read aloud, “and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-laborers' hands in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules. Such an abounding, affectionate, friendly, loving feeling did... this... what the hell....” you check the spine for the title. “MOBY DICK!? you wheeze with horrified amazement.

“You idiot! That’s all wrong!” Patchouli wails from the table.

“I’ll say!” you agree, staring at the demure magician with a mixture of awe and shock. “I guess the quiet ones really are-”

“SHUT UP!” Patchouli squalls, tearing the book from your hands with magic and tossing it over her head so hard you hear it dunk against the far wall. “Those are books from outside you raving moron! You – you don’t understand at all!

You bite your lip, but you can’t help but snigger uncontrollably. You try to rise, but a gale of full-out laughter knocks you down again. Leaning on the toppled heap of books, you wheeze for air, helpless with mirth. Patchouli crosses her arms and stares into the middle distance in a proper huff.

“Suh- suh- sorrraaahahahahhahahahaha~!” you break down again, set off by Patchouli’s serious pout, an effect largely ruined by the cat ears. At last the laughter releases you, and you’re able to wobble back to the table. Patchouli still won’t look at you.

“Okay. Uh. Sorry. I just... I just didn’t expect that. From you.” You wipe a few tears from your eyes, and plop down in a chair. “Oh, man.”

“Didn’t expect what,” Patchouli snaps, still not looking at you.

“Recreation! This isn’t the first magical library I’ve been in, and you’re not the first long-term live-in-librarian I’ve known, either. Elves, dwarves... even a dragon, once. To say nothing of Loremasters of all stripes. And all of ‘em were stiffer then a dead cat in a snowdrift, I swear.”

“I take my profession quite seriously,” Patchouli says gruffly, shooting you a glare. “Perhaps you should spend more time studying yourself!”

You shake your head. “You can’t spend every waking moment on magic; it’ll drive you nuts. Mages need a hobby or ten to keep them sane. Besides, you can only learn so much from books – I learned more about economics in the real world then I ever did in a textbook.”

Patchouli quirks an eyebrow. “You were a businessman? You hardly seem the type.”

“For about two weeks, until I woke one fine morning to find a hundred iron miners standing around my house with pickaxes,” you mutter. “Anyways. I really need your help understanding this stuff.” You invoke Mage Hand and swipe a book at random off a nearby pile, this time making sure it looks suitably old and arcane. You open it and sigh with relief. “Right, this is like the first one I saw. It seems to be structured like an evocation spell, but...” you splay the book before Patchy and point to a few parts of the text. “I recognize the invocations for ‘fire’ well enough, but what the hell is this stuff?”

Patchouli stares at you like you just grew cat ears.

“What?”

“You don’t know your basic elements!?” she gasps.

You rock back, affronted. “Earth, wind, water, fire. Not this gobbledygook.”

“No, no, seven elements,” Patchouli admonishes you. “They are as follows. ‘Wood’ embodies life and awakening, ‘fire’ is change and movement, ‘earth’ represents firmness, consistency, ‘metal’ is wealth, abundance and potency, ‘water’ conveys silence and purification, ‘sun is active and offensive, ‘moon’ is passive and defensive.”

“Sun? Moon!?” you say incredulously. “But no classification for gaseous matter?”

“Matter?” Patchouli says with equal disbelief. “They’re classifications of energies! Where did you learn magic?”

“Another plane of existence,” you mutter, a bit miffed. Turning to the book again, you ask Patchy to explain the notation for the unknown elements. Soon you’re both deep in conversation.

“So ‘sun’ and ‘moon’ are primarily spiritual elements?” you ask.

“Yes. Spiritual energies flux and interact just as much as the ‘natural’ ones.”

You stroke your chin, thinking furiously. “My kind of magic simply has no analogue to this. Arcane and divine magic is entirely separate. Arcane casting simply can’t manipulate spiritual energies, short of the mightiest spells. Necromancy can manipulate life energy only by modulating it’s inverse, which isn’t quite the-”

“-necromancy?” Patchouli says, looking up in surprise.

“Yeah, why?”

“N-nothing,” she says, seeming a bit unsettled.

“It’s just another school of magic. I’m no necromancer myself. They’re just whiny bastards who hang out with the only things with less of a life then they have so they can feel better about themselves. Generally speaking.”

“It makes no matter to me,” she says quickly. “What are these schools of magic you keep on speaking of?”

“The eight major recognized schools are Abjuration – that’s barrier magic – conjuration, divination, enchantment, evocation, necromancy, and transmutation. There are a few other schools some contend exist, and sub-schools that others argue are separate schools in their own right, but that’s the gist of it.”

Patchy’s new cat ears twitch inquisitively. “If you’ve no concept of elemental energy, how on earth do your spells, well, work?

“I do! The kind of matter determines how the energy is transferred. Your basic Fireball for example, it generates barely any pressure. It’s not a Force spell. The fire is actually incidental to the evocation of heat energy. Heat energy transfers best through flame – hell, when you evoke heat energy it kind of wants to manifest in a plasma of some sort – so the spell gives it that extra little nudge to allow it. A cold spell tends to manifest through water or air.”

“Can you force energy to manifest through unsympathetic matter?” Patchouli asks, fascinated.

“Yes, but it’s very difficult, and requires some damn clever mechanics.”

Patchouli considers that a moment. “I’d like to borrow one of your spellbooks for a little while.”

You smile. “Trade ya.”

You lose track of time as you dive into Patchouli’s tomes. With each new book you open, your bafflement grows. Every time is like the first studious examination of Patchouli’s purloined papers you undertook in Keine’s house. The magical notation is decipherable, but the mechanics are absolutely loco.

“Find anything you want?” Patchy eventually inquires.

“Depends on how you explain this crap,” you say, holding up a grimorie supposedly detailing healing magic. You flip it open to a certain page and jab your finger at a convoluted diagram. “Play finger-paint on the floor, then dump the victim in the middle and light candles around him? This makes no sense. Or THIS!” you toss that tome aside and snatch up another, a book of enchantments. “A tea ceremony? Really? This... none of it has anything in common with what you were showing me earlier.”

Patchouli cocks her head, cat ears adopting dubious angles. “Of course. That was elemental magic. Those are enchantments and healing.”

“But they should... still... oh,” you say quietly. “They’re entirely different kinds of magic?”

Patchouli stands agape.

“How can you be a Wizard and be so thick? It’s like a bird that flies without wings.”

“No, no, look,” you say, producing one of your own battered workbooks from a pocket and showing it to her. “This is an enchantment spell.”

She looks. “Your handwriting is terrible.”

“Nobody trusts an alchemist with good handwriting,” you say, grabbing a clump of pages and turning to an entirely new section. “Now this is a conjuration spell. Summoning, specifically.”

Patchouli looks... and her eyes widen.

“... one universal method?”

That sets off a new round of collaborative study, this time with you showing Patchouli how your own magic functions; a universal method of preparing and structuring spells. The concept of pre-casting most of the spell, and storing its nearly-competed energy in your mind is a concept that holds her rapt attention. For your part, the lack of a universal system evident in Patchouli’s library mystifies you, and you run down a lot of inquiries as to how magical research in various fields managed to develop independently of one another.

“I admit it’s wonderfully versatile,” Patchouli admits. “A dizzying variety of spells you don’t have to learn. It’s all pre-emptive book casting. But you sacrifice so much...” she spreads her hands, palms up. “Volume!

“True,” you admit. “What I saw Sanae do... it’s just unbelievable to me. I can’t constantly fill the air with energy like that.”

“Because you stuff a few spells into your mental quiver, pre-cast,” Patchouli explains. She produces the grimorie you returned to her at last night’s dinner. “With elemental magic, you begin by tapping elemental energies, then all the effects – and the showmanship – depend on how you direct those energies. You continue to shape the spell as it goes along.”

You shake your head in amazement. “A constant energy stream. Fantastic. It must be taxing, though.”

“It is. And it takes a great amount of time to master, even for a natural magician. Most magicians either specialize in one thing, or dabble. My personal talent is with elemental magics.”

“If you could explain a little more about how these spells work,” you say, holding up the grimorie, “I’d love to borrow this one.”

“Splendid,” Patchouli says. She’s already selected one of your workbooks to peruse for a day or two. There’s nothing in it that your archival grimories don’t have. “I say, it’s probably a little past noon teatime by now...”

“That’s fine, I don’t have.... oh hell,” you say, remembering. Benson! The Secret Society! You were supposed to meet them again today, and time’s a wasting. “Patchouli, it’s been a pleasure, but I’ve got some pressing business to attend to.”

“The mistress will surely want you to dine with us,” Patchouli says.

Screw that.

“My soul weeps for her,” you grumble.

Patchy nods, yawning and raising her arms into the air as she flexes in a very catlike stretch. “Ah. Excuse me. I don’t like being taken away from my research for communal meals either. I suppose we’ll see each other again, soon enough. Duck.”

“Where?” you ask, turning just in time to catch a chestful of breasts moving at Mach 3 directly to the face. You briefly ponder the unique combinations of breasts, ballistic trajectories, cranial trauma and kinetic energy that have recently characterized your life as your body sails carpet-ward.

“Verb,” Patchouli belatedly clarifies.

“No shit,” you opine from the floor. Sitting upright with some effort, you discover a girl with long red hair and –

“Head wings,” you say.

“Patchouli!” the girl exclaims, trying to recapture a scattered sheaf of papers and return them to her clipboard. “They’re chasing me!”

“Who?”

“The witch and that tengu bitch! I tried to run them off but they both got mad at me and, and and-”

Head wings,” you say, oblivious to her plight. “What on earth would have... an image of the dread Vargouille, the disembodied, demonic head that goes a-hunting with it’s very own pair of head-wings, flashes through your mind.

“... imp?” you ponder.

“KNAVE!” roars an unmistakable voice from behind the shelves at the front of the alcove. Duke appears at a dead run, mighty broadsword glittering splendidly as it captures the soft light. “Who DARES assault my friend!?”

Koakuma squeals with terror, her armload of books goes flying and she goes diving right under the table. Duke skids to a stop on the carpet.

“What manner of beast was it?” Duke asks you.

Patchouli sighs. “It’s just my assistant, Koakuma. She’s quite harmless.”

Koakuma’s eyes and head-wings cautiously peek out over the table-edge. Duke recoils with horror, and you feel his battle-aura swell. He points one huge finger at the trembling assistant.

“SPAWN OF THE SEVEN HELLS! PREPARE FOR JUSTICE!”

Koakuma yelps with fresh fright and bolts for the far wall. Duke clears the reading table with one mighty leap and takes chase, though it’s clear the imp girl has him beat for ground speed.

“Call him off!” Patchouli says, distressed.

“YOU HAVE HUGE BOOBS!” Duke is yelling.

“She can fly, he won’t catch her,” you reply. “Duke’s harmless, just a bit –

“THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE EVIL!”

“-over-zealous.”

“SMITE AND CLEAVE! SMITE AND CLEAVE!”
“We’d better- hey! HEY!” Patchouli is shouting after you as you hustle into the stacks. “Come back! Deal with this!”

“VERYURGENTAPPOINTMENTBYE!” you yodel over your shoulder, in no mood for another twenty-minute delay trying to reign in Duke’s Lawful Good excitement. You keep on sprinting till you’re deep enough in the shadowed stacks that silence again reigns.

Collapsing against a shelf to catch your breath, you take a minute to recover.

“This place is bonkers,” you mutter. It took the whole morning just to get to the library, much less do your research, and if you’re not careful it’ll take all evening to get out of the Mansion and do any investigating. The Manse is starting to feel like productivity quicksand, and you’ve been here less then 24 hours.

“Enough of that,” you scold yourself aloud, halting your mental remediation. “Next up, Society.” You’ll have to find Benson and push to get into his deepest confidences if you’re going to confirm they’re the source of the ghost attacks. Keine should know where to find him.

Keine.

“Oh, shit,” you say sadly, smacking the back of your head against the shelf.

Keine, the woman who might be hard to find, because you sent her running from the mansion, bawling her eyes out.

“Oh fuck.” You punctuate by smacking your forehead with your palm. At rest at last, with no evil hats or strenuous magical research to keep you distracted, the emotional fallout from the morning’s argument hits you like a Dwarven ironclad.

You pound the wooden floor in frustration. She started it. She got all pissy for no reason. Her had is stupid.

“You leer at every piece of ass in Gensokyo!” you hear Keine’s voice say in your head.

And she’s right.

“Enough of this weepy bullshit,” you growl at yourself, hopping to your feet and striding towards the doors. Any more moping and you’ll be dressed in black and lamenting your woes to a skull. Besides, the whole investigation was meant to protect Keine by finding the necromancer behind the ghost attack.

“SHIT!” you say aloud. “Ghost attack! She’s alone out there! What if they attack again!? Oh shit shit shit shit!

A vivid image of Keine blossoms in your mind; her standing in her front room the other morning, summoning a blade from a scroll. “Because I think I can handle them.” You smile despite yourself, remembering the energy of the moment. She’s a big girl, she can handle herself.

Unless the unknown foe sends something bigger this time, having felt out your defensive strength...

You lean against a bookshelf and rub your forehead miserably. What the hell is wrong with you?


[ ] Meet up with Benson and the Society right now. You can make amends with Keine after her safety is assured. Cirno can provide fire support.
[ ] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
[ ] Write-in? (Marisa and Aya are loose in the library, remember.)
>> No. 135531
[x] Find Marisa and ask her to protect Keine.
-[x] Go meet the cultists. Cirno, support.
>> No. 135532
[x] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
get priorities right
>> No. 135533
[x] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
>> No. 135534
[x] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.

A real man takes care of things himself, those nut cases can wait until we make sure she's safe.
>> No. 135535
[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
>> No. 135536
[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.

It's just going to keep eating at him the longer he puts it off.

>“YOU HAVE HUGE BOOBS!”
>“THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE EVIL!”
No, bad dog! Attacking librarians is unlawful. Even if she probably was the one that stocked the smut.
>> No. 135537
[x] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
>> No. 135538
File 129911451373.jpg - (145.07KB , 339x454 , Minsc_and_Boo_by_ballukas.jpg ) [iqdb]
135538
[x] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.

>“YOU HAVE HUGE BOOBS!”
>“THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE EVIL!”
This sounds like it could have been an engage-the-enemy tagline in a video game. And I instantly attributed it to Minsc's voice. Boo would be proud.
>> No. 135539
>“She can fly, he won’t catch her,” you reply. “Duke’s harmless, just a bit –
He'd better be right. Koa is to adorable to be SMOTE and CLEAVED.

[x] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
I was going to vote for Keine regardless of what options you gave, really. Enough is a god damn enough. Aya's interview and the secret society thinger and whatnot are important, but we've got priorities long sense overdue.
>> No. 135540
>>135539
Indeed; also I wonder who's bigger, her or Keine.
>> No. 135541
[x] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.

Wise indeed is the man which clears discord between his heart and that of his friends. We must clear the air between us and Keine, dear to us as she is. The bad blood between us is a festering wound upon our hearts, one which only reconciliation may heal.

Trust and harmony shall be restored between Keine and the Wizard, or we shall perish trying.
>> No. 135542
>“The eight major recognized schools are Abjuration – that’s barrier magic – conjuration, divination, enchantment, evocation, necromancy, and transmutation. There are a few other schools some contend exist, and sub-schools that others argue are separate schools in their own right, but that’s the gist of it.”
Looks like Illusion done gone and went invisible! But what could it mean?!

[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
>> No. 135543
[x] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.

Might as well. I wouldn't want to go to a secret society meet without backup anyway. And Cirno's a no go, because the villagers probably don't trust her at all.
>> No. 135544
[x] Deal with Marisa, Duke, and Aya. Then go find Keine.

Keine isn't urgent. All this shit going on here is.
>> No. 135545
>>135542
It means Demetrious can't count.


[X] Meet up with Benson and the Society right now. You can make amends with Keine after her safety is assured. Cirno can provide fire support.

You can either make progress, or you can continue to wallow in self-flagellating 'uncertainty'. Fix real shit. Then you can fix "people" shit.
>> No. 135546
[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
>> No. 135547
[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.

Knowing where she is, and that we've dealt with the drama, will allow us to focus better when we deal with the Society.
>> No. 135548
>>135542

FUCK
>> No. 135549
Ditching Duke again. In a devil's mansion, no less. He's going to go apeshit.
>> No. 135550
>>135549
He's too busy being Doomguy to notice. Who knows, they might come to a peaceable conclusion.
>> No. 135552
[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
>> No. 135553
Great update, nerding out with Patchy was fun.

[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.

I forget since this was like months ago, but did we ever end up preparing the spells for that awesome counterscrying operation? If we did:

[X] Cast Discern Location and teleport to Keine.
[X] Apologize.
>> No. 135555
[X] Meet up with Benson and the Society right now. You can make amends with Keine after her safety is assured. **Suwako** can provide fire support.
>> No. 135564
[x] Call Marisa on the PA, so to speak. Get her to watch over Keine.
[x] Meet up with Benson and the Society right now. You can make amends with Keine after her safety is assured. Cirno can provide fire support.

>grimorie
*grimoire.
>> No. 135567
[x] Write-in?
-[x]Take responsibility for you actions and stop Duke from killing librarian
And if we dont get sidetracked:
[x] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
>> No. 135577
[x] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.

Try to avoid Marisa and Aya on the way out. I'd imagine Marisa's still sore about her house, and Aya might try to collect on that interview. Both would potentially present considerable delays.

As for the other option, while there's ways to conceal Cirno so she's not readily apparent to the Society, there's still a good chance she'd end up doing something impulsive that'd give her away.
>> No. 135578
[x] Write-in?
-[x]Take responsibility for you actions and stop Duke from killing librarian
[x] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
>> No. 135580
>>135567
>>135578
I doubt Koa's in any real danger; she's faster and she can fly, and trying to do so will suck up a considerable amount of time. That's why the wizard made himself scarce, he knew the time cost of trying to do that.
>> No. 135583
[X] Cast Discern Location and teleport to Keine.
[X] Apologize.
>> No. 135585
It's been taking a bit longer lately, but your updates are always worth waiting for. Good job Deme
>> No. 135591
Hmm... whatever we do, do we want to send a magical message to whichever group we didn't go after?
>> No. 135593
[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
>> No. 135595
Question- Is there a spell that allows you to create a duplicate of yourself? This would be useful at the moment- could be at two places at once.
>> No. 135596
>>135583
Nothing like a good ol' "Scry and love"
>> No. 135598
[X] Meet up with Benson and the Society right now. You can make amends with Keine after her safety is assured. Cirno can provide fire support.

We're already late and Keine can handle herself.
>> No. 135605
[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.

>>135595 Simalcrulum can do it, but it has most of the drawbacks of the traditional snow based cloning method it's based on.

Blood + Snow + Level 6? spell + XP = a half level copy of you
>> No. 135606
[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.

Wizard was being a dick, man the fuck up and go find the girl. Besides, Keine is like Wizardanon's only real friend.
>> No. 135614
[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.
>> No. 135617
File 129921059961.png - (104.81KB , 624x528 , youforgotsomeone.png ) [iqdb]
135617
>>135606
>Besides, Keine is like Wizardanon's only real friend.
>> No. 135618
>>135617

NEVER FORGET
>> No. 135619
>>135617
Both Cirno and Keine are the only real connection he has to the land and right now, she's in need of an apology and possibly help.
>> No. 135620
Aww yeah, Doom Comic reference!
>> No. 135622
File 129922887331.jpg - (89.22KB , 383x700 , 0f15dcf3aa2592ff54a25c155765522b08a5fa39.jpg ) [iqdb]
135622
[X] Duke is right, you’re just running from this conflict. Go find Keine now.


You breathe freely for the first time in hours as you climb away from the Scarlet Devil Mansion, the trees in the courtyard dwindling as you leisurely climb upwards. It’s going to be another gloriously beautiful spring day, with high, wispy clouds holding little promise of rain. Flying has always made you feel better; as if you’re a little above reality, so you can review it better.

The decision to pursue Keine finalized, you find it easier to think. And thinking of the coming confrontation causes a hollow feeling in your chest, so you think of Suwako. The charming little goddess that can back down demonic vampires and keeps a fell beast of the Far Realms on her head as a pet. To say nothing of Remilia’s seething rage at Suwako’s unannounced visit.

“Where are we going?” asks Cirno.

“The village,” you reply. “Keine’s house.”

“Is Teacher there?”

You sigh, pulling your hat off and stowing it in your magical pocket. The breeze feels good in your hair. “I honestly don’t know, kiddo, but that’d be the first place to start looking, yeah?”

Cirno clutches Keine’s spare hat to her chest and kicks idly at the air. “Can’t you magic up her location?”

You shake your head. “I wish, hon. Most of those spells have a range measured in feet, not miles. Discern Location could find her from another plane of exsistence-

Cirno’s eyes light up at this.

“-but I didn’t prepare it this morning. That’s an eighth-rank firecracker, so I don’t have a scroll, either.”

The fairy’s face falls. “Can’t you do that scry thing?”

“What if she’s in the bathroom when I do?” you ask pointedly. “Or the shower?”

Cirno huffs with frustration. “So what!?

“We fly around and look for her,” you say.

“Laaaaame!” Cirno declares. “You’re a Wizard, you should just be able to, you know, poof!

“But how many times can I poof?” you ask. Floating a bit closer, you attempt to match Keine’s scholastic authority. “A huge rock rolled down a hill is devastating, but you can only roll it once. Better make sure your enemies are in the way when you do. And you can’t use it at all if you didn’t see them coming and get them to follow you to that hill.”

Cirno purses her mouth as she thinks it over. “You wanna get Teacher to come to us?

“Not exactly what I’m driving at, but you’re thinking-”

“-then hit her with a rock!?”

“NO! Bad analogy! Bad analogy!”

“I don’t get it,” Cirno says.

You shrug and smile. “We’ll try again later. For now, let’s find Keine. Shouldn’t be too hard.”

*****

Forty-five minutes later, you walk in the back door of Keine’s house. Glancing about, you take a moment to listen quietly, then step through the sliding door into her backyard again.

“No spooks!” you shout. Cirno’s head pops up from the corner of the bath-house.

“No Keine, either,” you add, and Cirno’s expression falls again. She runs over to you, plants herself before you, and stomps her foot.

“We’re NEVER gonna find her! You don’t know how to look!”

“And you do, half-pint?”

“You were checking bars! Dens of enquackery!”

“... inequity?”

“WHATEVER!” Cirno cries, whacking you hip in frustration. “Teacher doesn’t drink!”

“There’s a bottle of rice-flavored elephant piss in her study that says otherwise,” you return.

“Wouldn’t she come here to drink it?”

“Doubt it. We were attacked here, remember? Known haunts aren’t the best place to hang around... probably includes any associates of hers, too. Damn!” you exclaim, the difficulty of the task really hitting home. Limping over to your bed, you flop upon it. “Goddamn ghost angle is complicating everything.” You pull a scroll case out of your pocket and tap it against your palm idly. A Sending would reach Keine just fine, but if she’s still upset she might blow you off, and you’d be worse off then before. That hollow feeling is back in your chest again, and you smack the scrollcase into the mattress with fresh frustration.

“Well... I don’t know what to do,” you admit. “Do you know where Keine likes to go?”

Cirno shakes her head. “She’s Teacher... I dunno her like a friend.”

“What about her friends?”

“Teacher has friends?”

“Wow,” you say, feeling the hollowness in your chest deepen. “Great.”

“Wait...” Cirno says, scratching her head. “I remember... Letty said something, about...” Cirno rubs her head, eyes squinched up with the effort of recollection. “Sometimes she goes to the bamboo forest, to visit somebody...”
You sigh. “So we can walk around town and ask if anybody’s seen her, or go tromping around a forest shouting for her friend.”

“Mokou,” Cirno says. “Yeah, Mokou!”

“Mokou, then. What’s this Mokou like?”

Cirno peers at the ceiling studiously. “She never says anything... the medicine shop people say she’s mad harsh.”

So, it won’t be easy to make you case with the 25 words Sending allows you. Fantastic.

“Are you sure we can’t scry her?”

“Know where I can find a medium-sized mirror worth a thousand gold coins?”

Cirno plops down next to you and begins swinging her legs. “No....”

“Sorry, kid, not trying to lay this on you.” Stretching a bit, you stand, gently pushing Cirno off the bed with one hand. “Well, no point in sitting on our asses. I’ll leave a note here in case she comes home while we’re looking.”

None of your options are surefire. Locate Creature has a range measured in feet, not miles, but you could just stroll around town till you get within 700 feet of the schoolteacher... if she’s in town. If she visited her friend, you’ve got to find a reticulate person you’ve never met and talk your way into her good graces.

Cirno huffs. “We need a huntin dawg! Then we could just wave her hat under it’s nose and zoom!” She indicates the zoom with a slashing forefinger.

“A bloodhound...” you ponder. Your eyes drift to your magical chest, which is still sitting placidly in the corner. After the Charge of the Lit Wizard, do you dare...?


[ ] Canvass the town, using magic if necessary.
[ ] Head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.
[ ] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.
[ ] Write-in?
>> No. 135624
[x] Head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.
>> No. 135626
[X] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.
[X] Marisa stole your chest with Keine in it.
>> No. 135629
[x] Head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.

Time to meet an immortal. Not one of those shitty use-Wish-to-kill ones either.
>> No. 135630
[x] Head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.
Time to meet a short pink rabbit, more like.
>> No. 135638
[x] Head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.
>> No. 135639
[x] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.

I love when every option looks good.
>> No. 135641
[x] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.
>> No. 135642
[X] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.

Many legged-luggages are the best way to do things.
>> No. 135645
[x] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.

This may have a chance to have our precious companion box be incinerated by Mokou if she's so inclined, so hopefully Mr. Wizard makes sure it's warded with fire protections. Though that's rather meta right now to expect the dangers of a phoenix's flame, so let's hope it's already protected.
>> No. 135648
[X] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.
>> No. 135651
[x] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.
>> No. 135655
It'd be better if we talked to her face to face as to get on her good side. That way she'll be quicker to speak up on the wizard's behalf.
>> No. 135656
[X] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.
-[X] Meanwhile, hHead towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.

SOunds like a plan, plus we need proof that Eirin did indeed make an elixir of immortality.
>> No. 135659
[x] Head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.
>> No. 135667
None of those options sound good. We already searched the town, meeting Mokou would probably just net us another bad first impression, and sending the chest after her is just plain silly and would blow even more of our cover.
Not voting yet. Maybe I'll think up some good write-in...but probably not...
>> No. 135679
[x] Head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.
>> No. 135680
>>135661
Wasn't it said that he didn't bother to ward his stuff because he stores it in the Negative Energy Plane instead? That is how Marisa managed to steal his spellbooks so easily, after all.
>> No. 135681
>>135680
Yeah, but he emptied it by now, didn't he?
>> No. 135683
[x] Cast summon monster I to get us a celestial dog for tracking
>> No. 135684
>>135667
I don't think meeting Mokou will go that badly.
>> No. 135685
>>135684
At the very least, Moku's power would make sense to McWizard. "She's like a phoenix...finally, a haxpower I can understand!"
>> No. 135686
>>135685
He'll be too busy dodging fireballs to enjoy that revelation.
>> No. 135688
>>135684
I imagine that Mokou would find the whole greased tentacle hat monster incident karma for insulting Keine's (suspiciously shrine-like) hat.

[x] Use the luggage to find Keine! If it can find you in a different world, surely it can find a Werecow! Those can't be common at all, right?
>> No. 135689
If only we had a companion with Track, Scent and bonuses to Survival... oh wait.

[X] Fetch Duke, then have him fetch Keine.

With a base of 16 (10 ranks, +2 hound archon Track bonus, +4 in canine form) on the Survival check, he should pick up the trail barring a critical failure.
>> No. 135690
>>135689
We purposely left Duke behind so we wouldn't get dragged into any more time-wasting shenanigans at the mansion, and now you want to go back? Even if nothing happened (not likely), I doubt we've the time to detour all the way back there.

>>135667
The chest, while initially a quite silly thought, actually seems pretty reasonable. It's not like we have much cover to be blown, and if it can act like a bloodhound it would probably be the quickest, most efficient way of finding Keine.
>>135683, if doable, seems a good alternative.
What about fiendish crocodiles? They apparently have a refined sense of taste, so they must have a good sense of smell. . .
>> No. 135691
Too bad we don't have a friend with a powerful nose. Someone who already knows what Keine smells like. Someone who could reach MCWizard in an instant, if needed for assistance.

Oh well! Too bad, that.

[X] Head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.

Uh, and if we hear her in there yelling or something... mmmaybe casting Foresight ahead of time would be a good idea. It doesn't NORMALLY work in conversations, as such, but most conversations don't have that constant danger of headbutting or oh-god-everything-is-on-fire-now.
>> No. 135692
That's odd... is there an echo in here? Must be the wind.
>> No. 135694
>>135691
>Duke
Fffffffffffffffffffffff-
Wait, why can't we summon him?
>> No. 135696
>>135688
I'd think Mokou'd agree on the hat matter, she seems decently sensible enough about anything not related to Kaguya.
>> No. 135699
File 129929431676.gif - (1.28MB , 300x169 , 1277529124112.gif ) [iqdb]
135699
>>135689

>Fetch Duke
>Tracking somebody who FLEW
>> No. 135701
>>135699
>Tracking somebody who FLEW
So you also have a problem with using the Luggage to do the same damn thing?
>> No. 135702
For the uninitiated, probably the two most applicable spells are "locate object" (lvl 2) and "locate creature" (lvl 4); both have the range of "long", which is 400 + 40/lvl feet (so, uh, 1080 feet, about a fifth of a mile); "object" lasts 1 min/lvl and "person" lasts 10 min/lvl. Both could be useful; since locate object can be used on a specific object that's known, it could be used on Keine's hat, for example. But, they are also less than ideal for the kind of ranges being discussed here.

If it's a bloodhound, though, Summon Monster I has "celestial dog" on the list. That's just about the cheapest summoning spell, but it would last for 17 minutes. Compared to the chest, it's not putting all of our goodies (SPELLBOOKS!) at risk.

Scrying is level 4 magic, and I'd point out that if a wizard can cast it, they probably stash an appropriate focus item (that mirror) in their emergency supplies, just in case....

Both "sending" (lvl 5) and "whispering wind" (lvl 2) would be sufficient to sent a 25-word message to Keine.

Anyway, my vote:

[x] Write in: Summon Monster I: Celestial Dog

I strongly recommend not using the chest of spellbooks as a bloodhound when summoning actual bloodhounds is so, so cheap.
>> No. 135706
[x] Write in: Summon Monster I: Celestial Dog

I can roll with this.
>> No. 135708
>>135702
yet it does nothing to work the wizard into her circle of friends, not to mention Keine reacting badly to the use of prying magic.
>> No. 135712
[x] Head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.
Guys. Let us keep it simple.
>> No. 135713
[x] Write in: Summon Monster I: Celestial Dog
[x]Check the clothing store we bought Cirno and Keine's outfits from yesterday.
[x]If there's no luck there, head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.
>> No. 135719
[x] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.
>>135642
Funniest too
>> No. 135723
Summon Monster I is only going to last 1/round a level. Unfortunately, I don't think just over a minute and a half is going to get us anywhere. The dog is, unfortunately, a bad idea.
>> No. 135725
>>135723

Anon makes a good point. Vote changed.

[x] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.
>> No. 135729
[x] Head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.
>> No. 135746
>>135723

1 rd/lvl... are you sure? I coulda sworn it's 1 min/lvl....

*checks SRD*

FUUU-

...you're right.
>> No. 135748
File 129937804649.jpg - (271.43KB , 600x670 , I really wanted to use this picture.jpg ) [iqdb]
135748
[X] Order your magical chest to locate Keine.


Of course. You’ve got one of the most powerful divination spells ever devised readily at hand – the enchantment upon your hideously-expensive, ambulatory chest. Why screw around with wild-Mokou chases or trawling about with weak spells? That’d take forever, and you don’t have forever. You need to find that woman, you need to find her now, and the chest is absolutely the quickest way, complications be damned.

A few arcane hand symbols traced in the air, a few swift words of magic-

“Verbolosity fantastica-”

-and an illusory mouth appears on the wall.

“Recording~” it says cheerfully.

You dictate to the wall. “Keine, it’s me. This is a recorded message... uh, if you get home before I find you, I’m checking town for you. So, uh, stay here or find me or just... find me, okay?”

You wave your hand at the wall, and the mouth vanishes. “That’ll trigger if any female about Keine’s height comes in here.”

“So where are we going?” Cirno asks, hopping off the bed eagerly.

“After our bloodhound!” you declare, turning to your magical chest. It was in the same house overnight as Keine, so it’s had a chance to attune to her. “Chest! Find the pretty woman in the blue dress!

The chest is motionless for a moment, then leisurely rises, its many small legs appearing underneath it. With casual innocence, it strolls over to Cirno and gently bumps her legs. The fairy begins giggling and blushing.

Even your flippin’ luggage is a smartass. “CHEST! The other pretty woman in the blue dress!”

Turning from Cirno, your magical chest dips the end closest to you in a queer little bow of acknowledgement, then leisurely trots out the door. You and Cirno follow.

By the time the chest reaches the little schoolhouse, it’s moving at a brisk trot. It’s still accelerating when it hits the main road. A farmer heading the opposite direction on an empty horse-cart hauls his team to a sudden halt, turning around in his seat to stare at the walking box. Cirno waves jubilantly at the man, which only deepens his perplexity.

Pedestrians grow more numerous as the chest leads you deeper into town. As people catch sight of the briskly trotting wooden chest, they stop dead in their tracks to stare at it. A babble of excited commentary begins on each side of the street. Doors and windows shoot open to allow curious stares.

“YOU!” a baritone voice booms from up the street. A short man with graying hair and a hoe is accosting you. “You rode over my garden with that thing!”

“Terribly sorry must have been somebody else you can’t ride a chest how silly!” you lie. The man advances on you, hoe held up and before him like a pike. Out in front, the chest suddenly halts. Lifting its ‘front’ a bit, its lid opens slightly, and it slowly turns a little this way, then a little that way, like it’s...

“Sniffing?” Cirno asks.

With no warning, the chest leaps into motion, slamming into the aggrieved gardner’s shins and pitching him forward over the chest’s curved lid as it charges under him. You and Cirno daintily hop over the moaning man in pursuit of your wooden bloodhound, which is angling off the road. Moving at a good canter now, it smashes through a pretty little picket fence, a hedge, and a rosebush without losing velocity. You and Cirno are sprinting to keep up, following the beeline trail of destruction through suburban backyards as the chest chases down its quarry. There’s a high-pitched scream of terror ahead, and you catch a glimpse of your luggage plowing through a clothesline as the wash-woman dives for cover. A white sheet is snagged off the line and drapes itself haphazardly over the galloping container. It’s outpacing you now; forcing you to redouble your speed. Still, the straight swath of devastation gives you a clear view of your chest as it enters another backyard and barrels straight towards a large house.

ohshit

You try to gather breath for an order to abort, but there’s no time. The sturdy wooden chest, little legs pumping madly, soundly demonstrates the shortcomings of local architectural mores as it punches clean through the thin wood-and-paper wall. And the one behind that, and the one behind that one, the white sheet fluttering madly behind. The low chest didn’t make a hole big enough for you and Cirno to pass through upright, so you dive forward, letting your Overland Flight spell take over. Aiming carefully for the small hole left by the chest, you miss it entirely, smashing through several internal partitions with your skull bravely leading the charge. From the excited “WHEEEEE!” from behind you surmise Cirno had better luck. As you crash through the big house, you catch a momentary glimpse of a little purple-haired, kimono clad girl.

“SORRRRRYYYYYYyyyyyyyyy” you howl as you blast past. A few more walls later and you exit the other side. You swing your legs forward and make contact with the ground in a running landing, and resume loping after your chest. Through the gaps in backyard fences you catch flashes of a busy street – you’re probably near the downtown area, now. Ahead, you see the chest stampede through a huge sandbox with funny patterns combed in it, then demolish another fence. As the wooden partition falls, you see another building directly in the chest’s path, this one with sturdy wooden walls.

Apparently the chest sees it too. It tacks to one side, aiming for a large pile of cordwood slumped against a backyard shed. Galloping up the sloping cord of firewood like a ramp, it gains the roof and leaps with all of its little legs pushing as one. The blocky chest arcs gracefully through the sky for a long moment, its sheet fluttering majestically behind it. Many little legs tucked up underneath for optimal aerodynamics, it flies neatly through a high window in the side of the building.

The shouting from inside starts immediately. Having learned your lesson on the maneuverability limits of Overland Flight spells, you opt to climb. Catching the windowsill with a leap, you haul yourself up and in with mighty effort, tumbling into the building clumsily.

“Who the hell are you?” an apron-clad man demands from behind a cabinet.

“What the hell was that!? adds a man wielding a cleaver from his refuge atop a counter.

“A magic walking box!” Cirno answers gleefully as she squeezes through the window.

“Oh god no a fairy why,” one of the men declares, and flees into the next room. You seem to be in a kitchen, which would make this place a-

“Tavern. This is a tavern.” Of course. A little after noon, and you were checking bars. Only the old and the hard drinkers were in proper bars near noontime. You chastise yourself as you help Cirno down from the window.

“Okay kid, I think we’ve found our schoolteacher.” With Cirno in tow, you step out of the kitchen. The usual boisterous tavern atmosphere is absent. Instead there’s a low murmur of puzzlement. You follow the dining room’s gaze to the back of the room, and Keine’s hat catches your eye.

Advancing cautiously, you push past the gaping patrons towards the back until you get near Keine’s table. Your patron and protector is slumping on the table, chin resting on crossed arms, with tears pouring down her face. The chest is gently nudging her leg, but she doesn’t seem to notice.

You open your mouth to call to her, then close it abruptly. Saying ‘sorry I spit on your pride and ran you off bawling like a baby’ doesn’t strike you as a surefire gambit, now that you’re standing before her.

“Teacher!” Cirno calls out. She pushes the chest aside and tugs on the schoolteacher’s sleeve.

“Geddout,” Keine slurs sadly. “No scheewl todah. Fuggit. I fugged all up, why I say that? I’m shtupid, h’aint a teacher, oh whyyyy...” She gropes weakly for a bottle of liquor near her hand, still crying.

Your chest tightens painfully, and you feel your eyes begin to burn. You step towards her, reaching out tentatively, still not sure what to do but knowing you have to do something.

And then you freeze.

Oh, shit.

Adventurers instinctively register particular warning cues after years of narrow scrapes – faint breezes in deep dungeons, sudden absence of birdsong in the forest and above all, the sound of a dozen cigarettes hitting a tavern floor at the same time.

You turn ever-so-slowly towards the sound. Sitting around two nearby tables are a rough crew wearing working clothes and holding bamboo liquor cups. One of them is already standing.

It’s Riku.

With ponderous intent, he extends one lean, calloused forefinger at you.

Get that son-of-a-bitch.”




[ ] Enchant their asses and stroll out while they’re busy drooling.
[ ] Screw the property damage. Pick up the table with Telekinesis and bitchslap these dipshits across the room! (Direct magical assault mode.)
[ ] Bulls Strength + bad day + 17th level = Pimp Hand Status: WAY STRONG. (Buff up and barfight hand-to-hand.)
[ ] Write-in?
>> No. 135749
[x] Charm Person on Riku.
[x] "Get me what?"
[x] Await drinks!
>> No. 135751
>you catch a momentary glimpse of a little purple-haired, kimono clad girl.

Hi, Kotohime.

[x] Screw the property damage. Pick up the table with Telekinesis and bitchslap these dipshits across the room.

Telekinetic magic, best magic.
>> No. 135752
>>135751
That's Akyu, nigga.
>> No. 135753
>>135752

Herp, I'm a retard.
>> No. 135755
I'm honestly torn between starting a good old fashioned bar fight (it is the curtious thing to do) and doing this without a fuss...
>> No. 135756
>>135754
Charm monster or something might be better, actually, Charm Person is a 1st level spell, and if Riku is hostile towards us, he gets +4 to his save. Max we'd get on him is a DC 16; so even as a villager without any bonus saves, he'd have a pretty good chance against it.
>> No. 135762
File 129938102428.png - (553.21KB , 675x900 , 932917117276f6152a361b9fca592ca54ab367af.png ) [iqdb]
135762
For those who wanted it, I continued the joke updates over in /words/:

http://www.touhou-project.com/words/res/824.html

I saw somebody bitching that my joke update was a lot like Soluslunes story Compensation Adequate, so I invited Soluslunes to write this one. He did quite well, IMO.

Enjoy.
>> No. 135763
[x] Head towards the bamboo forest to find Keine’s friend.
>> No. 135764
[x] Screw the property damage. Pick up the table with Telekinesis and bitchslap these dipshits across the room.
>> No. 135765
[x] Bulls Strength + bad day + 17th level = Pimp Hand Status: WAY STRONG. (Buff up and barfight hand-to-hand.)
>> No. 135766
[x] Charm Person on Riku.
[x] "Get me what?"
[x] Await drinks!

And if that doesn't work.

[x] Bulls Strength + bad day + 17th level = Pimp Hand Status: WAY STRONG.
>> No. 135768
[x] Bulls Strength + bad day + 17th level = Pimp Hand Status: WAY STRONG. (Buff up and barfight hand-to-hand.)

Because sometimes, you just need to Pimp Slap some bitches before you Bright Slap a moping person. What's our excessively high Attack modifier again?

If things go wrong:

[x] Grab Keine and Cirno, then Teleport the fuck out of this mess.
>> No. 135769
>>135768
>What's our excessively high Attack modifier again?
We're a 17th level Wizard, poor BAB gives us...+8/+3. I forget our STR, but I'm positive Wizardnon has Gauntlets of +4 Ho Slapping, so the Bull's Strength is wasted.
>> No. 135772
He's not worth the time, honestly. Besides, why look like a brute when there are more amusing possibilities?

[x]A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.
>> No. 135774
>>135768 here

>>135772 has a good idea. I'm changing my vote to
[x] A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.
>> No. 135776
[x]A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.
>> No. 135779
...well, so much for laying low.

Riku is such a douche and I would love to see wiz beat the shit out of him, but we shouldn't. I do need to know, though...did we miss the secret society meeting? Like, completely?
>> No. 135780
[x] A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.

Sod off with the open conflict, we're here to kiss and make up with Keine.
>> No. 135781
>>135779
>I do need to know, though...did we miss the secret society meeting? Like, completely?

Not at all. Your meeting was with Benson and Yoshi, the ones taking your side. Riku and his pals don't much care for you.

You could have met them a bit later in the day, but that would leave less time to get to the bottom of the matter, and act on it.
>> No. 135782
[x]A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.
>> No. 135784
[x]A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.
>> No. 135786
[x]A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.
>> No. 135787
[x]A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.
>> No. 135788
[x] Charm Person on Riku.
-[x] "Get me what?"
-[x] Await drinks!

Failing that,
[x] A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not (don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.
>> No. 135789
[x] A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.

>“Chest! Find the pretty woman in the blue dress!

>The chest is motionless for a moment, then leisurely rises, its many small legs appearing underneath it. With casual innocence, it strolls over to Cirno and gently bumps her legs. The fairy begins giggling and blushing.

Changing my vote to this. Reposting because its still adorable.
>> No. 135791
>Fancy overly worded write in
I don't really trust those, not when there's perfectly usable choices right here.

If we just went to Mokou, we'd have found some insight. Beta folks going to be Beta

[x] Bulls Strength + bad day + 17th level = Pimp Hand Status: WAY STRONG. (Buff up and barfight hand-to-hand.

Subtlety isn't McWizard's forte, this is. That and quick knockouts=less chance of damage.

Also using charm around Keine is a bad idea as she doesn't like that magic at all.
>> No. 135793
[x] Bulls Strength + bad day + 17th level = Pimp Hand Status: WAY STRONG. (Buff up and barfight hand-to-hand.)
>> No. 135799
[x]Tactical Retreat

Does no good to destroy the building from the inside.
>> No. 135802
[x] Bulls Strength + bad day + 17th level = Pimp Hand Status: WAY STRONG.
>> No. 135803
Can we add Stonefist to the ensemble? I don't think Wizardnon is proficient in unarmed combat.
>> No. 135805
[x]A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.
- [X] If even more is needed, hit Riku's posse with Slow as well.

Low-level spells for low-level jerks. Time to show these folks just how easy it is for a master wizard to shut down a gang of people without blowing them up in the process. I bet they'll be surprised. It doesn't seem like a very common talent in Gensokyo.
>> No. 135808
>>135803
I think he knows enough how to slug some people.

>>135805
That might risk making a mess/damaging some things. That and I'm not sure if such tricks would really stop them as opposed to just pissing them off more and setting something up down the line.
>> No. 135811
>“Geddout,” Keine slurs sadly. “No scheewl todah. Fuggit. I fugged all up, why I say that? I’m shtupid, h’aint a teacher, oh whyyyy...” She gropes weakly for a bottle of liquor near her hand, still crying.

Keine ;_;
>> No. 135812
>>135811
We'll get to her once we've dealt with these guys. I do wonder if we missed something else while we were losing time in the library.
>> No. 135813
If you're willing to go to fourth/fifth level spells, you get options like Rainbow Pattern, Mass Reduce Person, Interposing Hand... Oh, Force Wall would likely work too. Temporary, won't damage the tavern, and assuming it doesn't stop sound it opens up options for diplomacy and/or taunting.

But yeah, main goal is to get Keine and get out.
>> No. 135814
[ ] Enchant their asses and stroll out while they’re busy drooling.
>> No. 135818
[x] A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not (don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.
>> No. 135819
[X] Polymorph
---[X] Prismatic dragon
>> No. 135820
[x] A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.
I love that chest
>> No. 135821
[x] A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a wh-
[x]Wait. Fuck. There was something else about this situation that reminds me to-
[x]OH RIGHT. PROTECTION FROM ARROWS.
[x]Right. NOW we glitterdust, grease, whatever.. get the girl, carry her out. ...Might need bull's strength anyway to carry her.
>> No. 135823
[x] Bulls Strength + bad day + 17th level = Pimp Hand Status: WAY STRONG.

While watching Riku and co make fools of themselves while blind and flat on their arses would be hillarious I think a good pimp slapping is going to be funnier. Think about it: he's a low level commoner; McWizard is better at brawling than Bruce Lee and with his HP (assuming they represent luck, enduance, fatigue AS WELL AS damage taken, etc)being so high we literally will not get 'hit'. It'll just be a bunch of drunks flailing around at a man in a dress who stands in just the perfect place to avoid them everytime they attack...before slugging them through a wall.
>> No. 135826
>>135823
In D&D getting hit is based on AC, not HP.
HP is only how much punishment your body can handle before you go down.

Well, I'm a bit late to the party, but my suggestion is:
[X]Cast Stoneskin and call it a day.

Just cast it, and then act as if they aren't even there. That would show them how insignificant they are much more effectively than beating them up.
They can't hurt him with less than a longsword or a warhammer, and I doubt they'd draw a weapon like that in a barfight.

Fighting them would fuel his little vendetta, so instead let's just ignore them.
We have important things to deal with, and they are just a pissy little asshole and his posse.


The spell has a bit of a costly component (diamond dust worth 250g) but it is a standard protective spell, so most, if not all, wizards carry that with them.
And stoneskin is exactly what it says on the tin: His skin turns as hard as stone with the mechanical effect of blocking out the first 10 damage from each hit (blocking a total of 150 damage, since he's level 15+).
To break through that with your fist, you'd need 26+ strength.
(As a comparison, Duke has 21 so even he couldn't do more than tickle Wizardnon if he punched him in the face with all he's got.)
>> No. 135828
>>135826
>HP is only how much punishment your body can handle before you go down.
HP != physical wounds.
>> No. 135829
[x]A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.

>>135819
As amusing as that would be, even a newly-hatched prismatic dragon has too many HD for us to polymorph into (they start at 23HD), and would likely not fit in the bar (Huge size).
>> No. 135830
>>135826
If he was alone, maybe. Riku isn't probably crazy enough to try something on Keine in the village itself, but there's Cirno too.
>> No. 135833
[X]Shut down Riku's posse with our mad spell skills, them polymorph Riku unitl he has an attitude adjustment.
>> No. 135834
[x]A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest). Tossing up some defenses at Keine's place while she sobers up would also likely be wise.

failing that, pimp slap those fuckers for daring to cause a ruckus around a lady...AHEM...that that...MC would do that.... WHAT!!!
>> No. 135838
>>135826
He's talking about HP being an abstraction.
>> No. 135842
[x] A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a wh-
[x]Wait. Fuck. There was something else about this situation that reminds me to-
[x]OH RIGHT. PROTECTION FROM ARROWS.
[x]Right. NOW we glitterdust, grease, whatever.. get the girl, carry her out. ...Might need bull's strength anyway to carry her.
>> No. 135843
>>135826
I beg to differ, ignoring them would fuel it, a decisive loss might just set them straight.
>> No. 135845
Highly doubt it's going to win, but I just thought I'd point out that Keine has already expressed extreme unease and even fear at the prospect of enchanting someone to do your bidding. Using Charm-type spells seems a very, very bad idea in her presence, especially since we're trying to make amends with her.

Preferably we can get out of this as quickly as possible causing as little commotion as possible - we've done enough already, after all. The Grease + Glitterdust combo seems best in that regard. The Stoneskin option looks better if there was a way to cast it on Keine and Cirno also - I don't know D&D very well, is that possible?
>> No. 135852
>>135845
>>Is it possible to cast stoneskin on multiple targets?

Maybe no? Definitely not easily. Stoneskin has a range of touch, so the only possible way to make it affect more than one target would be to use the Reach Spell metamagic to make its range greater than touch and then use the Chain Spell metamagic to have it affect more than one target. But that interaction is...contentious?
>> No. 135855
Protection from arrows probably won't be necessary, seeing as you're in a crowded tavern and if Riku got an innocent bystander killed trying to shoot you, he'd be run out of the village by nightfall, whereupon he and his group would likely end up on the menu for some of the... other locals.

And yeah, I came up with Grease+Glitterdust as a non-mind effecting alternative to the first option on the list, as Keine wouldn't be happy with that, drunk or not(whereas leaving them stumbling around blindly is an entertaining floor show).
>> No. 135856
[x] You so don't have time for this. Web (lvl 2) will nicely tie everybody up. Anybody not entangled gets sleep (lvl 1) or maybe color spray (lvl 1).
>> No. 135857
[x] Write in: You so don't have time for this. Web (lvl 2) will nicely tie everybody up. Anybody not entangled gets sleep (lvl 1) or maybe color spray (lvl 1).
>> No. 135858
ugh, a double post because of a spotty connection, and now I can't figure out how to make delete work.
>> No. 135860
>>135856
[x] You so don't have time for this. Web (lvl 2) will nicely tie everybody up. Anybody not entangled gets sleep (lvl 1) or maybe color spray (lvl 1).

Also, can Fairy Queen's use Otto's Irresistable Dance?

Even if she can't do that [Debilitation Sign] Tongue Frozen to a Streetlight should stop them fairly well.
>> No. 135861
[x] A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a wh-
[x]Wait. Fuck. There was something else about this situation that reminds me to-
[x]OH RIGHT. PROTECTION FROM ARROWS.
[x]Right. NOW we glitterdust, grease, whatever.. get the girl, carry her out.

If we toss off a mind-spell now, it shows our hand- nobody beside Keine and Cirno knows we can mess with minds with magic right now, and we should keep it that way for as long as possible. McWizard has already done enough stupid crap.
>> No. 135862
Demetrious, what world is Wizardnon from? Greyhawk? Forgotten Realms? Ebberon? Some nameless generiplane?
>> No. 135868
>>135861
I doubt they'd dare use arrows in an open bar.
>> No. 135869
The pimp slap option is funny, but remember one thing: We are a fucking Wizard. Magic is kind of what we do. You know what they call wizards who try to slug it out without proper protection? Corpses. Do you want to be a corpse? I didn't think so.

We also don't really know that much about these guys. Assuming they are zero level commoners is probably about the dumbest possible thing we could do. This is fucking Gensokyo, where every human is the descendant of a group of people who thought it would be a good idea to build a town in the middle of a land populated entirely by man eating monsters. People that actually built said town, and made said monsters their bitches. These are also people who know you are powerful enough to slay dragons, and yet still think they can take you in a fight. For all we know, these guys might even be fairly high level. I'd even assume they EACH would be high enough HD that sleep would fail automatically (it only affects up to 4 HD of creatures. I highly doubt theres anyone there under level 3 or 4). IE: Sleep is probably a worse idea than just punching them in the face.

[x] Enchant their asses, grab our ladies and TELEPORT out while they’re busy drooling.
>> No. 135871
>>135869
DnD wizards aren't that absurdly frail and it's generally said that most humans in Gensokyo can fend of cannon fodder youkai, not most named youkai characters. And I don't think they believe the dragon slaying tale. And in the article about the secret society, it reports some memebers get themselves killed poking around.

I get the feeling that McWizard has taken a few Melee feats or so as he doesn't seem like the prototypical stay behind the front lines wizards seen in many jrpgs.
>> No. 135880
>>135871

I am well aware of how frail/not frail wizards are. What I am saying (in DnD terms) is basically that we don't know what the base level of this setting is. Consider the case of Marisa. She took a table to the side with our telekineses spell. Thats around a d6 or thereabouts (depending on how hard / dense you consider a table and how heavy it is). That doesn't SEEM like much, mind you, but consider what that actually means. She took the equivalent of being skewered with a short sword and it barely phased her. Even if it was only one point of damage, it barely phased her. Other than her flashy magic she is supposed to be a normal girl in this setting. Noodle that for a moment. How much punishment do you think these grown-ass adults are going to take? Do you really think a barfight is going to be over in a single round? Or even four or five?

In DnD terms, the commoners around here are probably anywhere from 3 - 8 or higher. No problem for our wizard magic, but might not be as effortless as you think if we try to fight unarmed without protection magic. Especially when we don't have improved unarmed strike and there is a very real possibility that they do. I hope you like eating attacks of opportunity from multiple opponents each round. And what are we going to do if one of them pulls a knife or even a spellcard (another very real possibility) while we're expecting a barfight? Use your heads anon. Sure, even then we'd probably win, but do you really want to escalate things that much?

The entire point of bitch slapping them is to show them how strong and untouchable we are, but that is going to backfire if they manage to get some good hits off. Instead of thinking "we cant take this guy", they'll think "if we're smarter about it, we can take this guy".
>> No. 135881
>>135880
Did you just call Marisa... ordinary? Them's fightin' words.
>> No. 135884
>>135881

Marisa calls Marisa ordinary. Deal with it. Not saying she's not powerful as all hell, but physically she's still just a relatively normal girl.
>> No. 135888
[x]A combination of Grease and Glitterdust would likely leave a bunch of low level thugs debilitated for a while. Toss a few gold to the barkeep, collect your party, and make your exit. On foot if you have a clear exit, by Teleport if not(don't forget the chest).
[x] It'll take a awhile for her to wake up, so have the chest guard her, and go to the meeting.


OR
[x] You so don't have time for this. Web (lvl 2) will nicely tie everybody up. Anybody not entangled gets sleep (lvl 1) or maybe color spray (lvl 1).
>> No. 135898
File 129946599677.jpg - (231.30KB , 821x1200 , femsader.jpg ) [iqdb]
135898
I guess since the thread's in autosage, it's okay for me to post this.

Thanks in no small part to this thread series, I'm considering running a DnD 3.5 module; perhaps of 1st level, perhaps of 5th or 6th. Either way, anyone who might be interested can reach me on irc://irc.rizon.net/divinegame or on AIM (See the email bar).

First come first served of interested, though if Demetrious decides to sign up, he gets to cut to the front of the line. :V
>> No. 135899
>>135880
Marisa merely calls herself that, but is above most humans by pure hard work. If the villagers were so able, then they wouldn't need Keine to protect them. The only folks stronger than her would be mixed bloods (Sanae, Keine, Youmu), mysteries (Sakuya), immortals (Mokou), and the goddamn Hakurei Miko, who out powers her despite being mostly lazy.

These aren't hardened warriors, just a small group of bigots and boozing small time thugs. After smacking a few of them around well, most will give up as I doubt most would be willing to take such abuse for Riku.
>> No. 135912
I just realized that the secret, gensokyo-investigating society thing is canon. That's somehow incredibly awesome.
>> No. 135915
>>135899

Marisa is good at Magic. She's really good at magic. Specifically she's really good at flashy magic. However, in terms of durability and strength she is still ordinary (or at least ordinary for someone from gensokyo). I was pointing out that despite Marisa having absolutely no physical special abilities compared to your average gensokyo inhabitant, she can STILL take a god damn table to the side and not even care all that much. Something which would knock out or kill an ordinary DnD 1st level commoner, or at the very least make them go "oh shit please don't kill me".

That kind of durability is the status quo here. The bare minimum. Do you really think these guys are going to take a punch to the face worse than Marisa?

And how exactly do you know who they are? That is my entire point. We do NOT know how strong the average person here is, or if these people are average. For all YOU know, these guys actually have training in combat, have access to spell cards (spell cards are also normal around here), etc. The very stupidest thing a person can do when fighting is assume their opponent is a pushover and decide to fight them in the way you suck the most at.

And all of that is besides the point. Even though we likely could beat the shit out of these guys with our fists, do you really think it is a good idea to beat them up and cause even more trouble? What is going to look more intimidating? A wizard knocking around the local folk and getting a bit beat up in the process? Or him just waving his hands, nullifying them as threats without hurting them, then leaving without causing further harm? Which version are you more likely to pick a fight with?
>> No. 135922
>>135915
I think marisa's a bit above the norm as if people were that tough, Keine wouldn't be needed. Remember Marisa has been in a few things where melee combat was involved (IaMP,SWR,IaMP)

Not to mention her tendency to experiment as that requires some extra toughness to survive.

The only reason why Riku and Co. are insisting on picking a fight is because they consider us brash blowhards. And subtle things would be taken as a sign of weakness as opposed to bitchslapping a guy a few feet.

And I see most of these fancy write-ins more like people stroking their nerdcocks than anything really productive.
>> No. 135930
>>135922
>And I see most of these fancy write-ins more like people stroking their nerdcocks than anything really productive.
Isn't that what this story is really about?
>> No. 135931
>>135922

Again, you just plain aren't getting it. Marisa can fight higher-up youkai because she has magic which (presumably) most villagers do not use. The fighting games are a weird case because it is impossible to tell how strong anyone there actually is. Are you honestly telling me that Marisa and Suika do roughly the same damage with a punch? Or that Marisa can actually take a train the the face and just get right up? The fighting games are an abstraction, just like the danmaku games are. We just simply have no way of knowing how much of it should be taken literally. I mean, fuck, the fighting games imply they can't fly for more than a few seconds, whilst everything else implies that they can. It just isn't a reliable source.

I mean, have you actually read any of the print works? Did you see at any point Marisa lifting boulders, fighting off ninjas, or having bullets bouncing off her eyeballs? Because I sure didn't. In fact, I seem to remember her not even being able to remove some vines from a tree. And do you recall it being stated anywhere, in any source that Marisa is physically more robust than the villagers? (The answer is again, "no").

If you took away Marisa's magic, do you honestly think you could make the argument that she could fight off named youkai any better than your average tough-guy villager? For that matter do you honestly think that WE could fight off named youkai without our magic or magic items? (Those are rhetorical as the answer is a pretty clear "no"). The village needing Keine is completely irrelevant to whether or not the villagers are tough enough to handle our wizard punching them in the face or not.

That and the fact that we aren't even sure how vital Keine is to protecting the village in the first place, since we've never actually seen it invaded.
>> No. 135941
>>135931
If those pre-set choices are 'so bad' then how come Demetrious had those as choices? He's not a needly attention starved newbie who's fishing for write ins. He knows what he's doing and has a good general plan for the votes.

And you said Marisa protects herself with magic? then that might explain her withstanding the Wizard's surprise entrance well. That and the fact the Wizard as aiming more to surprise than to flatten.

And unlike a jpg, a lv17 class is pretty strong, even in their non-strong points, even compared to an level 8 commoner or thief. Riku's fondness of sneak attacks hints at that; dirty thieves, always playing dirty. Now if they were lv10-14 hunters or warriors, then McWizard would have to fall back on his magic.

Keine doesn't do anything? Let's see IN where she hid the village from rowdy youkai (caused by both the flawed fake moon and the extended night) The print materials and other things wouldn't call her a guardian if most considerable threats could be solved by a bunch of guys with swords.

>>135930
I wouldn't say that, otherwise his preset choices would force people to pull out their DnD rulebooks as opposed to normal ones that non-DnD fans can understand.
>> No. 135947
>>135941

Wrote up a longer response, but ended up sounding like a jerk, so he're the cliff notes:

* Never said the option was end of the world bad. Just the worse of of the options given. We gain nothing by beating these guys up, it will probably take several rounds, even if they are low level, it could serve to embolden them if they get a lucky punch or two, and by the time we finish fighting, it could draw a crowd and lower public opinion of us even more. I really don't see the plus side to the plan other than the wizard giving into wanting to slap some bitches.

* I mentioned the sleep / color spray plan too and how it also probably wouldn't work if the villagers are at all strong. Might be worth a try, but might also make us look like idiots.

* You might be right about Marisa using magical protection. But you also might be wrong. Maybe you should acknowledge that considering you have no source for that information, and that it is all conjecture at this point? Heck, I was even saying that she was a bad-ass for basically shrugging off someone throwing a fucking table at her. It is surprising that she doesn't have several cracked ribs.

* An 8th level fighter has the same BAB as our wizard. There are multiple opponents. It isn't any kind of stretch that we could be facing people of that level or higher. They could also be weaklings as well. Either way going in slugging doesn't really seem like it's really going to gain us anything, does it? And giving the situation a chance to escalate into a more dangerous violent situation where we might end up doing something that ends up making our reputation even worse just seems daft.

But at the same time we do have to put these guys in their place.

* The village has never actually been shown to be under attack, and by all accounts it hasn't been attacked "for serious" in a while. Just because Keine is a guardian, it doesn't mean the people inside are weaklings that can't do anything at all to defend themselves.

* You also didn't acknowledge my point about our magic. Do you honestly think we would win if we were to face a named youkai without our magic or magical items? Because if not that would make us about as bad off as the villagers according to your logic. So why isn't it reasonable that Marisa is just as reliant on her magic as us?

It is probably hard to believe, but this version is shorter and nicer than the version I wrote earlier.
>> No. 135951
>>135947
While the fighting games may not be reliable sources neither are any of the comics. They have the same relevance to the source material and you can take either as true just as easily as you can the other. The only canon sources for the character's power level are the bullet games - which are a bit useless for this sort of thing.

Also, the same BAB as an 8th level fighter: read that again. That's more BAB than an olympic champion (level 5 or 6); McWizard could pick up a random sword and outfight an olympic fencer, no lie. Perhaps a lot of this is innate magic and passive buffs but there you go. It would be ludicrious to suggest that Riku and co are that experienced and/or dedicated to training. I believe it's stated that most humans in Gensyoko survive because they are a _spiritual_ people who know how to ward off common youkai - not drive them because they can kick their arses.
>> No. 135959
> While the fighting games may not be reliable sources neither are any of the comics

There are just no words for how completely stupid his statements is. You do realize that the print works are where 90% of the story comes from, right? You do realize that the games themselves are abstractions and not accurate reflections of the spellcard rules, right? You do realize they are playfighting in the games, right? What, did one of the comics make your waifu look bad? You poor dear.

> It would be ludicrious to suggest that Riku and co are that experienced and/or dedicated to training.

Yeah, because I'm sure our wizard has undergone TONS of hand to hand training, what with being a martial arts expert that spends all of his free time sword fighting and not studying magic and all. You do realize that even if a wizard never touches a weapon in their entire life they will still have those bonuses right? You do realize DnD in general relies completely on abstractions right, and the numbers themselves don't actually represent what you think they do, right? You do realize your entire comparison is bullshit and makes absolutely no sense right?

Yeah, I think we're done talking here. We've shat up this thread enough.
>> No. 135963
>>135959
So you're arguing that the fighting games are less canon than the comics because the comics have more words and/or make more sense to you? Uh...no, that's not how it works at all: that's just called you being a selective idiot. Lets use your argument though - Marisa is in reality the hulk because underneath her girly exterior lies Cho-Marisa just waiting to burst out.

As for hand to hand training...yes, McWizard has. That's what a BAB of +8. That is a a character with ridculous ammounts of combat experience - who has survived death and death again because he knows how to look after himself in a fight. Arguing otherwise just proves you don't know what BAB is.
>> No. 135980
Looks like Grease and Glitterdust is the most popular option here. A prediction: The events of the next update are going to look SIMPLY FABULOUS!

But in a very manly way, of course.
>> No. 135999
Grease + Glitterdust... a bunch of burly farmers and a wizard, slicked up and covered in glitter, flopping around on the floor, all of them failing grapple checks.
>> No. 136014
[┼] Bulls Strength + bad day + 17th level = Pimp Hand Status: WAY STRONG.

I don't care how fabulous the write-in is, a wizzad's gotta exercise his pimp hand once in a while.
>> No. 136027
>>135963
> that's just called you being a selective idiot

Says the guy who didn't counter a single example given, and chose to argue abstract points without a single actual example. I'll only give a single one this time so you can't avoid talking about it:

Explain how it is possible for EVERY 17th level wizard to have a +8 BAB and therefore be as good as an expert melee combatant without ever actually participating in close range combat, yet these guys who we know nothing about couldn't possibly be at that skill level.

BAB is an abstraction and it does NOT mean what you think it does. Just like how just because you have 50 HP, it doesn't mean you can survive a sword going through your eye socket into your brain, despite 50hp allowing you to survive things that would technically do MORE damage than that. If you are taking DnD stats literally, you are doing it wrong.

What this boils down to is: Stop assuming things about characters when you have no proof. That is ALL I was ever arguing. So lets PLEASE stop shitting up this thread.
>> No. 136057
>>135963
>As for hand to hand training...yes, McWizard has. That's what a BAB of +8. That is a a character with ridculous ammounts of combat experience - who has survived death and death again because he knows how to look after himself in a fight.
As it turns out they're all level 15 commoners with a few levels in expert and warrior as well.

Cmon, you didn't think that getting attacked by youkai ALL DAY EVERY DAY wouldn't give them some delicious XP?
>> No. 136058
>Just like how just because you have 50 HP, it doesn't mean you can survive a sword going through your eye socket into your brain,

Why not? You can do crazier things in DnD.
>> No. 136068
>a sword going through your eye socket into your brain
>"Roll a Fort save or die."

Seriously though. Things like that boil down to the style of whomever is running the game.
>> No. 136071
[x]Cast Spiked Tentacles of Forced Penetration.
[x]Ignore screams
>> No. 136073
>>136072

I do this mostly so people trawling the archives a year from now can jump from thread to thread.
>> No. 136078
>>136073
It's appreciated.
>> No. 136090
>>136073
Yeah. I usually only check my watched list so I often miss new threads.