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File 12956832082.jpg - (933.49KB , 1200x831 , This is not how you her horn.jpg ) [iqdb]
133538 No. 133538
Sleep! Yes! You'll to back to sleep!
This is probably all just a dream, anyway.
So! You'll just go back to sleep, and then wake up, and then you won't be asleep anymore.

That's how it works, right? You sleep in the dream, you sleep for real?
That sounds right, right?

Right.

You're not sleeping, though.
This floor is hard, your back hurts, your head hurts, and this is no sort of way to try to sleep.
Even if your head is comfortable, throbbing aside, the rest of you is not.

Should you move? You think you should probably move.
But you don't move.
You don't dare move, lest you risk awakening the horned woman.
The horned woman whose horn you cannot stop staring at.

That is a horn, right?
It's pointy like a horn.
It's certainly sticking out of hear head in a horn-like fashion.
Yet, even in this dim light, you think you can see a shine on it, as if it were a well-polished stone, or a lacquered piece of wood.
...and is that a big, yellow star you see on it?

Such thoughts and more run through your mind, as you gaze as the shape protruding from the woman's forehead.
So smooth, and shiny, and red. Like candy!

You wonder what it tastes like...

No! No! Bad, you! No thoughts of licking the side of that glossy, red horn!
No pondering the sensation of your tongue sliding across that smooth surface, your lips brushing against it ever-so-slightly.

No. No such thoughts are coursing through your mind, when you have resolved to attempt to sleep.
None whatsoever.
You would just like to touch it.
To feel it on your skin.
Between your fingers.
In your hand.

Sleep! Right! Yes!
Sleep is what you are trying to do!
Right.
Right right right.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleeping.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleeping.
Now.
Sleep now.
Now now now.

Telling yourself to sleep doesn't seem to be working.
Come to think of it, you don't recall any instance where that approach ever did work. At all.
Well, it's not like you've ever been one to let the failures of the past deter you from attempting the same thing in the future.
It might not be this time, or the next, but one day it shall be different!

Too bad today really isn't that time.

And so, you lay there, eyes closed and desperately attempting to will yourself to sleep, but to no avail.

Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep!

This isn't working.

Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep!


Nope.
Not working, at all.

SLEEP!
SLEEP!
SLEEP!
SLEEP!
SLEEP


“Just how long are ya gonna be doin' that?”

However long it takes, of course!

...wait. You didn't just ask yourself that.
You know this because your internal monologue doesn't usually sound female or like it's coming from somewhere just above you.

Usually.



[ ] Just five more minutes, Mom...

[ ] Okay, fine, I'm up! Geez!

>> No. 133540
[x] Okay, fine, I'm up! Geez!

You can sleep when you're dead.
>> No. 133541
[x] "Just five more minutes, Mom..."

I wish Yuugi was my mom.
>> No. 133542
[X] Just five more minutes, Mom...

Maybe later Koishi. Or Satori.
>> No. 133543
[x] Okay, fine, I'm up! Geez!
>> No. 133544
[x] Okay, fine, I'm up! Geez!
>> No. 133546
[x] "Just five more minutes, Mom..."
Oh my, what a big horn you have.
>> No. 133549
File 129569521474.jpg - (191.00KB , 1374x1280 , 11471908.jpg ) [iqdb]
133549
[x] Just five more minutes, Mom...

Trusting my instincts and not giving up.
>> No. 133554
[x] Just five more minutes, Mom...
Never gonna give up!!
>> No. 133556
[x] "Just five more minutes, Mom..."
>> No. 133557
[x] Just five more minutes, Mom...
>> No. 133561
[x] Just five more minutes, Mom...

He's wrong, today is the day!
>> No. 133564
[x] Just five more minutes, Mom...
>> No. 133568
[X] Just five more minutes, Mom...

>This is not how you her horn.jpg

Why must you constantly give your images names which make me chuckle?
>> No. 133575
[X] [i]Okay, fine, I'm up! Geez![\i]
>> No. 133586
[X] Just five more minutes, Sis...


Big Sister Yuugi~
>> No. 133673
File 129586659021.jpg - (0.97MB , 768x1024 , ONE.jpg ) [iqdb]
133673
'How long are you going to be doing this' she asks?
As long as you can!
Just because the jig is up is no reason to give up the ghost and cut and run with your tail between your legs like some over-complicated metaphor!
You are comfortable, back pain be damned, and you intend to milk this moment for all it's worth!

“...mmmph....five...fivemoreminutes...mom...hrm.....” you sleepily mumble.

Hmph.” you hear the woman grunt, just moments before feeling the front of your robe being grabbed, followed by the sensation of the floor disappearing from beneath you as your body violently pulled and twisted upward.
Feeling as if you were dangling in midair, you chance a quick peek, and instantly regret it.

The woman, having somehow managed to get to her feet while simultaneously lifting you up off the floor, was now holding you up with one hand, and staring very intently at your face.
For a moment, you're actually impressed by such a show of strength, but then you remember that this almost certainly a youkai, and so could easily do far more with you than simply picking you up while standing up.
More than that, the combination of her horn as well as the strong scent of alcohol on her suggests that she is probably an oni.

A tall oni. A strong oni. A tall, strong, pretty-and-kinda-hot-if-you're-into-that-type oni.
The kind that could probably crush you and tear you apart as if you were made of paper.

The fact that she does not look particularly happy to see you is not particularly encouraging.

“Er, uh...hi?” you feebly attempt to greet the horned woman holding you aloft.

Hi.” she replies, eyes narrowing as you can do nothing but dangle helplessly in her grip. “So, you're the little human that's been sneaking around our little paradise down here, aren't ya?”

“Huh? Er, well...” you can't help but stammer under the woman's piercing stare before she continues speaking.

“I thought things were getting weird all of a sudden. Some crazy little fairy shows up spouting tall tales about 'snatching' or whatever, some of the boys are getting worked up over some 'goddess' they think they saw, and now you. You one of Little Miss Mind-reader's new pets, or something? Kinda scrawny, if you are...“ she says, turning you from side to side as if she were examining you.

Come to think of it, that's probably exactly what she's doing.

“Hmmm. Or are ya down here for something else? Can't imagine you came here for a fight, if that little fairy could take you down like that. It's not like there's any treasure or anything, either. So, why are ya sneakin' around like ya don't wanna be found, huh? Not here to cause trouble, are ya?”

Holding you up over her head, the woman pulls you closer, her horn how waving dangerously close to your face.
On the positive side, from this angle you have an excellent view down her-[I]no, no[/b]! Focus! Resolve problem now, ogle later!




[ ] I'm Mistress Satori's new pet! Rub my belly and I do tricks!

[ ] I'm a deceitful human, come to destroy you ignorant drunks with my superior cunning and intellect. Also, lies. Lots and lots of lies.

[ ] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...

[ ] Never mind that, how about dinner?
>> No. 133674
[X] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...

Honesty is the best policy with an oni. Besides what need would we have to lie?
>> No. 133676
[x] I'm a deceitful human, come to destroy you ignorant drunks with my superior cunning and intellect. Also, lies. Lots and lots of lies.

Refuge in audacity. She'll never see it coming, and will immediately become flustered by our human trickery. That's when we ask her out to dinner, there's a procedure to these sorts of things after all.
>> No. 133677
[x] I'm a deceitful human, come to destroy you ignorant drunks with my superior cunning and intellect. Also, lies. Lots and lots of lies.

and then

[x] Never mind that, how about dinner?


This'll really trick her, because at first she'll think, "oh he's just joking", but than she'll think we might be trying to trick her into thinking we're joking, since we're a human and all, and then she'll think that we were actually dead serious when we said that. She'll be caught in the triangle of figuring out if we were serious, if it's a trick, or if we're joking. Then we'll ask her out to dinner to throw her off.
>> No. 133678
[x] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...

I don't think Oni Women would find a few layers or more of lies a turn on.
>> No. 133682
[x] I'm a deceitful human, come to destroy you ignorant drunks with my superior cunning and intellect. Also, lies. Lots and lots of lies.
- [x] But never mind that, how about dinner?

This option. It calls to me.
>> No. 133683
[x] I'm a deceitful human, come to destroy you ignorant drunks with my superior cunning and intellect. Also, lies. Lots and lots of lies.
- [x] But never mind that, how about dinner?
-- [x] Explain everything over dinner

>>133678
She's still got a sense of humor, doesn't she?
>> No. 133685
[x] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...

Oh yes. That is just like him.
>> No. 133692
[X] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...
>> No. 133693
[X] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...

[X] Never mind that, how about dinner?

Yeah, this is more like it.
>> No. 133694
The deceitful human line sounds like something Rikako might say.
>> No. 133699
[x] Never mind that, how about dinner?

I wonder what's for dinner.
>> No. 133700
[ ] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady. Oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...
>> No. 133701
[X] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...

[X] Never mind that, how about dinner?

Best option is best option
>> No. 133704
>>133701
You're reading my mind.

[x] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...
[x] Never mind that, how about dinner?
>> No. 133705
[x] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...
[x] Never mind that, how about dinner?

Most in-character option.
>> No. 133706
[x] "I'm a deceitful human, come to destroy you ignorant drunks with my superior cunning and intellect. Also, lies. Lots and lots of lies, betrayal, etcetera etcetera..."
- [x] "But never mind that, how about dinner?"
He's still somewhat new at sarcasm (I can only recall a few lines)
>> No. 133709
[X] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...

[X] Never mind that, how about dinner?
>> No. 133710
File 129588704140.jpg - (46.66KB , 394x600 , Diamondback_SC2_Head1.jpg ) [iqdb]
133710
I'm a compulsive liar. It's true, I swear it!

[x] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...
>> No. 133712
[x] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but mostly hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...
>> No. 133713
[x] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...
>> No. 133714
[X] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...
[X] Never mind that, how about dinner?
>> No. 133715
[X] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...

I wonder if she'll be impressed by his ability to say all that in one breath.
>> No. 133718
[x] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...
[x] Never mind that, how about dinner?
>> No. 133720
[x] I'm a deceitful human, come to destroy you ignorant drunks with my superior cunning and intellect. Also, lies. Lots and lots of lies.

I wonder who put this strange idea into his head?
>> No. 133723
[X] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...
[X] Never mind that, how about dinner?
>> No. 133731
[X] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...
>> No. 133736
[X] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...

[X] Never mind that, how about dinner?
>> No. 133742
[X] I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice and now I'm being held by another scary but kinda hot lady and oh please don't eat me or kill me or whatever it is you oni guys do when you aren't busy drinking and fighting not that there's anything wrong with that after all you guys are free to do what you want and nobody should judge you and...

[x] Did I mention I love eggs? Do you want to have eggs for dinner? With me, preferably. Because eggs are delicous. If you say no, then I will be sad. Sad that you said no, and that I won't be able have those delicous eggs.
>> No. 133747
[x] I'm a deceitful human, come to destroy you ignorant drunks with my superior cunning and intellect. Also, lies. Lots and lots of lies.
>> No. 133766
[x] I'm a deceitful human, come to destroy you ignorant drunks with my superior cunning and intellect. Also, lies. Lots and lots of lies.
>> No. 133778
File 12960385423.png - (1.11MB , 1200x849 , HUGE tracts of land.png ) [iqdb]
133778
For a moment you consider giving the woman your usual course of bullshit, but quickly decide against it.
Sure, it might work. Oni are supposedly very easy to fool, after all.
Then again, they also supposedly weren't around anymore until a few years ago.
'Mostly non-existent' chance of meeting one, my ass' you think to yourself.

“No, no! I'm not here to cause trouble!” you tell her, resisting the urge to break eye-contact and stare at the large, red, pointy object just in front of your face, the tip of it just barely close enough to graze your nose.

The woman says nothing, but also shows no sign of releasing you. Taking this to mean that you are expected to elaborate upon your reason for being there, you take a few deep breaths to calm yourself, organize your thoughts, carefully plan out what you need to convey, and then throw all of that away in favor of saying as much as you can as quickly as you can without passing out due to lack of oxygen.

“I'm on the run with a couple of my sort-of-friends from a scary youkai lady we kinda pissed off after already pissing her off once already and we ran down into this cave to get away from her but we got split up and wound up down here and I had a dream but then I wasn't dreaming and we found this house and I had a bath and one of my friends almost got eaten by a snake and then I got hit on the head by a block of ice andHRKPBLPTHPT?!

The woman snickers as she pulls away the large, red cup from your mouth.
Or, at least, you think she snickered.

It's hard to hear much of anything when you're gagging and coughing from having a large quantity of liquid suddenly poured into your mouth while you're talking.

“There!” the woman says, grinning. “That calm ya down, some?”

“I felt like I was drowning!” you manage to blurt out between choked gasps.

“Ha! You're fine! A little drink never hurt anyone, and you sound like you need something to calm your nerves!” she happily replies as she lowers you to the floor, seemingly unaware that most of her 'drink' went either down your windpipe or out your nose.

Though you can't smell much of anything, the painful burning sensation in your throat and nostrils tells you that it was most likely some form of alcohol, though you can't tell whether it's the kind meant for drinking or the kind meant for disinfecting wounds.
Then again, you're not sure an oni would care enough to try to differentiate between the two.

On the positive side, your sinuses have never felt clearer than they do right now.
Burning and painful, sure, but clear.

As your breathing slowly returns to normal and the burning in your lungs subsides, the woman seats herself at a nearby table, and motions for you to join her.
“What do you say we start this again, and this time you don't talk like you got a knife to your throat or something, okay?”

'Something like horns in my face?' you almost ask, but don't. What you do ask, however, is something you feel burning in the back of your mind. A question you don't feel you want to ask, so much as need to ask.

“Never mind that, right now. How about dinner, sometime?”

The woman stops in the middle of refilling her cup, and simply stares at you.
Before you can wonder if you made a mistake, let alone feel any semblance of regret, she suddenly breaks into a bigger grin than when you were choking on that 'drink' she gave you.
Now you're talkin'!” she says, slamming her bottle and cup down on the table. Rising to her feet, she strides over to you, scoops you up, and carries you out the front door, her grin never leaving her face.

Moments later, the two of you are strolling down the middle of the street.
Well, she is strolling down the middle of the street. You are being carried under her arm, your arms and legs just dangling in the air.

Not the most comfortable way to be carried, but you're not sure you really want to complain.


[ ] Who are you?
[ ] What was that stuff, anyway?
[ ] Where are we going?
[ ] Are we coming back?
[ ] Please don't eat me.
[ ] Actually, I already ate, so...
[ ] Really, please don't eat me.
[ ] What happened to me, anyway?
[ ] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[ ] Sorry if I did anything weird.
[ ] Please don't eat me.
[ ]
>> No. 133779
[♫] What happened to me, anyway?
[♪] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[♀] Sorry if I did anything weird.

Gentlemen. Today is a glorious day. Today we are taken to dinner by a beautiful woman - we have succeeded.
>> No. 133780
[x]

Koishi option! We can save the questions for during dinner. That's a better time.
>> No. 133781
[♫] What happened to me, anyway?
[♪] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[♀] Sorry if I did anything weird.

About time that line worked.
>> No. 133782
[x] What happened to me, anyway?
[x] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[x] Sorry if I did anything weird.

Even the worst archer will eventually hit the bullseye if he keeps shooting.

And we just did.
>> No. 133783
[x]Make yourself comfortable

You fools! You are doing everything out of order. We need to sit down to a nice dinner in a fancy Oni restaurant before bombarding her with questions and getting to know her.

I mean, this is the first time we are actually going out to dinner with one of these beauties, do you want to scare her off by being over eager?
>> No. 133784
[x] Can i touch your horn?
Your horn, it looks mighty and awesome.
>> No. 133785
[x] Who are you?
[x] What happened to me, anyway?
[x] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[x] Sorry if I did anything weird.
>> No. 133787
[x] What happened to me, anyway?
[x] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[x] Sorry if I did anything weird.

Nothing else came to mind.
>> No. 133788
[x] Who are you?
[x] Where are we going?
[x] Are we coming back?
[x] Please don't eat me.
[x] What happened to me, anyway?
[x] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
>> No. 133789
[] Who are you?
[] What happened to me, anyway?
[] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[] Sorry if I did anything weird.

Full boring this time around.
>> No. 133791
[x] What happened to me, anyway?
[x] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[x] Sorry if I did anything weird.

The pick-up line worked? Holy shit.
>> No. 133792
[x]
>> No. 133793
[x] Can I touch your horn?

We need this. The horn is calling out to us.
>> No. 133794
>>133791
She picked us up, though. Maybe we did it backwards.
>> No. 133795
[x] Who are you?
[x] What happened to me, anyway?
[x] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[x] Sorry if I did anything weird.
>> No. 133797
[x] Make yourself comfortable
>> No. 133798
>>133794
No big deal. At least she didn't pick the MC up by the throat.
>> No. 133801
[x] What happened to me, anyway?
[x] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[x] Sorry if I did anything weird.

>>133782
However haven't we already hit another bullseye prior to Yuugi? Hopefully Satori won't find out.
>> No. 133809
>>133801
In this case, taking Yuugi out to dinner is not just a case of wanting to get into her pants. Firstly, it's about survival - by making Yuugi comfortable she's less likely to squish us.

But more relavantly, we can ask her about general opinion on what's wrong with Koishi and if there's anything else that Satori missed in her analysis.

Also, surviving. I doubt we'd be able to drink so much on am empty stomach.
>> No. 133812
[x] Who are you?
[x] Where are we going?
[x] Are we coming back?
[x] What happened to me, anyway?
[x] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[x] Sorry if I did anything weird.
>> No. 133817
[X] What happened to me, anyway?
[X] I didn't do anything weird while I was out, did I?
[X] Sorry if I did anything weird.
[X] Say, who are you?
>> No. 133832
File 129622269435.jpg - (440.19KB , 500x700 , I wanna take you to a GAY BAR GAY BAR GAY BAR.jpg ) [iqdb]
133832
“So, uh, Miss...?” you begin, not entirely certain how to go about conversing with someone who was currently carrying you like a rolled-up carpet.

“Aw, don't worry about any of that formal stuff! The name's Yuugi! Yuugi the Strong!” your companion and carrier proudly announces. ...or is she more like a captor?
Before you can think too deeply about your situation, though, you find something else striking your curiosity.

“Er, 'Yuugi the Strong?'”

“Yep! Just 'Yuugi' is fine, though!”

“Er, no, no. I mean, why 'the Strong'? Aren't all of you guys strong?”

“What, oni? Ha! Of course, we are! But I'm really strong!”

“Stronger than all the other oni?”

“Yep! Wouldn't be able to beat 'em all up if I wasn't!”

“Wow, that's certainly, uh...”

Incredible? Impressive? Pants-shittingly terrifying?
In that moment, your mind is flooded by a myriad of ways to describe the idea that, among an entire species of beings whose existence is defined almost entirely by their being stronger than anything else, that there is at least one among them who is even stronger than them.

And here she was, carrying you.

That she is managing to do it without crushing you is something you find yourself both impressed and grateful for. In fact, aside from the natural discomfort from how you were being carried, her hold on you is pretty much perfect; not tight enough to cause any pain or discomfort, but not loose enough that you need to worry about being dropped.

No, in this oni woman's arms, you actually feel safe. Secure. Like a child in his mother's arms. A mother who, though drunk and clearly not well-versed in how to properly carry a living thing, still made the effort to be careful in how she was improperly carrying you. A mother who would take you along with her as she went out to drink, leaving you to fend for yourself as she attempted to, as she put it, 'get you and me a new daddy'.

But no such daddy was to be had.

Then, just as she had carried you to the bar, it would fall upon you to carry her back. The carrier had become the carried, and as you held her hair back while she heaved up the pungent mixture of partially-digested food, bile, and cheap liquor into some bushes on the roadside, she would confess how futile her search truly was. It was hopeless for her. She was past her prime. No man would would ever want her aside from drunken losers just looking to 'score'. 'Score' what, you were still too young to truly know, but you had an inkling. In fact, more than an inkling.
Whether it was an awakening of your instincts brought on by hormones, or those shots the grizzled old man with the lazy eye kept giving you while insisting you 'don't be such a goddamn pussy, this shit'll put hair on yer chest', you began to feel things you had never felt before.
New, exciting, and frightening things. Things you knew you should not feel, not for her, and yet you did.

It was then that you knew. She did not need any of those losers. Those drunken bastards looking for cheap thrills, cheaper booze, and no commitments. You were all the man she would ever need!
As the two of you gazed at each other in the night, her tears and shimmering in the moonlight, you knew what you had to do, and she knew it as well. And so, you-

“Hey! You okay?” Yuugi says, jostling you slightly.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. I was just spacing out there, for a second.”

“Looked like you were doing more than spacing out, to me.” the oni woman says, looking down at you with an expression of amused concern.
Or concerned amusement.
You can't quite tell from this angle.

“Well, okay, I guess I was a little out of it.” you admit.

“No kidding. That little fairy really walloped you that bad, huh?”

“Er, yeah. About that...”

“Ah, yeah, right. I figured you'd ask about that.” Yuugi grins, scratching the back of her head with her free hand. “I guess you could say you've been given a good, old-fashioned oni abduction! Well, not that old-fashioned, I guess. Can't really take you back to our mountain when there's no mountain down here to take you back to, after all. Some of the other stuff we used to do is probably no good, either. Then again...”

“Wait. You're saying I've been 'spirited away'?”

“Yep! Pretty much.”

The cheerfulness with which she admits that you've been kidnapped by her people is, to say the least, mildly off-putting, though you find some small comfort in knowing that she doesn't seem to be acting out of malice.

“Why, though?”

“Why? I dunno, it's not like any of us really planned on this happening, you know.”

“What?”

“Yeah, see, it all started when that weird little fairy showed up. Started telling some of the boys stories. Real crazy stuff, too. Nobody knew where she came from, or how she got down here, but they were having fun so nobody really thought much more about it. Anyway, after a while, she starts talkin' about missions and 'cases' or something, and one of the guys has the bright idea to dare her to sneak into the palace. No real reason for it, just one of those things you do to say you did it. I didn't have anything better to do, so I decided to tag along. While the fairy went in, the rest of us waited outside. We didn't think she was gonna actually do anything, just look around and tell us what she saw. We sure as hell didn't expect to see her dragging a human out with her, and yet, here you are!”

“...and you just decided to take me with you when you left?”

“Hey, I said we didn't plan on it, and we didn't. We might've just left you there, but you got a bit clingy, and I just didn't have the heart to pull you off.”

“I got what?”

“Yep. Had a pretty good hold on me, too. Good grip, by the way. Wouldn't have thought you had it in you from looking at you. Of course, that fairy was pretty surprising, too. I didn't think those little runts were capable of something like that.”

You couldn't help but agree. Short of of having the ability induce sleep, fairies generally aren't capable of knocking things bigger than they are unconscious, let alone drag them around afterward.
For such a feat to even be possible would require either an incredibly strong fairy, or one ridiculously weak human.

As you cannot tell which is more likely in this case, you decide that it is best to simply file this information away in same place you send anything you have no intention of admitting to anyone else, ever, so long as you still live.

It just seems for the best.

“I didn't do anything, uh, weird while I was out, did I?” you feel the need to ask, just in case you should ever need to deny whatever it is you did or did not do. Denial is so much easier to pull off when you know the nature of what it is you are denying, after all.

“Eh, I dunno. Do you normally get all cuddly with strangers in your sleep?”

“Well, um...I'm sorry?”

“Heh. Don't worry about it. A couple of the boys thought it was funny, but they stopped laughing when I broke a bottle over one of their heads and chased them off. If anyone else wants to make a big deal of it, I'll just kick their ass!”

“Oh. Um. Thanks. I think.”

“Bah, don't go thankin' me, yet! The night's just started! Now, let's see...Ha! There we go!”

Sporting an even bigger grin than before, Yuugi stops in front of a large, brightly-lit building. From the commotion and assorted oni staggering in and out of the entrance, some of them passing out before they even clear the doorway, you assume this is a bar of some sort.
Not that you had not already seen several similarly drunken oni on you way here, but the drastic increase in their numbers has to mean something, you figure.
This was clearly a place where they tended to congregate, like animals around the watering hole.

A watering hole made of booze.

Your suspicions are confirmed as Yuugi sets you down on your feet and leads you inside, and you find yourself as surprised as you are not surprised.

It is a bar. An oni bar.
Though you are surprised by the distinct lack of fighting going on, the amount of drinking you see far exceeds your expectations. At the bar, in the booths, on the floor, on the roof, everywhere a drink could be had, a drink was had.

“Wow.” you can't help but say.

“Heh. You think that's something, you should see this place when it's busy!”

“...you don't call this 'busy'?”

“There are still places to sit, aren't there? Then it's not busy!”

Though you have to look carefully, you see that your horned companion is right. Though the general vicinity of the bar itself is basically standing-room only, there were still several booths that appeared to be unoccupied, especially near the back corner of the room.

“So, see any good spots?” Yuugi asks you, apparently willing to let you decide where to sit.
Though you have been abducted and are being held against your will, sort of, you can't help but be touched by this small gesture. Sort of.


[ ] Quiet 'n Cozy

[ ] Loud 'n Rowdy
>> No. 133833
[x] Loud 'n Rowdy

I wish Yuugi was my mom even MORE now.
>> No. 133835
>I wanna take you to a GAY BAR GAY BAR GAY BAR.jpg
inb4 Utsuhonuclear war

[X] Quiet 'n Cozy
>> No. 133836
[x] Quiet 'n Cozy

Obligatory foreign joke: "C'est une bar-oni."
>> No. 133837
[ ] Quiet 'n Cozy
>> No. 133838
[X] Quiet 'n Cozy
>> No. 133840
>A mother who would take you along with her as she went out to drink, leaving you to fend for yourself as she attempted to, as she put it, 'get you and me a new daddy'.
Best Mom ever. Afterwards manly tears as she kicks all the guys asses. And let's not forget how she teaches you to fight and drink.

[x] Quiet 'n Cozy
[x] Can i call you mom because i always wanted a mom like you.
>> No. 133841
[x] Quiet 'n Cozy
>> No. 133842
[x] Quiet 'n Cozy
>> No. 133843
[x] Quiet 'n Cozy
>> No. 133844
[X] Loud 'n Rowdy

PARTY HARD
>> No. 133846
[x] Loud 'n rowdy.

It wouldn't be an oni bar without the obligatory chaos.
>> No. 133847
[X] Loud 'n Rowdy

PARTY PARTY PARTY ITS TIME TO FUCKING PARTY
>> No. 133848
File 129625010027.jpg - (521.03KB , 800x800 , 2.jpg ) [iqdb]
133848
>New, exciting, and frightening things. Things you knew you should not feel, not for her, and yet you did.

Woah, man. That's some pretty heavy stuff, right there. I might be okay with it too, depending on if his mom is actually a touhoe, which would be pretty neat-o.

[X] Loud 'n Rowdy
>> No. 133849
[o] Loud 'n Rowdy
When in rome...
>> No. 133850
[x]Loud 'n rowdy

When this invariably devolves into a fight, we can quietly sneak off.
>> No. 133851
>>133832
Goddamn I'm in love.
[x] Loud 'n' rowdy
>> No. 133852
[X] Quiet 'n Cozy

I wonder if this whole thing will result in Yuugi joining our group. Though I'm still hoping we get that L4Dzombie fairy too.

>Yuugi as a mom
>WIncest scenario.
I'm okay with this.
>> No. 133856
[x] Loud 'n Rowdy

I'm reminded of the bar scene in Weird Science.
>> No. 133860
[x] Quiet 'n Cozy

Weren't we going to talk?
>> No. 133864
[x] Quiet 'n Cozy
>> No. 133876
[X] Quiet 'n Cozy
>> No. 133919
File 129639153536.jpg - (24.77KB , 440x300 , Her whole life was Unlimited Beer Works.jpg ) [iqdb]
133919
“Um, how about over there?” you ask, pointing to the farthest corner of the bar.

Though you could not be certain the area was completely vacant, the distinct lack of horns poking up anywhere suggested that it was a least much less crowded than the rest of the place. You suppose it made sense, in a way. It was, after all, the part of the room that was farthest away from the source of alcohol, and thus a far less appealing place to be.

Fortunately, Yuugi doesn't seem to mind your choice.

“Want a quiet spot, huh?” she says, smiling as she leads you through the crowd. “I gotcha! This sort of place would be a bit rough on a little guy like you, especially if it's your first time!”

For a moment, you want to protest that you're not that little, but then remind yourself that you are currently in the midst of a lot of very strong, very inebriated creatures who could easily crush you into a fine, red paste. To them, you probably rank no higher than a gnat does to you, assuming the gnat in question isn't a laser-shooting little girl intent on making you pay for insulting her kind in suggesting they are weak, followed by mockingly asking her 'What are you going to do, fly up my nose?'

Gnats, apparently, have no appreciation for sarcasm.

If nothing else, you find some relief in seeing that your current company at least has something resembling a sense of humor, if the atmosphere of the room was anything to go by.
Everywhere you look, you see smiles and laughing faces, as the sounds of boisterous laughter and the occasional bit of off-key singing fill your ears.

At one table, a small group snicker to each other as they take turns painting crude drawings on the face of their passed-out friend. At another, drunken cheering quickly turn into equally-drunken guffawing as a particularly wobbly oni climbs atop his table to perform what you can only assume was meant to be some sort of dance, only to have his performance cut short as he stumbles and falls, landing in such a way that his horns somehow imbed themselves into the floor. As you pass by, even you can't help but crack a smile at the sight of him flailing his arms and legs while alternating between cursing like a sailor and laughing like an idiot, up until the point that he realizes he is really stuck, at which point he begins loudly sobbing.

Poor drunk bastard.

Even as you reach the back of the room, you look back to watch as more and more oni gather around their fallen compatriot, partly to help but mostly to laugh. Though it's possible his horns really are just that deeply imbedded in the floor, you can't help but think some of his would-be rescuers simply aren't trying hard enough. If anything, they seem to be almost making a game out of it, with each of them taking turns at trying to pull their friend free.

“Well, well! Don't you look like you're havin' fun!” you hear Yuugi say.

Turning yourself back around to answer her, you stop when you see she isn't looking at you. Rather, her attention seems focused upon the dimly-lit, bottle-covered table in front of the two of you, the neat rows in which they're arranged reminding you of a wall or barrier of some sort.

Wondering if Yuugi really was talking to you, after all, you're not left wondering for very long before you hear an irritated groan come from somewhere behind the collection of bottles. Cautiously moving closer for a better view, you peer over the top of the bottle-wall, only to find someone peering back at you.

Clearly having had more than a couple drinks already, she stares blankly at the two of you for a moment, blinking a couple times and squinting as if attempting to help bring her vision back into focus. It seems to work, as you see an unmistakable look of recognition appear upon her face.

Oh.” the blonde woman says flatly, her green eyes narrowed. “It's you.”



[ ] Happy! Yaaaay!

[ ] Confused! Huh?

[ ] Awkwaaaaard! Oooooh...
>> No. 133920
[|] Happy! Yaaaay!
>> No. 133921
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!

Someone needs another huuuuuuuug!
>> No. 133922
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!

I know I, for one, am most pleased to see Parsee's return.
>> No. 133924
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!
Parsee? Yaay!
>> No. 133925
>>133919
[X] Happy! Yaaaay!
-[x] "Would you like another hug? Of course you do!"
>> No. 133928
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!

>“Well, well! Don't you look like you're havin' fun!” you hear Yuugi say.
>Turning yourself back around to answer her, you stop when you see she isn't looking at you.
>[...]
>“Oh.” the blonde woman says flatly, her green eyes narrowed. “It's you.”


Momma found your new daddy.
>> No. 133929
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!
>> No. 133930
>>133919
[X] Awkwaaaaard! Oooooh...

Yikes
>> No. 133932
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!
>> No. 133933
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!
>> No. 133935
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!
>> No. 133944
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!

Hooray!
>> No. 133945
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!
>> No. 133946
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!
>> No. 133947
[X] Happy! Yaaaay!

Hugs!
>> No. 133963
File 129646489872.jpg - (197.51KB , 800x572 , Sticky.jpg ) [iqdb]
133963
>>133925
Read that in Sticky's voice.
>> No. 133995
[x] Happy! Yaaaay!

Nothing cures a hangover quite like loud and obnoxious screaming.
>> No. 134029
File 129664144094.jpg - (888.69KB , 1280x1024 , the winter of my something something.jpg ) [iqdb]
134029
Update is progressing, slowly but surely.
After I get some sleep, and do a lot of shoveling, I hope to have it done before I need to sleep again.

Hopefully.

On a semi-positive note, I've at least had some ideas for upcoming stuff, though whether or not anything is done with them will depend on how things play out. Even then, it will probably still be quite a ways off.
>> No. 134054
>>134029

Hooray!
>> No. 134061
File 12967323637.jpg - (764.97KB , 849x1201 , The Other Side of the Coin.jpg ) [iqdb]
134061
“Parsee!”

“...eh?”

Parsee!

“...tha' hell are you-”

Parseeeeeeeeeeeee~!

AUOOF

Practically diving into the booth, you throw your arms around the bridge-guard-who-is-not-guarding-a-bridge and hug her like you've never hugged before, holding her tightly as if you had just been reunited with a long-lost friend, as opposed to the relative stranger who just happened to guide you through some dark tunnels before you abruptly ditched her even though that's what she kinda was.
However, such thoughts were unimportant! All that mattered at that moment was the joy you felt; the joy of reunion! The joy of running into someone of whom you think 'hey, I think I know that person!' And you did know this person! Though not as well as you know some of the other people you know, she was certainly someone who was not a total stranger to you!

Satisfied with this reasoning, you think of nothing more but how much a hug is needed in this situation. You pay no mind to the overpowering smell of alcohol on her, nor to the way the combination of your forceful dive and her lack of balance has resulted in the two of you toppling over, nor even to how her loosened top and you laying on top of her might look to an outside observer.

Fortunately, the only observer seems to find the sight more humorous than anything, from the way you hear her snickering as you hug the squirming woman beneath you.

“If you're this friendly now, I gotta wonder how you'll be when we get a few drinks in ya!” Yuugi says, grabbing the collar of your robe and pulling the two of you back up. “Maybe we'll show Miss Sourpuss here how you're s'posed to be, lighten her up bit!”

'What's to lighten?', you wonder, pulling back from your embrace to get a better look a the still-struggling woman in your arms. Sure, she's putting up a fairly good resistance to your hugging her, and cursing up a storm while she does it, but you figure she probably just doesn't take surprises very well.

“Er, sorry about that, Parsee.” you say, releasing the still-cursing woman from grasp. “I guess I got a little carried away, there.”

Carried away my ass you bastard, who the hell do you even think you are, you-...eh?”
Stopping in mid-rant, Parsee leans forward, placing her hands on your shoulders for support, and stares intently at your face for several seconds before suddenly drawing back.
Oh.” she says, coldly. “It's you.

“Erm, yeah, it's me. You remember, right? We met just toda-”

Bastard.

“...I'm sorry?”

Maybe it's the way she's gripping that bottle in her hands, or maybe it's the rather displeased look in her eyes, but something about the bridge-guard's demeanor strikes you as being somewhat hostile.

“Well!” Yuugi merrily says, seemingly oblivious to the sudden rise in tension in the atmosphere. “Looks like you kids have some catching up to do!”

“Um, Yuugi?” you ask the oni, as she appears to turn and begin to walk away from the booth. “Where are you going?”

“We're gettin' dinner, right? Not much of a dinner without food and drink, right?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“Now, don't worry! I'll just get us some grub, and be right back, okay?”

“Uh, maybe I could go with you or-” you begin to ask, but stop when you see she's already gone, leaving you alone with the strangely unhappy-looking bridge-lady.

Turning back to your irate and inebriated companion just in time to see her finish off the last of the bottle in her hands, you figure you'll try to lighten the mood a bit.

“So! Heard any good jokes lately?”

You take her silence as a 'no'.

“Boy, you sure have been putting them away, haven't you?” you say, glancing at the rows of bottles on the table. Though only a few of them have been completely emptied, you tell she's had at least a little from each of them, and from the look of her, they've been taking their toll. The reddish tinge in her face, the slightly uneven swaying of her body, and her eyes... “Do you think you've, maybe, had enough?”

Enough?”

“Er, yeah. Enough drinking, you think? Maybe just, I dunno, put down the bottle and just, er, talk?”

Talk?”

“Yeah, talk. You know, like we were doing? You're kinda getting me worried, here, Parsee.”

Worried. About me.”

“Well, yeah. I'm worried. I was happy to see you, but now this is getting kinda uncomfortable, and if there's anything I can do to help, I'll tr-”

Bastard.

“...I'm sorry?”

Resting her bottle on the table, Parsee stares you right in the eye, looking at you as if you just said the stupidest thing you could possibly say.
...or is she looking at your forehead? Or the wall? You can't quite tell which.

“You think you can, you can just leave and come, come back and, and, leave and come back and it'll all be all like it was before? Just pack up, pock...pick up where you were when you pic-packed off? Do you?”

“Well, I don-”

BASTARD!” Parsee practically screams, raising her bottle in the air for an instant, before slamming it violently back down onto the table.

“Look, Parsee, I'm not sure why you're mad, but I'm-”

Shut up! You-! You! You're all the same! All of you are the same!” Parsee yells at you, now suddenly holding her bottle by the neck. And upside-down.
You're not quite sure what to make of that, but it's probably not good.
“You're all bastards! All of you!” she continues, now raising the bottle above her head.

No. It is definitely not good.

Every! Single! ONE!” she screams, swinging the bottle down in one, swift motion.

The table shakes, bottles clink together, and the hollow sound of glass striking wood reverberates in your head.

Striking, but not breaking.

Having apparently bounced off the table and out of Parsee's hand, you open your eyes just in time to see the bottle spin up into the air, and straight into the drunken bridge-guard's face, bouncing off of her forehead before once again falling towards the table and colliding with the wall of bottles.

“Augh! Shit!” Parsee groans, clutching her head in pain as you look around the rest of the bar, utterly amazed that nobody seems to have noticed any of the noise coming from your little corner of the room. Not even the sound of fallen bottles and spilled booze seems to have drawn anyone's attention your way. “Shit shit shit shit shit!

Feeling unsure as to whether you should get closer to the cursing woman to see if she's okay, or get as far away from her as physically possible, your mind and body seems to find a compromise in remaining right where you are, watching as she slumps over onto the table, burying her face in her arms. Though you can hear her continue to say something, it's too quiet and muffled for you to make out what it is.

As you sit there, questioning if this was really the same woman who seemed to be happily hanging onto your arm mere hours ago, you wonder what, if anything, you should do. What could you do?

Whatever it is, it's got to be better than doing nothing at all. Nothing but sit there and watch her, hunched over and shaking.


Or so you hope...



[ ] TALK
[ ] HUG
[ ] STALL
[ ] FLEE

[ ]
>> No. 134062
[x]

It's like I'm voting for nothing at all.
>> No. 134065
[x] TALK

This is our chance to actually do something meaningful. To actually help a person get through their problems, instead of idiotically hugging them. We can't afford to waste this chance, even if shes being scary, even if our ADD flairs up.
>> No. 134067
[x] CUDDLE
[x] LIKE THE CUDDLE KING
[x] LIKE THE KING OF CUDDLE
[x] IN FACT, YOU THINK YOU MAY EVEN BE A CUDDLEFISH
[x] BUT THAT WOULD JUST BE STRANGE, BECAUSE YOU'RE PRETTY SURE YOU'RE HUMAN. AT LEAST, YOU THINK YOU'RE HUMAN. MAYBE NOT? MAYBE YOU SHOULD POKE YOURSELF JUST TO MAKE SURE. YEAH, YOU'RE HUMAN ALRIGHT. PERHAPS MORE HUMAN THAN YOU'VE EVER BEEN. YOU'RE FEELING SO HUMAN RIGHT NOW YOU COULD DO SOMETHING HUMAN-Y... OR NOT.
[x] WHY AM I YELLING?
>> No. 134068
>>134065
Or we could sit quietly and let her friend Yuugi, who knows and cares for her, deal with it. She'll probably try to murder us again if we do anything anyway.
>> No. 134070
[ ] TALK
>> No. 134071
[x] TALK
We'll break through her defenses.
>> No. 134072
[x] HUG
BREAK THAT DEFENSE HUG THE SADNESS OUT OF HER
>> No. 134073
[x] CUDDLE
[x] LIKE THE CUDDLE KING
[x] LIKE THE KING OF CUDDLE
[x] IN FACT, YOU THINK YOU MAY EVEN BE A CUDDLEFISH
[x] BUT THAT WOULD JUST BE STRANGE, BECAUSE YOU'RE PRETTY SURE YOU'RE HUMAN. AT LEAST, YOU THINK YOU'RE HUMAN. MAYBE NOT? MAYBE YOU SHOULD POKE YOURSELF JUST TO MAKE SURE. YEAH, YOU'RE HUMAN ALRIGHT. PERHAPS MORE HUMAN THAN YOU'VE EVER BEEN. YOU'RE FEELING SO HUMAN RIGHT NOW YOU COULD DO SOMETHING HUMAN-Y... OR NOT.
[x] WHY AM I YELLING?
>> No. 134074
[x] TALK
Let's play the bar shrink. The schizophrenic, insane bar shrink.
>> No. 134075
[X] TALK

You seem to enjoy keeping a lot of bottles in your immediate area, tell me about your father, Parsee.
>> No. 134078
[x] TALK
>> No. 134079
[X] TALK
>> No. 134082
[X] TALK

Explain about Koishi, and how she messed with our mind. That and apologize.
>> No. 134084
[X] TALK
>> No. 134086
[x] HUG
[x]
All of a sudden we're rational? I thought we just hug whatever problem comes our way and try to have them join our party.
>> No. 134087
[X] Talk

Some sanity would be appreciated, yes.
>> No. 134089
[X] HUG AND TALK

WE CAN DO BOTH! IF WE HUG HER SHE CANT RUN AWAY FROM THE TALKING!
>> No. 134094
>>134086
I thought we were more rational than this, considering the large number of times throughout the story where the protagonist seems to exhibit more understanding and empathy about others than is hinted in the way his emotions show?
>> No. 134095
>>134061
Giving her a hug will possibly prevent her from running, so
[x] Hug and talk
>> No. 134099
[x] Hug and Talk
>> No. 134101
File 129678981841.gif - (268.49KB , 800x600 , yell braindead cell.gif ) [iqdb]
134101
>>134062
Heh.


[x] TALK
-[x] MY COMMON SENSE IS TINGLING
>> No. 134104
In this vote
[x]HUG'AN and TALK'AN
>> No. 134113
>>134079
Add the [X]Hug to my talk
>> No. 134178
[X] HUG AND TALK

She's off balance! Get inside her reach!
>> No. 134206
[X] HUG AND TALK

Hug and talk, HUG AND TALK, HUG AND TALK THE GIRL!
SHE IS IN NEED OF COMFORT, THAT MEANS SHE NEEDS TO BE HUGGED! HUG AND TALK!
>> No. 134207
>>134086
[x] HUG and TALK
then
>> No. 134240
File 129697984167.jpg - (384.13KB , 920x690 , like rain on your weddi OH.jpg ) [iqdb]
134240
As you watch the hunched-over woman next to you, head buried in her folded arms and shoulders shaking, you feel something. Something you know you have felt before.
A sensation that arises within you whenever presented by a sight such as the one before you; the sight of an upset and possibly-crying girl.

Paying no heed to her current state of inebriation, nor the way she was brandishing that bottle like a weapon not moments ago, you move to attempt to comfort the upset bridge-guard.

“Parsee,” you say softly, as you lean over and put an arm around her. “I don't kn-OUFH!

Striking you right below the ribs, Parsee's elbow sends you scooting back and away from her, one green eye glaring at you as you clutch your abdomen.
Clearly, she is not quite ready for another hug, just yet.

“I waited for you, you bastard.” she growls, head still resting on one arm.

“Look, Parsee, I'm sorry. It's not like we meant to ditch you, or anythi-

“I said shut up!” she snaps, rising back up to face you directly, the sheer fury in her eyes making you feel as if you, somehow, have greatly wronged her in some way. “I don't want to hear it! Your excuses! Your lies!”

“But I'm not-”

Bullshit! You left me!”

“I didn't mean to-”

LIAR! You said you would come back! You fucking promised[/i] you would come back!”

“But, I never-”

“[b]Fucking lies!
You're a liar! You never came ba-”

“I'm here, aren't I?!”

“-ack, you-...huh?”

“I said I'm here, aren't I?” you repeat for the confused-looking Parsee, feeling a slight hint of relief that she's stopped yelling at you.

That relief, however, quickly fades as watch Parsee's expression change from one of confusion to one of...something else.
A look of realization, followed by a smile, and then laughter.

Cold, bitter laughter.

“Oh! Oh! How could I forget?! Of course, of course! You came back, didn't you?!” Parsee says, still smiling despite look of anger and disgust in her eyes.

“Yes, I came back! See? So why are you-”

BASTARD!” she screams, her smile now completely gone. “Just had to come back, didn't you?!”

“What? But I thought you-”

“Just had to let me know how great you were doing while you were away, didn't you?! How fucking wonderful your life was now, didn't you?!”

“Huh? Well...”

“Couldn't just let me wonder if you were alive or not, could you?! Letting me think you may have died would have been cruel, wouldn't it?! Oh, no, letting me see just how happy you were with that bitch you went and married was so much better!”

“Wait a minute, I'm not-”

“Stop lying, damn it! I saw you together! I saw how the two of you were all, all-”

“It's kinda cute that you think we make a good item, Your Majesty, but he ain't really my type.” Yuugi says, snickering as she sets a large plate of what you can only assume to be meat on the table in front of you, followed by several large bottles the size of your head.

“Huh? What the hell are you doing...uh...” Parsee trails off, looking confusedly at the returning oni woman, then to you.
Suddenly, the green-eyed woman grabs you by the front of your robe and pulls you close to her, squinting as she closely scrutinizes your face.

“...you're not him.” she quietly says after a moment, her grip on your robe loosening somewhat.

“Um, no. No, I'm not.”

“Or him.”

“No, I'm pretty sure I'm not whoever he was, either.”

“Oh. I, I see. Yes...” Releasing you, Parsee sits back in her seat, leaning her head back to gaze up at the ceiling. “Of course, of course, you're not...he wouldn't...no...”

“So!” Yuugi cheerfully says, handing you a bottle. “Get things sorted out between the two of ya?”

“Well, no. Not really.” you quietly tell her, leaning away from Parsee to do so. “In fact...hey, wait a minute...”


[ ] Was she watching you?
[ ] What does she mean 'ain't really her type'?
[ ] 'Your Majesty'? Parsee is royalty?
[ ] What is this meat?
[ ] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
[ ] Would she mind taking over, here? You're kinda useless.
[ ] Would she mind sitting in between you? You're kinda scared.
[ ] No, seriously, what is this? You don't see any livestock around, here.

[ ]
>> No. 134241
[x] 'Your Majesty'? Parsee is royalty?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.

I don't give a shit about any of the options that have nothing to do with Parsee. Now, on top of her personality, she's clearly delusional and inebriated. We'll need to be on top of our game to solve her problems.
>> No. 134242
[x]

Poor [] option. You'll never win.
>> No. 134243
[x] What is this meat?
[x] Was she watching you?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
[x] No, seriously, what is this? You don't see any livestock around, here.
>> No. 134246
[x]
Koishi option? Suddenly everything turns to white.
>> No. 134248
>>134246
Koishi sneaks into a crowded bar and takes Parsee's place again. We don't realize until 3 updates later.
>> No. 134249
[x]
>> No. 134250
[x] 'Your Majesty'? Parsee is royalty?
[x]
So much fun! You realise this is fun do you?
>> No. 134251
[x] What does she mean 'ain't really her type'?
[x] 'Your Majesty'? Parsee is royalty?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
>> No. 134252
[x] What is this meat?
[x] Was she watching you?
[X] Your Majesty'? Parsee is royalty?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
[x] No, seriously, what is this? You don't see any livestock around, here.
>> No. 134254
File 129700860928.jpg - (9.62KB , 298x271 , 1295654089639.jpg ) [iqdb]
134254
[x] What is this meat?
[x] Was she watching you?
[X] Your Majesty'? Parsee is royalty?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
[x] No, seriously, what is this? You don't see any livestock around, here.

...I think Parsee is referring to anons. We always promise to go back to her, but the the votes end up saying things like, 'Screw Parsee, Okuu Route!' or something, and she waits for us, but we never return.

I feel horrible, and I even always voted to keep our promises.

Dammit, anon.
>> No. 134255
[x] Was she watching you?
[x] What does she mean 'ain't really her type'?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
>> No. 134256
[x] What is this meat?
[x] Was she watching you?
[X] Your Majesty'? Parsee is royalty?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
[x] No, seriously, what is this? You don't see any livestock around, here.
>> No. 134258
[x] What does she mean 'ain't really her type'?
[X] Your Majesty'? Parsee is royalty?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
>> No. 134265
[X] What is this meat?
[X] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
>> No. 134266
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.

This is the only option I find adequate to describe what MC is most likely thinking right now.
>> No. 134267
[x] What is this meat?
[x] Was she watching you?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
[x] No, seriously, what is this? You don't see any livestock around, here.
>> No. 134269
[X] What is this meat?
[X] Was she watching you?
[X] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
[X] No, seriously, what is this? You don't see any livestock around, here.

Also,

[X]

I'm really starting to wonder what this does, or if it even applies when considered alongside the other votes.
>> No. 134272
[x]
>> No. 134285
[x] What is this meat?
[x] Was she watching you?
[X] Your Majesty'? Parsee is royalty?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
[x] No, seriously, what is this? You don't see any livestock around, here.
>> No. 134298
>>134254

If what you're saying is true, we better stay away from Reisen then.
>> No. 134301
>>134298
Yeah, we don't need her pissing all over us again.
>> No. 134306
>>134254
It doesn't help that there's a mix of stuff happening out of the blue and "Dammit, Koishi" moments chronically popping up.
>> No. 134309
>>134306
Everything that is happening is probably Koishi time already.
>> No. 134310
>>134306
Are you sure you don't mean "Fuck yeah, Koishi" moments?
>> No. 134355
[x] Was she watching you?
[x] What does she mean 'ain't really her type'?
[x] 'Your Majesty'? Parsee is royalty?
[x] What is this meat?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
[x] Would she mind taking over, here? You're kinda useless.
[x] Would she mind sitting in between you? You're kinda scared.
[x] No, seriously, what is this? You don't see any livestock around, here.
>> No. 134382
[x] What is this meat?
[x] Was she watching you?
[X] Your Majesty'? Parsee is royalty?
[x] Would she mind helping out, here? You're kinda confused.
[x] No, seriously, what is this? You don't see any livestock around, here.
>> No. 134419
File 12971507741.jpg - (617.72KB , 836x800 , these are not the BFFs you are looking for.jpg ) [iqdb]
134419
[ ] Inception

[ ] Deception

[ ] Reception







“...how long were you watching us?” you ask the horned woman, realizing the time timing of her return was strangely convenient.

“Aw, not long.” the oni replies, taking a seat across from the two of you. “The bottle thing was kinda funny, but what did you do to get her so riled up?”

“Funny you should mention that, I'm not really sure.” you answer. “I think she's confusing me for someone else she knew, or something.”

“Ah, I see. It's probably that, then.” she says, glancing over at the half-dressed woman quietly muttering beside you before picking a piece of the meatlike substance from the plate.

“Huh? You know something, Yuugi?”

“Eh, maybe” she says, between bites of meat. “Hey, Princess! Ya hungry? Dig in!”
Not waiting for a reply, she slides the plate closer to Parsee, who simply looks down at the plate and stares at it silently. Whether she's simply not hungry, or if she doesn't even recognize the stuff in front of her as food at the moment, you're not really sure.
Before you can devote much thought to just what it is, and how hungry you would have to be to want to try some, another question crosses your mind.

“Hey, Yuugi? What's with this 'Your Majesty' and 'Princess' stuff? Is Parsee royalty or something?”

“She can be a royal bitch, I hear...heh I get it, now.. But, nah, that's what she is. Our very own little Bridge Princess.”

“Fuck you, too, you drunken whore.” Parsee snaps, her eyes suddenly going back into focus at the mention of her title.

“Ha! Back with us, are ya?” Yuugi grins, paying no mind to the other woman's remark as she looks back to you. “Anyway, you know how spirits and stuff can linger around places, especially if they're the evil, grudge-holding types? She's kinda like that, but with a bridge.”

“...she haunts the bridge?”

“I do not-...it's my job!”

“It's your job to haunt the bridge?” you ask, immediately regretting doing so as soon as the words leave your mouth. Gripping another bottle in her hand, Parsee glares at you, looking as if she were fully prepared to bring it down upon your head.

No.” she says, thankfully keeping the bottle on the table. For the time being, at least. “I guard the bridge. It's my job to guard the bridge.”

“Not doin' it now, are ya?” Yuugi says, smiling, and drawing the Parsee's attention back to her.

Fuck you. I've had a bad day, okay?!”

“Just this one day?” the oni replies, still smiling for some reason. “I'da thought you've had more than just that going for ya.”

“Oh, do not start with me, oni! Do not fucking start!”

“Well, it's what your kind is all about, isn't it? Wrath, jelousy, and sharing it with anyone who gets near you, right?” Yuugi says, with a shrug. “Spurned lover? Angry wife with a cheating husband? Then, for some reason, you all pick a nice little piece of wood over some water and try to make as many people you can learn to take the long way around. I've met evil spirits down here who are better at moving on than you guys.”

Shut. Your. Fucking. Mouth.” Parsee says through gritted teeth. “You don't know me! You don't know a fucking thing about me.”

“Why do you think we kept inviting you down here for a drink? Can't blame us for not knowin' ya when you never bothered to show up to let us get to know ya!”

Bullshit. You guys were just fucking with me! Even if you weren't, I was too busy doing my fucking job

“Guarding a bridge that nobody crosses that leads to a place nobody on the surface wants to go to and nobody here wants to leave is your idea of a job?”

“It's called having a sense of fucking duty, you bitch. Not that you would undestand what that even means.”

“Ha! Of course not! It's not like don't keep all the spirits down here getting all rowdy and getting out, or anything.”

“You punch them!”

“Yep!”

'Yep'?! That's all you do! That's all you fucking do! You punch ghosts, call it a day, and go right back to drinking!”

“Yeah, so? They stay down, don't they?” Yuugi says, apparently finding her justification for what she does completley adequate.
Parsee, however, does not seem to share that opinion.

Feeling as if you are drifting away from the conversation, as the conversation itself seems to be drifting away from the matter of Parsee, you wonder if you should interject and attempt to get things back on track.
Then again, you also wonder just how willing Parsee would be to use that bottle if pushed enough.
...and what is this meat?!



[ ] Try to get back to the original topic. This is about Parsee, after all.

[ ] Let things continue, see where it goes. Maybe something will work itself out?

[ ] Change of topic! Who likes meat? You like meat! Not as much as eggs, but...what is this stuff?!
>> No. 134421
[x] Try to get back to the original topic. This is about Parsee, after all.

We're close. I can practically smell the tearful and heartwarming scene where Parsee finally moves on with her life. It'll be touching, and there will be hugs and beer to celebrate.
>> No. 134424
[x] Let things continue, see where it goes. Maybe something will work itself out?

Yuugi knows Parsee best!
>> No. 134425
[x] Let things continue, see where it goes. Maybe something will work itself out?

Yuugi: She punches goastsghosts.
>> No. 134432
[X] Let things continue, see where it goes. Maybe something will work itself out?

Touhou: Full-Life Consquences
>> No. 134433
[x] Change of topic! Who likes meat? You like meat! Not as much as eggs, but...what is this stuff?!
We need to know this.
>> No. 134434
[x] Try to get back to the original topic. This is about Parsee, after all.
>> No. 134443
[x] Reception
[x] Try to get back to the original topic. This is about Parsee, after all.
>> No. 134457
[x] Reception
[x] Try to get back to the original topic. This is about Parsee, after all.
>> No. 134459
[x] Try to get back to the original topic. This is about Parsee, after all.

We need to go deeper.
>> No. 134460
[x] Try to get back to the original topic. This is about Parsee, after all.
>> No. 134461
[X] Inception
[x] Try to get back to the original topic. This is about Parsee, after all.
>> No. 134465
[X] Try to get back to the original topic. This is about Parsee, after all.
>> No. 134550
File 129733018538.jpg - (663.18KB , 1000x826 , how do you spell cardiac arreHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG.jpg ) [iqdb]
134550
Sorry, no update tonight, but the next couple of days look quite promising in terms of free time, especially if I start feeling better.
I'd like to get back up to daily, eventually, but if I can't then I'll at least do what I can to not fall below updating once every other day.

In the meantime, bird-grooming!



Oh yes, also: The spoiler-tagged parts of the last update are also voting options. They are, however, optional, so don't worry about them.
>> No. 134552
>>134550
Oh.

[x] Deception
>> No. 134621
>>134550

[x] Inception
>> No. 134624
File 129741377227.jpg - (420.33KB , 1200x900 , if ye dont eat yer meat ya cant have any pudding.jpg ) [iqdb]
134624
As fascinated as you would be to hear more about the punching of incoporeal entities into submission, you're not sure that would really help the one who needs help the most at this moment.

“So, um-” you start, jumping slightly when Parsee's gaze suddenly snaps to you. Mildly unnerved at how she has seemingly become so alert so quickly, you steel yourself and press on. “How did you get into the whole bridge-guarding thing, anyway?”

Why do you ask?” the woman beside you says coldly.

From the way she glares at you, it's all you can do to not quietly mumble a timid 'nevermind'.
Fortunately, Yuugi's chuckling helps draw some of the heat off of you.

“I was wonderin' that myself!” the oni woman says, already moving on to her second piece of meat. “What did come first? The Princess, or the Bridge?”

It was a question much like one you asked yourself from time to time, except not involving eggs or egg-laying creatures The classic question of 'what was first, this one thing, or this other thing” that many have asked since the dawn of time, when someone first wondered if dawn came before time or if time can before dawn.

Truly, a silly question to ask, as the time attached to breakfast always is first, because breakfast is always first.

Though, deep down, some small part of your mind realized that was not any sort of actual answer, by the time you reached that point you pretty much ceased to care about the question, and instead moved on to thinking about other things.

For a moment, you think you hear a low, soft growl coming from Parsee's direction as she stares at the two of you.
She stares at you.
You stare at her.
She stares at Yuugi.
You stare at her staring at Yuugi.
Yuugi stares at her while slowly chewing
Grumbling in frustration, she stares at you again.
You keep right on staring at her.

Finally, having apparently reached the point where she can no longer stand to look at either of you, Parsee's gaze falls to the table and her collection of bottles.
“...idge...” she quietly mutters.

“What was that?” Yuugi says with a mouth full of meat, just before swalloing and washing it down with a sip from her cup.

“I said the bridge, damn it!” Parsee exclaims, slapping her hands down onto the table. “The bridge! The bridge! The fucking bridge!

“Okay, just calm down Pars-”

“I am calm!”

“Oh...okay, then...” you say, shuffling slightly away from not-very-calm-at-all woman
Her hand is no longer on any particular bottle, but with so many of them in close proximity to her, you're not sure how long that will continue to be the case.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


The case.

The case had gone cold like a thing that was the opposite of hot or even lukewarm.

Whoever this 'Luke' guy was, he had a lot of nerve to claim a temperature for himself.
Even one as bad as anything that isn't cold.

The previous case had been a dead end.
A body with no weapon.
A crime with no motive.
A puddle with no ice.

All of it was the same, in this little slice of Hell we call a city.

The streets flow with the wine and song, like the sound of a music box that was really off-key.
Also, drunks. Hornedy drunks.
Always drunk. Always hornedy.
Always looking for a good time of drunking and hornds.

Not knowing any other way live, they were Oni doing their job.

A job that needed to be done doing the thing that is done by them.
Not by me.
Because I am not them.
That would be stupid.

Stupid like an idiot.
Which I am not.
Because I am not an idiot.
I have a job.
A job on the job, like two things that are put on top of each other but not at the same time.
Because that is the sort of thing an idiot would do.
Which makes it the sort of thing I would not do.
Because I am not that thing.
I am another thing.

A thing on a mission.
On the job.
On the case.
On the floor.
In the cave.

An ever-growing pile of stuff on other stuff, like the laywers of the cake.
A cake of many lawyers. Lawyers of chocolate and frost and chocolate frost.
The bread of the gods, some call it.
The some being me.
Like bread made of candy, which is better than regular bread that is made out of not-candy, there was nothing else to call it but what it was or was like, and that was what it was like.

Bread-candy.
Candy-bread.
Such is the stuff that is made out of cake, that makes up the cake that is made up of what it's made of.

I like cake.
Cake with icey and frost.
The men-trees of my head tell me these things.
These things that they tell me that I know.
Like I like cake.
And other stuff.

Like the job.
The mission.
The case of all cases, that holds all the other smaller cases because it's so much bigger and can fit them in, but only if you turn them just right.

The gang was back in town.
Back, when they never left.
Their ring-leader behind bars, they had become a snake without a head.
Or a frog without a head.
Or a bird without a head.
Or a thing that had a head but didn't have a head anymore.

Serves them right for leaving them just laying around.




[ ] Morning Shrub

[ ] Street Brick
>> No. 134626
[x] Street Brick
Time for more Cirnoir.
>> No. 134628
Man I fucking love cake.

[x] Street Brick
>> No. 134631
[x] Morning Shrub

How does this compare to morning wood?
>> No. 134641
[x] Street Brick
What came first, the ice or the fairy?
>> No. 134642
>>134624
[X] Morning Shrub

I didn't realize how much I missed the fairy monologues until now.
>> No. 134643
[x] Morning Shrub

wwwww I have no idea what I am voting for.
>> No. 134655
[x] Street Brick
>> No. 134657
[X] Street Brick
We need to get back to the basics, start throwing things again or we will get out of practice.
>> No. 134659
>>134657
Hooked!
[X] Street Brick
>> No. 134667
[x] Street Brick
>> No. 134669
[x] Morning Shrub
>> No. 134684
>>134657
Well I'm convinced.

[X] Street Brick
>> No. 134753
File 129759172069.jpg - (298.75KB , 600x750 , Hard to Chill.jpg ) [iqdb]
134753
A storm is coming.

A storm that will blanket the city like a blanket made of stuff that a blanket isn't usually made out of.
The stuff that comes in a storm.
Fluffy whiteness, chilling the core and softening the hard edges of a city worn raw and uncooked.

The decades-long decline finally bottoming out after hitting rock bottom, the citizens lost themselves in drink and song, their joy of a sod they wore like a mask.
Washed in sin and spirits, the city reeked of crushed heads and broken dreams.
Dreams of drinking, drowned out by drinks drunk to drink away the drunken dreams of drinks drunkenly drinking drunks.

Like a bottle near closing time, the city was on its last dregs.
The final drops pool together, just in time for everything to be turned upside-down.

In a city like this, it pays to stand on your head, and keep an ear to the ground.

The rumblings in the underground were getting stronger.
It was only a matter of time before people started getting shaken up.

The Big Cheese had been brought in, and the mice were coming to take it back.
Mice that were really bad at being mice, unless mice had wings.
A crazy thought for a crazy time, in world where sanity flew out the window and never came back.
Flying like a bird, a bird with wings, unless the bird decided to walk.

The Bird leading the way for the two behind it.
Dolllface Dolly and Mickey the Peach.
Low-rent thugs turned high-rate enforcers, trading bullets for dollars and dollars for blood.
A lousy trade unless you're a vampire.

They had found their way into the wrong part of town, the brown stuff in the rotten little apple that was this city.
It was here the storm would hit hardest, both on it and on them.

They were on a mission.
A mission I had to stop.
Because that was my mission.
The mission to stop their mission.
Stop it harder than a wall of blocks.
A wall of blocks in the middle of the road, cold and hard as ice which is good because that's what it was going to be made of.
Blocks.
And Iice.
And blocks made of ice.
But not ice made of blocks.
That is just stupid.

Rounding the corner, they come into view, unable to hide from the long eyes of the law.
My law. Not their law.
It was mine, and they can't have any.
Because I said so.
If they want some, they should get their own.

Too bad for them, they're getting something else.
A thing they don't want, but are going to get anyway.
A thing unasked for, from a place with a strict 'no-return' policy.



A storm is coming.


And here comes the snow...




[ ] Light Dusting


[ ] Hail Storm


[ ] Nuclear Winter
>> No. 134754
[X] Nuclear Winter
Okuu is correct choice.
>> No. 134755
File 129759242535.jpg - (72.27KB , 251x380 , NCR_trooper.jpg ) [iqdb]
134755
>>134753
[x] Nuclear Winter
Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter
Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter
Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter
Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter
>> No. 134756
[x] Light Dusting

Medicine option(?) means more intoxicated oni.
>> No. 134759
[x] Nuclear Winter
Let it snow, let is snow, let it snow!
The irony. It just started snowing outside today after almost 2 months.
>> No. 134760
[x] Nuclear Winter
There was never a man like my Johnny.
>> No. 134763
[x] Light Dusting
>> No. 134764
[z] Hail Storm
I GOT SPURS THAT JINGLE JANGLE JINGLE
>> No. 134765
[X] Nuclear Winter
>> No. 134768
[x] Nuclear Winter

Maximum Cirno power
>> No. 134771
[X] Nuclear Winter

Or cold fusion. Whatever works!
>> No. 134775
>>134754
[X] Nuclear Winter
>> No. 134781
[x] Hail Storm
>> No. 134791
[x] Nuclear Winter

Have a happy holocaust.
>> No. 134798
File 129771551238.jpg - (193.88KB , 700x560 , 2.jpg ) [iqdb]
134798
[x] Nuclear Winter

>And lice.

I find this typo to be mildly humorous. Unless it was intentional, in which case I find it even more humorous.
>> No. 134815
File 129780886267.jpg - (0.97MB , 2480x1748 , the ultimate showdown of ultimate density.jpg ) [iqdb]
134815
They moved like they didn't want to be found.
Looking like they didn't want to be seen.
Looking while looking, but not wanting lookers to look.
Looking where they want, but never where they need.
The need the see.
See with their eye.
Eyes seeing I.
The I that is me.
The me the Eye.
The Secret Eye.
The Eye That Shouted 'I' To the World.

Or was that me?
Me shouting the I to me which is I rather than the I that is me which I am.

In a job like this, you can't afford to worry about grammers.

They don't see I.
Which is to say, me.
Me they don't see.
But me see them.
I see.
Them.
I see them.
But not the other way around.

The words jumble around like flakes in a snowstorm.
A snowstorm that was about to get icy, which a chance of freezing ice.

They still don't see it.
The truth.
The truth about the rain down on their heads like a ton of bricks.
Bricks made of ice.

The signs were all there, but they weren't reading them.

Danger, Watch for Falling Blocks.



“Huh? Su-san, what do you mean look ou-AHH!”
“Woah!”
Hey!


The ice hit the ground hard like a ton of ice, the rumble in the air like the thunder of a storm
A storm of rain.
Really really big rain.
That was also cold.
And hard.
And hits the ground with a great KERBLOOOOOSH

The way was blocked, like a block in a road.



“Did you say something?”
“Huh? No, that was-”
YOU!


Bonnie Bluehead was the first to notice.
A killer dame with killer eyes.
The eyes of a killer.
A killer with eyes.



Damn it, you little freak! What is wrong with you?!”


She was asking questions that had no answer.
Answers that had no questions.
In a city like this, you could only talk by repeating yourself.
The law of the land.
Obey it or die.



“Um, is that...?”
“Uh-huh! That's our fairy! She's kinda weird, but Su-san says she'll be a good, um...what was that again, Su-san? Shield meat?”
Meat shield, you little schitzo.”
“Yeah, what the peach-lady said! Su-san says they're both gonna be really good at that!”
Psh. As if a little fairy could ever be as good as me at-...wait, what?”


She was a hot-headed upstart with no regard for the rules, partnered up with a partner who was too close to retirement to survive to the sequel called 'Tomorrow' in the twelve-part trilogy called Life.


You! Shut up! Will you shut up already?!”
“She talks funny. Why does she talk funny?”
“I dunno. I think her head was broken or something like that. The human said something like- eep!


The little doll in the dress saw what the others did not.
The thing to be seen that they were not seeing.
The arrivial of onlookers onto the scene.
An audience to what was about to come.



“Eh? Were'd alla this ice come from? Woah! Hey! Guys! You gotta come see this!”
“Huh? What're ya WOAH!
WOAH!
Woooooooooooah!


A crowd had gathered here.
A crowd o' knees, come to see the fall.
Their boats destroyed.
A ship that never sails because it is sinking.



“Oh, crap. This is just what I need!”
“What's wrong? They're just oni. We have lots of them down here.”
“They're a pain in the ass, is what's wrong with them! Just one is bad enough!”
“Y-yeah! They're w-wierd! A-and scary!”


The stange had been set, the audience standing in their seats.
Raise the curtain and hits the lights.
The show was about to go down.
Go down like a show goes down.
High Noon at the Oh Knee Corral.



“What's goin' on? They gonna fight or somethin'?”
“I think they're gonna fight!”
Awesome!


The horn section was warmed up, waiting for the strings to play.
The conductor on the stand, tapping the tappy thing that gets waved around.
Waving like a sword that gets waved around and tapped.
And is also glowy.



“I'm going to do more than tap you with this, you little-!”
“Please wait.”
What?


The bird in the lead was taking the lead.
Leading the way to the way of the lead.



:”Mama, er, Miss Satori ordered me to help you find your boyfriend.”
“Wha-...he is NOT my-”
“This fairy is an obstruction to that objective. Obstructions to the objective will not be permitted.”
What are you talking about?”
“Obstructions must be dealt with. I will take care of this.”
“Look, bird, I do not need your-”
Obstructions will not be tolerated.
“...Miss Bird, you look kinda scary right now.”
“Do not worry. I will deal with the obstruction while you continue onward.”
“Huh? But what about you?”
“I'll be fine. Now, go. Go and find your boyfriend.”
“He is not-”
“What's a boyfriend?”
Ghckt! Not now, doll!”
Get moving.. Um, please.”
Tch. Fine! Don't think this changes anything, though!”
“Understood.”


The two flew away, making the three into one.
That's subtraction.

And class is in session.



“Sorry, little fairy thing, but I gotta do this, okay? I don't want Mama to be mad at me again.”


The bird takes aim, setting her target in her sights.
The glow of the muzzle, flashing like a flashy thing.
All flash, but no fire.



“Huh, it's not melting? Weird. Do I have it set on 'low' or something?”


She questioned the question without understanding.
The fight was on, on like the heat.
The heat and the fight were both on.
At the same time.
The time had passed for going half-way.
Passed like two ships in the night.
The chips were down, and it was time to call.
All in or fold like a paper.
A paper that was folded.



“But I don't have any paper.”


She had no paper, but she wasn't not holding.
Holding the thing she held.
Not forward, but in the other direction.
The direction one could not hold in a battle like this.
The direction of back.



“What's she talking about, man?”
“Dude! She's saying they can't hold back, or stuff! It's like a final battle or something!”
Woah, really?”
“Yeah, man! You can't hold back in the final battle! That's the best part!”
“Yeah! You gotta cut loose! Go full power!”


The Johnnies were on the spot like the spot they were on.
The spot, which they were on. Which they were.



“Full...power? Really? I can? It's okay?”




>Select POWER LEVEL then press START to begin

[ ] Defrost
[ ] 1
[ ] 2
[ ] 3
[ ] 4
[ ] 5
[ ] 6
[ ] 7
[ ] 8
[ ] 9
[ ] 10
>> No. 134816
>”Mama, er, Miss Satori ordered me to help you find your boyfriend.”
hahah the more she denies it...

[x] 10
Full power.
>> No. 134818
[x] ⑨
>> No. 134819
[X] 10

This Cirno shit makes me want to stop reading - it's goddamn obnoxious. The first time was vaguely amusing at best; now I check once every few days at the most often. Okuu needs to fry her idiot ass so we can get back to interesting characters.
>> No. 134820
[x] ⑨
>> No. 134821
[x] 10
>> No. 134822
[x] ⑨
>> No. 134823
[x]11
[x]START

Turning it up to 11. A final battle deserves nothing but the best.
>> No. 134824
>>134819
I'm curious what the hell possessed her to club the MC over his head and drop him off with the Oni. All he was doing was befriending a zombie fairy.
>> No. 134825
[X] ⑨

Because ancient memes are still funny nowadays, I think.
>> No. 134826
>>134824
She asked him to come with her and he refused to comply. Her response seems fairly rational to me.
>> No. 134828
>>134826
I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or just didn't read that snippet.
>> No. 134829
File 129782540631.jpg - (89.99KB , 511x491 , pushittothelimit2_511.jpg ) [iqdb]
134829
>fairly rational
Fairy rational maybe.

[x]11
[x]Start

PUSH IT TO TEH LIMIT
>> No. 134830
[X] ⑨
>> No. 134831
[X] 10
>> No. 134832
[X]11
[X]Start

Yeah. These babies go to ELEVEN.
>> No. 134833
[x]11
[x]Start

Kick reason to the curb. Even more than an ice fairy-turned-detective.
>> No. 134834
Wasn't it said earlier that 'killing' Cirno would fix the brain damage inflicted?
>> No. 134835
>>134834
That's why nobody wants to go easy on her.

I hope.
>> No. 134836
[11]

For those poor souls who don't know what it means.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/UpToEleven
>> No. 134838
[x] 11
>> No. 134839
[X] ⑨
>> No. 134840
[x] 9
>> No. 134844
[X] Defrost
Let's Change it up again!
>> No. 134855
File 12979386679.jpg - (178.38KB , 1100x733 , no regrets.jpg ) [iqdb]
134855

>//initiating core charge sequence...
>//CHARGING...
>//CHARGING...
>//CHARGING...
>//...
>//charging sequence - COMPLETE
>//core charge at optimal capacity
>//activating target acquisition system...
>//target acquisition system – ONLINE
>//acquiring target...
>//acquiring...
>//...
>//target – ACQUIRED
>//classification - FAIRY
>//threat level – MINIMAL
>//adjusting power output to threat-appropriate level...
>//adjusting...
>//...
>//output adjustment – CANCELLED
>//target identifcation – OVERRIDE
>//target threat level reassign– EXTRA SUPER DANGEROUS PRIORITY ONE
>//threat assessment – CONFIRMED
>//target is now classified EXTRA SUPER DANGEROUS PRIORITY ONE
>//defense systems - ACTIVE
>//releasing power limiters...
>//limiter system - DISENGAGED
>//rerouting power to control rod...
>//power reroute - COMPLETE
>//stabilizer coil – STABILIZED
>//...
>//coolant level – OPTIMAL
>//...
>//comfort level – SUB-OPTIMAL
>//constriction detected in region: NO-NO ZONE
>//scanning...
>//scanning...
>//ERROR! ERROR! ERROR!
>//component UNDERWEAR does not conform to established protocols
>//probability of incorrect component installation – 98.999%
>//processing...
>//processing...
>//error processing – COMPLETE
>//98% probability UNDERWEAR is property of ORIN
>//...
>//2% probability unit OKUU has exceeded UNDERWEAR capacity
>//administration of exercise protocols may be necessary
>//denial subroutine – ACTIVATING
>//calculating probability of UNDERWEAR shrinking in washing process...
>//calculation - CANCELLED
>//SYSTEM MESSAGE – STOP GOOFING AROUND AND GET BACK TO WORK
>//...
>//...
>//...
>//resuming firing sequence
>//...
>//releasing safety control mechanisms...
>//control rod aperture – OPEN
>//exhaust vents – OPEN
>//core temperature - STABLE
>//beginning final firing procedures...
>//checking systems...
>//checking...
>//checking...
>//stablizers - STABLIZING
>//doohickey thingy - DOOHICKEYING
>//pointy thingy - POINTY
>//...
>//...
>//charging COMPLETE
>//beginning final countdown...
>//firing in 10...
>//9...
>//8...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

SEVEN...

The bird loudly announces her countdown for all to hear, though whether it is for the benefit of anyone wishing to attempt to flee to safety, or simply for effect is anyone's guess.
Her companions having already left, the only ones who remain are the strange fairy from the surface, and the handful of oni onlookers watching from the sides of the street. Only they remain to watch what is about to unfold.
The bird, rod pointing at the fairy as her other arm points stright up into the air, has already produced a massive ball of heat and light above her, blazing brightly like the sun itself.
For those who have lived for so long in the darkness of the underground, it is a sight for sore eyes as much as it is a sore sight in and of itself, for the eyes of those who live in the dark are ill-prepared for the brightness with which it-

“...why're ya talkin' like that, dude?”
“Yeah, it's killing my buzz, man.”
“What? It's narration! It's to, you know, enhance the mood! And stuff!”

SIX...

“But we can see what's happenin' already! We don't need ya to tell us what we're already seein'!”
“Yeah! We can, uh...what is happening, anyway?”
“Haven't you been paying attention? The fairy from the surface is gonna fight the bird from the palace!”
“Woah! Really?”

FIVE...

“Well, if she ain't, she's about to go BOOM when that thing hits.”
“What? You think she's gonna try to take that thing head-on?!”
“Well, she would probably be doing something other than just standing there if she wasn't, right?”

FOUR...

“But that's crazy! If that thing hits, then she'll...!”
“Yeah! There's no way anyone could get hit by that without...!”
“Oh, come on! There's no way she would...you know! Not even if you...er...what's that word, again?”

THREE...

“I dunno! I thought you would know!”
“I don't know! That's why I just kinda...uh...”
“Well, I don't know what it was, either! ...damn. We could really use...”

TWO...

“A drink?”
“Yeah! That sounds good to me!”
“Yeah! Wait, I mean, no! Some other thing! ...but that does sound good, too. ...huh?”

ONE...

“Why's the fairy still just standing there?”
“Well, she's not just standin', man! See? She's pointing, too!”
“Yeah, but why? Is this some kind of secret fairy technique she's going to use, or what?”

ZERO!]”

“I wouldn't put it past her! Those fairies can be tricky!”
“Yeah! That's probably what it is!”
“I guess. ...by the way, do you think that maybe we shouldn't be so close to-”


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


It was turning out like every other case.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
Only, this time the fire was kind enough to come to me.
The ball was bearing down on me like the sun in the summertime, and I was all out of shade.
The sun was setting, and it was fixing to make me the horizion.
End of the day.
End of the line.

The light-ball was coming down like the curtain at the end of an act, and the fat lady in my hand was waiting to sing.
Not one to disappoint, I point her to the adoring audience. The shining light hiding the crowd, the whooshing and crackling like hushed whispers, the excitement of the final round.

A click and a squeeze, and she was ready to go.
Warmed up and getting hotter, this was the moment she had been waiting for.
Taking the stage, tapping the mic, and taking her last breath.

And then, she sang.


“...bang!






- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -




>//cooling system - ENGAGED
>//control rod aperture – CLOSED
>//all safety systems back online
>//scanning area...
>//SCANNING...
>//SCANNING...
>//SCANNING...
>//scan - COMPLETE
>//AREA – SANITIZED
>//OBSTRUCTION - REMOVED
>//TARGET STATUS – ANNIHILATED
>//PROBABILITY OF SURVIVAL – 0.00000000000000000000000001%
>//...
>//...secondary objective completed
>//resuming pursuit of primary objective



- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


[ ] Bedtime Stories
[ ] Bar Hopping
>> No. 134856
[x] Bedtime Stories

Cirno dies.
>> No. 134857
[x] Bar Hopping

So how much does a fairy remember when respawning? Hopefully enough to stick with us; it just wouldn't be the same without our fairy.

Very funny update. Poor Okuu needs to lose some weight.
>> No. 134858
[x] Bar Hopping
>> No. 134859
File 129794858836.jpg - (129.58KB , 849x971 , 3777592419b4d5699112099dfc8f1270.jpg ) [iqdb]
134859
[x] Bar Hopping
>//PROBABILITY OF SURVIVAL – 0.00000000000000000000000001%
terminated.
>> No. 134860
[x] Bedtime Stories
>> No. 134863
[x] Bar Hopping
>> No. 134864
[x] Bar Hopping

Recruit Yuugi. We need the additional strength and she's awesome. But I think we should still go for Tenshi...
>> No. 134865
[x] Bar Hopping
>> No. 134887
>//98% probability UNDERWEAR is property of ORIN
>//...
>//2% probability unit OKUU has exceeded UNDERWEAR capacity
>//administration of exercise protocols may be necessary
>//denial subroutine – ACTIVATING

DOHOHOHOHO

[x] Bar Hopping
>> No. 134889
[x] Bar Hopping

There is no way that Cirno is dead. Only she would have some hare-brained, absolutely crazy plan to survive a head on assault from Okuu.
>> No. 134893
>>134889
>There is no way that Cirno is dead. Only she would have some hare-brained, absolutely crazy plan to survive a head on assault from Okuu.
Like having a plan to be backed up beforehand so she gets regenerated?
[x]Bedtime Stories
>> No. 134894
[x] Bedtime Stories

To be honest, the little fairy without a voice was more enjoyable than Cirnoir.
>> No. 134898
[X] Bar Hopping

Interesting fire-control there, Okuu.
>> No. 134902
File 129815999372.png - (465.01KB , 900x900 , HI FLOATING TEXT.png ) [iqdb]
134902
“So, c'mon, out with it already!” Yuugi presses, as the bridge 'princess' beside you quietly grumbles. “There's gotta be a reason you started in on the whole 'evil jealousy spirit' thing, right?”

“I'm not evil!” Parsee snaps back, visibly offended. “I do my job! I make sure everyone gets across who needs to!”

“Really, now?” says the smirking oni.

Yes. really!” Parsee replies, crossing her arms. “So, maybe a few people run into a little trouble along the way. So, maybe there's an accident every now and then! So, maybe some adorable little couple finds themselves suddenly breaking up for some reason! It happens!”

“And you had nothing to do with any of that, huh?”

“I do my job.” Parsee scowls.

“Of course ya do.” Yuugi says, taking another sip from her cup. “The job of a bridge princess.”

“Ough! You-!”

“So, Parsee, why?” you speak up, hoping to cool things off a little between the two.

“...I said why! It's my job to-”

“No, no, I mean, why are you so unhappy? Guarding the bridge, and all.”

“...huh?”

Parsee looks at you in confusion, though you're not sure if it's confusion at what you asked, or the fact that you asked it at all. Taking advantage of the moment, you press onward.
“Well, it's just that you're doing a good thing, right? Keep people out who need to be kept out, keep people in who need to be kept in, and make sure anyone who goes one way or the other gets there safely, right? You're protecting people.”

Parsee simply scoffs and rolls her eyes at your explanation. “Oh, sure, it sounds so nice when you put it like that!”

“Well, yeah. It's a nice thing to do for someone.” you reason. It's a perfectly reasonable reason, after all. People need help, you help them.

Psh! Right, it's so nice to look after all those happy little people on their happy little journeys in their happy little lives. So happy and carefree, paying no mind to how quickly, how easily they could lose everything, but don't. And why?

“Because you're protecting them, right?”

Yeah.” “Because I am protecting them. I keep them safe. I keep misfortune from raining down on their happy little heads, and for what? Nothing! No payment! No thanks! Not even the slightest bit of gratitude! While they get to come and go as they please, enoying the parties underground and the sunlight of the surface, I am here.”

“...in an oni bar?” you ask.

“In an-...NO! At that fucking bridge! At my fucking bridge!”

“Oh. Right.”

You're not sure what else to say., at this pint As hung up as she is about her 'job' and her bridge, she seems quick to forget that she's no longer at her bridge. Unless being away from it is what's making her cranky, like some strange sort of separation anxiety. Fortunately for you, Yuugi is quick to pick up where you stop.

“So, what, the reason you got to be the way you got to be is because you got cranky seein' everybody else havin' fun? Even though you're the one who was always such a stick in the mud? How boring.”

What?!

“Well, is that's what it is, isn't it? People were havin' fun, you weren't, and then you became this. That's it? The way you were carryin' on with this little guy, I'd have thought there was more going on with you than just that.” the oni woman says, pouring herself another cup. “Or is thre more to it than just that? Some guy caught your eye and broke your heart, maybe?”

“Well, t-thats...”

“Or did he just ditch ya?”


“Um, Yuugi? I think that's enough...”

“...left...”

“What was that?”

“They left me, okay?!”

“So, there is more to you than just that, huh?” Yuugi smiles, swirling the liquid in her cup around before drinking it all down.

“Parsee, I'm sorry, I didn't-”

“Oh, do not start fucking feeling sorry for me!”

“So, why'd you let 'im go in the first place, Princess?” Yuugi asks. “You had a guy you liked, right? Why'd you let him get away?”

You're not sure if she's intentionally redirecting Parsee's irritation away from you, or if it's just forunate timing, but you're certainly not going to complain.

“Weren't you listening?! He left me!”
The bottles clatter with another slap to the table from the bridge princess.

“Then why didn't you go after him?” Yuugi says, plainly, in the way anyone would ask 'why didn't you do this thing that was completely obvious to do?'

Eugh! Are you trying to piss me off?! I had my job! I had my duty! I had to guard that stupid fucking bridge! Do you even understand what any of that means?! To have an obligation?! Responsifuckingbility?!”

“Of course we do! We-”

“You punch fucking spirits and then drink! That's it!”

“Well, we sometimes drink while we do it.” the oni woman says, shrugging.

“You-...just...shut up! The point is, I didn't go chasing some futile, doomed-to-fail romance is because I can't. I have my wonderful little duty to-”

“Give you an excuse to be miserable?”

Ghckt!

Parsee sputters incoherently for a moment, as Yuugi smiles the smile of one who hit the proverbial nail on the head. Or, the literal nail on the head, when you're really bad at hitting nails.

Seven broken figers was all it took for you to realize you were not cut out for carpentry, no matter how much your parents insisted otherwise.

“That's all it really is, y'know. An excuse.” Yuugi continues, motioning towards the still-sputtering woman with her cup. “So you have a duty or whatever. It doesn't mean you don't gotta do what you gotta do to be happy, Everyone does.”

Everyone doesn't-”

“But they do. They absolutely do. Happiness? Love? Really good booze? You don't just get that stuff handed to ya! If ya want it, ya gotta grab it! All that 'if you love it then let it go' nonsense is just an excuse, just like what you're doin' right now. Like sayin' that bottle on the top shelf probably ain't that good, so it's not worth tryin' to reach it anyway, so you'll just stick with that cup of water you already got!”

“It's not that-”

“Simple? Of course it is! It might not be easy, but it's sure as Hell is hot that it's simple! You want that bottle? You climb and climb and climb some more until you get it! It doesn't get more simple than that! Otherwise, you only got yourself to blame if someone else goes and grabs it while you're busy grumblin' and sipping that water!”

“But...that...”

“That's all there is to it! You want something bad enough, you gotta be willing to grab it and never let go of it! That's all there is to-...huh?”

Blinking and rubbing your eyes, you briefly wonder if your repeated head injuries from the day have finally taken their toll on you, as your vision suddenly flashes white. The sudden silence of the rest of the bar, however, quickly removes the fear of brain damage from your mind. As your vision returns, the quiet murmurs of the other oni slowly rise in volume, and you see just what the fuss is all about.

“Well, what do you suppose that's all about?” Yuugi asks, rising from her seat and turning to get a better look at the bright light now streaming in through the windows and doors of the building and the assorted oni now streaming outside. “This really is turning out to be an interesting night, isn't it?” she says, turning back to you and grinning more broadly than you've seen her grin all night.

“Uh, Yuugi? Where are you going?” you ask, as she picks up her cup and steps away from the booth.

“Hey, I gotta see what's goin' on, right?”

“Well, I guess, but-”

“Don't worry, I'm not gonna ditch ya here or anything! Just sit tight and I'll be right back, okay?”

“But-!”

“Besides, it looks like you two got some more stuff to sort out, and I don't wanna get in the way.”

“Um, what do you mean? It's just, uh...” you ask, turning to find a pair of green eyes staring back at you You don't know if Parsee has even noticed everything else going on or not, but something about the way she's looking at you right now is...worrisome. “Er, wait, Yuugi? Yuugi!” you call out to the oni woman, but to no avail.

Watching the blue-robed woman excitedly shoving her way out the door, you cautiously turn back to the woman beside you.
Yep, she's still staring at you.

“So, um, what do you suppose that light was?” you ask, wanting to at least break the silence that had now engulfed the now-empty room.

Without looking away from you, Parsee grabs the nearest bottle she can reach, knocking several others over in the process, brings it to her mouth, and tips it upward. Even as her head tilts further and further backward, the contents of the bottle rapidly draining as it goes vertical, she keeps at least one eye on you all the while.

A faint pop can be heard as she pulls the bottle from her lips, and a single drop trickles down her chin.

“Um, Parsee, you have a little...uh...” you point, uncertain if you should hand her a napkin or offer to dab it off yourself.

“...gotta....grb...” the green-eyed woman mumbles, her eyes seemingly to slip in and out of focus as she continues to stare at you.

“Er, I'm sorry?”

“...gotta grab it...huh.” she mutters, leaning towards you. “Like...like it's really that...that simp-”

You feel a pair of hands suddenly grasp you by the shoulders, as Parsee pulls you closer to her, your foreheads nearly colliding in the process.

“Huh.” the woman says, blinking. “...guess it is. Huh.”

For what feels like an eternity, she holds you there, her eyes staring right into your own as the smell of alcohol wafts across your face. Then, with a soft grunt, she begins to push you away from her.

You feel a slight sense of relief at this, until you notice something amiss. Even after you feel yourself sitting straight up, her hands do not leave your shoulders. Neither, for that matter, does she stop pushing you.
Further and further back your body goes, until eventually you realize you are not being pushed back or away from her.

She's pushing you down.

The strange look in her eyes now back in full force, you find yourself helpless under the youkai woman's grip now crawling onto you, as you are pressed down onto the seat of the booth.

“Er, Parsee? What are you doing?” you nervously ask, fully aware of what it seems like she's doing as her arms slide under your body.

“...mmm...m'takin'...” the woman mumbles, her face now hovering closely over your own.



The last thing you hear from her, as her head comes down.



-------------------


Partial update for now, sorry for being so late.
Part 2 coming later, possibly after work, and probably in a new thread.
>> No. 134903
So, we got headbutted, right?
Right?
>> No. 134904
>>134903
I think she passed out. On top of us.

On a completely unrelated note, Tenshi and Medicine should be coming in any minute now.
>> No. 134906
>>134903
After all that talk about how to grab something if you want it i think she took it serious in her drunken state and just went for it. Either rape time or passed out.
>> No. 134912
>>134906
I, for one, welcome our new jealous girl as our girlfriend.
>> No. 134917
>>134912
As do I.
>> No. 134918
I for one do not! We're trying to fix Koishi at the moment, and hanging out with Parsee is not going to go down well! Sure, Koishi might be fine with it in her current state of mind, but we're trying to help her regain her emotions, and basically going out with everyone who's punch-drunk or mentally imbalanced (which is EVERYONE) it won't have much effect when we try convincing Koishi that she matters!

Also it'd lead to Parsee gutting us or something, probably.
>> No. 134920
File 129820714617.jpg - (614.48KB , 820x880 , 16805741.jpg ) [iqdb]
134920
Don't forget Tenshi!
>> No. 135148
So... Is this a bad time to bring up that Tenshi, Koishi, and Parsee all have a high tendency to be Yandere?

Not to mention Medicine, Yamame and anyone whos shown a slight interest in us.
>> No. 135164
File 129848929047.jpg - (341.04KB , 1240x1754 , 636b953ce79deb3481598104b4e6a15c.jpg ) [iqdb]
135164
>>135148
>>Yandere
>>Yamame

Now, that's just unfair. Sure, she may or may not be inclined to kill and eat you after mating with you, but that is most likely the result of instinct, not mental illness. The same instinct that, presumably, drove her to want to mate with you in the first place.

Assuming you survive the mating process, you would have nothing else to fear from her, assuming you are not so foolish as to try to cheat on her afterward.

Even then, though, she would not kill you. She probably wouldn't even kill the harlot who dared tempt you away from her. Infect the two of you with all sorts of nasty and unpleasant (not to mention highly-contagious) STDs, perhaps, but nothing fatal. She would, after all, still care about you.

Even though you broke her heart, it wounds her just as deeply to cause any sort of harm to you. She does not want to do it, yet she feels as if there is nothing else she can do. Were you to realize your mistake, and apologize, she would be all to happy to cure you, and maybe even the home-wrecking bitch that came between the two of you, save for a few lingering boils to serve as a reminder to never come between them ever again.

After some more apologizing, some gifts of flowers and chocolate-covered insects, you would easily find yourself back in her good graces. And, soon after, back in her web with your bodies pressed together and her legs wrapped tightly around you.

Frankly, if you were to cheat on such a lovely lady as her, you deserve far more than what she could ever bring herself to inflict upon you, you monster.