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30363 No. 30363
Oh, please, you found that pretentious? You wouldn't BELIEVE what sort of crock flies in the industry... I was sort of tired of writing plain too, wanted to go purple just for you guys... Ruining my fun as always. Oh well, bugger that then. Simple time. No gimmicks. You willed it.

Tl;dr of the foreword: three weeks mean I may not be able to continue once they've passed. If you're okay with that, read on. If not, clear off.

==

—It begins with a fall, and they all end the same. Then, once you've hit rock bottom you can do two things – one, dig further down, or... clutch at straws. Razor-tipped straws, by the likes of latching onto an unusual job, accepting strange phone calls, giving into private chat invitations from complete and total strangers...

“Do you find life tedious and boring?” they ask. “How does an adventure sound? Up for it? All we need is your agreement...”

Bollocks. Like any decent adventure could start in a bloody internet chat.

“Sure, why not,” you think and type back, not without that perverse sense of defiance; “I'll bite.”

“Excellent,” they say, “very well. On one, tiny condition though. Actually, it's more of a precaution, so don't you chip your teeth over it. What is it, you say? It's simple enough. I just don't want you to meddle around too much. Acceptable? Then remember it... oh, and mind the gap.”

Then, of course, you find yourself falling. Crashing down through a well that came out of nowhere, straight into a sea of shrilling pain. For more than enough minutes you find yourself throwing about, cursing all that has ever existed and then some for this affront on your back-end.

Just when you're done, something dawns on you. One moment you were there, and now you're here. One moment in your flat, next in this foreign-looking place. Bizarre. You can't recall doing anything strange to have this sort of a thing happen... So what in the world...?

Then the next stage sets in, and with it comes another feeling. Asinine acceptance. Why bother sussing it all out when you could be, oh, I don't know, adventuring like agreed to? Just... where the blazes is this place? What are you supposed to do now?

Well, there's a path, what are you waiting on?

You gather your marbles and dust off your clothes. With the sun climbing the sky on your left, burning the scrapes of the landing, you touch off down the road, into the thick of trees.

Looks like you've picked a bad week to quit walking after all.



A fifteen-minutes hike after, you find yourself at a crossroads, going off in four different ways, no signs. What knob-sack devised this road?

[ ] North
[ ] South
[ ] East
[ ] West

==

Yeah, there's a map. You might want to find it. Might not.

Have a Kut-Ku.

>> No. 30364
[x] Up
[x] North
>> No. 30365
[x]North

Tally Ho!
>> No. 30366
This is still terrible.

>You wouldn't BELIEVE what sort of crock flies in the industry...

Oh YAF, you so crazy.
>> No. 30367
>Realistic Mode
>no latent superpowers, no clingy macguffins, no deus ex machina

You're beginning from the wrong premise if you think that these are mutually exclusive for Touhou.

...You know that "Gensokyo" literally translates to "Fantasy Land," right?
>> No. 30368
[x] East
>> No. 30369
>>30367

"Fantasy land" does not equate to "bad plot devices", which are what those are.

[X] North
Whatever.
>> No. 30370
I suppose we've gotta start somewhere.

[x} North
>> No. 30371
This is better, but it's still bad.

One would expect your writing to improve, not get worse.
>> No. 30372
>no deus ex machina

I don't see how you can have Touhou without Yukari.
>> No. 30373
>>30369
So instead of "bad plot devices," we get something that doesn’t have a plot. There’s no characterization beyond the tired “NEET ends up in Gensokyo,” no motive driving the story beyond “stay alive” and no conflict worth mentioning beyond “which girl will inexplicably end up falling in love with the NEET protagonist despite his complete lack of praiseworthy qualities”—no purpose whatsoever.

If we were talking about HY or someone with a similar level of ability, he could probably turn out a strong tale that excludes magic, magical items or the presence of Yukari, but as is attempted by YAF, there’s no reason for anyone to waste their time participating in this. It’ll just end up as a trainwreck of “trolling,” deleted posts, backpedalling rants and unintelligible “eiderdowns” and “terra incognitas.”
>> No. 30374
[X] North
>> No. 30375
[x] East
>> No. 30376
Yep, no improvements here. Not even close to some of our newer writers. Guess the only thing he kept up was the trolling.
>> No. 30377
[x] Back in the direction you came from.
I hate random choice options.

>>30373
>There’s no characterization beyond the tired “NEET ends up in Gensokyo,” no motive driving the story beyond “stay alive” and no conflict worth mentioning beyond “which girl will inexplicably end up falling in love with the NEET protagonist despite his complete lack of praiseworthy qualities”
he's written 400 words in 1 post so far, what the fuck are you talking about?
>> No. 30378
>>30377
And in those four hundred words, he didn’t describe a setting, tell us anything useful about any of the people in the story or introduce a conflict—it’s a waste of space and a terrible introduction.
>> No. 30379
>>30378
that's a completely different problem, but I agree 100%
>> No. 30380
Not that great, but not so awful that I won't vote on it.

[X] North
>> No. 30381
[Q] South

There have been worse starts to good stories.

>people complain about YAF making shitstorms in threads
>people kick up shitstorms as soon as his thread starts

Oh, the irony.
>> No. 30383
Is there really any precedence for judging a story on the first freaking post? I mean, I can definitely understand the animosity against the guy, but seriously, give it at least 3 - 5 posts before killing it with fire of your hate.
>> No. 30384
[X]South

I'm in the same boat as the 'give it a chance' people. I'd like to see more of this before deciding whether or not it's worth the time to read.
>> No. 30385
[x] North-by-Northwest
>> No. 30387
>>30383

>>/sdm/22567 would like to have a word with you.
>> No. 30388
File 127459468138.jpg - (37.97KB , 600x502 , yiankutkuart_display.jpg ) [iqdb]
30388
>>30381
Yes, quite so. Personally? I find it funny. Mayhaps I should have left in the bit about bitching only making it worse for other readers, not me... but eh. Not my business.

Have another Kut-Ku instead.

Oh, and I'm not so free as I thought I'd be today. Don't expect me.
>> No. 30389
>>30387

Doesn't dilute my point. Judging a story by one post is a dick move, especially with how vocal people are being about it. Unless of course it is truly unbearable like your example. In this case, though we just don't have enough info to make a judgment.

That said, he sure did manage to use a lot of words to say nothing. I'm holding out until there's some clue as to what is actually going on before I decide anything.

Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm hoping for this to be awesome or horrible.
>> No. 30390
I am disappointed... but oh hey a Kut-ku!

[▲]East
>> No. 30391
>>30373
What exactly do you think you're doing?

Any recognizable trolling so far seems to be coming from you. If this turns out so badly, it doesn't prove your point. It just means you're a dick, and you caused it.
>> No. 30392
>>30389
>Judging a story by one post is a dick move, especially with how vocal people are being about it.

YAF used to be able to write so much better than this. I am disappointed. Hold the man to some standards!
>> No. 30393
Good grief. I thought YAF's writing was bad the last time I saw his sorry ass, but this is so much worse than even that. This is just lacking in the most basic, fundamental of ways. Yet he still talks down to us, as though he were better than the multitude of writers here who demonstrate more talent and competence every day.

He's like one of those drivers who causes hundreds upon hundreds of accidents, and insists that he is nonetheless the best driver on the road, never realizing that the one thing all the wrecks share in common is him.

THP has made a fine tradition of calling out writing for being shit, and make no mistake: whatever your feelings on YAF, and however attached you may be to some of his older work, this is shit.
>> No. 30394
>>30392
A thousand times this.

That and people DO judge stories by the first post pretty much always, stop living under a rock
>>30389
>> No. 30396
Telling him the truth is trolling? This isn’t his first CYOA or even his first CYOA on this site—not by a long shot. Coupled with his unreformed arrogance and his dubious claims of having “gone pro” with his writing, he has absolutely no excuse for producing something as poor as this. The first draft he posted and deleted was as unreadable as some of the worst spew authored by Wiseman, and this revision he made is still below many of the currently running stories in its quality.

I’ll freely admit that I dislike him as a person and that this dislike doubtlessly filters down into my criticism of his work on some level—but that doesn’t change that this “story” is really aesthetically terrible and deserves every bit of the negative response it’s garnered.
>> No. 30397
>>30396
Wait.... that's fuckin' REVISED? you shittin' me?
>> No. 30398
File 127460433797.png - (28.11KB , 322x200 , what.png ) [iqdb]
30398
>Oh man, YAF is back! I hope he writes again!
>the first thread and now this one
>OH GOD THIS IS TERRIBLE WHAT THE FUCK

There should be a word for this but I can't think of it at the moment.
>> No. 30399
He just got back in the game. Give the man another post or two before you start complaining.

The "mysterious arrival" opening post bullshit is so cliche that making an imaginative one anymore is nigh impossible, anyway.
>> No. 30400
>>30392

Point taken
>> No. 30401
[X]South

Opinions everywhere.
>> No. 30402
File 127461800570.png - (6.49KB , 125x121 , 121158090599s.png ) [iqdb]
30402
[x] South

Oh, and when do we get Yaffy?
>> No. 30403
>>30373
>something that doesn’t have a plot. There’s no characterization beyond the tired “NEET ends up in Gensokyo,” no motive driving the story beyond “stay alive” and no conflict worth mentioning beyond “which girl will inexplicably end up falling in love with the NEET protagonist despite his complete lack of praiseworthy qualities”
Ouch, man.

[x] East
>> No. 30404
[x] East
>> No. 30405
Give Ranmilia back to us.
>> No. 30406
[x] East

This thread makes me smile.
>> No. 30407
>>30403
I think it was more a reference to DoLF than GH. Jin at least has redeeming qualities.

[x] East

Let's see how retro this story is in a bad way
>> No. 30408
>>30402
FUCK YES YAFFY
>> No. 30409
>>30397
For anyone who missed YAF's first draft and would like to see it:

Bugger. I hadn't seen that coming. I would have accepted a simple: '/shrine/ is feeling sort of empty, gl&hf'.

Brief explanation. I did not read through all of the bickering in the thread in /gen/, but I understand there's some confusion surrounding my words. 'Pastime' means an outlet for my creativity while I can't work on my more serious pieces, as I am still rather busy. Which means bidiem-daily updates at most.

'Three weeks' mean I may or may not be able to continue writing when those pass. I'm also introducing a mechanic of sorts, called hints. Short messages that might add some additional depth to the choice in case I need it, spoilered for your convenience and choice, so you may ignore them completely if you so desire.

Oh, and please do keep it on track in here. I care little for your 'serious business' view on this place, even less for what you think of me. By being a bitch about it, you are simply making it worse for your fellow readers, not for me. I'm not taking this all seriously, nor do I think you ought to. So either read it or leave it.

If you feel no qualms about these setbacks, proceed on to the next post.

Cheers, YAF

—Of course, it begins with a fall.

Most ill phenomena begin with one, and one way or another, a fall can only end in a single manner. With a rough crash-landing on the rock-bottom of a well with no way out save for a miracle or some other otherworldly interference to bail one out. Then, the only thing you can do once you've hit the bottom – is dig further down, only to find out Matthew Bellamy from below has been trying to get out for, like, almost a week already to no avail, the daft bugger.

Well, I lied. There's another thing you can try, and that is clutching at straws. Smallest of straws, most silly of straws. Latching onto a job you normally wouldn't otherwise consider even if it slapped you across the face, answering long and pointless calls from new-age-religion people, accepting chat invitations from total and complete strangers, these sorts of things...

'Do you find life tedious and boring?' they ask. 'Do you wish to go on an adventure? It's just a step away, all we need is your agreement and good-will...'

Bollocks. Like adventures start in front of brand-less 19' LCD screens in generic 4-by-4 flats in cities as bland and boring as one could possibly conceive. Honestly, what were they thinking -- that people would be so gullible as to fall for this sort of trash?

Sure, why not, you think and type back, not without that perverse sense of defiance; I would well like to go on an adventure. Because, hey, who wouldn't? Who wouldn't want to burn precious time away on such exciting and perilous activities like accepting a painfully obvious scam offer from another nobody on an anonymous internet chat instead of being a productive member of society for once? Only a completely un-romantic no-hoper son of a small-country pol would, that's who. Yeah, sure, why not indeed.

Very well, they say, very well. On one, tiny condition though. Actually, it's more of a precaution, so don't you chip your teeth over it. What is it, you say? It's simple enough. I just don't want you to meddle around too much. Acceptable? Then remember it... oh, and mind the gap.

Then, of course, you find yourself falling. Landing. Hitting both metaphorical and literal rock-bottom at full force with your poor arse, crashing through, flying a few more meters in abysmal visibility, then hitting the ground yet again.

Ground made with an eiderdown of tall, moist grass; but even that can't cushion your sudden downing, and for more than enough minutes you find yourself throwing about in waist-tall stalks, cursing all that has ever existed for your rotten luck. Or the lack of it. It hurts, and hurts worse than the worst spanking you can imagine.

Next—just when you're done being in pain, comes the initial shock of sudden displacement. One moment you were there, and now you're here. It is certainly not an every-day occurrence for a cosy apartment to shape-shift into an unfriendly foreign glade in the deep of a forest, with an out-of-place gravel road slithering in from amid the trees, ending abruptly some few steps away, leading nowhere... save maybe for your confused persona.

Bizarre. You can't recall doing anything strange to have this sort of a thing happen... Let alone actively attempting to pop up in the middle of un-known no-where, no gear, no map, no phone, and most of all, no idea where the hell, who the hell, and how the hell. What in the world...?

Then the next stage sets in, and with it comes another feeling. Asinine acceptance.

In all honesty, who gives a damn? You're here now, isn't that the only certain thing there is? Far as you can tell, you're not anywhere else, so why bother assuming otherwise and trying to suss out this ridiculous situation while you could be... oh, I don't know, adventuring like supposed to? They, whoever they are, said they'd give you an adventure... and if this don't stink of one, you don't know what does.

Just... where the blazes is this place?

A fall, a landing, five litres of pain, a glass of confusion, a table-spoon of acceptance, and a pinch of quandary. An excellent, most excellent a melange for an every-day quest for the meaning of life, holy grail, princess tits, or whatever you've got a hard-on for: female, male, or neuter. Now what?

Well, there's a path, what are you waiting on?

You gather your marbles and dust off your clothes. Sun continues its creeping up the empyrean on your left as you touch off down the trail, straight into the maws of terra incognita.

Looks like you picked a bad day to quit walking.



A fifteen-minutes hike after, you find yourself at a crossroads, going off in four different ways. What a pleasure to have a dilemma so simple for a change.

[ ] North
[ ] South
[ ] East
[ ] West

HINT
[Do you remember that one map? Yes, that one. It might and will come in useful, so if you have it, why not share it? Remember, your resources are unlimited.]
END OF HINT

==

Future fragments will be shorter. I'm free tomorrow, so I'll check back by then, but might answer questions tonight still, should there be any. Otherwise, you know where to find me.
>> No. 30410
What map? Does anybody know it?
>> No. 30411
>>30409
Sure there's a lot of weird turns everywhere, but that's a lot more describing and consistent. and proved more interesting to read... much more meat around the bone, if you may... Weird...
>> No. 30412
>>30411

I think you confused meat with "shredded filler".
>> No. 30414
>>30411
Let me reword then. There is more attempts at descriptions and content which to me is less boring than not even trying
>> No. 30415
File 127463643915.png - (159.26KB , 500x500 , 1270218192348.png ) [iqdb]
30415
>43 posts and 3 images omitted
YAF writes again, Thread doesn't look bad, let's take a look at it if this will turn out something interesting.
>shitstorm trolling shistorm YAF trolling everyone.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Instead of him coming back to serious try to write again he just did it so he can produce Drama, faggotry, shitstorm and trolling.

YAF does not even need to put any effort into his trolling, one post was enough a few lines here and there and Anon does the rest himself. He even baited HY and some others to join.

I am fucking disappointed in you YAF. JUST WRITE.
>> No. 30418
>>30411
>more describing and consistent. and proved more interesting to read...

You must be joking. Good writing is tightly focused and concise; a sentence or paragraph that doesn't serve to inform the reader about upcoming choices or to build up some larger thematic is entirely useless. That's why you should read through it a second time—read through it with an eye for how much of it makes any kind of contribution to the story and how much of it is rambling, disjointed chaff.

I'll say it again: Over two tries, he failed to describe a setting, tell us anything useful about any of the people in the story, present a conflict or fulfill any of the other basic functions of an introduction, but gave us plenty of Wiseman-esque gems where he describes the "success" that is his life like:

>Latching onto a job you normally wouldn't otherwise consider even if it slapped you across the face, answering long and pointless calls from new-age-religion people, accepting chat invitations from total and complete strangers, these sorts of things...

or

>I would well like to go on an adventure. Because, hey, who wouldn't? Who wouldn't want to burn precious time away on such exciting and perilous activities like accepting a painfully obvious scam offer from another nobody on an anonymous internet chat instead of being a productive member of society for once?

or the unintentionally funny observation of

>you find yourself falling. Landing. Hitting both metaphorical and literal rock-bottom at full force

It sucks.

YAF is creatively bankrupt, and it shows. Directions? Seriously? He couldn't give us a more compelling choice than directions?

I hope that you people voting on this are just doing so to see how long it takes for the story to go off a cliff, because there's nothing to see here but a terrible writer, a horrible human being and an unrepentant disgrace to the name of this site.
>> No. 30419
>>30418
A rotting corpse assaults your nose with the pestilential stench of its flesh, but at least you know there is something.

A skeleton is completely devoid of any and every little thing that could be. There is nothing left, nothing to see, nothing to acknowledge.

I'd rather stumble upon the corpse for the stench is reminiscent of life as opposed to a decrepit void, lacking even the smallest thing to poke one's senses
>> No. 30420
File 127464043777.png - (84.01KB , 755x1255 , YAF.png ) [iqdb]
30420
>>30415
>> No. 30421
>>30419

...You've got really strange tastes, there. I'd go for the less disease-ridden and blessedly odorless option.
>> No. 30422
>>30421
In simpler words.
"So bad it's fun" as opposed to "absolutely nothing to see"
>> No. 30423
YAF, what the fuck. Either you're dicking around or sometime between your stint as "Angerwing" and now your English skills have horribly atrophied.

Either way, stop it.
>> No. 30424
File 127466131383.jpg - (416.66KB , 2000x2000 , 1245703172970.jpg ) [iqdb]
30424
>>30410
This is a map, but I don't think it's the one he mentioned.
>> No. 30429
>>30419
youuu're kinda creepy
>> No. 30430
>30429
That's okay though because he's a good writer and he's probably drunk right now.

[x] east
>> No. 30431
[x] east
>> No. 30432
I doubt there's going to be any more writing if this shit storm keeps up. At least he gave us something to rage at.

>>30419
Fuck, man, I missed you.
>> No. 30433
It's always been to the Hakurei Shrine with YAF. Reimu, route, etc
>> No. 30434
[x] East

Alright, let's try again.
>> No. 30435
[x] East
>> No. 30436
>>30432
Blam started writing again, and with some frequency.
>> No. 30437
I love you YAF, I really mean it.
I dunno if you do it on purpose (I'm pretty sure that you don't) but I can't stop laughing. The amount of butthurt here is staggering, really.
>> No. 30438
>>30437
>> No. 30439
>>30437
calling a shitty story shitty is butthurt? go back to deviantart
>> No. 30440
>>30439
Calling a story shitty when there's only one post?

What's not butthurt about that?
>> No. 30441
File 127480789113.jpg - (30.77KB , 498x420 , Inconceivable!.jpg ) [iqdb]
30441
>>30440
>Butthurt

You are being "butthurt" when you piss and moan after being owned by someone. You are not being "butthurt" when you call it like you see it.
>> No. 30442
>>30441

Anon got owned by YAF and is now moaning.

"but, YAF didn't own us!"

Doesn't he? Despite your contempt, or possibly because of it, you visit his new thread(s) again and again to talk about what YAF is and what he isn't. You copy entire posts to savor their content.

Love YAF or hate YAF, everyone has an immediate reaction to him. Face it thp; YAF has all of you dancing to his tune. You have been, and still are, being owned.

If YAF begets this reaction without any conscious effort, and is really just terrible, you could just ignore it! Usually that doesn't work, but he has said himself that he will only be spending a few weeks here. This is the one problem that will go away on its own.

The story so far lacks substance, yes. This thread certainly doesn't.
>> No. 30443
>>30442
>Face it thp; YAF has all of you dancing to his tune.

This is what YAF really thinks.
>> No. 30444
>>30442
I think you missed
>>30420
You should give it a look
>> No. 30445
>>30444

Oh, I saw it. The neckbeard was a nice touch. But even that poster took the hundred hours in paint to put that neckbeard on there, and change the text. He could have easily just used the stock picture.

But he didn't.

Tell me, why?
>> No. 30446
>>30445

Because we are all bored out of our fucking minds, as evidenced by our presence on a board dedicated to Japanese magical girl interactive fanfiction.
>> No. 30447
>>30442
>If YAF begets this reaction without any conscious effort, and is really just terrible, you could just ignore it!

Here's where your shit falls apart. We never ignore anything. Bagging on this shitty story because it's terrible? Yeah, guess what, that's what we do to most every shitty story. We ran off idiots like J2E, shut down Wiseman's garbage, and killed off most of the other really shitty stories that have popped up from time to time by doing exactly this.

You might like to think that YAF is getting special treatment, but in reality we're just flooding his thread with crap like we would any other shitty story.
>> No. 30448
>>30447

>>30442
>Usually that doesn't work, but he has said himself that he will only be spending a few weeks here. This is the one problem that will go away on its own.

Finish the quote. I understand the tendency to run out bad authors. I even condone it at times, but here we have a set ending date. An end where only the writefag makes an ass of himself would be possible. Preferable, if it comes to that.

YAF isn't getting special treatment, which is the problem. He does not deserve it, but the situation does. You're wasting your time clubbing a seal that is going to die from cancer anyway.

Why is this conversation still going on? Does boredom really account for all this? I thought I knew what was going on for a minute there, but it seems I was mistaken.
>> No. 30449
>>30448
You're bored too as I see. Have a macaroon and a cookie.
>> No. 30450
>>30449
Well played, Blam. Well played. I yield.
>> No. 30451
>>30442
>Love YAF or hate YAF, everyone has an immediate reaction to him.
If you went down to the post office and took a shit on the counter, everyone would have an immediate reaction to that, too. Is that all it takes to be a master troll in your books?

I'll let you in on a little secret: being disliked on the internet is not an accomplishment. People like to insult awful stories and awful people. Do you really think anyone's posting in this thread that doesn't want to be here?
>> No. 30464
>>30451

This
>> No. 30477
File 127499452375.jpg - (96.57KB , 567x425 , 706953_m_display.jpg ) [iqdb]
30477
Hey, Pachuco!

Seems I've overestimated the 'free' of my 'time', for which I half-heartedly apologise. We're having a little bit of a flood right now here in Poland (yes, the whole country's having it, I kid you not), and it's keeping me rather busy, among other things.

Have this little scene I jutted down on a ride back from a site instead. It was supposed to be sort of a note for later for this story, but bugger that and me, you can have it.

http://pastebin.com/jXXarCKh

Now for a little crypto-advertising. If your country happens to have its branch of Le Monde Diplomatique (I know for a fact France and England do), and you see it somewhere in a press salon, give it a try. If it's anything like the French or Polish edition, it's a gold mine.

Tactful sage.

Cheers and salutations,
YianKutKu Fag
>> No. 30482
File 127500172354.png - (65.11KB , 400x600 , yukkuri3025.png ) [iqdb]
30482
>>30477
>> No. 30484
>>30477
Hello
>> No. 30486
File 127501658580.jpg - (273.73KB , 584x797 , c92b817510195ecae54f9efd3725ed06.jpg ) [iqdb]
30486
>>30477
Have a Kut-Ku with a monocle.

>>30482
Does that mean SHIT or SHHHHHIIIIITTTT?
>> No. 30512
File 127508765965.gif - (35.70KB , 480x720 , yukkuri6181.gif ) [iqdb]
30512
>>30486
>> No. 30513
>>30512
Shitcake?