[Return]
Archived thread

File 123699250080.jpg - (283.32KB , 719x707 , naya4logo.jpg ) [iqdb]
22751 No. 22751
For Starters
Fancy Subtitle: Starters Reborn


Last time on 4S!

Having awoken from the shards of tattered dreams, and stolen one of the most idiosyncratic lines from Legacy Of Kain series, Nanaya Kazami - our Hero - rose to face a peculiar reality. His apartment, strangely unfamiliar - in a mess, his kitchen - occupied, his pancakes - spectacularly burned by Yuuka. Yuuka Kazami, the very one he had fantasized and read of back before the Collapse struck... Before he befriended her... Before he got into Gensokyo... Before he convinced Renko Usami and Maribel Han to take him along. That's right, it would seem that something had happened, something that caused Yuuka to move from Gensokyo to the outside world, something... That had left a lapse in Naya's memory, making him unable to recall the events of the past few days... Or were those months? God only knows, and you'd rather not ask him in his current mood.

"What were you trying, to pick up a pancake with your fingers? I'll show you how it's done, so watch closely."

Even though his memory was gone, Nanaya felt... Attracted to the woman. He felt... safe around her. Ironic, isn't it? It was only after he had left her side when he felt how strange it really was.

But, the day was his to enjoy alone, and so he begun strolling around the detested city, only to bump into a girl - and her friend - knocking her over, and getting quite a nice view of her bare legs in the process. But, the girl acted as if though she'd known who Nanaya was, and having sent her friend away, quickly seized the opening in the poor hero's appearance... And put something, something very painful and uncomfortable in his right hand.
Then, disappeared into the crowd, without a word of explanation.

"I won't let you say you're not. You're it and I know it. You're it. You're it, right? You have to be. Otherwise it wouldn't hurt. It hurts, right? Does it hurt? Of course it hurts. I'm sure it hurts. I won't let you say it doesn't."


But, fortunately, Nanaya wasn't the kind of man to pay any heed to such excesses, and continued with his day as though nothing had happened. Remembering Yuuka's complaint about the cozy apartment of his, and the lack of a table in the list of furniture, Naya glanced nervously at his wallet, and...

"Care for a dinner?"

... scraped out enough pennies and notes to afford one. The store boys were supposed to deliver it in the evening, so our brave, though a bit daft hero headed back home, to enjoy a meal with his - mysteriously - beloved woman. His mind was still in shards, but the heard of a man cannot lie, now can it? It was such a quaint evening to have...


... but this isn't how it ended. There was no romantic dinner, candles, none of those things. Only... a short confession, that resulted in a catastrophe.

"Then this is how it is?! It wasn't even my fault, yet I'm the one being robbed of something precious?! Curse you, Yukari! If I could, if I only could, I'd kill you over, and over, and over, and OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER AGAIN!"

Yuuka lost it. The man she had come to love was no longer there, substituted by a shell with no memories of all the precious moments they had gone through. In an act of despair, she ran off, into the foreign city, into the darkness of the late evening, all alone... Powerless. Helpless in the alien reality that the Outside world was to her.

Nanaya of course gave a chase...


... to no avail. Yuuka was nowhere to be seen. Resignated, he headed back home...

... only to discover that the woman he had foolishly lost from his side had been assaulted by two peculiar personae, out of which appeared to be another former dweller of Gensokyo... Sanae Kotiya, the shrine maiden of Moriya, in company of a guy whom Naya had never seen before... Who on the other hand, judging from the bits of conversation our hero overheard, appeared to know him.

"... bring it or I swear I'm going to rape your girlfriend, using your dead body as a pillow."

Being the reckless, impulsive idiot he is, Nanaya challenged the guy to a fight... and lost. His right arm pierced, his opponent's spear was about to pierce his skull...

... but...


"I am the spider that set up this web..."

It was then the real Nanaya returned. Changed, but still the same, he quickly disposed of both the assailants, and carried his unconscious woman back home, only to find out she had been magically put to sleep - sleep that he couldn't wake her up from. Magic that he had no idea how to remove.
But it was too late to undertake any steps - so our somewhat buffed hero went to sleep...


... only to be woken up the next morning by the very same person he had mercifully let go the previous night. Sanae came with a message from her companion, requesting a meeting. Naya agreed.

His opponent, seriously injured, put in a bed in the local hospital explained the situation to him:
Gensokyo had been destroyed. The borders switched roles briefly before the Hakurei border had collapsed. The Yakumo border though was still operational... and that was due to there being another member of the Yakumo family still powering it.

Another member whose name was Nanaya Kazami. Or should we say, Nanaya Yakumo?

"Who would've thought we'd find you that easily, heh!"


Stunned by the mass of disturbing information, Naya called a timeout, and retreated to the roof, where he was confronted by the resident ex-witch of Gensokyo, Marisa Kirisame, and her friend, apparently named David. A fight ensued, ending in David clumsily falling off the twenty-story high building's roof.


And this is where we'll pick the story up.



...

>> No. 22752
For Starters
Fancy Subtitle: Starters Reborn


Quote for today:
"An enemy who you lust after,
is not an enemy at all."
-Kisiel





[x] "Then I suppose you can answer a question?"
--[x] "What do you know about that day?"
--[x] "What are your plans?"

Whatever, it's not like I intended on pushing it anyway - it's her call if she doesn't want to join her dear boyfriend on his trip to hell, none of my business. She ain't much of a use to me either - having presumably lost her power in the whole ordeal, she's not even a challenge worthy of my skill. Honestly, why is it they all go down easily like flies? This is why Yuuka was so perfect - at least she could put up a good fight. Humans. Weak, nosy and stubborn, all of them.
Sighing, I let my shoulders relax. No need to be any cautious, really. All she seems to be doing is standing there, with a blank expression plastered over her face, completely unfazed by what's just happened. The cheerful aura she always showed back in Gensokyo is suspiciously missing, but it's her concern, not mine.
"Yo," I try to strike a conversation up again "Not even gonna ask anything?"
A reaction, splendid. The ex-witch cocks her head to the side, her eyes expressing utter confusion. Playing stupid much, Marisa?
"What do you mean?"
I shrug. "Hey, I don't know. Wasn't that your sexual partner I've just sent to China? That pretty much makes me the villain here, right?" still nothing, eh? This is kind of getting old, Marisa. Pay attention, or do you really need a hint? Very well, let me spell it out. I take a deep breath and prepare my vocal chords for the strain that's about to ensue... "Oh my gawd!" ... by me trying to imitate Marisa's female voice with my own, manly throat. Needless to say, it fails miserably, but hell, doesn't it sound hilarious. "That guy just threw my boy off a twenty-story building! What-ever shall I do, facing this danger all on my own? What are you going to do now, mister villain? Have mercy!" cough, cough "Like this. See my point?"
Ah, despite doing my best to make the show enjoyable, Marisa retains a relatively straight face. Gotten pretty gloomy since the last time we saw each other, eh girl? A pity, you were such a lovable person... But, it's my fault, isn't it? In that case should I feel bad for ruining your carefree nature, my dearest of witches? Go ahead, tell me I should, see if I care.
There's no point to that, is there. Nevermind, rhetorical question.
"You're not exactly intimidating," aha. Finally, she replies normally. Fanfare! Where are the fireworks when you need them? "With one arm wounded like this."
Her pretty chin nods at my right forearm - the one I had to wrap in bandage this morning, thanks to a certain, cheeky shrine maiden. Right, that. I guess it really does look rather stupid. Still, ain't gonna walk around with a glowing arm exposed, it's the least I can do to keep Yuuka safe from any outside interference from the authorities - whosoever sees such a bizarre thing, is bound to get suspicious sooner or later.
"Oh, it's not really broken." to prove this claim, I move my fingers a little, careful not to ruin the fake 'dressing' "Besides, do you really think I wouldn't be able to beat you with a broken arm? Marisa, Marisa, Marisa." I call her name thrice in a condescending tone "Even without legs and arms, I'd still bite your panties off no problem." Is that a smirk I spy? Too bad it disperses a split-second before I'm able to return it. "Anyway," time to put a serious face on, now "I suppose it should be fine for me to ask some questions, then?"
She nods.
"Shoot."
"Alright." finally, down to business. Playing around is fine, it's not that I don't have any time to kill, since those two are most likely still having fun, but having been out for several days, I'd like to at least get to know what in the devil actually happened back there. "What do you know about that day?"
Ambiguous as it may have been, she still seems to catch the drift immediately. Smart girl.
"Nothing special." but the answer is unsatisfying "I was at Reimu's, when she suddenly started acting out of her mind. Shouting things about someone whose name rang no bells at all. Then she'd taken off somewhere, and before I could grab my broom, she was already out of the sight. I think you know the rest?"
"What do you mean, my name didn't ring a bell?" I ask back "I thought I'd introduced myself rather clearly?"
"Yeah, yeah. I was getting to it." now for a change, she appears a little unstrung "Shortly after that, I suddenly remembered. Everything that had happened, before the Kazami youkai took you away. That was a really dick move, you know."
"Tell me more. How did you get out?"
"David helped me. Yeah," she adds, seeing me open my mouth "My 'boyfriend'. See, you weren't the only one who tried to get into our pants. Dresses. Whatever."
Admirable. Somehow, I've got a little more respect for that 'David' guy now - too bad he's dead, and oh, so very dead. His fault. Sorry, Dave! Didn't mean to kill you! ... ya green faggot.
Nevertheless, it seems even someone as close to Reimu as Marisa doesn't really know what happened. Shame, I'm sure at least knowing what that freakin' miko did to herself and everyone around would help to understand the current situation. For example, the stuff See-You talked about. Border swap. Another Yakumo. These things.
"So..." a short pause "What are your plans?"
Marisa gives me a fleeting smirk.
"That's a silly question to ask."
"I'm not a smart man. Answer."
She shrugs.
"Live on, I guess. I'm no longer a witch, but David seems to have something on his mind, so I'll just follow him for the time being."
"Funny," I throw "I thought losing the world you had been born and raised in would have scarred you for life. Or driven your crazy, at least."
"Stupid." out of the blue, a splendid, fully-fledged smile stretches her pink lips. Amazed at the sudden change, I can only look at the unexpected, cheerful spark in her eyes. "I was insane to begin with." Indeed. You were insane alright, Marisa. Forgive my poor memory, many things happened, you understand. I accidentally destroyed a world, killed thousands in the process, only to have some pair of bastards incapacitate my woman so soon after I finally woke up. Put yourself in my shoes. "By the way: be careful."
She says, causing me to frown. Careful?
"Where did that come from?"
"From behind you, pancakes."
Behind? Just what--
>> No. 22754
WHAM!

Before I can even turn around, something - something hard - crashes into my cheek from - indeed - behind. Thrown out of balance, I lose the natural equilibrium, and clumsily fall to the ground. Momentum does its part, and causes me to roll several meters away, along the dirty, tiled flooring of the roof.
"Rainbow kick!" a familiar voice declares "Taste the power of multicoloured love!"
Stupid, attack names are supposed to be announced beforeha-- just a moment. That voice, it can't be... No, it is.
Raising my eyes, as well as my body from the ground, I see no one other than the idiot in green, hovering several meters above the roof, holding Marisa by her waist, deliberately ignoring something we educated people call 'gravity'. Hey, don't go on defying the laws of physics so leniently! Wait, that's not what I should be worried about! My face! That fucker kicked my goddamn face!
"Hey!" I wave a fist at him, but realize he's too far away for it to reach him "What the hell was that about?!"
The fool grins, and so does his partner. Gah, so cocky, it makes me want to grab his testes and rip them off. As for Marisa... Well, there are other things that could be ripped off, if we look hard enough. Nothing impossible, with a little bit of zeal.
"We're even!"
"Even my ass, dickwad!" I scream back "Come back here so I can spank your butt like the little bitch you are!"
"No can do, pal!" he waves me the free hand once "Next time!"
"Hey!" I try to yell at him to stop, but before that can happen, both of them disappear behind the ledge of the roof, and when I run up there, they're nowhere to be seen. So freakin' cliche, does that poor excuse for a leprechaun think he's in some sort of a movie? Ah, how annoying. "What a pussy."
Groaning, I put a palm on my face. Dang, it hurts, wonder if it's gonna leave a bruise. If yes, I'll be sure to repay the bastard in kind. Several times, until he cries to me to stop. Then I'll lick his tears off, and resume stomping his face. What the hell, seriously.

[ ] No use staying around any longer. Besides, I'm getting a tad bit hungry, there.
[ ] Kill some more time and explore the hospital. Hopefully there's no more freaks around.


==

Sorry for the lack of racap stylization, but I suddenly remembered a deadline for an article is tomorrow morning, and there was no time to do any research, either into 24 or Dragonball recaps (yeah, never watched those).

I should be done within 40-60 minutes with the damn thing, and provided there's enough votes, I'm going to update. Let's make this story as fast as it used to be, shall we?

The picture is, as usual, a courtesy of Giddy.
Giddy, it's badass, I don't care about your self-criticism. It's badass because I say so.
>> No. 22755
[ ] No use staying around any longer. Besides, I'm getting a tad bit hungry, there.
>> No. 22756
[x] No use staying around any longer. Besides, I'm getting a tad bit hungry, there.
>> No. 22758
>"My 'boyfriend'. See, you weren't the only one who tried to get into our pants. Dresses. Whatever."
But unlike David, Naya actually managed to bed somebody without his advances resulting in a Bad End.

[X] No use staying around any longer. Besides, I'm getting a tad bit hungry, there.
>> No. 22759
[X] No use staying around any longer. Besides, I'm getting a tad bit hungry, there.
>> No. 22760
>it's badass
no

{X} No use staying around any longer. Besides, I'm getting a tad bit hungry, there.
>> No. 22761
[x] No use staying around any longer. Besides, I'm getting a tad bit hungry, there.
>> No. 22762
[X] No use staying around any longer. Besides, I'm getting a tad bit hungry, there.

Whatever the hell that was about, it's just that - whatever. I ain't gonna chase the loony around like a gay man desperate to get laid with another faggot, and for fuck's sake, he's got that one advantage - he can fly. I can't, never learned to, never will. Flying is for girls. And faggots. Jump off the block? No, thanks, I like my kneecaps as they are.
No use hanging around here any more either. Those two love birds are probably still busy chirping to each other, not to mention other things I'd rather spare my eyes from seeing - funny how come to think of it, it's entirely my fault that the wait's been prolonged. What devil possessed me, I don't know, neither do I want to. Hungry. Mr belly calls for food, and I'm more than eager to answer his call. Just a minute, babe, and we'll grab something to bite.


...


Turned out while this part of the city doesn't exactly look familiar, the architects put enough thought in making the layout of streets as efficient as possible - a walk no longer than five minutes away from the enormous block of steel and concrete full of sickly people, is a fast food restaurant, one of the many you'd see wherever in the world. This place too is full of sickly people, only the ones present here don't yet know about their diseases. Noisy, when I enter the place, what hits my ears is a wave of voices, each and every one trying to break out of the mess created by all the others. Chaos, muddle, disarray, how I love it. Smells of burned oil too, what else is there to wish for? A free seat, maybe? Look there, everything occupied. Rush hours, or what? It's only barely past 11, don't make me create a free spot for myse--
"Hmm?"
Is that a familiar face I spy?
Undoubtedly, it is. The very girl who my former self had bumped into before letting her put a seal on my arm and run away unpunished. How amusing, they just keep coming one after another! Doesn't look like she noticed me standing at the entrance and grinning at her, good riddance. But there's someone missing, isn't there? Ah, yes...
In the far end of the crowded interior, where gapes a corridor with a sign of a toiled hanging below the ceiling, I spot a glimpse of a beret. No doubt, it's her. The smell is way too distinguishable to mistake her for anyone else. Stench of a perfumed dog. Mindwrecking.

Well, but here I'm creating additional traffic jams while time slowly runs out.

[ ] Go for the dog girl.
[ ] Approach the one at the table.
[ ] Screw them, I've no business with 'em.
>> No. 22763
{X} Approach the one at the table.
>> No. 22764
[ ] Approach the one at the table.
>> No. 22765
[X] Approach the one at the table.
Momi never did anything to us, and most likely will not.
>> No. 22766
[x] Approach the one at the table.
>> No. 22767
[X] Approach the one at the table.

Well, not like there's another free spot anywhere, and honestly, to use my powers for such a lowly goal as removing some of the vermin infesting this poor excuse for a fast food restaurant would be stupid. Silly. Simply disgraceful. But, there's one free spot right there, I should have no restraints before claiming it, right? The dog girl - Inubashiri, if I recall her name correctly - can do as she pleases, she's of no interest right now.
On the other hand, the brown-haired lady of wrist pain sure did spark a gleam of curiosity, even though the ultimate goal is just to find a damn free chair. Nothing bad in killing two birds with one stone.
So I make my way over there, and tap a finger on the table, thus making the girl shift her daydreaming eyes from the street outside, to my humble self.
"Yo, this seat free?"
As leisure as I tried to make it sound, that simple question still causes her eyes to widen in a really hilarious expression. Heeey, I ain't got nothing on my face, or at least yet, girl. Stop acting as though there was a giant pimple on my nose.
"You..."
She says.
"No, your mom." and I scoff in response "This seat free?"
"Why are you here?"
Irritatingly cautious, is she. Well, I can tell by this squinting, frowning face seeing me wasn't exactly her idea of spending a noon in a smoky snack bar. Seriously though, what bothers me the most is the goddamn fame. Everyone's like 'You!', 'You!' - hell, people. I don't even know you. Sure, I did kill both the Hakurei and Yakumo wenches, but that's about it. Not a rock star or anything I am, scoot, go away. Sigh. I don't want to hear the one who made my arm like this ask such ridiculous questions.


[ ] "Relax. I'm only here to grab a grub. Just let me rest my ass for a bit and I'll get going, geez."
[ ] "Well, since we're here, how about you give me some answers?"
[ ] "I've got something to show you. It won't take long. Let's go outside."
>> No. 22768
[ ] "Well, since we're here, how about you give me some answers?"
>> No. 22769
[ ] "Well, since we're here, how about you give me some answers?"
>> No. 22770
[x] "Well, since we're here, how about you give me some answers?"
>> No. 22771
[X] "Well, since we're here, how about you give me some answers?"
>> No. 22772
[ ] "Well, since we're here, how about you give me some answers?"
>> No. 22773
[X] "Well, since we're here, how about you give me some answers?"

Questions, queries all around, and while it's me who's lost the most at the moment, everyone expects me to solve everything and a bit more on my own, and to know everything. The only one who proved to be a little bit of help was the blasted See-You guy, but let us not forget it's his fault that I'm here in the first place. Plus, it took a little bit of convincing to make him talk too. Come on, what the hell's up with that? I'm just a simple huma--... Oh. Right. Didn't take that into consideration. Honestly though, this is getting kinda tiring.
I tap my hand on the table again and moan silently.
"What do you want."
The girl, in all her cutesy daze, persists in holding the stool of the one asking questions with both hands. Cutesy, huh. Did I just think that? Hell, me. There's a woman waiting for you - in a way - back home, and you're already trying to get into another skirt? Shame, shame on you. Well, in all fairness, she does cut a nice impression, though there's something about her that looms on the edge of awareness, stinging my thoughts like a darned needle in the ear. Speaking of which, wasn't she the one who almost burned my former self's hand? Or whatever that was she did. Sassy, little girl, with her cute eyes, breasts and whatnot. Nice playlet, chit, but it ain't gonna sway me, oh no.
"Answers." I field after what felt like an eternity of staring at her bust "Well, since we're here, how about you give me some?"
"Answers?" she bristles, to my discontent. Just what I needed, another unwilling source of information. Well, at least this one has a nice spot to hook your eyes on while talking, that's one positive point. "What would the destroyer of Gensokyo want to know from me?"
Darn, that thing again. Neat, let's eat greasy cheeseburgers while discussing dead people. Nothing more exciting.
"For starters," tap, tap "I'd like to know if this seat is free." She continues to glower at me for no reason at all. Women. Always demanding elaborate explanations for the simplest of issues. "Look, loosen up. I'm not gonna do anything violent. Not with so many people around. Obliterating all of them just because they saw me ripping apart a pretty girl would be a pain, don't you think?"
"Was that supposed to assure me? Because if yes--"
"So," I cut in "This seat free?"
Awkward silence ensues, or at least tries its best to ensue despite all the bustling around. Needless to say, it doesn't sound any silent, just the opposite, actually. Instead of listening to the beating of her heart, I'm forced to cope up with some jerk yelling for coke refills as if though he was in a poor beanery, and not... Well, suppose this could be called a beanery.
Nod.
I swear I heard her say that, but it may have been my exuberant imagination at play. Well, verbal or mute, an agreement is an agreement, and so I kick one of the three chair to a proper position, and sit down, with a half-piruet, putting one leg on the other.
"You seem," the girl starts when I finally make my ass comfortable "... a bit different."
"Told ya," I throw in response "Was havin' a lil' bit of amnesia."
With a frown, she casts an ironic glance somewhere aside.
"What sort of a joke is this..."
"I could as you the same, now." I lean forward and put both my arms on the table, causing the girl to frantically back away, her hand reaching somewhere on her waist. For the love of... "... you know, seriously." I pay her scowl back in kind "Didn't you tell me yourself to 'save the nighttime for' something, something? I know better than to draw too much attention when Yuuka is out cold-- aw crappit."
Oh, great, that reckless tongue of mine.
The immediate change in her expression warns me of my mistake more distinctly than a hammer to the forehead would.
"... Yuuka Kazami? Out cold? What did you do to--"
"No, look." I butt in again "I didn't say that, okay? Anyhow, you and your friend are safe... for now. Or do you want me to vouch for that in writing? Speaking of which." I shift my gaze to the one who's been standing behind my conversant for a couple of seconds now, staring at me dumbfounded like a surprised, little girl, who's just found a dead mouse in her backpack. "Nice to meet you, miss Inubashiri."
"Momi!" ah, ah, now what? My dearest forearm oppressor springs onto her legs like a stung rabbit, and grabs a hold of her shoulders. "Y-you're done already? I thought it'd take-- Wasn't there a line? When did you get back?"
"Um, I..."
The poor dog appears to be as dumbstruck as I am. Oi, oi. What the hell is up with that sort of behaviour?
"Momi, we're discussing some very important things here, so... Uh, I don't want to tell you to go away or anything, but..."
'Momi' blinks a few times, seemingly unsure what to do.

[ ] "Forget it. Let the girl sit, I'm just gonna get something."
[ ] "She's right. Go get me a burger, would you kindly? Take your time."
>> No. 22775
[x] "She's right. Go get me a burger, would you kindly? Take your time."
>> No. 22776
[X] "Forget it. Let the girl sit, I'm just gonna get something."
I assume this will result in us talking more with them after we get something to eat. If not, then:
[X] "She's right. Go get me a burger, would you kindly? Take your time."
>> No. 22777
[x] "She's right. Go get me a burger, would you kindly? Take your time."
>> No. 22778
Aaand, it's 5AM, so that's it.

A question - I'm trying to keep the descriptive narrative as short as possible, and cut down on wordy descriptions in overall too. Does it feel, hm, any weird? Sure does for me.

Plot twists, unrelated.
>> No. 22779
[x] "She's right. Go get me a burger, would you kindly? Take your time."
>> No. 22780
>>22778
For your style? Yes. They're short and you're cranking them out pretty fast. Though they still get the point across.

I don't see any slips in quality other than the fact you're the one writing, so yeah - everything looks to be in working order.
>> No. 22781
>>22778
Make longer updates instead of short ones. That is more your style YAF.

[x] "She's right. Go get me a burger, would you kindly? Take your time."
>> No. 22782
It feels odd, but it's a nicely different kind of odd. Keep the writing like this; it suits him.
>> No. 22784
{X} "She's right. Go get me a burger, would you kindly? Take your time."
>> No. 22786
>>22780
>I don't see any slips in quality other than the fact you're the one writing

Sigh. Look, I know I suck - that's pretty much the reason I'm asking for advice - to improve and make the story more enjoyable. The reason for these updates looking... slipshod, is that I'm trying to go back to the TS style of writing - simpler language, more dialogues, less descriptions and internal monologues. It puts a strain on the nerves for me, yeah, but you're the lab rats - no offense - so try to be less apathetic, okay?
>> No. 22789
I've already voiced my only discomfort with your writing for several times now. Those walls really could use some cracks in them.
>It puts a strain on the nerves for me, yeah,
If you find this style hard or annoying, then I think it would be best if you wrote in the way that is comfortable to you.

Sorry, I'm not being of much help here, huh?
>> No. 22790
[X] "She's right. Go get me a burger, would you kindly? Take your time."

Uh-oh. You know, I think I get what's going on now - however stupid it may be, not to mention given her insecurity around me, revealing her intentions and worries so blatantly... Thank you for this useful piece of information you have unwillingly presented me with, silly dolt. One point for Nanayas, zero for Burner Girls, we're in the lead. How nice.
Nice, but also a bit troublesome, so sighing impatiently, I lean back on my chair and dig out a wallet from my jacket's pocket.
"She's right, Inubashiri." Then toss her a five which she clumsily catches with both hands. "Go get me a burger, would you kindly?" The dog girl steals a glance at her friend, and having received a slight nod, strolls off in the direction of the counters. "Take your time!"
Her friend slumps back onto her seat, groaning - ironically - with relief.
Well, we can only hope she indeed will take her time, though if the foretaste of congestion of people here I got was right - there ought to be at least a little line there. Too bad I can't really see anything from this spot.
Forget about that, it's none of my bugaboos.
"Don't wanna get her involved, huh?"
"... tch."
How cute she looks, biting her lip like that. Now, now, I've already told you, there's no need to be so cautious. As long as the sun is up, nothing is going to happen to you, my dear.
"How sweet of you." Regardless, I can't help but grin. "Putting others' safety before your own... Really, really honourable."
"Cut the banter." Now it's her who suddenly cuts in. "I still don't know exactly what the destroyer of Gensokyo wants with me."
Honestly, cutting straight to the chase in a situation where time is of the essence is admirable, whatever-your-name-is, but it really doesn't suit this laid-back atmosphere. Frankly, I'd rather you relax, lean back and stick your chest out a little more. And stop frowning - the wrinkles on your forehead aren't exactly appealing.
Well, I suppose it's only natural after all. In spite of everything, I am the one who 'destroyed' Gensokyo. In a manner of speaking.
"What's your name?"
I finally ask, to her bewilderment.
"What?"
"Your name." I repeat, a little irritated. "I can't be calling you 'the burner girl' evermore."
"..." She keeps silent for a few seconds, but it seems politeness comes before even the most justified of worries. "... Adahn."
Finally. Adahn. A peculiar name, if I may say so, somewhat familiar too... But to hell with that, at least I can address her properly now.
"Adahn." And so I do. "I'd shake your hand, but that'd be rather unpleasant." For me, as much as it would be for her. Ain't packing my hand in a hot oven again, so soon after getting burned once, fuck that noise. "Anyway, Adahn suits you better than 'Burner Girl'."
"You seem awfully inclined to changing the topic every few seconds." Says she, still visibly tense. "I'm starting to have my doubts."
Snicker is all I can do. Prone to changing the topic, huh? Well, blame this leisurely atmosphere - what's what, but you can't really think about anything wicked in a place so ordinary - no matter how hard the other party may attempt to throw you out of balance. At least, as I've already remarked, this one has a point to hook your eyes on while listening to her bullcrap. Should I sham hostility, then? Would that make you feel better, Adahn? Spare me, seriously.
"Look," I josh back. "Destroying a world doesn't necessarily make me a bad guy, you know. Allow a man a little raillery every now and again."
Frown, frown and frown is all she does. This way in thirty years, you'll be nothing but a ball of creases, Adahn.
"I can't tell..." She mouths. "... whether you're being serious or just messing with me."
"Both, probably."
But she has her own right to demand a point to all this one-sided badinage, I guess.

[ ] Ask about...
--[ ] My arm. Tell her what happened and demand an explanation.
--[ ] Adahn herself. Why does she have miniature microwave ovens built into her hands?
--[ ] Other refugees.
--[ ] Her breasts. They can't be real, right?
[ ] Her prejudices are an annoyance. Explain it wasn't my fault, and tell her to chill the hell out.
[ ] Tease her a little more. Suppose she has some questions of her own?
>> No. 22791
[X] Ask about...
--[X] Adahn herself. Why does she have miniature microwave ovens built into her hands?
--[X] Her breasts. They can't be real, right?
[X] Tease her a little more. Suppose she has some questions of her own?

Who needs real info anyway?
>> No. 22792
[ ] Her prejudices are an annoyance. Explain it wasn't my fault, and tell her to chill the hell out.
>> No. 22794
[x] Ask about...
--[x] Adahn herself. Why does she have miniature microwave ovens built into her hands?
--[x] Other refugees.
--[x] Her breasts. They can't be real, right?
--[x] How often she makes out with miss Inubashiri. Their first experience together. You won't take no for an answer. Pry it out of her. You need something to jack off to when you get back home, should Yuuka not be up by then.
>> No. 22795
[ ] Her prejudices are an annoyance. Explain it wasn't my fault, and tell her to chill the hell out.
>> No. 22796
>>22786
>less internal monologues

Thank god.
>> No. 22797
[x] Her prejudices are an annoyance. Explain it wasn't my fault, and tell her to chill the hell out.

Just a minor accident.
>> No. 22798
[x] Her prejudices are an annoyance. Explain it wasn't my fault, and tell her to chill the hell out.
>> No. 22801
>Sigh. Look, I know I suck - that's pretty much the reason I'm asking for advice

oh wow you sure got a low opinion of yourself. We know that you are not the best on here, but you are good. You don't need to hide yourself behind HY or Mode.
The more you wrote the better you got. After nearly a year of writing you got a kind of routine and know your stuff.
I liked your TS the first one and the 2nd to a lesser degree too. For me that was the best that you have written so far. With CoMN you tried something new, people really didn't like it that much, but it was probably the 2nd best thing you wrote so far.
well opinion...... stop saying you are no good, it just ain't true.
>> No. 22802
[x] Her prejudices are an annoyance. Explain it wasn't my fault, and tell her to chill the hell out.
>> No. 22803
Sorry, everyone. I had gotten invited out for a few hours, and obliged... Got home a few minutes ago.

Thanks for the votes. Just let me grab a cup of coffee, and we can be on our way.
>> No. 22804
Ack, delayed, distracted. My apologies.

Also, no 'hooray' :<

==

[x] Her prejudices are an annoyance. Explain it wasn't my fault, and tell her to chill the hell out.

But, but - first of all, what the hell's up with that treatment? Ain't it a little bit biased to think of me like this? Adahn, Adahn, Adahn. How unfair of you to judge my whole existence based on that single, unfortunate accident. Frankly, I feel kind of hurt, if not annoyed.
"... sigh." Her face doesn't help either. Next thing I know everyone'll be afraid of even being with me, let alone having a chaffy chat. "Tell ya what, you're being rude."
"Rude?" Froooown. For the love of everything holy. "I'm being rude? You really are one, self-centered--"
"That's what I was talking about." Butting in, I cast her a wink. "Whatever was it I did to you to earn such scorn?"
"Destroyed--"
"Gensokyo?" I finish for her. "If you're referring to that little issue, let me tell you this: it was an accident."
"Hah!" She snorts so ostentatiously a though of grabbing her throat crosses my mind. "I'm supposed to believe that?"
"It's your call. Just so you know," I lower my voice a bit. "I too had a life there. It wasn't my fault Reimu went mad and killed Yukari, then tried to fuck me over with her fancy spikes and whatnot. If ya want to deny me the right for self-defence, be ready to be denied it yourself as well." She falls silent, maybe not convinced, but quiet nonetheless. Using that moment of peace, I lean back and let out an angry groan. "You know, you ain't the only one affected by the whole fucking muss. I, for one, wanted to simply live on, and last night, my woman got assaulted by a pair of loonies, in my... absence. D'ya think that's nice? To have your woman knocked out for no reason at all? Fuck no."
"And..." Adahn mutters, still slightly too wary. "Where are they...?"
"Both alive." I squinch. "Though they should have died back then. Look," The time is running out. "You may have jacked my arm up, but that's about it. As long as you don't do anything to agitate me, you're safe. Hell," I add. "That was kinda cool, when you burned my hand like that."
Adahn gives me a wry grimace.
"... really." An uncertain tone. "All I did was--"
"Put a seal on it, I'd assume?"
"Not..." She bites her lip. "In a strict sense."
"Either way," I cut the topic short. "I don't give a damn. So just chill, babe. I ain't got nothing on you... yet."
And until you do your best to stir my jar of jam up, there shouldn't be any reason to. Sure, it's your fault my arm's like this, but truth be told, it doesn't bother me that much. The seal-but-not-really is broken, and no restraints can be felt on my magical abilities, although I haven't had any occasion to try them out... Well, it's in the guts, no sense in denying my own body's signals. As for the look... It's only bothersome when I'm in public, and Sanae's way of veiling it should suffice, for now.
"... I'd like to." Here she goes, interrupting my thoughts on her own accord. "But I can't. This whole... thing is just..."
"I know." And feel obliged to assure her of it. "No hard feelings. It really wasn't my fault. Why would I lie?"
Half of her face is gone from my sight when she leans forward, supporting it on one hand.
"I don't know. I only... heard a few things... About someone killing both Yukari Yakumo and Reimu. I... You know, I had... friends there. Lots of friends. Plans. And now it's gone."
"Of course." I nod consolingly. "We all did."
"What am I supposed to do?"
What indeed. What is she supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? See-You at least seemed to have some sort of a plan, but us? Marisa's boyfriend too, but he's only a flying faggot, only good at kicking people's faces from behind.
"... who knows."
"... I'm sorry."
I snort.
"Don't be. I should, but that'd be out of character. Besides..." I mark the end of the conversation with a snicker. "Here we natter, and my lunch has already arrived."
Indeed, it seems that we've wasted enough time for Momizi to come back with a plastic tray, two lone burgers wrapped in serviettes on top. Here's hoping she didn't get any hair on it, like dogs like to do with your food. When she puts the tray before me, I give it a brief scan...
But find nothing. Lucky you, Inubashiri. I'll get you next time.
"Um, Adahn...?" Using the gap created by my examination, the dog girl utters to her friend. "Who is this...?"
Whoops! A slip! Though I know her, both me and Adahn completely forgot she doesn't know me! Ah, ah, and to think I was the one who'd been being pissy about his fame getting ahead of him.
"Ah, he's..."

[ ] It doesn't matter anymore. I should get going and leave those two to their own devices.
[ ] "Just a friend. An ally. Mind if I keep you company?"
[ ] "No one important. Adahn, I should get going, but... your telephone number, can I have it?"
[ ] Wait for Adahn to answer. Let her lead the conversation from now on. Gotta respect her not wanting to involve Momizi.
[ ] "Nanaya Kazami. You may have heard of me."

==

Adahn~
>> No. 22805
[X] "Just a friend. An ally. Mind if I keep you company?"
[X] Before you part ways, remember to ask for her phone number.
>> No. 22806
[x] "Nanaya Kazami. You may have heard of me."
>> No. 22807
[X] "Just a friend. An ally. Mind if I keep you company?"
[X] Before you part ways, remember to ask for her phone number.
>> No. 22808
[X] "Just a friend. An ally. Mind if I keep you company?"
[X] Before you part ways, remember to ask for her phone number.
>> No. 22809
[x] "Just a friend. An ally. Mind if I keep you company?"
[x] Before you part ways, remember to ask for her phone number.
>> No. 22810
[X] "Just a friend. An ally. Mind if I keep you company?"
[X] Before you part ways, remember to ask for her phone number.
>> No. 22811
L4D and supper called, had to answer.

Writing now.
>> No. 22812
[X] "Just a friend. An ally. Mind if I keep you company?"
[X] Before you part ways, remember to ask for her phone number.

"I'm-" It seems the only way of holding a coherent conversation with this girl is to cut in every two words and finish the sentence yourself. Her and Momizi both turn to me, expecting to hear god-knows-what, with their anticipant faces and whatnot. Hey, I ain't about to drop a bomb here, quit acting so darned unstrung already, jebus. What I am about to do, though, is sigh. "Ehh... Just a friend. An ally, if you will."
The dog girl, with her superior senses, reaction time and all the other rubbish, reacts first, blinking her eyes a few, consecutive times, before giving me a slight, yet disturbingly polite bow - a thing so out of place in this part of the world, I nervously glance around if anyone's noticed her doing this. Nope, we're still safe.
"Inubashiri Momizi," She introduces herself. "If you're a friend of Adahn, I apologize for my--"
"At ease." I wave a palm at her. "At ease, soldier." She eyes me, a bit dumbfounded. "Look, we're in public. Your mannerism is out of place."
"Ah." Again, that multiple-blink-thing. It does look sort of cute, but damn me if it ain't a waste of time. "S-sorry. I'm still not used to--" A silent slap can be heard when she shuts her own mouth shut, using - of course - her own hand "Amf-fmmf-- I mean! I moved here only a few days ago, so bear with me!"
Perplexed, I glance at Adahn, who only gives me an apologetic shrug. Sighable, if not outright stupid. In which case it would be sighable as well. Vain thinking, and as such, it ought to be dropped ASA-fucking-P.
"Er... then, mind if I keep you company?"
"No." Momizi gives me a warm smile. "Not at all."
Satisfying answer. So! To all of you fast food addicts out there! Heed my warning, for I'll be devouring those blobs of bread and meat with pleasure so great it will TEAR your heads apart with the sheer force of jealousy! Chomp that shit, captain! Chomp it up!
Ew, cabbage. I am displeased.
Momizi, on the other hand, seems to have calmed down enough to take a seat as supposed. Good girl, at least no one had to tell you to. That'd be rather ironic, don't you think? Now that I think about it... Nah, a lost chance is a lost chance, no use shouting ridiculous stuff right now, is there? Adahn too has settled on her chair, finally making a face that's neither a scowl nor a frown, so I'm happy. Happy.
Happy, huh? Oh, Naya, you cad. Spending time with two pretty girl while your own woman remains at home, lost in magical sleep? You're a bad, bad boy, Naya. Someone's gonna get one HELL of a spanking after this. And it sure ain't gonna be Momizi. Unless...

... nah.
"So yeah." I try to strike up a conversation and not spit too much of the burger out while doing so. "You two friends, huh. Makes me wonder."
Now it's Momizi's turn to appear discontent.
"No." She says, and I swear I can hear her tail wagging. Though it's nowhere to be seen. "Actually, we're a tad bit closer. You could say we're--"
"Ah! Ah, ah, ah!" Adahn throws herself at her friend, and slats her lips shut. "Momizi, don't go on blabbing about our relationship left and right!"
"But Adahn." The girl rebuts. "You said we were--"
"Yeah, I did!" Blushing? "I did, but now it's different! It's different, because we're no longer in--!"
She falls silent under my meaningful stare. Seriously, sober one moment and ready to blow 'our cover' the other. Hey, if I'm just a friend, you shouldn't mention Gensokyo to me, Adahn. Surely, you realize that, don't you?
"... makes me wonder."
I do my best to ignore their faces, and go back to the burgers. Hunger comes first.


...



"Then I'll be seeing you around."
Regardless of my previous remark, Momizi gives me another polite bow, making nothing out of all the pedestrians' stares. Irreformable, those habits of hers, aren't they.
"Yeah, I guess." Funny how I can't help but respond in kind, albeit only by nodding my head. "By the way, Adahn? You... do have a cellphone, right?" She nods. "Your number. May I?"
"I was about to ask the same." So she claims, taking out a little piece of plastic and electronics out of her pocket. I do so with mine too. "Give, I'll type it down."
No use resisting - I hand her my old brick, and watch as she types in a number, and presses the call button... A melody closely resembling a tune from a game I swear I've heard somewhere before sounds briefly, only to be cut short by her fingers a second after. The phone then goes back to me.
"... thanks, I guess."
"You're welcome." However forced, she smiles. "Ah, one more thing."
Before I can react, the girl - the one that put something nasty in my head just yesterday, throws her arms around my shoulders, and pulls her body - a very warm one - closer, almost touching mine. Hell, if fact, I wish she'd shuffle those five or so centimeters forward, if only to feel those knockers press against-- VANISH, DIRTY FIGMENT! Screw that noise! For fuck's sake, in such a moment, thinking of nothing but breasts! What kind of a man you are, Nanaya?!
Answer: a manly one.
"Adahn?" I whisper. "What is it--"
"Evening. Wait 'till it's dark. Then give me a call. We might be able to... help each other out." she pulls back, striking my consciousness with a smile so hot it could melt a man's pants at twenty paces "It's been a while." Now she says out loud. "Good to have you back. Momizi." The dog girl straightens up. "Let's go."
The two of them disappear into the crowd, without any reaction from my side at all.

"... what the hell was that about?"


[ ] Go back to the hospital.
[ ] Head home.
[ ] Stroll around the city.
[ ] Write-in.
>> No. 22813
{X} Head home.
>> No. 22814
[ ] Head home.
>> No. 22815
[x] Head home.
>> No. 22816
[x] Head home.
>> No. 22817
[ ] Head home.
>> No. 22818
[X] Stroll around the city.
It's not like we could die, or anything.
>> No. 22819
Sigh, apologies. My internet crapped out last night, so I had no choice but to say 'fukkit' and go to sleep.

A word on internal monologues. It lies within my vision of a story for the hero to have a reason for his actions. Back in the days of TS, the voters - I mean you, my dearest of audiences - would often include a comment, or an idea of why would the protagonist choose the path they voted for. Nowadays, this tradition is no longer present, and I am left with a decision, backed up by nothing at all. Thus, to satiate my inner pedancy, I would make the protagonist himself justify, and sometimes list the possible intentions 'he' could have had in his mind while making that decision.

>>22818

Aha~.

Updates ought to come within the time of daylight, although I have quite a number of things to take care of today. Still, I'll do my best to take the thread into 90s today. In the meantime... Guess this pic'll have to suffice.
>> No. 22821
>>22819
Delicious Momizi is delicious.

No one makes such comments anymore because no one else listens to them. Forget the protagonist being his own man, the voters control his fate and know it all too well. When they actually give enough of a crap to listen, it turns into an argument that fucks up the whole thread.

Basically, it's better to just leave it to the whim of the writefag to decide the outcome. It may not be a good decision, but it's the best looking one so far.
>> No. 22822
[x] troll around the city.
>> No. 22823
Delays, delays. Had to cook dinner for my family. There are no words capable of expressing my regret.

... or something like that.

==

[X] Head home.

Whatever it was, right now it's of no concern. Had enough of them excitements today already, though it's only 1PM at the most - funny how a single trip to the hospital and eating a meagre lunch with two girls can get ya so tired. Well, whoop-dee-freakin-doo, it's not really my muscles that feel tired, but rather my head, but sod that. There's something waiting for me back home too, no use loiterin' 'round like a witless twat, is there.
"What a knock."
Listen me rambling, flipping my finger to the king of spears and Sanae, and everything he owns.
Well if he really wants something from me, he'll come again. Or send me another dumb note through Sanae-Mail INC. In which case it ain't gonna be a given I won't fulfill the promise from yesterday.
Time to butt against more pedestrians.


...


Finally repatriating from the world of blazing sunlight, exhaust fumes and clumsy tramps, having closed the door of my lair behind me, at last, my lips utter a moan of relief. Home, sweet home - they say, and although I've never licked the walls of this gimcrack flat, I can say for sure.
It is a relief to find myself within the safe haven of their shelter. The faint smell of burned pancakes keeps on hanging in the stale, dirty air, itching my nostrils. If there's one thing the previous me had no idea about, bet it's the knowledge of retaining a place's decent level of living conditions. Argh, how nice it would be to have one of them fairy maids right now! Those goofs always pissed me off for some reason, but at least they took care of any dust or trash muddling around. Too bad they're all dead.
The bandage flies sideways, adding to the mess when I rip it off, not forced to conceal my hand anymore.
"Yuuka? I'm home."
No response to my obnoxious greeting, not that I expected there to be any. Not gonna awaken just yet, eh, Yuuka?
At least she's still there - on the couch in the living room. No one seems to have meddled with the body, as far as I can tell. Sitting beside her, I gently brush the wisps of hair off her forehead, wishing she'd at least move her lips or at least do anything to hint that she knows... Vain hopes, these. The thing I'd sensed yesterday didn't disappear in my absence. It's still there, pulsating with foreign energy inside her head. Abomination. I could easily rip it out, and CRUSH it with my bare fingers, but...
"... sigh."
Yuuka would be rather displeased with her head suddenly turning into a muss of flesh and bone shards, wouldn't she. Wretched, ill luck.
A bit surprised, I find my other hand playing absentmindedly with the cellphone I had almost forgotten existed, before the memories of the ordinary life I had led before made their comeback after the meeting with Adahn and Momizi. Who I used to be. What no longer matters.
The contact list is as follows:

---
1. Adahn TLP (TLP? What does that mean?)
2. Han, Maribel (I found her number in the school records - she's living with her family, so I never called.)
3. Home (The number is probably wrong.)
4. Pizza (The local drive-by and home-delivery place.)
5. Usami, Renko (Coerced it out of one of her classmates. Never called her in the end.)
6. zzz (Not even a proper telephone number. Probably something I had noted down and forgot about.)
---

"... pathetic."
I mutter to myself more than to anyone else.


[ ] Call one of the numbers.
[ ] Screw that, watch some TV.
[ ] Pass time by bringing order to this flat.
[ ] Get on the computer.
>> No. 22825
>1. Adahn TLP (TLP? What does that mean?)
The... Not Inubashiri, not Kagiyama. I dunno.
>5. Usami, Renko
Oh shit!

[X] Pass time by bringing order to this flat.
Adahn told us to call her, but it's not that late yet. We should still have time for that after making this place more presentable.
>> No. 22826
[X] Pass time by bringing order to this flat.
>> No. 22827
[ ] Pass time by bringing order to this flat.
>> No. 22828
{X} Pass time by bringing order to this flat.
>> No. 22829
>>22825
Lady of Pain?
>> No. 22830
[ ] Screw that, watch some TV.
>> No. 22831
Link to the song, if it's of any interest to anyone:

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?ymdnnveznfm

==

[X] Pass time by bringing order to this flat.

Let's play good idea, bad idea. Call any of these people, excluding the pizza place, and the mysterious zzz - good idea? Nope, most definitely not. One point for me, zero for my cellphone. Next time, pal. We'll ring 'em up for no reason at all later. Now it's time to...
Well, there's one thing this place could use, and it ain't a party thrown in the honour of my return to the outside world. In fact, I'm far from feeling like partying at the moment. What, then? Fairies, a whole lot of 'em. To clean all this crap up while I hire two of them to massage my feet. Sigh, groan, a whole plethora of displeased sounds, but none of them conjures up a single, miniature girl to fulfill the selfish wish. Looks like I'm gonna have to take care of things 'round here myself for once.
With a gesture of the glowing hand, I 'pull' a CD player off the nearest shelf, and catch it mid-air. Great, the 'phones are still attached, would be a nightmare to search for them in this muckle of trash. My ears go 'plop' when I push two pieces of plastic in, and press the 'play' button.
"--I know we will be free again..."
Ah, perfect. The battery's not dead yet, godsend.
Alright, then! Time to even the state of this place a lil'!


...


"Mind is willing,
Soul remains."

The tune syncs perfectly with my movements as I pack all the irrelevant and unneeded crap into plastic bags, and toss them out to the hallway.

"This woman cannot be saved,
from being drawn into the fight..."

The old vacuum screeches ominously when I force it to wake up from the long, long slumber it's been having until now. Not even its engine though can deaden the music.

Anything too,
Bring it on home..."

And now, for the grande finale, all the dirty clothes go wrestle each other in the washer. There goes the main part of my worries, and on this mark...

DING DONG!

Hell, now I know why the doorbell I chose to install was the loudest kind available on the market. Not even all the decibels of the music can block out the chime that would surely pierce my ear drums, if I had them headphones off. But, as old habits die hard, so do people cautious of their surrounding, and being one of the honourable bunch, I steal a glance through the peephole...
Well ain't that an unusual guest. Short, long-brown-haired, and most of all - female - with a ridiculously hot school uniform on, she stands in front of my door, glancing alternatingly between the knob, and the little piece of paper in her hand. I pluck one of the 'phones out my ear, and--
... wait a sec. Something's off. But what...?
I give her another scan.
... the air. Sure, it sounds stupid, but the air behind her has strange consistency. As if though there was something hung behind her back, like a semitransparent layer of cloth, only... Well, more ghastly? Kinda resembles that fancy hot air you'd see on Discovery documentaries about them deserts. Hell if I know what that could be, unless it's her own body heat being so hot it looks like that. Could be, can't really rule it out. Bella.

[ ] Open the door.
[ ] Ignore her.
[ ] "... yeah?"
>> No. 22832
[X] Open the door.
Caution? Who needs it?
Also, Aoi~
>> No. 22833
[ ] "... yeah?"

Why hello there Aoi.
>> No. 22834
[ ] "... yeah?"
>> No. 22835
[x] "... yeah?"
>> No. 22836
[x] "... yeah?"
>> No. 22837
[x] "... yeah?"

Rape
>> No. 22838
[x] Ignore her.
>> No. 22839
[X] "... yeah?"

That's right, caution, above all. Just a girl? Call me when girls stop being monsters in disguise in horror movies, THEN I'll reconsider setting my door ajar before this... this... girl, unless it's not a bugbear or a Terminator, dressed in cute flesh. Hell, I'd still hit it, if it was, only after making sure it couldn't hit me.
"... yeah?"
God bless peepholes, allowing us to see our uninvited guests' faces without them seeing ours and peeping at girls changing ever since the times of ancient Rome. The cute monster straightens up so suddenly you'd think a sudden response from behind the door she had rang on startled her for one reason or another.
"U-um..." Her voice is just like you'd expect - high and sweet, like a ripe cherry. "... Mary sent me... Um, is this--"
"Mary?" I butt in, though I'd rather her butt, to be honest. "Maribel Han?"
"Yes... You know her? I mean, of course you do. Um..."
It feels a lil' awkward to talk with her like this. But, but, I can't be letting in stranger girls in while there's something way too precious to risk laying helplessly around, now can I?
"So what is it?"
She jumps up again. Scaredy cat, her. Why do I find that adorable?
"Ah, yes, yes-- um, Mary gave me your address, because Ren had an... accident... she went with her in the ambulance... She told me to contact you, so I came here as fast as possible..."
She goes on, but I don't give a damn anymore. No, instead, I back away from the door, and put a hand on my face.
My ears couldn't have misheard, right? Ren... had an accident? No, wait, why am I so concerned in the first place? Whatever the reason, I am, so there's no use defying the feeling.

[ ] Let her in, and let her elaborate. It's important.
[ ] ... is she really a friend of Renko? More questions, more answers.
[ ] Tell her to wait a moment. Prepare for another trip to the damn place. Right away.
>> No. 22840
[ ] ... is she really a friend of Renko? More questions, more answers.
>> No. 22841
[ ] ... is she really a friend of Renko? More questions, more answers.
>> No. 22842
[ ] Tell her to wait a moment. Prepare for another trip to the damn place. Right away.
>> No. 22843
[x] ... is she really a friend of Renko? More questions, more answers.
>> No. 22844
[ ] ... is she really a friend of Renko? More questions, more answers.

YAF thinks he will get more votes with shorter updates.
>> No. 22845
[x] ... is she really a friend of Renko? More questions, more answers.

god damn weasel
>> No. 22846
>>22844

Rather, quicker. What's the point of more votes, if they never get over the first-2-five rule? Unless, of course, I raised the limit, then there might be more... I guess. Bet most of 'em would be just people bandwagoning/votespamming to get it up as fast as possible.

... can't tell if I should feel flattered or not.

Aaaaaanyway, that one was short cuz Giddy called me to play L4D. So.

Okay. Brushin' my teeth, then writing.
>> No. 22848
A little delayed, but we might still be able to get into 90s today.

==

[x] ... is she really a friend of Renko? More questions, more answers.

No use, but... hold your horses, handsome. Ain't it a little rash, to trust whoever comes at your door, spouting potential nonsense about someone you - supposedly - care about getting hurt? Basing on impulses and emotions, aren't we? Tsk, tsk, tsk, careless, careless, careless. What if those nonsensical fears are right, and the girl behind your door truly is an alien in disguise. Unlikely? Fuck that to hell and back, it ain't the best to be superficial - concentrate on details instead!
"... you for real?" her face tenses, but I don't let her get a word in edgewise "Look, no offense, but are you really a friend of Ren?"
"Of course!" she steps back, putting hands to her chest "I'm her-- I mean, it's me who should be asking questions here!"
"How so?" I can't hold the morbid curiosity back.
"Why did Mary send for you? Who are you, really?"
"That's none of your--"
"You may be an acquaintance of Mary, but..." I step away from the door. There's something going on, I can feel it, but can't put a finger on it. The way she looked at me... No way I'm opening this door. Whatever that peculiar premonition was, to ignore a blatant warning like this-- "Nyom."
A breeze. A gust of wind that never was actually there. A blob of unmoving air 'dashes' past my shoulders, brushing my face, tickling my ears.
"What--?!" My arm responds, but too late. A pair of hands, cold like frozen steel, grasps my wrists from behind and locks them in a grip so strong I can't even as much as wriggle them around. "Bollocks!" I yell "What the ass?!"
But no answer meets my vulgar questions, not counting the lock turning lento, slowly sliding the bar out of the frame. The only obstacle between the door being closed and opened. The only shield I might have had.
"Sorry," she says, gently closing the door behind her as she steps in "But I need to know a few things."
Hell, I really can't--.... I really can't freakin' move! Fuck, to let myself get outwitted like this! Ignoring your queries, will they! Lulling your precaution with pretty eyes, will they!
Speaking of which, that's quite a nice pair of green eyes she's sporting there, kinda reminds me of someone else I know...
"A few things?" I snort, still trying to find a way to free my hands "What would be so important to break into my goddamn flat to ask about?"
"Mary seems to know you," straight to the chase. At least that. Can't help but notice how her tone has changed from 'jittery unstrung' to 'spank your butt if you don't speak' in just a few secs. "But I've never heard of you from Ren. Who are you? Why do you know Mary? Who are you to Ren? Why did Mary send me to fetch you? Why did Ren get into a fight? And..." she leans to the side, glancing at my constricted hands "What happened to your arm?"
... a fight? A minute ago it was only an accident. Wonder what's it gonna be in a few moments. Aliens? Snipers? Hell, girl, you've crossed the line.

[ ] "That hand I'll be jamming up your ass if you don't let me go in three... two..."
[ ] "Look, I don't know what the hell's this all about either. How about we solve it together, eh? That'd be nice."
[ ] Obviously, she has misconceived the difference in powers here. Teach her of her mistakes.
[ ] "Ren is my ex-girlfriend, and I hired a buncha freaks to beat 'er up cause she owes me cash. How the hell am I supposed to know?"
[ ] Answer honestly. No point in lying. That includes the stuff about me stalking them.
>> No. 22851
[x] "Ren is my ex-girlfriend, and I hired a buncha freaks to beat 'er up cause she owes me cash. How the hell am I supposed to know?"

yeah good luck it's after 3 in the night.
>> No. 22852
[x] "That hand I'll be jamming up your ass if you don't let me go in three... two..."

INVADING MY HOME?
>> No. 22853
[x] Obviously, she has misconceived the difference in powers here. Teach her of her mistakes.

No hesitation - Aoi is just gonna fuck us up. Take her out swiftly.
>> No. 22855
[x] Obviously, she has misconceived the difference in powers here. Teach her of her mistakes.
>> No. 22856
[X] Answer honestly. No point in lying. That includes the stuff about me stalking them.
You just cleaned up. If you can't avoid the fight, at least take it outside.
>> No. 22859
[x] Obviously, she has misconceived the difference in powers here. Teach her of her mistakes.

Oh, come on, YAF. What happened to less internal monologue and dramatalk?
>> No. 22860
>>22859

Er, there isn't much of it, is there? More like, comments on what's currently happening? ... I don't even know anymore.
>> No. 22861
[x] Obviously, she has misconceived the difference in powers here. Teach her of her mistakes.
>> No. 22862
[x] Obviously, she has misconceived the difference in powers here. Teach her of her mistakes.
>> No. 22863
Sort of had a shitty day today. Got a giantous headache, accompanied by something stinging in my chest. A 3-hours nap fixed it, I think.

Well, there wasn't a winning option anyway, so guess nothing of value was lost. Writing now.
>> No. 22864
[X] Obviously, she has misconceived the difference in powers here. Teach her of her mistakes.

I check my hands one more time, but it ain't any different from earlier. Something - apparently invisible - holds 'em at the wrists so steadfastly even my unnatural strength doesn't help much. Sure is unfair 'round these parts, I must say.
"Cat got your tongue?" The girl urges, completely oblivious to my discomfort. "Get to answering."
"Ah, yeah, yeah, right." I snort in response. "Sorry, kinda got lost in thought there. Couldn't find a rhyme to 'defeat'."
She cocks her head to the side a bit, bemused expression stretching her face.
"What?"
The flow of energy feels refreshing for the veins, when I kick-start the source I haven't used for so long. An overbrimming stream of undescribable vigour, so great, so magnificent, almost uncontainable fills every cubic centimeter of the changed flesh, mutated - or should I say, ascended - by the same kind of power. Power I owe to the woman laying helplessly in the living room. Power - that ironically - I'll be using to protect her.
Twisting my wrist out of the joint, I grab a hold of the captor's hands - or whatever it is holding onto me. It should have hurt a hella lot, but there's nothing to be felt. Only the warm, soft flesh of someone who had the balls to sneak up on me from behind.
I grin.
"Well, let me tell ya what."

Enflame.
As if though the thing was made of animated gasoline, fire spreads along it's shapeless body, entangling the whole of it in ominous, orange flames in less than a second. The other assailant doesn't even get as much as to step back, before the grip on my wrists weakens, for a mere moment, which is enough for me to jerk my arms forward...
"SOAR!"
... and throw the thing, whatever it is, literally shoot it from my palms, in the direction of the door. They slam open, letting the trash be thrown outside. And the girl...
Oh. She somehow managed to dodge that. Well, at least there's still someone to play with.
She glances briefly over her shoulder, seemingly unfazed by what I've just done to her companion.
"Such a thing won't--"
Her sentence ends in a muffled gurgle when having dashed forward, I gave it a swift and strong kick. Standing on my hands. Her stance wavers, but not enough to make her fall over. Nothing that couldn't be fixed.
So, using only a factor of the strength I could utilize, I wrap my leg around her neck, and bring her to the ground, then pin that pretty head of hers to the floor with one hand.
"As I was saying," The other in the meantime takes its time to scratch my nose. "What I thought would rhyme with defeat, was 'dead meat'. But I guess 'beat' could suffice too. Unless ya wanna give the former option a go?"
Her muscles twitch under my fingers when she tries to look at my victorious face. Obviously, I don't let her.
"So you're one of us too..."
"Good job, Sherlock." I snicker. "As if a green, glowing hand wasn't enough of a clue."
"Nyom won't be killed so easily." Says she, in a steely voice. "Even if you try--"
"Oh," I butt in. "But it ain't gonna return so fast if it knows what's good for 'im."
"..."
The gritting of her teeth is a song of triumph to my ears, though there's no denying it could use more of that sweet, sweet voice as the background noise. Preferably moaning. In my bed.
"Besides," I continue. "It's rare to see a ghost follow a human's command. Surely it can't be a very smart fellow, right?" Snort. "Unless that's what you're thinking about. Hoping for it to come back, cause it doesn't realize I'm gonna spill your brains if it tries anythin' funny. Oh," I add in a condescending tone. "Don't give me this silence. Come on, say something!"
"... why must Ren insist on interacting with you guys? If everyone is like you, then no wonder... No wonder..."
Her little body jerks up once while she repeat those words. Yeah, crying won't help, you know. I ain't gonna wait for some slowpoke lass to finish tearing her sorrows out before I get my goddamn answers. But while she deserves to be blammed into stratosphere for the mere fact she dared to raise a hand at me, I ain't gonna profit anythin' from hushin' her voice like that, am I? So, as much as it hurts my pride, sighing, I let go of her oh-so-delicious body, and stand up.
"Well," Hands on hips. "That's about it for todays lesson. Bottom line: think twice before attacking me next time. Ya had it coming." Aaaand, no reaction. However damn great amount of generosity my gesture bore, looks like she can't be assed to at least show some appreciation. "Yo, chin up." Her face strikes me as inappropriate when I lift her by her shoulders, so after putting her on her feet, I give it a few gentle - but emphatic - slaps. "Gather up, goofball."
She only glances at me, genuinely confused, revealing the ugly mark my shoe left on her slim, sweet neck. Ack, a pity. Well, it was her call, couldn't do anything about it.
"You're... not going to...?"
To what, kill her? Shucky hell, she doesn't get a single thing, does she?

[ ] "And what, make our mutual friend cry? Smarten up, and tell me what you know."
[ ] "No, but if you ain't gonna spill the beans, I may as well kick yer arse out the door. See, I got them other things to do right now."
[ ] "Before shagging you? No way in hell. But let's get down to business, shall we?" pause for a second "I mean Ren. Tell me what happened to Ren."
[ ] "Well, if you insist..."
[ ] "Not if you give me a kiss. On the cheek. And let's get going, okay? Ren's waiting."
[ ] "Nope, come for another lesson tomorrow." push her out the door "Ciao!"
>> No. 22865
[ ] "And what, make our mutual friend cry? Smarten up, and tell me what you know."
>> No. 22866
[x] "And what, make our mutual friend cry? Smarten up, and tell me what you know."
>> No. 22867
[x] "And what, make our mutual friend cry? Smarten up, and tell me what you know."

>"Nyom won't be killed so easily." Says she, in a steely voice. "Even if you try--"

Our next task is to find a way to kill a ghost.
>> No. 22868
[X] "Before shagging you? No way in hell. But let's get down to business, shall we?" pause for a second "I mean Ren. Tell me what happened to Ren."
>> No. 22869
[x] "And what, make our mutual friend cry? Smarten up, and tell me what you know."

game set, goal
>> No. 22870
[ ] "And what, make our mutual friend cry? Smarten up, and tell me what you know."
>> No. 22871
... no picking up Aoi? I am bemused.

Anyhow, writing soon-ish, which roughly means there ought to be an update within the next two hours.
>> No. 22872
[X] "And what, make our mutual friend cry? Smarten up, and tell me what you know."

Well, looks like I'm gonna enlighten yet another clueless lass today. Wonder how many more will come to get a lecture on prof. Kazami 'Not-My-Goddamn-Fault' doctrine. Next thing I know there'll be a class o' drooling fangirls sucking every word out o' my mouth, and I'll be more than happy to teach them whatever they'll want.
Anyhow, not goin' to? Hell if I am.
"And what?" Letting go of her shoulders, I step back and dust my own off. "Make our mutual friend cry?"
She eyes me as if though there were a pink parrot sitting on top of my head. Well, can't say for sure there ain't - using magic out of the blue sometimes did have some wonky impact on reality back in Gensokyo, but we're not really there anymore. Moreover, even if there is a cawing faggot sitting there, might as well leave it alone. Never mess with magically conjured creatures, taught the bookworm Shio the unruly Nanaya, and needless to say, the bozo didn't listen, and got himself a scar on the palm, thus learning a very important, practical wisdom. Fuck them magic animals, fuck them in the butt.
"But if you're--"
"No," I cut in, almost jamming a finger up her nose, to which she responds by simply staring at it, still bewildered about the whole incident. "I don't give a damn what you were told or what ya think. Whatever it is, it ain't my fault, okay? As long as ya keep your fingers off my things, unless asked otherwise, you're gonna be fine. Got it?"
"But--"
"No butts." I butt in yet again. "The only butt you're gonna talk about is Ren's. But first..." She blinks a few times when I scan her whole figure with zeal worth of better cause. "Smarten up. Then, tell me what you know. Now." I point to the door on my right. "Bathroom. Wash your face or what."
But despite my utmost efforts to be gracious host, she remains rooted in place, seemingly not intent on following any of my friendly suggestions. Sighing, I grasp her shoulder yet again and shove her inside the cramped room, and close the door... Of course not before giving her bum a light smack. Too delicious to pass on.

But, but, here we let strangers use our provisions, while there's something else still up and about in our enclave. The thing that I kicked out the door - the very one that's now sporting an ugly dent, which I notice while passing by - and into the yard.
And, there it is, wallowing about on the grass, still trying to get the magic fire off itself. What a pathetic sight. Well, but I ain't gonna let it burn evermore, that'd be a waste of time.
So, having jumped over the rail, and off the balcony, I calmly walk to its side.
"Yo." An out of place greeting. "Can ya talk?"
It doesn't answer, or even stop rolling for that matter. Sigh, no other way but to put it out for the time being, I guess.
A click of fingers does it.
Well, now it's kinda hard to keep eyes on, but the slight hint of disturbed air remains where there was a burning blob of whitey matter a second ago.
"..."
And still no answer. Hey, shouldn't you at least thank me, ya twat? No gratitude at all, I swear.
"Oi, wanna get set on fire again?" Amazingly, it raises a bit off the ground, shaking its... self left and right. There's no 'head' to speak of, but somehow I'm conviced it just shook its at me. "So you a ghost?" Nod. Or whatever. "That lass your host?" Shake. "Body?" Shake. "What, master?" Shake. I have no idea what to think anymore. Ghosts don't usually even listen to us still-living, let alone fulfilling our orders. The hell's up with this thing? "Well, why do ya keep serving her, then?" It keeps still for what seems to be a few seconds, then briefly waves the 'rear' part of it's body. What the... "Okay, what was that supposed to--"
But before I can pinpoint the details, it disappears from my sight, dashing through the air towards the direction I came from. Looking there, I see the girl glaring at me impatiently.
"Nyom doesn't like strangers."
Or so you'd like to think, but seeing how it's shyly hovering behind her back, I've no choice but to assume she does have a basis for that theory.
"Whatever you say." I shrug, and look up again. "Hope ya didn't rummage through my flat?"
She frowns.
"Why would I?"
"No reason." Okay, we're done down here, might as well get back up. But, as stairs would be a pain, there should be nothing against using a bit of them walls a lil'. So, kicking myself off the ground, I bounce from one of the concrete pillars supporting the balcony, and grab a hold of the railing with one hand. Then, without a delay flip myself over to the other side. "Then," Perfect, not even a hint of short breath marks my voice. On the other hand, the girl appears to be quite astounded. Fuckin' A, me. "About Ren."
"Aren't you afraid..." She mutters. "Of people seeing your... tomfoolery?"
"Not really. You see, this is my territory, and I bet everyone sane flew the coop after seein' a ball of hellfire burst through my door." Her face gets a bit crestfallen when I give that simplistic explanation. "But, Ren. What happened. Tell me what you know."
"Nothing much." She replies. "She got into a fight with... someone, and got wounded. Mary took an ambulance with her to the hospital. I... Ren's been out at night a lot lately... I knew she'd get involved in something bad sooner or later, but she wouldn't listen." A sigh. "And now when it comes to the worst, I can't even be at her side, because Mary sends me to fetch some guy I've never met before. Not to mention how the said guy acts." She raises her chin and looks at my pleased face with what I take is a hint of despise. "... sorry, I shouldn't have--"
"Don't sweat it. Rather, what do you mean by 'fetch'?"
She shrugs weakly.
"Apparently she wants to see you." And replies vaguely. "At the hospital, for some reason. If only I could..."
Mary wants to see me? Well, I had no idea she knew about me making my escape from Gensokyo in time, but... ain't this interesting.

[ ] Very well. Let's get going. Just grab a few things and be-a on your way, wizard.
[ ] No way I'm going to the hospital again. I still haven't decided how to answer that See-You guy. Ren'll have to wait.
[ ] "Look, I can't go. It's a pain, I know, but how 'bout ya go back there and tell Mary to come personally? Two birds with one stone, eh?"

==

Ten centuries shall the fortress stand...
Walls of spirit wrapped in walls of fire...
>> No. 22874
[x] "Look, I can't go. It's a pain, I know, but how 'bout ya go back there and tell Mary to come personally? Two birds with one stone, eh?"
[x] "Or perhaps I'll just call her and explain my situation"
>> No. 22875
[x] "Look, I can't go. It's a pain, I know, but how 'bout ya go back there and tell Mary to come personally? Two birds with one stone, eh?"
[x] "Or perhaps I'll just call her and explain my situation"
>> No. 22876
[x] "Look, I can't go. It's a pain, I know, but how 'bout ya go back there and tell Mary to come personally? Two birds with one stone, eh?"
[x] "Or perhaps I'll just call her and explain my situation"
>> No. 22877
[z] "Look, I can't go. It's a pain, I know, but how 'bout ya go back there and tell Mary to come personally? Two birds with one stone, eh?"
[z] "Or perhaps I'll just call her and explain my situation"
>> No. 22878
[z] "Look, I can't go. It's a pain, I know, but how 'bout ya go back there and tell Mary to come personally? Two birds with one stone, eh?"
[z] "Or perhaps I'll just call her and explain my situation"
>> No. 22879
[X] "Look, I can't go. It's a pain, I know, but how 'bout ya go back there and tell Mary to come personally? Two birds with one stone, eh?"
[X] "Or perhaps I'll just call her and explain my situation"

Hmm, we should probably call Adahn too later.
>> No. 22881
Was right in calling a shitty day on yesterday. Damn them health problems.

Anyway, changing the rules from first-2-five to whatever-has-more-votes-when-I-get-down-to-writing. Should be more flexible that way.

I'll be back in roughly five hours.
>> No. 22883
[z] "Look, I can't go. It's a pain, I know, but how 'bout ya go back there and tell Mary to come personally? Two birds with one stone, eh?"
[e] "Or perhaps I'll just call her, and explain my situation."
>> No. 22884
Back, writing commences in three... two... one... Gunnery control, open fire.
>> No. 22885
[X] "Look, I can't go. It's a pain, I know, but how 'bout ya go back there and tell Mary to come personally? Two birds with one stone, eh?"
[X] "Or perhaps I'll just call her and explain my situation"

But, no matter how hard the curiosity may urge, there's something more important that requires my attention.
"Look," I give her a shrug "Can't go, sorry."
"But Mary--"
"It's pain, I know." not letting her finish "But I really can't go. Hey, I've got an idea." she frowns at my overly artificial stunner suggestion "How 'bout ya go back there and tell Mary to get her butt over personally if she wants something? That way," I smile "We'll kill two birds with one stone, eh?"
But it would seem that even the prospect of getting to look after wounded Ren doesn't appear too appealing to this gal. Hell, and here I thought she'd throw herself into my embrace, grateful for that wonderful idea. Tough luck.
"... that is an option, but..."
I put hands on my hips and sigh.
"Or perhaps I'll just call her and explain my situation."
The girl slumps her shoulders even more.
"... Mary doesn't carry her phone around..."
"Well, then! No other choice but to head back there, ain't there?"
She still resists.
"I don't know if she'll--"
"And I don't give a damn!" my hands move on their own and begin pushing her in the direction of the staircase "Just go there, and tell her to get her ass over here, mkay? Oh, and by the way?" I quickly throw before she disappears downstairs "Your name?"
"... Aoi." she replies after a moment of awkward silence "Aoi Watarase."



...



Not thirty minutes later, my resumed cleaning gets interrupted once more, this time not by another unexpected guest popping up at the door, but by the darned cellphone going off all of a sudden.
Having thrown away the dust rag I've been using aside, I check the damn thing.

Usami, Renko
(XX)XXX-XXX-XXX


... is what it says. Well, either Ren isn't in as bad a state as Aoi made it out to be, or...
Click.
"Ren?"
"Not this time, Tiger." mocks the voice from the other side "You've gotten rather lazy since the last time we met."
"And this," I ask, in the same, gibelike tone "Is how you greet an old friend? Why are you on Ren's phone?"
"Dead people can't refuse."
I grimace involuntarily.
"You did not just suggest that."
"Right." a grim snicker "That was a a poor joke, I'm sorry."
"You better be."
"Since when do you care about her so much?"
"Since, Mary, my love," I rebut "She became one of the few people remaining that know of Gensokyo. Suppose," I add, hearing a muffled snicker "Your request had something to do with it all, no?"
"Sort of." she answers, now completely serious "There's something we ought to talk about in private. Say, the park? In fifteen minutes?"

[ ] "No can do. If you want to talk, get your butt over here, honey."
[ ] "Sure, just let me grab a pair of nice pants. A date with Maribel doesn't happen every so often."
[ ] "Another walk won't hurt, I guess."
[ ] "Actually, how about you pay me a visit? I've got cookies."
[ ] "Sure the line ain't bein' tapped. Shoot."
>> No. 22886
[X] "Another walk won't hurt, I guess."
By the way, what's the time?
>> No. 22887
[X] "Another walk won't hurt, I guess."
>> No. 22888
[x] "Another walk won't hurt, I guess."
>> No. 22889
[ ] "Another walk won't hurt, I guess."
>> No. 22890
[X] "Another walk won't hurt, I guess."
>> No. 22891
[x] "Another walk won't hurt, I guess."

yar
>> No. 22892
>>awoken from the shards of tattered dreams

I can't believe I only just noticed that.
>> No. 22893
>>22892

I love that line. It's so stupid, yet so ridiculously pompous.

==

[X] "Another walk won't hurt, I guess."

Sure, yeah, why the drat not? I ain't got nothing better to do than to bustle around aimlessly, killing time and playing with Yuuka's face.
"Another walk won't hurt, I guess."
"Terrific." Can't tell if she's being sarcastic or not. "I'll be waiting then. Hope you remember what my face looks like?"
I lour a bit at her ridiculous question.
"Course I do, and even if not, your bust should be enough of a hint."
"Obscene as always." A short cackle. "Au revoir, then, troublemaker."
The phone goes silent before I'm able to answer. Well, wasn't that vague. To think we haven't seen each other for - how long? - several months at least, and first thing she says is 'you've gotten lazy'. Zero finesse, Maribel.
The screen states it's almost past 4PM. Where does the time go.
Yuuka mutters something in her sleep, as if to tell me something.
Frankly? It feels a tad bit bad, leaving my woman alone again, but then again, she ain't gonna get mad, is she. Not as long as she's in this state, at least, unless the spell suddenly decides to wear off in the least favourable moment, which I hope it doesn't. Yeah, tag me a tactless by-blow, but given the recent events, it's sort of relieving she's out.
Now, enough worrying about Yuuka, and let us commence worrying about myself. Where'd that bandage go?



...


One could question having a park so small in a city so big, but honestly - what's the point. At least it doesn't take long to spot a familiar, kind of nostalgic figure sitting on one of the benches by the graveled path. Haven't changed at all, her. Same, peculiar clothes, same hair, same maternal smile on her lips. The only regrettable point? Her chest hasn't changed one bit either. Regret and sorrow, Naya. Regret and a whole gulf of sorrow. Take a swim.
"Late." She states, instead of a greeting. "You'll never get a date like this."
But rather than giving me a scowl and an emphatic reprimand, her arms punish me in another - much more pleasant way. By giving me a hug, that is.
"Why, hello there." I try to sound mocking, but return the embrace. "Missed me?"
"Like you'd never believe."
We remain still for a few whiles longer, then at the same time, pull back. Well, ain't this nostalgic. I'm on the verge of feeling a lil' awkward here. So is she, it seems.
"Really." So, to try my abashment in audacity is a natural thing to do. "Why didn't ya bunch drop by during one of your jaunts?"
Mary gives me a dismissing wave, laughing in a troubled manner.
"Ah, you know how it is. No time for anything."
"You just forgot about me," I squint my eyes. "Didn't ya. My ticker's bleedin', Mary."
"Ahaha, no, no." She assures. "Ren wouldn't shut up about you for the first few days, you know." Ren? Hard to believe, but if she says so... "She's such a softy on the inside, really." Well, that I CAN believe, somehow. "She even took care of tricking the school's staff into believing you'd moved elsewhere."
"Yeah. Come to think of it, ain't it a miracle they didn't raid my flat while I was gone, huh."
"Yeah," Mary nods. "A real miracle."
It really is. Well, either I'm just a damn lucky hombre, or it's some invisible hand at work or what have ya. In any case, more pressing matters beckon.
"You know, you really should've dropped by. I just cleaned up too."
"No, I couldn't." She shakes her head, still smiling that awkwardly troubled smile. "Maybe another time. Yeah, another time."
"Your call." I shrug. "Well, let's cut to the chase, then." Just as me, she sobers up immediately, and preens a serious face. "What did ya want?"
The corners of her lips curve up again in spite of the grievous look of her eyes.
"From chitchattery to business, without a single slip." Snicker. "How professional of you."
"Well, pardon me not wearin' my suit."
"Pardoned." She answers, wiping the grin off her face. "But, you're right. We don't have all day, and most certainly not all night. Tell me," She suddenly faces my impatient stare. "Who have you met?"

[ ] "... met? What are ya blabbin' about?"
[ ] Well, best to tell her the whole story in one go, no?
[ ] "If you mean them guys who know about Gensokyo, only three. Well, counting Aoi, four. Why?"
[ ] "I thought this'd be about Ren. Ain't ya worried 'bout her, Mary?"
>> No. 22895
{X} Well, best to tell her the whole story in one go, no?
>> No. 22896
[ ] "If you mean them guys who know about Gensokyo, only three. Well, counting Aoi, four. Why?"
>> No. 22897
[x] "If you mean them guys who know about Gensokyo, only three. Well, counting Aoi, four. Why?"

I'm not exactly comfortable with telling her everything before we know where she stands in all this.
>> No. 22898
[x] "If you mean them guys who know about Gensokyo, only three. Well, counting Aoi, four. Why?"
>> No. 22899
[x] "If you mean them guys who know about Gensokyo, only three. Well, counting Aoi, four. Why?"
>> No. 22900
[x] "If you mean them guys who know about Gensokyo, only three. Well, counting Aoi, four. Why?"
>> No. 22901
[x] "... met? What are ya blabbin' about?"
[x] "I thought this'd be about Ren. Ain't ya worried 'bout her, Mary?"

Let's play dumb.
>> No. 22902
Damn, new-Naya sounds so... country.
>> No. 22903
[X] "If you mean them guys who know about Gensokyo, only three. Well, counting Aoi, four. Why?"

>>22902
My thoughts exactly.
>> No. 22904
>>22902
hahah yes. That's why i don't pick some choices cause they sound like that.
>> No. 22905
He's making up for all that time he'd spent with Yuuka, Shio, and overzealous courtesy.
>> No. 22906
Pardon me any mistakes, I'm a little drunk, and my proofer's out and about.

==

[x] "If you mean them guys who know about Gensokyo, only three. Well, counting Aoi, four. Why?"

Straightforward, and down to business in a single sentence. Just how I like it.
"If you mean them guys who know about Gensokyo," I put hands on my hips and smile a lil'. "Only three. Well," Then quickly add, seeing her open her beautiful lips to respond. "Counting Aoi, that'd be four."
"Then still not everyone, huh..." Mary whispers as if to herself. "Guess it may be for the best."
Be it or not, there're more important questions to ask.
"Why?"
She casts me a brief glance.
"Actually, no reason." The answer is brief and unsatisfying. "I was a little worried about your... safety. You know, some of them are really dangerous, and with your hand..." Mary peeks at my bandaged palm. "It could wind up nasty. That's only one thing, though," She adds. "The second being... your partner."
I snort.
"And how do you know about her?"
"Oh, I'd seen this and that before the whole incident struck." Swear there's a displeased hint in her tone. "That party at Reimu's shrine, for example?" A rhetorical question. "You weren't particularly sneaky about your misadventures with Yuuka."
Can't be denied. Guess it's my fault for forgetting about Mary's tiny, wittle connection to Yukari. Suppose it's only natural she would know what the gap bitch knew, huh. That'd explain why she was aware of what'd happened and why she called me out. And, if I recall correctly, Yukari hinted at peeking at us doing... things.
"Peeping ain't nice, ya." I screw up my face in a grimace. "Can't a pair o' mates have a lil' bit of privacy?"
She replies with a frown.
"It's not like I had a choice." And a sigh. "Anyway, how is she?"
"Fine, in a manner of speaking." I shrug. "Why?"
"Morbid curiosity."
"Awfully morbid, ain't it." But there's no other response. "I don't feel like talkin' about her, though. So drop it."
Displeased, but she nods in agreement.
"If you wish so. Dang," A gentle curse escapes her lips when she takes a look at the phone she's been holding in her hand - Ren's phone - and stings my ears like the worst of swears. Somehow it doesn't suit her style. Sounds almost awkward, honestly. "Would you look at the time." No, I ain't gonna. "Sorry, I've got other things to do, so..." Scooting already? "Surely, you've got a lot of things to do yourself too. I'll be going then."
Wait, so quickly? This ain't right in the least, Mary. Either you're being a B and standin' me up, or...

[ ] "... sure. So long, Mary."
--[ ] Write-in regarding further actions.
[ ] "Oh, no, you didn't. Not even a cup o' tea? This ain't a proper reunion, Mary."
[ ] "Hold up. Got a few questions of my own, me. Mind answering them?"
--[ ] Write-in regarding questions.
>> No. 22907
>I'm a little drunk

Only a drunken YAF is a good YAF
>> No. 22908
[X] "... sure. So long, Mary."
--[X] Call Adahn.
>> No. 22909
>>22907
No.

{X} "... sure. So long, Mary."
--{X} Call Adahn.
>> No. 22910
[X] "... sure. So long, Mary."
--[X] Call Adahn.

What's with Nanaya's southern twang?
>> No. 22911
[x] "Oh, no, you didn't. Not even a cup o' tea? This ain't a proper reunion, Mary."

Dang("a gentle curse")? B? The whole damn accent? Did you find religion or are you too preoccupied with painting your fingernails to type whole fucking words?
>> No. 22913
He's overly relaxed, since Yuuka isn't listening, and so his tongue twirls around on its own. Notice how in certain circumstances, he cuts the sleazy language short.
... that is, if I had to pull a reason out my ass to justify the thing. Frankly, I'm trying out some tricks to make the character seem a little different, more refreshing, than the previous incarnations of his.

Ahh, Wednesday, the time for the experiment to finish its course. Truth be told, I am not pleased with the pace, but then again, it's 60% my fault. The last few days weren't so forgiving on my poor, lazy self, and so the updates weren't as frequent as I'd have liked them to be.
That being said, depending on my mood and motivation, we may either carry on, or take a longer break, I've not quite decided yet.

Writing as soon as there's five for any of the options, I'm checking the board every 20 minutes, unless busy with vidya.
>> No. 22914
[X] "... sure. So long, Mary."
--[X] Call Adahn.
>> No. 22915
[X] "... sure. So long, Mary."
--[X] Call Adahn.
>> No. 22916
Alright. Writing.
>> No. 22917
[X] "... sure. So long, Mary."
--[X] Call Adahn.

... or, well, not. Either way, her time's her business, and I ain't gonna butt in uninvited.
"Sure," Her smile assures me of the rightness of my decision. "Guess that's a goodbye for today, eh?"
"Mhm." A nod. "Sorry it was so short, but I really have to go."
I shrug.
"Sure, suit yourself."
"Once again, sorry."
She says so once again, starting to make her way down the path. I can only stand and watch as she nears a swerve, and disappears behind a giant bush of an unspecified kind. Well, wasn't that short.
"So long, Mary."

I let myself slump onto the bench, and sigh. More like take a deep breath of the fresh air and exhale it loudly, but for the sake of simplicity, let's call it a sigh. Man, and to think that girl wasn't anyone special for me - and now? Look at him, getting all depressed about this quick parting. The hell are you doing, Naya?
A jogger dashes past me, apparently thinking the park could as well be treated as a track field.
Waste of time, this meeting was. Should have stopped her, taken her to a restaurant, then home, and then-- I mean, home. Her home. Walk her home or something, totally not shag her while Yuuka's sleeping a meter or so away--
"... hmm?" A gust of wind carries a peculiar smell to tickle my nostrils. "... blood?"
So it would seem, but looking around reveals no bodies or carcasses or anything. Probably just an illusion, unless there's a vampire ginmill somewhere 'round. Not likely. But, that reminds me.
There's another girl I ought to come in touch with again, and although it may be a little too early... Well... Not like I've got anything better to do.

Calling:
Adahn TLP
(XX)XXX-XXX-XXX


Three bleeps before the speaker crackles briefly...
"Didn't I tell you to wait 'till it's dark?"
Is that music I hear in the background? Yeah, it's garbled, but I can clearly hear a brisk tune playing on the other side.
"You busy?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"You busy?" I repeat, this time more forceful.
"... not really. Why--" A few, silent cracks. "...--this thing... Momizi? Sorry," Adahn speaks louder, despite me being right there, with the phone at my ear. "[i]Look, we're kind of occupied, so--"
"Didn't you just say," I cut in "You weren't?"
"Ah, yeah, right... Er. Anyway, what did you want?"

[ ] "My date just turned the tail and I'm bored. Wanna meet up?"
[ ] "... nothing. Just checking up on you two."
[ ] "Technical problems? How about you let a guy handle it? Just a word."
>> No. 22918
>>22917

[ ] "... nothing. Just checking up on you two."
>> No. 22919
[x] "... nothing. Just checking up on you two."
>> No. 22920
[x] "... nothing. Just checking up on you two."

Lets get this vote winning
>> No. 22921
[ ] "... nothing. Just checking up on you two."
>> No. 22922
[x] "... nothing. Just checking up on you two."
>> No. 22925
Gee, sure is boring decisions around here. Why, you want to go back home and idly watch over unconscious Yuuka?
>> No. 22927
>>22925
Because Yuka is love. And she would beat the crap out of him if he fools around with some other girls.
>> No. 22929
[X] "My date just turned the tail and I'm bored. Wanna meet up?"

Oh come on. What was the point of not going with Mary if we won't do anything else either?
>> No. 22931
"If you're born to hang,
you'll never drown."



Sigh. First of all, that. I am displeased. By various factors. Mostly, the speed at which the votes come. It was said in the beginning that the experiment will be held to see if 4S can return to its former updates-time ratio. Conclusion: it can't. Neither can I. The wait is killing both the motivation and the enthusiasm for work, as well as the stance on pending scenes, making them less and less appealing with every passing hour, as I'm denied the pleasure of writing even further. I said, not long ago: I'll burn myself before you can bury me. And so I do.

You know, I actually had a lot of zest for this one. Thought of a lot of awesome twists and moments, like for example the (missed) visit in the hospital, where Naya would drive Aoi and/or Maribel out the room, then proceed to seat himself on top of wounded Renko, and having confessed that 'he's always wanted to rape her', he would next start doing... something to her. No, not rape. Don't read me too literally. A whole plethora of events for Adahn/Adahn and Momizi for this in-game evening. A hilarious scene for the morning. A lot of stuff for Aoi. A bunch for Yuuka. The whole greater plot ploughing its way through the leisure slice-of-life mercilessly... A lot of things.
The thing is, I can't. I had no hopes for TSR, the slow pace didn't bother me. But 4S? Remember its past? Before the whole mod drama? Fast, dirty and enjoyable. Not anymore.

I've come with a solution. Drop writing for THP. Again. Permanently. Or not. If so, never pick up any of the old projects. Start out brand new. Preferably under a changed name. It's been proven many times already, that my creations not signed by my tripcode suddenly become much more awesome. That time HY 'hijacked' CoMN. Posting as ragecorp. And a few more instances I'd rather not mention.
What will you do, then? - you might ask. - Writing is your passion! Your destiny! - hell if I know. Sorry for being blunt. I've got a lot of school work to do. Work on my grades. There's a documentary movie production coming up I was asked to partake in. Mainly thanks to my control over the English language. Apparently you're some sort of a prodigy if you can speak English fluently in Poland.

I won't offer you any choice, because unlike the ones in the stories, I can perfectly predict what you'd answer. So instead of that, I'll take the liberty of choosing for you.


If there are any questions, shoot. If you're perhaps interested in my notes regarding 4S and a few other things, just ask. For the time being, I'll be right there, idly staring at the download bar of Bioshock slowly, but inevitably, filling itself.
>> No. 22932
>>22931

As one who has enjoyed reading your stories since the start of this LA business, I can't say I'm happy with this outcome. But, if there's no motivation to write, there's just no motivation to write. I'm hoping you change your mind but if not, well, thems the breaks.

If you do write here again, may I suggest more Mokou? I liked your version of her in that brief story you did as ragecorp quite a bit. Regardless of the name you use, I still like your writing.
>> No. 22933
Cry me a river, YAF.

If you weren't so damn picky, this might not have been an option for you. There's always another way. Drop your pride for once.
>> No. 22934
Not this shit again..
>> No. 22935
>>22933

Not possible. Pride is all I have.
>> No. 22936
What, again?
>> No. 22937
And nothing of value was lost.

Nor was enough value been regained to make up for what we lost last time this happened.
>> No. 22940
>>22931
It's been a full year man and the last months since december were really painful to watch. I have to thank you that you tried and didn't give up halfway like others would have. A full year writing and half of it just sucked for you.
I was always saying you have to write to prove your worth, you did afterall prove it.
So thanks for (nearly) a year full of writing and letting me enjoy your stories.

/shrine/ will be empty without you and you will be missed, but it is for the best. Good luck YAF.

I have all my pictures on my Laptop, best one i could find. And no this post is not sarcasm. I am serious.
>> No. 22946
>>22940

That they were. Really painful.
I'll share a secret with you, the secret of my downfall. You see, being the self-critical person I am, I couldn't come to love any of my creations. TS was nothing but a thorn in my side, a thorn that people kept on pushing to their own content. I endured. So was CoMN. The trainwreck that I had come to despise, but took it all the way to the bitter end, the crash. Then came 4S, brutally interrupted by the mod drama. Afterwards, a couple of side-projects, mainly social experiments, not worth of mentioning. And then, the next serious project - TSR. It was probably the only story I had no hopes for whatsoever, and thus it somewhat grazed along my side, never coming to turn into a bother. Until the last few bits, when it devolved (it is a good word) into a dramafest, with no way out. Still, I endured.

I cannot love my creations. It goes against my nature. But you know what? I've learned to fill the void in my heart with the love of others. Giddy's adoration of Fuku being the crown example. The Ordinary Day remains one of the few things I've written and didn't hate. Anyway, I've failed. I sought love where it no longer was, and was left with a bleeding, incomplete heart.

The most painful thing? The irony. All the advice I had given to HY about writing for an anonymous readerbase helped him get back on track, and spread his threads all over /th/ yet again. I'm talking about his most recent story. None of these ever worked for me. It is as though I was condemned to helping other people, with no way to help myself. How many times did I convince other writers to resume their work? Many. No one ever helped me. No, I'm not holding any grudges. I just sigh at the irony of fates.

The bottom line? There is none. Well, maybe one. I regret adding to THP's decay. I regret leaving those few people, whose love was not enough to fill the void in my heart. I regret leaving a creation unfinished.
I wish there was a way I could repay for this reprehensible deed. Yet, all I have is pride. The infantile pride that doesn't allow me to apologize. That doesn't allow me to acknowledge I'll never have as many readers as I used to have. The pride, that in its malice, makes me explain myself, not to appear cowardly before the people I used to write. Because it is cowardly. It's cowardly to back away without a word of explanation. It's cowardly to leave your readers hanging, their story left to never be finished, ever.
... the pride that doesn't allow me to acknowledge I'm being cowardly right now.


I thank you, Anonymous reader. The picture expresses my emotions after reading your post perfectly. I know, it's from Code Geass, and YAF is obsessed with Code Geass, to the point where he'd fantasize about being Lelouch, and what other memes you have there... But it's the closest I could find.
I'm laughing through my tears here.
I really wish I could pay you back.

-YAF
>> No. 22947
Quite possibly, what you need was not how to write for an anonymous reader base, but the subject of what you write.

Maybe you could try a different board instead of pigeonholing-holing yourself in the Shrine.

A change of scenery if you will.
>> No. 22948
>>22946
How about you turn your creations from CYOAs into stories? You'll then be free to write whatever the hell you want. Afterwards, the reader base can make requests and suggestions for you to further it along in a direction the majority would be happy with. Sure, it cuts down on a lot of the fun of voting, write-ins, etc - but you wouldn't be just tossing everything away.

I speak for myself here(even though it may be true for others) but I used to check your threads first with every visit to THP because you updated so damn fast. Hell, even now, you're my second check. Yet at the same time, this gave the readers very little time to think logically and give their comments, which may very well be a large part of the horrible paths your threads have gone down. Maybe it's just the way I see it, but the original TS just seemed fucking crazy, and you were less of a tight-ass then.

There was even a site I've seen where you type in your updates and have the choices in links. Another possible option. But really, you should just consider other options before giving up completely. There's a good chance that it will allow people to sit back, read your work, have time to process the information, and go "Wow, why the fuck wasn't I more into this guy's threads before?"

Just... Just calm the fuck down, okay? Think things through before you pull the plug with careless abandon.
>> No. 22950
>>22946
>It's cowardly to leave your readers hanging, their story left to never be finished, ever.

It's okay, i understand your reason and i won't stop you this time like all the others and try to convince you to come back and write. No more CG homolust.
So stop being so hard on yourself. You really did your best and you can be proud of yourself.

You really got some hard issues. Jesus christ you sound fucking depressed.
Don't take this all so hard. You are really destroying yourself here man. Just chill a bit and don't just disappear. No need to write or whatever, just take it easy.

>>22948
This man made some good points. What happened to the little project back then >>22639
You could continue at your own pace and implement updates every week into it and post it. This would probably take stress away and i find this very interesting.

I hope that you didn't choose to disappear into the night and won't ever return. I thought you just quit writing and be still around.
>> No. 22954
>>22948

Sigh. First of all, there is a difference between writing a piece meant for an immediate read and reaction and writing a piece that's to be published and read after a certain period of time has passed since it's completion. Confession: I strive to be a writer in the future. Leaning more to the journalism side, but there should be nothing wrong with writing novels on the side, and so I enrolled in a school that offered extra classes devoted to that subject. Boasting is against my principles, but I'll allow myself a little self-compliment here. According to the teacher, I'm a literary... Hm, I can't actually think of a good english word to express what she said, but it was along the lines of a 'genius', only on a bit lower level. Of course, it's not like I don't have any problems, oh no. It troubles me to base on dry facts, without sneaking in some subjectivity, which could affect the kinds of things that require objectivity. News articles. Reviews. That kind of stuff. Main problem? I can leisurely manipulate the Polish language on a level of maestry - a thing which I can't say about my English. I'm a long way behind the people who have been communing with it since their very birth, and will probably never catch up.
But, here we're digressing while the main problem gradually fades into the background. The point I wanted to make was: when I'm writing for an audience I know and can interact with, I expect reactions. Opinions. Perhaps even advices. See, when I send an article to a mag, it's the end. There's nothing there to be done. People read it, but they rarely pay attention to the presse-étoffe, and thus totally miss the part saying 'if you want to contact/discuss with/etc the writer, the e-mail address is...'. Frankly, at first I especially asked to leave my personal data out. To severe any ties I could have had with the thing. I don't want to write a closed-ended thing for an audience I know and interact with.

>There's a good chance that it will allow people to sit back, read your work, have time to process the information, and go "Wow, why the fuck wasn't I more into this guy's threads before?"

In my humble opinion, the 'YAF = TROLL XD' meme rules this option out. People are still convinced /shrine/ is a den of an ever-trolling abomination, whose English is worse than Saguya's. Ask anyone - do you visit /shrine/? Not many will answer positively. You know, back in April, I thought my English was actually decent. When I look back at TS, my inner pedant cringes, and I KNOW I will some day look back at, for instance, TSR and think the same. I'm a geeky, polish drukard. How can you expect a pole to operate in proper English?
Well, at least I've got a bitchin' goatee. Besides, they'll have plenty of time to (not) read up on everything I wrote while I'm busy doing other things.

>Just calm the fuck down, okay?

I am fucking calm. I mean, do I look mad? Do I? DO I? DO I?!
Ahem. No, in all honesty, I'm perfectly chill. The lesson life jammed up my butthole back in February really taught me not to pay too much attention to trivialities, such as writing Touhou fanfiction. If you'll allow me a bit more digression (as if there wasn't enough of it already), I've recently re-started playing Morrowind, and as for now, it sucks the free time out of my schedule at least as good as writing for THP used to. There's a bunch of unfinished video games sitting on my shelf. The documentary I think I mentioned before is also hanging above my head, we're only waiting for the weather to get better. Life doesn't end on Naya, Fuku, Faggot and Kane. Life ends on myself and on what I decide to do with it. Dress in a dress and partake in the school festival as a madder. Meet up with a friend I rarely get to see. Play Time Crisis in the local arcade, lose on the third stage. Eat a bag of cheap, unhealthy french fries while discussing XBoys sucking at L4D. Get home and do a few raids in TESIII, get a couple of new items. Read the gaming mag you'd bought but never touched. Play the games they included (even the one with a HORRIBLE pun on the front cover). There's a lot of things to do outside of THP.

>>22950
>Jesus christ you sound fucking depressed.

Mmyeah, before re-starting 4S, I was pretty depressed. The weather's been getting to me, the winter refusing to go away, yet another story ending badly, a couple of personal problems... Yeah, that wasn't exactly a good week I had. See, when was the last time I had a story that ended with a happy end, without it suddenly devolving into a wreck of bloody depression through a couple of illogical decisions? TS1&2. Very good end. TS3&3.5. Not so much of a great end, a lot of fuckwaddery going on near the finish line. TS4. Unfinished, I drove myself into a dead end. Doesn't count. CoMN. Definitely a bad end. TSR. Even worse. 4S. First demolished by mod drama, then by the dull unfolding and slow progress. Bad end.
I had many reasons to be depressed, but I'm not. Come over to #MiG, see me being the dick I am. See me tilde-ing Giddy. See me joking around. I am not depressed.

>I hope that you didn't choose to disappear into the night and won't ever return. I thought you just quit writing and be still around.

I'll hang around until I find another home imageboard/forum or experience a change of mindset/get flooded with (I'll be frank here) votes and adoration when I start a story incognito. The wretched obligation I feel towards you guys is still there, tickling on the back of my conscience.
>> No. 22959
What the shit is going on this time?
>> No. 22961
vote starvation I believe.

Some stories get 30 votes an hour, and this gets 5 votes a week. And so...
>> No. 22965
>>22959
YAF left the building. TP lost a great writer. He is kinda unstable so it was foreseeable.

All hail YAF.

We got a man down, the backup is lacking, send a replacement for him.
>> No. 22979
>>22965
>All hail YAF.

Hailing frequencies open. You may speak.

>>22959
>>22961 got the reason right, and in short words.
>> No. 22983
You know, /sdm is pretty much dead now.
Give it a shot, would you kindly?
>> No. 22988
>>22983

I don't even like the SDM cast. How in the world would I be able to make them likeable?
Wait, didn't I quit writing for THP? Gunnery control, open fire.
>> No. 22994
My personal YAF theory is that he is either:

A) Incredibly vulnerable to trolling and takes even the little things (like not getting votes at lighting speeds) really hard.
>>"In my humble opinion, the 'YAF = TROLL XD' meme rules this option out. People are still convinced /shrine/ is a den of an ever-trolling abomination, whose English is worse than Saguya's."
>> " >>22961 got the reason right, and in short words."
If this is the case, he has apparently failed to realize that Anonymous is the only real troll here, and that Anonymous is ALWAYS trollin'. (Scorn doesn't count because he is/was so loveable. OH U, Scorn!)

or B) Is lazy beyond all belief, and uses the small stuff to justify losing interest in his own CYOAs and going off to play vidya.

...Or a combination of the two. Who knows.
>> No. 22995
I hold firmly to the belief that YAF is currently the best ero-lit. writer here. Hell, I *still* re-read some of the AAA threads to fap, sometimes.
>> No. 22996
>>22995
Yukari incest was hot.
>> No. 22997
>>22996

What??
When was this? Link, please.
>> No. 22998
>>22997

http://www.touhouproject.com/shrine/res/12218.html#12228
>> No. 22999
>>22998

Much obliged.
>> No. 23000
>>22988
TSDM, nigger.

You seriously can't do anything with them? With the way Nanaya is? It's all in your head, YAF. Find similarities between the characters, and create your own impression of their personalities and how they'd react with the protagonist. Basics, that's all there is to it.

It's worth a shot, man. Don't restrict yourself to what you know. You'll never get anywhere if you stay inside your comfort zone all the time.
>> No. 23001
>I don't even like the SDM cast. How in the world would I be able to make them likeable?

Bullshit. You got a kick out of writing Nanaya fighting and flirting with Sakuya.
>> No. 23002
>>23000
Let's face it. People don't like YAF. He writes a story = people think its trolling and shit. He ain't that much loved around here.
I am angry that he quit, i can understand it's the right thing for him to do, but still can't jump over my own shadow.
You can only build up, insult, help someone to write to a certain point but when you see it doesn't help anymore and quality drop, unwillingness, not enough voters you know it's over.
So let him quit writing for now, let him watch from the sideline, let him see others writing and get glory. It is in his blood, he wants to write, he needs to write, he can't help himself. This is his drug. And we are the suppliers. Despite all his pride and talking he will be back for his next shot.
>> No. 23007
>>23002

No thanks to you, asshole.
Now it'll just take longer.
>> No. 23011
>>23002
>see others writing and get glory

What others? The only writefag Anonymous glorifies nowadays is HY. And no one else.
>> No. 23019
Ehh, I felt obliged to respond.

>>22994
>A) Incredibly vulnerable to trolling and takes even the little things (like not getting votes at lighting speeds) really hard.

Honestly? It's more the issue of me not being happy with anything I do. The logic train in this case goes through stations: 'I write', 'I don't like', 'People don't vote', 'Therefore people don't like it', 'I really DO suck', 'WHAT AM I WRITING FOOOOOOOR'. Then it stops at the terminus, and hands out free time and vidya. Not the best depiction, but it'll have to suffice.


>>22995

Want to know my secret? Personal experience. I'm dead serious. I know, 'I don't think you've ever had sex', or however else this meme goes. Seriously, writing from personal experience is the easiest - and often the most efficient way of writing. Sure, it leads to the temptation of using self-inserts, but the only self-insert-ish tactic I've applied was Kane's tendency to go on mental rants - a thing I often do, and therefore it came sort of naturally. Naya is the hardest to write, since I'm more of a Kyon IRL. At times. Hard to switch the mindset to CUH-RAYZEE PARTAY MAWD when you're instinctively making sarcastic remarks about everything that comes out from under your fingers (I mean writing, not anything perverted, you wingless tits). Bracing for the wave of disbelief and mockery, but seriously now - ask any other writer.


>>23000

The GET aside...
No, it's not that difficult. Actually, I had some characterisations made up for TSR. But, if we were to have a Naya-esque protagonist for an SDM story, they'd have to go through a drastic set of changes. I can't see batshit insane Flandre (and I mean batshit INSANE. None of that yandere, mister bear, I'll smile while talking about eating your guts bullshit.) working with someone of his sort. Sakuya's portrayal could remain unchanged, Patchouli too... But Remilia? Man, gothic lolita vampires are SO freakin' passé. I frown at the thought of using Remilia in any story.


>>23001
>Bullshit. You got a kick out of writing Nanaya fighting and flirting with Sakuya.

True. I was simply making baseless excuses.

>>23002
>This is his drug. And we are the suppliers.

I like this analogy. Writing for an immediately responding audience has its certain charm, plus it allows to improve your skills much faster than waiting for some faggot to send you an e-mail about that article published months ago. But, it is as you said. No votes means the dispersion of audience. No audience means no readers. No readers kills the point of writing a CYOA.

>>23011
This. You don't really see people discussing anything but IPF these days. It's almost as if everyone had gone over to watch HY's story, and forgot about all the others.
>> No. 23020
>This. You don't really see people discussing anything but IPF these days. It's almost as if everyone had gone over to watch HY's story, and forgot about all the others.

Wait, are you saying Soltindir is actually HY?
>> No. 23021
>>23020

... thought this was a widely known fact?
>> No. 23022
>>23020
is not me
>>23021
Yes. Never knew it was him. I thought he said he needed a break and had no time.
Damn, he should have finished Pirates and the other Story first. But hey, everyone loves HY. Created another awesome story out of nothing that farmer boy.
>> No. 23023
>>23021
This is the first I've heard of it. I suppose it could be common knowledge in IRC, but I don't go there.
>> No. 23024
>>23022

Too bad he's the quitter type. It's probably going to end up the same as ADP, ADP2, those stories in /sdm/ and PoG. And then, the readers, in their disappointment, will leave the boards again. Sigh.
>> No. 23026
>>23024

WHOA.
Did you guys hear that noise just now?
What was it? It sounded a lot like hypocrisy.
>> No. 23027
>>23026
>hypocrisy
>YAF
What else is new?
>> No. 23029
>>23026

Well, EXCUSE me. I finished all of my stories, even if the ends were dissatisfying for me, even when the readers went against my expectations, even when they were actively going against COMMON SENSE and my intents. I didn't ragequit CoMN when you guys decided to dump Renji. I didn't ragequit TS3 when you guys went criminally insane. I didn't ragequit TSR because you guys fucked up ROYALLY. I didn't ragequit 4S because the things were going against my will. I quit it for a completely different reason.

Have a damned bread Dreadnaught, fuckers, and savour it.
>> No. 23030
>> No. 23031
>>23029

And that reason being... you aren't getting votes fast enough?
That's WORSE.

I never thought I'd say this, but KEEP YOUR DAMN DREADNAUGHT.
>> No. 23032
>>23029
oh wow YAF. It's a duty of a writer to write what we vote for. Not write what YOU think that should win and what YOU want to write.
Sure, just blame us, everyone blames Anon for whatever reason. IRC blames us anyway for whatever they think goes wrong or against their will. I don't really care about it, i just laugh and get my mood up from their rage.

I never should have wrote >>23002 never wanted to insult you or something, just stating a point and a bit angry even if i understand it completely.

This Thread degrades fast into faggotry and the anti YAF mood/hate is building up fast too. I really don't know how you do this, but you seem to draw hate and rage towards like never seen before. It's fascinating and most of the time you are even innocent. I am still not sure if you are just a great troll or just misunderstood.
>> No. 23035
>>You don't really see people discussing anything but IPF these days.

Oh, that thing? I've been too busy reading that trio of parallel CYOAs on /forest/, /border/, and /sdm/ to get into that... Oh, and Fallout Gensokyo, too.
How odd that the authors of my current favorite CYOAs are writing as Anonymous. And I was a huge fan of Expectation of Sanguine Disorder, a while back. Go figure.
...But maybe not everyone is as obsessed with reputation as YAF, here?

Actually, I think I just realized why (he claims) people call him a troll. Too much hating on other CYOAs-- all under the thin veil of bitching about what's good/bad for TP, of course.

YAF, your writing has drastically improved over the course of your time here, and it probably won't stop if you continue your work, whether it be in /shrine/ or elsewhere. But, PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, enough of this niggerdrama. All this angst over such pointless shit is making me sick, and I'm sure I'm not alone. Why does it matter that you don't get the 60+ votes-per-minute that HY does? Who cares if Anon forces you into a corner, then complains when you can't figure out how to get things back on track (that's what "BAD END, [] Back X choices" is for.) Whether it is or isn't your fault, you can always still make things work if you get off your lazy ass, and your readers will love you for it. Hell, look at Teruyo; he jerks Anon around like a Chihuahua on a leash, and he still has a solid reader base.
So no more crying. Seriously, it's more depressing than one of Owen's short stories. And at least those are still interesting.
>> No. 23036
>>23031

No. Because the required conditions were not met. A story like 4S does indeed need a fast pace to remain interesting and enjoyable. Necessary supplies weren't provided. Count in my personal disappointment after TSR, the inability to pin down the cravings of the readers (no comments/complaints whatsoever), and what follows that - the inability to make the story follow its basic purpose:

TO ENTERTAIN THE READER.

I am not a mind reader. I cannot derive any information from your vague votes. I DO NOT KNOW what exactly it is you EXPECT and WANT from a story. We lack the DIALOGUE. Exchange of INFORMATION. It's like if was a businessman, about to enter a market with no knowledge of its state and demands. The only thing that remains is fulfilling my OWN goals, but it ISN'T the GOAL of CYOAs. I hate my creations. I do not write them for my own enjoyment. I write them for YOU - the odious audience that had disappointed me so many times I begun to ponder the futility of my ambitions.

4S did not live up to the expectations bound with it. It is only fair to finish a writhing animal off swiftly, rather than leaving it to suffer and slowly bleed to death.
>> No. 23037
>>23036

See >>23035
>> No. 23038
>>23037

No u
>>23035
>15:39
>>23036
>15:39
>> No. 23039
>>23038
>>No u

Wait, what?
>> No. 23040
>>23037

No. If it is indeed NOT an issue of my questionable reputation that people don't read my stories, than the conclusion can be only one: they suck, and aren't worth of reading. In that case, my point is strengthtened - there is no point in dragging a poor and failing story all the way through. In TSR, you seemed to have a reason for all the ridiculity that occured. A wish to 'become' the King of Heroes, whoever the fuck he really is. Nevermind the idiocy of such thinking - we took it all the way to the bitter end. Now, look at us, doing NOTHING, having no purpose, avoiding everything that even remotely appears to have a purpose. The readers can only match, move by move, the machinations of writefags, but it works the other way too - the writers must obey their readers' whims. If there are no whims expressed, there is nothing to follow. We can only sit, and wait, until a track, a trail, a route appears before our eyes. But what if the majority decides to deliberately ignore the hint, and remain in ignorance and idleness? I do not require numerous votes, though they would be more than appreciated. I need a purpose. A set GOAL, a WISH I could strive to fulfill.
Right now, there is nothing but damning silence.
>> No. 23042
>>23040

If they suck, make them not suck. Pure-democracies fall flat on their faces in the real world. That's why federalism exists. It's your prerogative to guide the readers through your story, not to let them write it themselves. Bad ends, write-in-less decisions, contingency plans, multiple playthroughs, even flat-out DENYING Anonymous sometimes (>>14721). There are so many ways you can do it.

Being the collective that he is, Anonymous is fairly constant, and yet this is not the first time one of your threads has ended up like this. And that doesn't say anything to you?
>> No. 23043
>>23040
Write something else.

I normally read your stories, but I'm fucking sick of Nanaya.

You want a goal? Fine. Something about Mima, with a new character, an aspiring magician or something.

Or, stop being a nigger, get a new name and trip, and start writing somewhere other than /shrine/. You're a good writer with a bad reputation, writing in the part of the site with the worst reputation.

>>23036
>I DO NOT KNOW what exactly it is you EXPECT and WANT from a story.
Gee, do you think from the way we acted we wanted something silly and consequence-free like the first TS? You fucking dumbass, you went into the story expecting us to take it seriously and refusing to change your plans once we didn't want to. You don't know what we want? It seemed damn obvious to me. It seemed you didn't want to listen to us.

We didn't want serious. We wanted stupid fun. Sorry if our expectations fucked over your plans, niggershit.
>> No. 23045
>>23042
Whoops, I meant ">>14721" on /eientei/. My bad.
Here: http://www.touhouproject.com/eientei/res/14576.html#14721
>> No. 23046
Mhmm... Seems like the general consensus ITT is that YAF is actually a good writer, albeit one that needs to do things a bit differently.
>> No. 23047
>>23046
If by do things differently you mean take his head out of his ass and swallow a bit of his ego, then, yes, a bit differently.
>> No. 23048
>>23043
>we wanted something silly and consequence-free like the first TS

Here's the dog buried. With the current pace, there is no way for a consequence-free story to surface anymore. Why? Let me explain.
I am a person who has been striving towards the work involving writing ever since the elementary school. By training, I developed the ability to come up with stories that are not only interesting, but also original, as far as the originality can go nowadays. Over the years, it thrived, grew on its own, and before long, I lost the control I had previously held over it. Whenever free time kicks in my schedule, my brain automatically starts coming up with stuff - out of boredom - and build piles, hills, and finally pyramids of consecutive elements forming a well-contructed story. If it wasn't for my born-in laziness, I would have started working on a novel already - I have enough ideas in my head to fill hundreds of pages. The point? Here it is:

I have too much free time.

That's right. I'm a person who takes school lightly, and thanks to his... cunning, manages to slip through untouched despite not giving half a shit most of the time. How does that relate to CYOA writing? Directly. Given time, I develop the story. Developing the story, I build a web of actions and consequences, forming a mental flowchart of the events. By forming a flowchart of events, I receive a map of progress, engraved into the creatory part of my mind. That sounded kinda like the Sith motto from KOTOR2. Anyway, this is how it is. With TS1, I had no time to think, and therefore the consecutive scenes had little to no relation to each other. I'm a slow thinker. I need to sit back, fire up Pendulum and ponder about the story for solid 20 minutes to come up with something decent. Or rather, for my mind to form a decent thing. Back in the times of TS, I wasn't given the time to do that. Everything was a spur of the moment, instinctual reaction to lightning-fast votes.

I cannot stop the machine from turning its cogs. The charts must flow, and I can do nothing to stop their growth. If you're looking for mindless, spontanic fun, I'm NOT your man anymore. Unless you bring back the previous pace, the wheels WILL be turning. Only by jamming another stick between the gaps as soon as the previous is broken can you hinder their revolution. If you can't do that, to follow their machinations is all that remains.
>> No. 23049
>>23046
He is a good Writer but he suffers from depression, jealousy, inferiority complex and >>23035 what said. He made a REALLY good point.
>> No. 23050
Also, one more comment.
>>23035
>Who cares if Anon forces you into a corner, then complains when you can't figure out how to get things back on track

You've yet to drive me into a corner I couldn't slip out from. You jacked up the targeting devices in TS3. Didn't stop me from finishing it. You dumped Renji in CoMN, which ruined 60% of my plans for the story. Didn't stop me from finishing it. You fucked up ROYALLY in TSR - still didn't stop me from finishing it, though the end was bitter. What you described happened - as far as my knowledge goes - in ADP. The difference between the goals of the writer and the goals of the readers made the former quit. I am simply burning myself and 4S before it is struck by a disaster, because I foresaw its downfall. We cannot realize the plans I had (the plans NOT to have any plans beside a couple of key-points) with the current attidute and pace. Not anymore. I realize that full-well and refuse to even try. I've always thought it is pointless to waste your time trying to achieve the impossible, while you could be spending it on something more realistic, and therefore more productive.
And so I am. Spending my time doing something else. Maybe you'll see it, maybe not. It depends solely on the... nimbleness of your fingers.
>> No. 23051
>>23050

Or rather the lack of it, I should have said. I'm already-- Er, I better shut up now.

Thank fuck the thread is on autosage. I can post without having to worry about knocking the other threads down.
>> No. 23052
>>23048

If that's the case...
>>23042
Do this, please. You can't come up with a complex, well-planned chain of events and then do so little to keep your readers on the tightrope. If you find that such is impossible, maybe it means that your story needs to branch out or develop more, or perhaps it needs to do so in different directions. What's important is that you keep things going wherever your "web" ultimately leads, lest everything fall over the edge and end up in a trainwreck like, uh... THIS ONE.
>> No. 23053
YAF you don't need to justify yourself for not wanting to write.

If you want to take a break, then take a fucking break.
>> No. 23054
>>23052

The failure of 4S lies in the same area I described in >>23048 - I had too much time to plan things out, while I was supposed NOT to do it. 4S was meant to be a spiritual successor of TS4 - which still retained some remnants of TS's spontaneous nature. Life verified those intents. 4S has become a 'web'. A web I am not willing to walk. Not willing to walk, because it wasn't meant to evolve into such a thing. I've got over 6 pages of notes regarding 4S in my notebook. If that's not 'excessive planning', I don't know what is. And 4S cannot be planned. It just can not. It's not how it's supposed to be.
>> No. 23056
>>"You've yet to drive me into a corner I couldn't slip out from."
You've slipped out more than once, but that was FAR from getting things >>"back on track."

Too rigid when you need to be flexible... and too flimsy when you need to be strict.
You're too soft, YAF~
>> No. 23057
>>23056

What IS the track, though, if not the overall entirety of the main plot line, that can be changed, replaced or even REMOVED at a whim? There is no 'getting back' on track. There is only jumping onto another.
>> No. 23058
There are 10 threads on the first page of /shrine/.

6 of them are YAF threads.

Face it, you ARE /shrine/.
No wonder it sucks here...

(j/k, j/k. Love ya, man.)
>> No. 23059
>>23058

gg, I smirked
>> No. 23060
THP hates YAF. It isn’t so much any one thing that makes people hate him as it is a hundred little ones. His immaturity, his ego, his trolling from the days of old, his role in the drama, his whining and attention whoring all come together and form a dense mass of irreconcilable hate that will never dissipate. The validity of the reasons behind the hate are secondary to the fact that while it exists YAF can never have the votes he wants, and it will never go away no matter what he says or how good he writes.

The only way I could see YAF getting the votes he wants is if he does a complete reboot. Make everyone think he’s left, get a new name and trip, and tell absolutely no one. Not even his IRC buddies. Make no arrogant comments, trolling attempts, cute references, or anything else that would give readers a hint as to his identity. I doubt his ego would allow him to manage that long term though.

I’m pretty sure he’s already trying something like this, but he’s doing a terrible job of maintaining that secrecy. He barley even changed his name from his previous alt, and he left in the standard title thing he’s done for the past few stories. The one that goes something like:

Bolded Title
Cryptic bullshit subtitle thing

I really don’t understand how he expects to fool anyone like this.
>> No. 23062
>>23057
>>the overall entirety of the main plot line, that can be changed, replaced or even REMOVED at a whim

There's your problem.
A CYOA plot is ultimately a set of "point" events-- leaving methods of getting from one to the next up to the readers, and outlining the ones that you've prepared for in your choice offerings. As long as you keep your "points" (and maybe a list of situations at which you draw the line and force the story back in the right direction) you can keep going. You can't change, replace, or remove EVERYTHING, just most of it. You can mess your points a bit if you need to, but they have to be largely static. Even the most fluid of concepts must have legs to stand on.
>> No. 23063
>>23060

Let me put it like this: sometimes things are so obvious, you think you have them figured out, while the real obviousness of them remains concealed from your eyes. It's not like obvious facts can't be covered by other - apparently - obvious, but false facts. Pay less attention, and try not to think of anything as cryptic.
>> No. 23065
>>23062
>Even the most fluid of concepts must have legs to stand on.

Foolishness. TS had no legs at all, that's why it was fine with any kinds of quakes. With time, I begun making legs for my stories - thus making them vulnerable to shaking and knocking over. There is a reason why we don't see walker 'mechs rule over modern battlefields. Legs are simply a too weak concept to be any reliable.
>> No. 23066
>>23060
Oh wow, never knew. Well, i knew he needs and wants to write.
Time to read and vote.
>> No. 23067
>>I am displeased. By various factors. Mostly, the speed at which the votes come.

LATER:

>>you aren't getting votes fast enough?
>>No. Because the required conditions were not met. A story like 4S does indeed need a fast pace to remain interesting and enjoyable. Necessary supplies weren't provided.

OK...

>>I've got a lot of school work to do. Work on my grades.

LATER:

>>I'm a person who takes school lightly, and thanks to his... cunning, manages to slip through untouched despite not giving half a shit most of the time.

... K...

>>In TS [...] Everything was a spur of the moment, instinctual reaction to lightning-fast votes.

..... And TS was pretty successful...
I think I see a pattern here.
>> No. 23069
>>23067

Conclusion: careful planning does not suit the CYOA format. Legs are to sway-y to put the weight on the story of them, because people will sooner or later try to knock them over, just for the heck of it. I am not the only case. Notice how the fast-moving stories were always more successful than the slow-moving ones, no matter the quality of the writing. Moral: leave careful planning for the novel format, where no one can attempt to knock your plans over, OR do not put too much weight on the 'legs', thus making the story scantier in the department of depth, but at the same time, less prone to hindering.

Works for school too - as long as you don't give a damn and just skim through, not paying attention, you're going to be fine. But start worrying, and your wagon's going to hell.

You know, it applies to life as we-- fuck me.
>> No. 23070
>>23068
See:

>4S was meant to be a spiritual successor of TS4 - which still retained some remnants of TS's spontaneous nature.

I tried, I failed, I incinerated the experiment. Can't do a mindless story without the help of fast voters - I'm not hiding that. But, CoMN, despite its slow pace turned out pretty nice, I thi-- wait a second. Was I about to say something nice about CoMN just now? I must be tired.
>> No. 23071
>>23069

"Legs" was a metaphor. And, apparently, a bad one. What I was talking about could be better described as "pillars" supporting a building, or "pins" that keep a poster on a wall.
>> No. 23072
>>23071
>pillars
>> No. 23073
>>23072

you lost me
>> No. 23074
>>23039

I felt I needed to say something before pointing out the time, but nothing good came to mind...
>> No. 23075
>>23071

I simply do not feel the need of laying solid foundations. Ever noticed how my stories go along fine for a bit, and then get turned into incomprehensible mess in a couple of choices?

Let me explain on examples:
TS3 - we're on Renko route, cool. Here comes the climax, we're pretty much set, romantic shit, looking in the eyes, all of a sudden MARY'S ROOM XD. Okay, we can deal with that, let's just have a bit of fun, and then proceed with the shit. Okay, so here's the foreplay, we're nearing a H-scene, and OH WHAT THE SHIT, FUCK THAT, time to whip out the reserve plot branch. Doorbell prize Maribel and Yukari are a go.

CoMN. Okay, so we're with Renji, I'll just give them a choice whether to leave him or stay with him, since I have no fucking idea whether they WANT to stay with him or not, and I don't want to force anything, and if they decide to leave, I'll just put them back on the Eientei branch. Okay, so here we go. Oh, they chose to stay with Renji. Cool. Escape from the sewers scene. Let's try this again - just to be sure. Nope, they clearly want to be with him. Marvellous. Okay, we're in Moriya, I guess I'll give them one last choice, which is pretty much pointless, since we've already decided to stay with Renji, but it will give me a neat pretext to write some really heartwarming scenes, and here we go... WHAT THE HELL. Suddenly, change of mind, we tell Renji to fuck off. Back on the Eientei branch with them, and since they completely missed the rescue party sent by Kazuma, oh well. Sad end.

TSR. Okay, so here we are with Reimu again, trying to be Gilgamesh-y. Cool, I don't fucking know what the guy is about, but I'll try... Hm, weird, they've been gradually lessening the Gilgamesh-y-ism as the story progressed. Okay, then I guess they realized it was kinda retarded. Let's just proceed as normal, Reimu route is a go, forcing some Utsuho interaction... Okay, here's the date, let's just exploit the fondness of Kane Barton shows, and--KILL MAIM BURN KILL MAIM BURN KILL MAIM BURN FOR NO REASON AT ALL!

See my point? The problem isn't the pillars, love sockets, or whatever supports the 'main' plot. The problem is changing your mind all of a sudden, under the most unfavourable circumstances one could imagine. It's as if when reaching a neuralgic point, Anon felt the urge to fuck things up on purpose. And he does. Why not just BAD END then, and get 'back on track'? Cause I am an easily displeased entity, and I too grow weary of your faggotry. Just as you grow weary of mine. I don't want to cope with the constant everything-is-okay-and-just-as-we're-about-to-hit-the-climax-of-the-route-we-fuck-shit-up pattern that's been going on in my stories. I admitted back at the end of CoMN, that the used ending was previously intended to be a BAD END, but I decided to call it an official end, because I grew tired of the story. Nothing more, nothing less.
>> No. 23077
>>Works for school too - as long as you don't give a damn and just skim through, not paying attention, you're going to be fine. But start worrying, and your wagon's going to THE BOTTOM OF THE FUCKING RIVER.
>> No. 23078
>>23075

Well that fucking explains everything.
Any problem that can easily (and most effectively) be solved by a BAD END instead ends up with you getting pissed off at Anonymous for not being incredibly boring, and continuing out of spite. YES, SPITE. Did "Why I Assault Moe-Moe Flan-chan" teach you nothing? Anonymous will occasionally "go the wrong way first", assuming he will get a bad ends, then go back and pick a serious option. And, honestly, theres nothing especially wrong with that. If you really don't want it, then say you'll write a brief "what if" scenario-style BAD END, then continue the story. Or better yet, just don't give the option for such blatant retardation at all-- they work almost like reverse psychology.

What if you were to play Resident Evil 5 (for example) one day, and when you die, there is no game over screen. Instead, you just sit there and watch your character's body lie there, for hours and hours, until it is eventually either completely eaten by zombies or decomposes. Then you go buy another game.

...Yeah, what you do is kinda like that.
>> No. 23081
>>23078

--Oh, except when you just get tired of the story and leave it at a Bad End, which is empirically the same as leaving the story unfinished, only that instead of sacrificing your misplaced "pride", you do away with scores of your readers.

But at least you still have your dignity.

>>'I write', 'I don't like', 'People don't vote', 'Therefore people don't like it', 'I really DO suck', 'WHAT AM I WRITING FOOOOOOOR'

... Oh.
>> No. 23082
This Thread is going straight to 300. Never thought i would see another YAF Thread reach that.
>> No. 23084
>>23060

So that's why I like it so much (I'm very easily fooled, in case you couldn't tell. You could be fooling me right now and I'd have no idea). I just hope this one doesn't get deleted like his last foray since I was really starting to like that one.
>> No. 23088
[x] "... nothing. Just checking up on you two."

Ignoring all the drama and hoping YAF will continue this later.
>> No. 23089
>>23078

If that is so, then I can do nothing but throw a SHODAN-esque I do not underssSSSStaaaand... How could you have do-done this...? Sure, fucking up when the results are worth it, or forebode to be hilarious - okay, that's understandable. Trying to swallow a painkiller and down it with hard booze can be entertaining. But jamming your arm in a meat grinder? Idiotic, if you ask me. Well, SHODAN got shot in the face in the end, and I can't really go DEATH MACHINE! on your interloper arses.
Reverse psychology? Perhaps, but I deduced it would be better to trust your... willingness to get into Reimu's pants, and offer you an illusion of free choice, instead of choosing for you. TSR was a story in which only a few of the choices had immediate effects on the 'in-game' world, and that is why the disaster struck only a couple of choices AFTER the grotesque fuckup.

Second off, apologies. 60% of the things in this thread were overcontrasted views I exhibit on the whole ordeal. I was, in my mistrust of any manifestation of positive opinions - trying to anger you, in hopes of receiving a little bit of honesty. Of course, it was only my baseless, selfish assumption that you're not being honest when actually praising my work, but I've never claimed my sanity is wholesome. Just the opposite - writing often requires a twisted outlook on the world to sound innovative and interesting, and it's the easiest to see things differently for the less sane folk.

Dishonest claim: I might write a couple of one-shot scenes I had (foolishly) prepared for 4S. It's an obvious lie, since my ego needs stroking, and I seriously doubt anyone would be willing to stroke my ego hard enough to earn a couple of slipshod one-offs.


Relaxed statement: If you, by chance, are willing to partake in the great and wonderful experiment you should have already caught on, feel free to. Just keep your oral cavity shut, not to accidentially damage the delicate lab environment. It's a request.

If not... well, I can always go Andrew Ryan on you, right?
>> No. 23094
Look, YAF.

Your writing is excellent. Much better than mostf the writers on the board. I would say only Owen is better language wise.

Thus, your stories are very enjoyable.

The shit that goes along with it, however, isn't. Please don't take offense, but I think, when you were writing the first TS, you were enjoying yourself; and thus less of these complaints and issues.

But now, you seem to, well, be mired up in this dramatic issues and its really affecting how many vote you get after all.

Your story section could be compared to Tolkein; while your rants and complaints and drama section would be compared to Eragon. Mixing the two doesn't work; one just ruins tit for the other.

If you would write; and enjoy it, I for one, would gladly interact with your work.
>> No. 23095
>>23089
>>I seriously doubt anyone would be willing to stroke my ego hard enough to earn a couple of slipshod one-offs.

Wow, you really haven't read "Why I Assault Moe-Moe Flan Chan", have you? Given, this is HY we're talking about, but remember, this was before he had this degree of apparent fame (or infamy, in your case.)
>> No. 23099
>>23094

I enjoy it when the readers enjoy it. Take a look back at >>22946
>I cannot love my creations. It goes against my nature. But you know what? I've learned to fill the void in my heart with the love of others.

In other words, I do not enjoy coming up with a decent story- it's become too much of an everyday bread for me, thanks to the aforementioned (dis)ability of my exuberant imagination. To put it in easier terms, a new idea for me is only 'a new idea that will never get used, and end up getting forgotten in no time'. Nothing more. - and enjoy people's enjoyment instead. In spite of all the assholism, I actually like bringing smiles to people's faces. The problem appears when I fail to achieve that task. Being far from loving myself and my creations, without the love of others, I cannot endure the torment of leading a corrupted story. Yes, it does make me look like an attentionwhore, but I cannot help it - I just like people enjoying my work, while I don't enjoy it myself.

Regarding the remark about Eragon-level drama and what have you - I've never read Eragon, but I suppose you're referring to the age of the writer, and to his... hm, teenage, angsty antics. Time for a confession: I am still a high-school student. The voices in my head often tell me to do ridiculous things, and I can do nothing to drown them out. Not even banging my head against the wall helps, believe me - I've tried. Sure, I do realize it's bad, it's pathetic, it's pointless, stupid, idiotic, asinine, retarded, despicable, wretched, MISERABLE, PITEOUS, UNDIGNIFIED, but this is how the accursed insanity works - you can do nothing, nothing, nothing, NOTHING, NOTHING to oppose the call of madness. Alcohol DOES help escape its clawed grasp, but only for a limited amount of time. I am not an addict, and neither do I strive to become one.

>>23095

No, I haven't. But you're right - this is HY we're talking about. HY's ego gets stroken on a daily basis, and people are ready to reinforce the caress if it earns them new stuff to read. Now, who in his sanity would stroke YAF's ego? Given that he looks at every single praise (talking about you, >>23094) with a critical, sarcasm-seeking eye, and would rather get dragged into a conversation regarding the misadvantages of his style and the way of being, I don't think there's a single, sane person ready to ASK NICELY: 'YAF, please, I liked Adahn in 4S, write a scene with her, the one you wanted to use for the next in-game morning'. No. I do not expect anyone to say that. And if I see someone paraphrasing that sickeningly suspicious plead, I'm going to scowl long and hard. LONG. AND. HARD. Forehead cramps ain't a nice thing, you know. Spare me that.
>> No. 23101
I think that, the first step, would be to love your creations- not too much, of course, you should accept criticism still. If you do something you love, you'll naturally put effort into it.
>> No. 23107
>>23048

Solution. Make two threads, and only focus on one. The one you focus on, you may spend all of the time in the world creating a whole universe for, and being a picky son-of-a-bitch with. Railroad us if you must - it wouldn't be the first time in a CYOA that anonymous has truly wanted one thing and gotten another. Unless we continue to go against your wishes, then you can control the outcome and still make the readers happy.

Now, for the second thread. Don't think about it, at all. Focus on the other story. Come back every now and then to this story, read the votes, make an update. GO STRAIGHT BACK TO THE OTHER STORY. Leave yourself no time to think about the second one.

Conclusion: Even if you have to scream at one story, the other will always be random and fresh for you.
>> No. 23109
>>23094
This, a hundred times this. You are as good as HY and don't lack behind Owen. You started rather horrible in your first tries. If you read it again you will know it, but i think you already know it. But it was good even if it was horrible.
You worked really really hard over the last year and got step by step better and better until you EARNED it, the skill with whatever comes with it that you already mentioned.
But you had to go and destroy it with your faggotry and trolling.
I did not mind that all a bit and just ignored it all and YAF = what he writes that mattered. But not everyone thinks that way and that is how you lost many or some people.
Now you stand there, writing, hoping, and you get few votes looking back at your long gone better days.
Look YAF, i don't know what is going on with you anymore, can't figure out what is what with what you post you are sounding kinda maniac.

We are running in circles here and it's getting tiresome. Listen to the people because they said already everything relevant.
Get over yourself and write.
You will always get one vote at least.
>> No. 23134
It's about time someone like me came forward. The truth is: I prefer both HY's and Owen's writing over yours.

You can tell HY enjoys writing what he does, especially in response to the write-ins he gets. And that goes a long way. You claim to be incapable of liking what you write, but isn't that self-defeating? How can you expect others to consistently enjoy your work if you, yourself, don't? There's nothing wrong with being self-critical, but there's a limit...
And yet, at the same time, you have doggedly denied any and all flaws in your style other than those inherent in your own reader base. Have you read ASSM's appendix thread? At least Owen is willing to acknowledge his mistakes, and he is NOT one known for being upbeat, nor for having good self-esteem...

It's little things like these (among others) that make them-- let's be honest here-- BETTER than you, YAF.
It's fully possible for you to catch up. You've already shown that you're capable of it. But if you stay the way you are now, you're screwed. Time to hop aboard the Obama Express, faggot. Full speed towards CHANGE.
>> No. 23138
>>23134
>you have doggedly denied any and all flaws in your style other than those inherent in your own reader base

No. I deny nothing. I know I suck, and even though it is essentially impossible for me to see the flaws of my style without the outside help, that's what criticism is there for, no? That is why I dislike praises - they do NOT help me improve. Every time I ask: 'hey, I know something is wrong, but I can't pinpoint it. Mind pointing it out so I can avoid doing it in the future?', all I hear is 'No, everything is okay, get back to work, nigger.'. But given the current situation and the unwillingness (inability?) of my readers to actually help me get better, my hands are tied. I know something is wrong - or to be more precise, that EVERYTHING is wrong - but can't do anything to get rid of it, without getting rid of everything at once. Which you may have witnessed in this thread.

Pant, pant, pant...
Okay, I can realize some of my mistakes. I can point out a few that I KNOW were irritating for the readers. Overly descriptive narration in TSR. My experiments with Naya's accent in 4S. Excessively elaborate descriptions in TS4. Melodramatic speeches. The fact that I constantly reference something I have never seen/read. Hell, remember the thing about TS and Tsukihime? At the time, I only knew Nanaya from MUGEN. Yet I still ended up ripping off Nasu's work. I might just be a controller. Zooooom-WHOOM! The Zone has you.
But this is everything I can be sure of, which irritates me to no limits. Digression: some time ago I asked my journalism teacher the same thing - what's wrong with my writing? How can I improve it? (though mind you that my Polish is on an entirely different level than my English - I can operate in several dialects, adjust my style to fit certain environment, as well as fluently utilize the 'dead' and 'technical' branches of vocabulary without a flinch)
All I received were overenthusiastic praises. What. The. Hell. Do people think sugarcoating everything is better than pointing my mistakes out? Do they fear I'd kill myself if they did that? Why is everyone hiding everything from me? Why can't they just ANSWER my request and HELP me improve? Come the fuck on, if you'll pardon my French. Writing is what I'm planning to bind my future with, TELL ME WHAT DO I DO TO GET BETTER!
I don't get it. I don't get it at all.

>You can tell HY enjoys writing what he does, especially in response to the write-ins he gets.

Like I said, I enjoy it when people enjoy it. How do I know they do? They vote. They comment. They FFF. They tilde.
Come on, I'll show you something about write-ins. Spot 5 differences between those three:

1)
>[X] Do something a bit cryptic, but otherwise pretty cool.

2)
>[X] Do something a bit cryptic, but otherwise pretty cool.
>I sure do hope we impress XXX with this. It would also be nice if we could YYY while doing so.

3)
>[X] Do something a bit cryptic, but otherwise pretty cool.
>Doing this only out of politeness. XXX's not the target.


Finished yet? Let me spell it out for you.
2) and 3) are HUNDREDFOLD more expressive than 1). 2) and 3) show that the readers actually WANT to affect the story. That means they're ENJOYING IT, and ENJOYING MAKING THE CHOICE. Plus, helping me to define the overtone of the write-in. 2) is clearly stating the intent of the reader, so is 3), although the reason is completely different. 1) states nothing at all, only the dry, tasteless option someone came up with, and everybody else bandwagoned. You don't possibly believe I don't enjoy good write-ins. Tell you what, I LAUGHED at ALL the write-ins in Unnamed Story. I went through a mental breakdown accompanied by maniacal laughter when playing chess on the ceiling came up in TS1. In all honesty, /shrine/ hasn't come up with a praiseworthy write-in in ages. On the other hand, /others/ seems to have no problems in this department, as proven by BLaIR - its write-ins are awesome - and the aforementioned Unnamed Story.

>How can you expect others to consistently enjoy your work if you, yourself, don't?

Worked fine for CoMN. And it was only one person that clearly loved it. I carried the story all the way to the bitter end solely for him.
I'll... go against my principles here, and confess that I'm looking forward to writing BLaIR, Mokou and Myschi, especially. This is probably the first step to the demise of a yet another story, but I can't help the feeling - I like it. I fucking like it. Hear me? I LIKE that story. Don't you dare to fucking ruin it. If you do, I SWEAR I WILL DESTROY YOU. Blow you to PIECES with my bare bytes. Don't touch the hamsters, pal. Don't. Touch. The hamsters. They'll hiss at ya.

>I prefer both HY's and Owen's writing over yours.

What, was this supposed to be a shocker? They're both native english speakers, their English is naturally better than mine - that's one thing. The content of the stories is a thing of personal preference, but it's your holy right to like whatever you... like.

>Isn't that self-defeating?

It is. Very. Though my current state is mostly the fault of the weather - I'm a meteopath, and Poland has been suffering the wavering of winter for the last two months. The bitch can't make her mind up whether to finally leave or not. Slowly driving me insane. And I mean insane.
Frankly, I prefer pessimism. Pessimists have easier lives - they never get disappointed. Never get pumped out about anything either, but experiencing a letdown after getting all fired up about something isn't worth it. I'd rather think my story sucks and feel nothing at all when people say it sucks, than think it rocks, only to have that self-loving opinion brutally shattered. And since I KNOW I suck, there's nothing wrong with this kind of approach. As long as you supply the love, it's alright.

EDIT:

Take a look at this:
http://touhouproject.com/others/res/16302.html#16751
THIS is what I call a VOTE. God my witness, though I don't believe in him, that I smiled.
>> No. 23140
>>23138
>All I received were overenthusiastic praises. What. The. Hell. Do people think sugarcoating everything is better than pointing my mistakes out? Do they fear I'd kill myself if they did that? Why is everyone hiding everything from me? Why can't they just ANSWER my request and HELP me improve? Come the fuck on, if you'll pardon my French. Writing is what I'm planning to bind my future with, TELL ME WHAT DO I DO TO GET BETTER!
I. LAUGHED. SO. FUCKING. HARD.

You're a paranoid fucktwat is what you are. You think that because you're receiving praise, that there's actually something wrong with your work and everybody is just being nice about it? Ha! It's all in your head. Your tiny, shrunken, little Polish head. Your English is great as far as I'm concerned, and your writing is great as far as I'm concerned. You're just a goddamned perfectionist, YAF.

You want better input? TOO FUCKING BAD. That's the way it's always going to be, because PEOPLE ADMIRE LESS. That's the way the world works now, and has worked this way for ages. You think you're the only one who wants to be better than they already are? I've had to put up with that shit all my life. Your next-door neighbor has probably had to put up with that shit before. That little old lady that lives down the street from you - has had to put up with it before. You're nothing special, YAF. None of us are. If you want to be, you'll put this bullshit behind you and make yourself into something great. The only person holding you back, is yourself.

>Worked fine for CoMN. And it was only one person that clearly loved it. I carried the story all the way to the bitter end solely for him.
And I thank you for it. Wait, could it be that more than one person actually liked it? I'm not who you're talking about? LE GASP!

>Renko h-scene
>something with a loli as the protagonist
>Fuku actually putting it in
I'm still waiting.
>> No. 23142
>>23138


This is >>23134. I'll give you a hint: your biggest problems are not in your actual prose.

Also: http://touhouproject.com/others/res/16302.html#16751 I don't see what's so great about this. It's pretty good, but...
>> No. 23143
>>23140
>>something with a loli as the protagonist

"I, Youkai" in /forest/.
>> No. 23150
If you want to do something spontaneous;
I humbly request that you begin a "Mahou Meido Pad-Cho Sakuya-tan" in the /sdm/.
it's otherwise dead.
>> No. 23154
>>23143
Ehhh, that's not really a loli. Besides, I was thinking more along the lines of Tsundere, but more noisy than Fuku. YAF can do that sort of thing better than Klaymen. Not that KM isn't trying, I can see his improvements.
>> No. 23156
>>23154

... What??
How is Phobe not a loli? And don't feed me any "youkai don't count" bullshit.
>> No. 23161
>>23156
Of course I wouldn't. There are plenty of Touhou lolis. But does >>/forest/11762 really look like a loli to you?
>> No. 23165
>>23134
>>23140
OH WOW. This is so fucking true that it even hurts me.
Just listen to him
>> No. 23173
>>23161

Meh. The only thing not loli about that is the vertical length. And that picture looks stretched, somehow...

I think these are better examples:
http://www.touhouproject.com/forest/res/11929.html#12038
http://www.touhouproject.com/forest/res/12930.html#12979

Oh, and also:
>>Renko h-scene
This, too, already happened. See: Fallout Gensokyo in /th/.
...And, boy, did it happen a lot.
>> No. 23184
YAF, I might be wrong, but i think you lost your paranoid touch on your protagonists after TS. In the past, i'll get shivers from your internal monologes with Naya, but much less from Kane (I haven't read CoMN throughly). I usually ignores grammar or writing techniques (not a native and bad English speaker), so i enjoy stories from characterization, and feel Naya has the best from it. But because you are trying hard with overall storyline, you (maybe) forget the emotions and protagonist's passion.

Its just my opinion though.
>> No. 23193
Paranoid fuckwit YAF gone?




Good riddance.
>> No. 23194
>>23193

GOOD DAY, SIR.
>> No. 23199
>>23193
he moved
>> No. 23200
>>23193

Sup, dawg?
>> No. 23205
Alcohol does wonders:

<%Crackbone> I'm good.
<%Crackbone> I like my own writing.
<%Crackbone> My own characters.
<%Crackbone> My own narrative.
<%Klaymen> Sounds familiar. Shit sux, doesn't it?
<%Crackbone> I like it all.
<%Crackbone> But if I accept it...
<UBOA> your own character
<%Crackbone> ... and people don't...
<UBOA> :>
<%Crackbone> ... what will become of me?
<+Giddy> Uboa...
<UBOA> ~?
<+Giddy> ... stop that.
<%Crackbone> I will turn into nothing but a narcisstic, self-loving wreck.
<%Crackbone> Is there anything more pitiful than loving oneself?

<%Crackbone> HY, people say I'm as good as you.
<%Crackbone> And I'm several years younger.
<%Crackbone> A Pole at that.
<%HY|write> You are as good as me.
<%HY|write> We'll talk about this later, I need to update now.

<%Crackbone> Just so you know, HY.
<%Crackbone> I'd NEVER say this while sober.
>> No. 23211
>>23205
><%HY|write> We'll talk about this later, I need to update now.

Didn't he pause ADPA? Is he writing something else?
>> No. 23217
>> <%HY|write> We'll talk about this later, I need to update now.

No, this IS why HY is better.
You damn nigger.
>> No. 23226
Post that Adahn picture please.
>> No. 23244
Haha, funny story. What do people not do while drunk... Anyway, here's the anecdote: I got home drunk last night, told myself 'YAF, prick your butt up and listen. You're going to re-start 4S. Fuck your bickering, fuck your bitching. You're going to make it write-in only, and you're going to take the first fucking suggestion, and no matter how fucking retarded it might be, you're going to write it. No complaining. No rants. Adahn route only. Get to it.' - and, in my stupor, I did. Posted a thread, and the very first suggestion said something along the lines of 'stfu'.

So I did.


But now that I think about it, he was right. Drunk YAF. I'm a fucking liar, an ignorant, dishonest twat who actually wants to resume riding the trainwreck with russian movie OSTs playing in the background, in spite of all he's said. Well, fuck, brilliant idea, drunk YAF. Write-ins only would get rid of the 'foreseeable outcomes' problem. Well, too bad you've fucked your chances up in /shrine/. GG, GJ, GL&HF elsewhere.

>>23226

Sorry, can't.

>>23217
>You damn nigger.

If this is a concealed demand for me to get back to work, I'd gladly welcome you in >>/others/16302
>> No. 23247
>>23244
Jesus christ YAF, stop being a faggot and just write.
I don't know what's your overall problem even after reading all the shit you wrote.

><%Crackbone> I'm good.
><%Crackbone> I like my own writing.
><%Crackbone> My own characters.
><%Crackbone> My own narrative.

There nothing more to add. You had people kiss your ass so now it's time to stop being a paranoid faggot and move on.
You went to all the trouble to establish yourself anew in /others/ and blew it. Again. I would bet that this will not last long again before you quit due whatever reasons again and the Drama begins again.
YAF = Drama. That's what people think and that pisses them off. It's only fun for a short time to watch but then it annoys you.
Listen to what the people said like >>23140

Whatever
>> No. 23248
>>23244
>Sorry, can't.

..Why?
>> No. 23249
>>23247
>I don't know what's your overall problem even after reading all the shit you wrote.

My own unstable psyche.

>You went to all the trouble to establish yourself anew in /others/ and blew it.

Oh, I've no reason to get angry at BLaIR's readers, and what's more - their reactions amuse me. It was a given I'd be discovered sooner or later - being a foreigner, my... hm, style is easily distinguishable. Of course, I could slit my wrists and force a change on it, but... Honestly, what for? People like it, I li... I l... I lik... I. L. I. K.... Sorry, can't get this out. Anyhow, you get the point.
I'm not going to drop BLaIR just yet - the cast feels refreshing, the protagonist is mostly relaxed, and thus pleasant to write, but nowhere as CUH-RAY-ZEE as Naya, and therefore not stale at all. I've also become involved in that documentary movie business some time ago, so the topic is also somewhat relevant to my interests. I watched DrNO solely to get a feeling of the movie the Circle is making, and tell ya what - I fell in love with the old Bond movies once more. Currently hunting for good quality DVDs in English (hard to get anything but Polish lector versions over here), as well as looking for a certain, video game I've never had the occasion to finish, and whose... Ah, talking too much already, aren't I.

>just write

I am 'just' writing BLaIR. As for 4S, I tried (yet again), got told to GTFO, and abided. Nothing worse than a disobedient writefag, no?

>Whatever

My pleasure.
>> No. 23250
>>23248

It's Giddy's, and he and I already have some bones to pick. I'd rather not risk tickling his nerves any more.
>> No. 23253
>>concealed demand for me to get back to work
>>concealed
... lol wut.

>>Well, too bad you've fucked your chances up in /shrine/. GG, GJ, GL&HF elsewhere.
Pfft. GG indeed.
You can't take criticism and you can't take praise. You were hardly even playing THE GAME.
Or, rather, the only thing you’ve played for your past several threads is your readers. At this point, I can honestly say: I find it hard to believe at least part of all the ugly shit that went on wasn't intentional on your part.
Who knows, maybe you were doing it automatically, like a reflex born from the depths of your tiny, Polish, drama-ridden-and-prone mind. But you can't tell me that, more than once, when a silly choice was made, when you got trolled by an upset reader, when the speed of your thread prevented you from using the ideas fresh in your mind... you can't tell me that you didn't think to yourself "Fuck it, let's trainwreck. I'll keep writing, and we'll run this story right into the ground."

/shrine/ ill needs a writefag such as you. I tried to humor you towards the beginning of this little "discussion", but now I'm sick of playing your game. Don't bother denying it, either. You may not have consciously "wanted" all this, but you sure as hell strived for it. Feel free to come back when you've serious'd the fuck up and decide to actually try again, but for now
>>gtfo
>> No. 23254
>>23253
>You can't take criticism and you can't take praise.

I can't take praise. I can take - and welcome - criticism, as long as it's actually SAYING something. Not just 'lol u sux', or whatever else as unexpressive. No matter how futile or painful it might be, I still seek to improve. The Dark Side of writefaggotry found its place within my soul and refuses to leave.

>"Fuck it, let's trainwreck. I'll keep writing, and we'll run this story right into the ground."

Every single story since TS3.5. It got stale after a while. Kinda boring too. You can't wriggle your hands around in muck of negativity and saddening unfoldings forever. That is why I wanted a change - a story that I could treat like the earlier TS iterations - fast, carefree and spontaneous. Thanks to this and that, it too devolved into something along the lines of... Hm, no to search too far - Fate/Stay Night with Touhoes. Flirt the loli at day, die by the loli at night. Not exactly original, but, it had its own charm.

>Feel free to come back when you've serious'd the fuck up and decide to actually try again

Well, it took me... almost two weeks to actually seriously re-start 4S - which happened last night. It did not prevail. How much time do you need to lick your wounds clean?

And last but not least... Don't you feel sort of silly for being played like that? Tell you what, I've already confessed 60% of the things here were meant to anger you, in order to bring out your true feelings and opinions. Which is a game, and which is honest, though - I cannot tell you. It wouldn't be fun that way. I'm a liar, Anon. The only times I'm being honest, are when I'm drunk. I'm not getting drunk as often as I used to.
>> No. 23256
>At this point, I can honestly say: I find it hard to believe at least part of all the ugly shit that went on wasn't intentional on your part.

hahaha the Christmas Faggotry. That was.... disturbing in a fun way.
YAF was the victim and the perpetrator in one person.
>> No. 23257
>>23256

Haha, that was moderately entertaining.

Oh, and >>23253 - I wanted to add something more, but couldn't find the proper words... So I deduced to rip off someone else shouldn't be considered any shameful under such circumstances.

Here goes...


Hold me now.
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.
I just want you to stay.
After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you.
I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
you're just a part of me I can't let go.
Couldn't stand to be kept away.
Just for the day.
From your body
Wouldn't want to be swept away.
Far away from the one that I love.
Hold me now.
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.
I just want you to know.
Hold me now.
I really want to tell you I'm sorry.
I could never let you go.
After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you.
I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
you're just a part of me I can't let go.
After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you,
I promise to.
You're gonna be the lucky one.

>> No. 23260
>>23254

Pardon. The "try" in that sentence was supposed to be italicized for emphasis. I was attempting to say that you should conjure up the effort and patience to create a CYOA that doesn't suck. Guess it's too much to ask for; you created one last night and already gave up on it? I don't care how badly you got flamed/ignored, that's just pathetic.

>>Don't you feel sort of silly for being played like that?

Yes, hence ">>gtfo".

>>Tell you what, I've already confessed 60% of the things here were meant to anger you, in order to bring out your true feelings and opinions.

So why bitch about your reputation? If what you say is true, it's well-earned. Also, there's a pretty big difference between being angry because you're emotionally involved in a story and being angry because "this is bullshit". The former requires more than just despair to inspire in your readers.

>>Which is a game, and which is honest, though - I cannot tell you. It wouldn't be fun that way.

Fun for who? Certainly not your readers, or else we wouldn't be having this chat. Oh, wait, I think I get it.
So you're not actually trying to entertain your readers, and you are, in fact, just a troll. Thanks for clearing that up.
>> No. 23261
>>23257

Again,

">>gtfo"

I wash my hands of you. For now, at least. I know you won't stop writing, for better or worse, so I'm just gonna take a break from this.
>> No. 23262
>>23260
>Fun for who? Certainly not your readers, or else we wouldn't be having this chat. Oh, wait, I think I get it.

No, what I meant, was that I am unable to find enough social courage to admit which arguments from my bitching were my true feelings, and which were meant to be a psychological play. I'm a coward like that.

>Guess it's too much to ask for; you created one last night and already gave up on it? I don't care how badly you got flamed/ignored, that's just pathetic.

I know you're just baiting my inferiority complex to kick in, but answer yourself honestly: what makes a good CYOA? Were any of these written for me 'good'? If no, why bother? Why keep discussing with a pathetic bundle of easily broken nevers I am? And if yes, why not show me that bitching doesn't pay off - and never answer to it? Sometimes I can't hold back. It's natural for me to get angry at my hopes getting deliberately crushed by a bunch of careless bubs making ridiculous decisions? Yet, it is you who I write these stories for. I could force the one-and-only way, but wouldn't that kill the purpose of giving you any choice in the first place? Who am I - GMan? So instead of giving you an illusion of free choice, I took the liberty of choosing for you?

That being said, I don't think I can get any worse - if BLaIR hits a wave of stupid decisions (though I'd never expect that from /others/), I will ignore them. Sure, they've already scrapped some of my ideas, but tell ya what - I don't feel any bad about it. Missed some Mokou flirting? Oh, well, we'll save it for a different time. Ideas, as long as not made public, can be used at any given, and appropriate moment. How long do you think we've waited with the PE lesson in Faggotry with Vodka? A whole in-game day, that long. Yet we still 'recycled' the idea, and it turned out nice.
I'm digressing.

I may have made a mistake by jumping with that thread out of the blue, but first - I was drunk, and second - I ordered myself to listen to the first suggestion that appears, no matter what it is. And I did. Not my fault it was what it was, it's in the past. I only regret saddening Vodka by dropping this story yet again.

>>23261

Again, for the time being, stick to BLaIR, if you want to deal with something actually entertaining for both me and you. I would suggest-- no, scrap that. I would like to selfishly ask you to give it a go, and see if it suits your tastes. If yes, I would be delighted to have an additional reader.
>> No. 23263
>>No, what I meant, was that I am unable to find enough social courage to admit which arguments from my bitching were my true feelings, and which were meant to be a psychological play. I'm a coward like that.

Psychological play? Gee golly gosh, I don't suppose that has something to do with the drama that people ridicule you for?
ಠ_ಠ
Of course, sometimes you simply contradict youself. We all do it when we get emotional (even though most don't get emotional as often as you...)
At any rate, it sounds like you might benefit from posting anonymously.

>>I know you're just baiting my inferiority complex to kick in

On the contrary, I'm citing the fact that it already has, which I find disappointing. You can drag a painfully miserable story to it's conclusion, but drop one with a fresh (using that term lightly) start so hastily? Come on, man.

>>why not show me that bitching doesn't pay off - and never answer to it?

Unfortunately, it seems to be the only means of communicating with you.
Not many actually want you gone, we just want you to change. I, personally, don't think you'd leave even if we-- all of us-- asked you to, so I'd rather see you improve than watch you continue your drama performances.

>>if BLaIR hits a wave of stupid decisions (though I'd never expect that from /others/), I will ignore them.

Ethically, this is wrong... but ethics is sometimes best left to the gays. In practice, this is probably a good idea. At least until your story management skills improve.

>>Again, for the time being, stick to BLaIR, if you want to deal with something actually entertaining for both me and you. I would suggest-- no, scrap that. I would like to selfishly ask you to give it a go, and see if it suits your tastes. If yes, I would be delighted to have an additional reader.

Well, since you seem like you aren't a completely lost cause, and have managed to retain some semblances of civility... I'll consider it.
B-b-but it's not because I care about you or your writing or anything! I'm j-just-- I'm just killing time is all! Geez!!
>> No. 23264
>If yes, I would be delighted to have an additional reader.

I like Angerwing nice YAF.
>> No. 23265
Well, you certainly type pretty fucking well for a drunk, cockbite.

How about you fucking try listening to your readers instead of ignoring them? You ARE receiving criticism, dumbass. This entire thread you have been.

If people cannot see anything wrong, then they can't say anything at all. Congratulations, you've mastered the fucking English language on the net - now do something with your life, get the fuck out of your basement, and go learn from somebody who gives half a shit about it. No? Then shut your niggerhole.

Unless you'd like us to lie to you, like you think we've been doing. That could work. "Yes, YAF, you're a shit-poor excuse for a functioning human being. Try working on spelling W-R-I-T-E-R, because you've been getting it wrong this whole goddamn time."

I'm tired of your bullshit. And that's all it is - bullshit. Absolute, motherfucking bullshit. You like stroking that half-inch dick - I mean ego - to your own despair.

The next holocaust that happens, I fucking hope it starts with your residence.
>> No. 23266
>>23265

Already been done/said.
Fuck off if you don't have anything useful to add except random trolling in a troll-saturated thread.
>> No. 23270
>>23263
>I, personally, don't think you'd leave even if we-- all of us-- asked you to

Between us, if it wasn't for the bitching of a couple of people back in December, I would have quit long ago.
Look:
>I only regret saddening Vodka by dropping this story yet again.
Now, if Vodka had acted like you lot, I'd have regret nothing, and this discussion wouldn't have taken place.
In vidya terms... Hmm... Your unity is full of wonder, which my tiny individualism cannot even conceive. Only it's also inexistant, so I've nothing I could deliberately misconceive. As long as people want me to write - I AM going to feel obliged to write. If they all stopped thirsting for the fruit of my brain work at once, there'd be no one to reap it - and I'd quickly grow bored of waiting for someone to stroll by and pluck some supernumenary (these)pears.
>> No. 23271
>>23270

Enough with the atypical Polack pseudo-intellectual babble.

Kthxbye.
>> No. 23272
>>23271

It's 'Polish'. The adjective, as well as the noun used for our country's inhabitants is 'Polish'.
>> No. 23277
...what about All at Once? What will happen to it now?
>> No. 23278
>>23277

In theory, Vodka and Nine are the ones taking care of it now. In practice, though, well...
>> No. 23293
>>23278

C'mon man, you know we liked AaO a lot. Isn't that why it's still going on it went so far?
>> No. 23319
>>23270

Sorry, but I don't buy that.
>>This is his drug. And we are the suppliers.
You're not doing this out of obligation.
>> No. 23355
>>23319
Indeed. I still stand to what i said. It's a mixture of many things, but this is an important component of it
>> No. 23361
Holy tl;dr drama Batman.

[x] "Technical problems? How about you let a guy handle it? Just a word."

I will still place a vote, for old times' sake.
>> No. 23362
Baiting some activity.

==

[X] "... nothing. Just checking up on you two."

"Nothing," I respond, according to the truth, "Just checking up on you two."
"Huh?" Reaches me from the other side. "Momizi, if this goes off--! Sorry," Adahn seems to have just recovered from getting distracted yet again, by whatever her and her dog are doing. "There's a ton of work we need to take care of, so if you'd be so kind to wait till... the appointed time..." Her voice lowers to a whisper. "I'd really be grateful-- Momizi, if this goes off, the whole country will--!"
"S-sorry!" Comes an apologetic yelp of the dog-girl. "I'm still not used to storing them in jars..."
"It's the most efficient method, though... Sorry again." Adahn mutters an apology once more. "I'm honestly sorry... Nanaya, right? Your name was Nanaya."
"Sorta." I reply. "Frankly, 's been too long to remember my real one, so ya might as well address me like that."
"In any case, I can't talk right now." Adahn quickly dismisses my half-assed explanation. "Work's piling up with every passing minute..."
Ah, so she's that - yet another one of them work-a-holics, obsessed with nothing but their jobs. Well, whatever she desires - here I wanted to check if she's alright - for whatever reason - and she simply dismissed my worries like that. Come to think of it, shouldn't I rather pay heed to my own woman? Being defiant yet again, aren't you, Kazami Nanaya? Grab a godforsaken hold of yourself, for Yuuka's sake.
"Then I'll see ya in the evening." I blurt out without a second thought. "Be ready."
"I will." Adahn replies in a voice so unexpectedly steely it almost surprises me. "I will, so you too..."
"Sure thing." I assure. "It's going to be a blast."
"Let's hope so. Either way, goodbye."
"Goodbye."
I bid her a copycat farewell, and push the red button on the phone's keyboard. Well, yet another wasted couple of minutes - nothing that's never happened before, honestly. Come to think of it, it might be one of my strong points - killing time. Skilled in killing many things, why not count the time in as well?
Well, then, time. - I think while springing up from the bench. - Why not torment each other for a while longer?

[ ] Your will?
>> No. 23363
[x] Go to the hospital.

Curious about Renko's status, also want to cooperate with See You.
>> No. 23365
[x] Go to the hospital.

updates? in my /shrine/? Impossible.
>> No. 23367
[x] Go to the hospital.

Where do the killed ones go? To the morgue. Where's the nearest morgue? At the hospital. What's at the hospital? My would-be ally and a source of information. What else? A girl I need to reunite with.
So, in the warm, afternoon sunlight, I begin to stroll the streets yet again, this time headed to the place Sanae dragged me to this morning. The hospital - a towering block of concrete in the distance - looms ominously like a beacon of hope. Hope of finally getting some things straight with both See You, and... This misinformation everyone seems to feed me with. Hopefully, it will soon change, and I'll finally get to kick some arses.
Passerbys may frown at my jubilant smirk, but what they think is of no concern to me.
Here I come, sickly and disabled!


...


As opposed to the last time, this one greets me with a load of people bustling about the ground floor like a band of ants during a storm. Nurses hurrying down various corridors, patients waiting in the line at the counter, some guys in orange uniforms slowly making their way back to the ambulance waiting outside - it all fits an image of a hospital one would expect from an ordinary one like this. Well, it would be ordinary, if it wasn't for me, standing amidst the lake of people - hard to call it a sea - hands on hips, shooting cocky glances around, scaring everyone else's eyes away. That's right, know your place.
If any damn doctor tries to examine my arm under the excuse of seeing a slipshodly made dressing... Limbs will fly, and not even a professional bandagist will be able to help.
Now, where to first? Guess See-You ought to be done by now, unless he's some sort of a He-Man, but there's also another persona I'm somewhat concerned about.
A stray nurse dashes by, carrying a tray of flasks and pills, brushing my shoulder in her speedy rush.

[ ] Please select your destiny!
>> No. 23368
[x] Renko first, see you later.
>> No. 23369
[x] Follow the nurse!
>> No. 23383
[x] Renko first, see you later.