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Shameimaru Aya: Hello there, dear listener! I'm so happy that you're still listening to this, I'm going to sing you the theme of our-
Inubashiri Momiji: AYA, SHUSH! She's still around.
Aya: What? I thought she went back home!
Momiji: This is her home, you know?
Aya: Usually, I would ask how you know so much about underground youkai, but quite frankly I don't care.
Momiji: For Pete's sake, don't you remember?
Aya: Remember what? The angry mob?
Momiji: You sent the miko underground!
Aya: I did?
Momiji: I really wonder if you're joking or if you really have a birdbrain.
Aya: I don't have a birdbrain! How dare you insinuate that I, a great crow tengu, would- oh hey, that place looks perfect to build a nest!
Momiji: Oookay. So, since Miss Aya is currently busy trying to make a nest with rocks, I guess it's up to me to explain what's going on. You see, Aya and I are both in hell right now.
Aya: And it's a nice place! It's really hot! I like it!
Momiji: Yeah, right. I would like to tell you how and why we're in hell, but it's kinda complicated and very humiliating.
Aya: What? Not at all! Listen to me, dear listener. I was busy taking Momiji around, because she was scratching at the door, and then-
Momiji: I'm fairly sure he's not interested, Miss Aya. Why do you want to tell him that?
Aya: -but then, there was an angry mob from the village! And you see, I'm used to angry mob, in fact I'm so used to them that when there's a day where I'm not chased by one, it feels like an incomplete day, so anyway-
Momiji: HE'S NOT INTERESTED!
Aya: -so I went up there, and I saw that human followed by a celestial, a doll, and two green-haired youkais, so I decided to follow them, but then-
Aya: -but then, it was incredible, because we were in the caves, and Momiji was sniffing around and trying to mark her territory like a dog, but then she started pissing on a sleeping youkai, and then-
Momiji: KAGOME, KAGOME, THE BIRD IN THE CAGE, WHO'S THAT RIGHT BEHIND YOOOOU?
Aya: -and so we had to run away from another angry mob, so we landed here.
Momiji: As I said, it was very humiliating and totally uncalled for.
Aya: Come on Momiji! Don't be shy! Cute girls are the real deal after all.
Momiji: Besides, you forgot that part when you frantically tried to fly, despite the fact that we were underground. I had to put my hands on your eyes to calm you down!
Aya: Hey, what do you know? Sometimes, even a great tengu such as myself can succumb to an unfathomable fear.
Momiji: What does that mean?
Aya: I dunno, but it sounds cool, so I use it anyway.
Momiji: I think I understood why your newspaper is so unpopular.
(sounds of someone being slapped)
Aya: That's defamation! My newspaper is very popular!
Momiji: Oh really? Mind explaining me why you're always chased by an angry mob then?
Aya: That's what they do outside!
Momiji: They're being chased by angry mobs outside too!? What a weird world we're living in. Back in the days-
Aya: Yeah, totally! And besides, Outside's angry mobs are better equipped than Gensokyo's angry mobs! They even have flashes!
Momiji: Angry mobs with flashes? You mean paparazzi?
Aya: Yeah, paparazzis.
Momiji: That's paparazzo. You don't say paparazzis.
Aya: You said it.
Momiji: It was singular!
Aya: Too complicated. That aside, it's pretty hot down here, isn't it?
Momiji: I can see the punchlines from here. You're going to ask me to undress you, right? You're always like that, you stupid horny crow.
Momiji: Aw shit. Don't tell it it broke, it's an overused line.
Aya: How dare you even suggest that I might be attracted by another girl!
Momiji: Weren't you turned on by Lord Tenma earlier? And isn't she a girl?
Aya: Don't be stupid Momiji. If he was a girl, he would be named “Lady Tenma”. Not “Lord Tenma”.
Momiji: That reminds me, when the Hakurei came back from the moon, she said something about a Watatsuki girl, right? Her name was Yorihime, if I remember right.
Aya: What a memory. And why do you bring that up?
Momiji: Doesn't “hime” means “princess”? If that's the case, then Yorihime would be translated as “Princess Yori”, right?
Aya: Sorry, I was busy picking my nose. You said something?
Momiji: Nevermind that.
Aya: Also, what are we doing here exactly?
Momiji: You mean except running away from an angry mob?
Aya: Yeah. We did had a plan earlier, right? What happened to this plan?
Momiji: Look in your brain. I guess it's lost, along with 'common sense', 'humility', and 'respect'.
Aya: ARGH, FINE! All right! You know what? You win!
Momiji: What do I win?
Aya: Once we're back to the studio, I'll ask the kappas to repair the bathroom.
Momiji: FINALLY! The bathrooms will work once again.
Aya: Yeah. The toilets will work, and you'll be able to drink.
Momiji: … Hey wait a minute, you-
Momiji: What? She's here?
Aya: No, I just wanted you to duck.
Momiji: WHY YOU!
(various sounds of someone being strangled)
Aya: Let... go of... me!
?????????: UNKNOWN SUBSTANCE PRESENT IN THE REACTOR, FOLLOW ORDER 8676.
Momiji: What the hell?
Aya: We're right in the hell, you stupid dog!
?????????: ORGANIC LIFEFORM, REVEAL YOUR PRESENCE. IF YOU DON'T, ORDER 8676 WILL ENSUES, CAUSING THE WHOLE AREA TO BE PURIFIED.
Momiji: Purified? She's going to seal us?
Aya: Hey, wait! WAIT! Give me more details about this purification!
?????????: LIFEFORM DETECTED, ORDER 8676 IS CANCELLED, INITIATE ORDER 23.
(sounds of a dog whimpering)
Aya: WAIT! You're a bird, I'm a bird, can't we get along together?
?????????: FRIENDSHIP REQUEST DENIED. PLEASE EVACUATE THE AREA BEFORE PURIFICATION.
Aya: What's the purification?
?????????: PURIFICATION CONSIST OF A MINI STAR FILLING THE WHOLE AREA, RESULTING OF TOTAL PURIFICATION THROUGH NUCLEAR SUBREACTION. IT IS ADVICED TO BE ABSENT FROM THE AREA DURING THE PROCESS.
Aya: Yeah, I can figure why. I don't know what those nuclear thingies are, but I guess they're probably as painful as Hakurei's charms.
?????????: STATEMENT INCORRECT. THE WHOLE PROCESS IS PAINLESS.
Aya: That's good to know.
?????????: BECAUSE INSIDE THE STAR, TEMPERATURE WILL QUICKLY REACH 15,000,000K, APPROXIMATELY 14,999,727°C. THE LIFEFORM WILL BE ASHES BEFORE REALIZING IT.
Aya: Okay, that's pretty bad. How much time do we have left before the purification begins?
?????????: IT IS TOO LATE. YOUR TIME IS ALREADY TIMEOUT. PREPARE FOR IMPACT.
Aya: I guess it's over for today, please stay on this channel, and next time, we'll definitely discover what Christmas really is!
(Several explosions. Someone screams. A dog bay at the moon.)