- [Settings] [Home
[Show or hide post box]

[Return] [Entire Thread] [Last 50 posts] [Bottom]
Posting mode: Reply
Name
Email
Subject   (Reply to 46128)
Message
File
Password  (for post and file deletion)
  • First time posting? See our frontpage for site rules and FAQ
  • Further overview of board culture in this thread.
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG, WEBM
  • Maximum file size allowed is 4096 KB.
  • Images greater than 200x200 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • View catalog

File 131390620545.jpg - (87.41KB, 772x1193, 7025880.jpg) [iqdb]
46128 No. 46128
Pain...I could finally feel pain, just like a real person. The large shard of glass piercing my chest produces a warm stinging sensation. At the same time a cold chill started to creep over me and I knew it for what it was, the soothing hand of death. I do not have the strength to thank the kind woman for this gift so the most I can do is use the last of my waning energy to smile. I hope she finds what she is looking for. With that everything fades to black for a time. Suddenly I hear a far off voice and feel the sensation of falling. It ends quickly and surprisingly gently. My vision returned to me and was surprised to find I was not at the castle.

[x] Check self.
[x] Check surroundings.
[x] Check inventory.



This is my first time so please be gentle.
>> No. 46129
Check self.

I mean, dude. You just had a giant chunk of glass in your chest. You kinda have to know if it's gone. The fate of your future parlor tricks depends on it.
>> No. 46130
[x] Check self.
[x] Check surroundings.
[x] Check inventory.
Everything.
>> No. 46131
[x] Check self.
[x] Check surroundings.

>Be gentle.
Nope.
>> No. 46137
[x] Check self.
>> No. 46138
>>46131

You going in without lube, Anon?
>> No. 46143
[x] Check self.
[x] Check surroundings.

No point checking the inventory. The only things that are ever in there are annoyingly vague plot devices.
>> No. 46145
Calling vote for [x] Check self. & [x] Check surroundings. Writing.
>> No. 46147
Deciding to forgo an inventory check go straight to a physical exam(Not like I have anything very useful on hand anyways.) and am surprised to find the would be gaping hole in my torso is quite not present and a somewhat crude scar in it's place. I will of course have to get my dress mended at some point. Overall I am in what I considered to be good condition for what I am. Taking a moment to observe my surroundings it would appear I am on an island of sorts in the middle of a lake. A good size European-style mansion of a distinct crimson color is the only noticeable structure aside from a small shack not far off near the wall. No doubt the guardhouse. A woman in strange green attire seems to be sleeping near the gate. It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Course of action?

[X]: Wake the sleeper.
[X]: Attempt to enter the mansion.
[X]: Rest. Perhaps the morning will shine some light on the situation?
[X]: Write in.
>> No. 46153
[x] Walk around the rest of the island. Get a good lay of the land.
--[x] Then, wait by the gate until the woman in green wakes up by herself.

Because every other option has already been chosen by other /sdm/ stories in the past.

No offense meant, new writer, but in my opinion you should consider trying to “up the ante” a bit. I don’t know how much you know or don’t know about the general format of the stories on this site, but one-paragraph updates and generic wake-up-in-Gensokyo starts to stories are in general a thing of the past; we’re less about writing quick-action CYOAs now, and more about writing legitimate stories with voter participation. It’s hard to get a good feel for the story when updates are short and bland; perhaps consider fleshing out your updates with more material to give the readers something to look at. Also, I don’t mean to be rude, but blatantly referencing old jokes like “you are likely to be eaten by a grue” will probably garner the scorn of readers very quickly unless you’re trying to make a funny story, and even then it’s not exactly the best caliber of joke. Make a story that has good content by itself, and not just good content taken from older works.

I don’t mean to be judgmental; merely pointing out a few things I believe could be improved in my own opinion; take them or leave them as you will. The intro paragraph has promises of a deeper concept that could be interesting given time, and I’d hate to bash a story too early based on too little evidence.
>> No. 46161
[X] Use your powers to perfectly replicate the strange green outfit the sleeper is wearing.
--[X] attempt to gain entry by pretending to be her long lost younger brother(sister?)
>> No. 46165
[x]: Wake the sleeper.

>>46153
>we’re less about writing quick-action CYOAs now
What, we can never do that again? As long as OP starts updating faster (and getting readers to realize they should check more often to vote) it should be fine. Chill.
>> No. 46255
>>46153

>we’re less about writing quick-action CYOAs now, and more about writing legitimate stories with voter participation

;_;
>> No. 46296
[X] Wake the sleeper
>> No. 46305
[X]: Wake the sleeper.

I wonder if we could defend ourselves were we to be attacked by a lesser Youkai.
>> No. 46339
>>46255
Since when do you write quick stories? Dohoho.
[Return] [Entire Thread] [Last 50 posts] [Top]


[Delete or report post]
Delete post []
Password  
Report post
Reason  


[Switch to Mobile Page]
Thread Watcher x