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43348 No. 43348
Yeah, that’s right. <i>THAT’S WHAT JUST HAPPENED, BITCHES!</i>

I’m allow to question it in retrospect. You’re not. Did <i>you</i> vote for it? Didn’t think so. So let’s STOP!




<strike>HAMMERTIME</strike> CONTINUE!

Faggotry aside, I should probably-maybe-kinda write some junk since I’m here, yah? I mean, that’s what you do around here, right? I just got here; I haven’t really browsed the story archives yet and probably never will. They’re probably full of crud; thank you very much Mr. Sturgeon. Don’t expect any of that lame meta-crap from me, that stuff kills stories dead and who would even find that funny? Yeah, that’s not happening here; I point my middle finger in a completely random direction for your sake, like http://www.touhou-project.com/sdm/res/42738.html

Here’s how this works:
A) Text adventure in the SDM.
B) BAD ENDS everywhere. You’ll lose points.
3) You don’t want to lose points.
Δ) Parse correctly or I kill you.
Δ.1: VERB NOUN
Δ.2: VERB PREPOSITION NOUN
Δ.3: VERB NOUN PREPOSITION NOUN
Δ.iv: You should be able to figure this out.
Five) The goal is to get a lot of points because that gets you on the high scores.
六) Troll my tread and I kill you.
~~~~~~~) Majority wins unless you’re retarded, then it’s whatever I feel like.
Ocho – ESPN8, The



FORMATTINGLINEFORMATTINGLINEFORMATTINGLINEFORMATTINGLINEFORMATTINGLINEFORMATTINGLINE


You are in front of a MANSION. There is a GATE in front of you, and also a WALL. It is getting DARK.

====>

>> No. 43350
[X] Examine MANSION
[X] Examine GATE
[X] Open GATE
>> No. 43351
You suck at MULTITASKING and your BRAIN explodes from trying to do more than one THING at a time.

You are now at -5 points.

====>
>> No. 43353
[X] Scale the wall with your nails.
>> No. 43354
[X] Open GATE
>> No. 43355
[X] Open GATE
>> No. 43356
You cannot open the GATE because the GATE is already open!

There is a FEMALE GUARD staring at you from the other side of the WALL. She has a GREEN UNIFORM on and looks very SKEPTICAL.

====>
>> No. 43357
[X] Disguise yourself as a tree and sneak in.
>> No. 43358
[x] Examine FEMALE GUARD
>> No. 43359
You don't have a "yourself as a tree and sneak in"! You die.

You are now at -10 points.

====>
>> No. 43360
[X] Examine FEMALE GUARD
>> No. 43361
She has a GREEN UNIFORM on and looks very SKEPTICAL.

====>
>> No. 43362
[x] Inspect FEMALE GUARD
>> No. 43363
[X] Greet FEMALE GUARD
>> No. 43366
[X] Inspect INVENTORY
>> No. 43369
[x] Examine GREEN UNIFORM
>> No. 43370
[x] Examine FEMALE GUARD

Why are all of the points in multiples of 5? So pointless. Next time we die we should lose 4 or 6 points, just to shake things up!
>> No. 43372
>Examine FEMALE GUARD
She has a GREEN UNIFORM on and looks very DISCONCERTED at the fact that you want to keep examining her.

>Inspect INVENTORY
You have a pair of CLOTHES, and a YE FLASK.

>Examine GREEN UNIFORM
It is cut in a CHINESE style and exemplifies the ASSETS of the FEMALE GUARD.

>Greet FEMALE GUARD
She returns your GREETING and does not appear to be impeding your PROGRESS.

====>
>> No. 43374
[x] Walk to GATE
[x] Talk to FEMALE GUARD
>> No. 43376
You FORGET that you are VERY BAD with MULTITASKING and your BRAIN explodes a second TIME.

You are now at -5π points.

====>
>> No. 43377
[x] Examine ASSETS
>> No. 43378
They are very RICH and SUMPTUOUS. The FEMALE GUARD becomes AGITATED and kicks you with a MIGHTY LEG. You die.

You are now at -7π points.

====>
>> No. 43379
[x] Invite the gate guard to engage in a staring contest.
>> No. 43380
There is no one named "the gate guard to engage in a staring contest" here! You die.

You are now at -31 points.

====>
>> No. 43381
You can't kill Anonymous, for that is what we are.

Anonymous is also Legion, but not the same Legion from the Castlevania games.
>> No. 43382
Get YE FLASK
>> No. 43383
You do not need to get a YE FLASK, because you already have a YE FLASK! You equip YE FLASK instead.

====>
>> No. 43384
[X] Search for flowers.
>> No. 43386
You find some FLOWERS within the GARDEN to the EAST. There is an abundance of VARIETIES to be found here. A FAIRY is admiring the VARIETIES to the NORTH.

====>
>> No. 43387
[X] Talk to Fairy.
>> No. 43388
There is no FAIRY to talk to here!

====>
>> No. 43389
[x] Crawl North
>> No. 43391
There is a FAIRY admiring the VARIETIES here. It does not seem to notice your CRAWLING.

====>
>> No. 43392
>Eat FLOWERS
>> No. 43393
[X] Examine FAIRY
>> No. 43395
[x] Share YE FLASK with FAIRY
>> No. 43396
[X] Ambush FAIRY
>> No. 43397
[x] Lick FAIRY
>> No. 43400
[x]Talk to FAIRY
>> No. 43402
[x]Hug FAIRY
>> No. 43403
>Examine FAIRY
It is a FEMALE FAIRY. She has PINK hair, PINK wings, and a PINK skirt. She is rather SHORT.

>Share YE FLASK with FAIRY
You cannot share your YE FLASK because you only have one!

>Ambush FAIRY
You engage in a FRACAS with the FEMALE FAIRY, and in the AMBUSH round deliver a SAVAGE MOLESTATION with your equipped YE FLASK! The FAIRY is OUT COLD!

You are now at -24 points.

>Lick FAIRY
You sample the TASTE of the FAIRY with your TOUNGE. She tastes of BUBBLE GUM and SUNSHINE.

>Talk to FAIRY
You attempt to make CONVERSATION with the FAIRY, but she does not respond, because she is OUT COLD!

>Hug Fairy
You deliver a FOND EMBRACE to the FAIRY. The FAIRY wakes up! She wonders what just HAPPENED.

====>
>> No. 43404
[X] Recruit FAIRY
>> No. 43405
Equip FAIRY
>> No. 43406
[X] TALK to FAIRY about HER FRIENDS.

I wanna meet the gang.
>> No. 43407
Put FAIRY in INVENTORY
>> No. 43410
>Recruit FAIRY
You do not know what INCENTIVE it will require to recruit the FAIRY!

>Equip FAIRY
You put your YE FLASK back into your INVENTORY and equip the FAIRY. She is very OPPOSED to this new position!

>TALK to FAIRY about HER FRIENDS.
She is UNRESPONSIVE! She will only talk about being PUT DOWN!

>Put FAIRY in INVENTORY
You cannot acquire that item because it would overburden your ENCUMBERANCE!
>> No. 43411
[x] Eat FLOWERS
>> No. 43412
[X] Eat FAIRY
>> No. 43414
>Eat FLOWERS
You sup on the VARIETIES. Their COLORFUL SPLENDOR soothes your ailing POINTS.

You are now at -21±2 points.

>Eat FAIRY
You sup on the ADMIRER of the VARIETIES. Her PINK SPLENDOR soothes your ailing POINTS. She ceases to talk of being PUT DOWN.

You are now at -7±5 points.
>> No. 43415
[X] Run SOUTH
>> No. 43416
>She ceases to talk of being PUT DOWN.
;_;

[X] EXAMINE SURROUNDINGS.
>> No. 43418
>Run SOUTH
There is a FEMALE GUARD staring at you from this side of the WALL. She has a GREEN UNIFORM on and looks very HORRIFIED.

>EXAMINE SURROUNDINGS
There is a FEMALE GUARD staring at you from this side of the WALL. She has a GREEN UNIFORM on and looks very AGITATED.

====>
>> No. 43419
[X] Crawl West
>> No. 43420
[x] Confess undying love to FEMALE GUARD.
>> No. 43421
[x] Fingerstab FEMALE GUARD
>> No. 43424
[x] Glomp FEMALE GUARD
>> No. 43427
[x] Equip FEMALE GUARD
>> No. 43431
>She ceases to talk of being PUT DOWN

Vomit FAIRY
>> No. 43433
[x] Equip FEMALE GUARD

This is the true path!
>> No. 43434
>Crawl West
The FEMALE GUARD is blocking your PROGRESS!

>Confess undying love to FEMALE GUARD.
She has heard this sort of TACTIC before, and dishes you some POETIC JUSTICE! You Die.

You are now at -16 points.

>Fingerstab FEMALE GUARD
Your HANDS are occupied by the FEMALE FAIRY!

>Glomp FEMALE GUARD
You thrust yourself forwards in JOYOUS ABANDON, sending the FEMALE FAIRY into the face of the FEMALE GUARD! This makes you unable to glomp the FEMALE GUARD!

>Equip FEMALE GUARD
You do not have enough POINTS to equip the FEMALE GUARD!

>Vomit FAIRY
You expel the FAIRY from your DIGESTIVE SYSTEM, reviving her POINTS. She takes SANCTUARY behind the FEMALE GUARD and is very MEEK.
>> No. 43435
[x]Retrieve FEMALE FAIRY
>> No. 43437
[X] APOLOGIZE to FAIRY
>> No. 43439
[x] Distract FEMALE GUARD
>> No. 43440
[x]Examine YOURSELF
What exactly are we?
>> No. 43441
[x] Give YE FLASK to FAIRY
>> No. 43443
[X] Make PROGRESS.
>> No. 43444
[x] Knock FEMALE GUARD out
>> No. 43446
[x] Headbash FEMALE GUARD
>> No. 43450
>Retrieve FEMALE FAIRY
She is GUARDED by the FEMALE GUARD and is currently INACCESSIBLE!

>APOLOGIZE to FAIRY
The FAIRY is MORTIFIED of your very presence. The FEMALE GUARD views your APOLOGY as an INSULT and disposes of you. You die.

You are now at -21 points.

>Distract FEMALE GUARD
You do not know what kind of ITEM or ACTION will distract her!

>Examine YOURSELF
You are a MINDLESS NON-ENTITY encapsulated inside a HUMANOID SHELL. Your MOTIVATIONS are seemingly RANDOM and you have no PERSONALITY to speak of.

>Give YE FLASK to FAIRY
You do not comprehend the meaning of the phrase “Give YE FLASK”! Your head implodes from the mere thought of it.

You are now at -28 points.

>Make PROGRESS
You do not have the adequate INGREDIENTS to make that!

>Knock FEMALE GUARD out
You do not have enough POINTS to use that TACTIC!

>Headbash FEMALE GUARD
This foolhardy AGGRESSION predictably gets you KILLED.

You are now at -33 points.

====>
>> No. 43451
[X] Equip NEGATIVE POINTS

Maybe we can use our predilection for getting killed to our advantage!
>> No. 43452
You attempt to be META. This action garners the SCORN of YOUR GOD. You die.

You are now at -42 points.

====>
>> No. 43453
[X] Crawl South
>> No. 43454
At last, we've reached the maximum meta recursion depth.

[X] RUN AWAY toward MANSION.
>> No. 43456
>Crawl SOUTH
You crawl into a brick WALL. There are various BUSHES around you. The FEMALE GUARD does not appear to have pursued you.

>RUN AWAY toward MANSION.
The MANSION draws closer. There are not many WINDOWS or DOORS. The FEMALE GUARD does not appear to have pursued you.

====>
>> No. 43457
[x] Get MYSTIC EYES OF DEATH PERCEPTION
>> No. 43460
[X] Find FRONT DOOR.
>> No. 43461
[x] Examine SURROUNDING
>> No. 43462
[x] STATUS
>> No. 43466
[x] Make a WEAPON appear in your HAND with the Will of your MIND.
>> No. 43468
>>43466
Stop DYING
>> No. 43469
>Get MYSTIC EYES OF DEATH PERCEPTION
You don’t see a “MYSTIC EYES OF DEATH PERCEPTION” here!

>Find FRONT DOOR.
You locate the FRONT DOOR. It is REGAL and LARGE and does not appear to be LOCKED.

>Examine SURROUNDING
You have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what you are trying to examine, because you have not specified a NOUN with your ADJECTIVE!

>STATUS
You are a MINDLESS NON-ENTITY.
You have a pair of CLOTHES, and a YE FLASK.
You have died TEN (10) times.
Your score is -42 points.
You are currently a IDIOT.
Today’s forecast is MOSTLY CLOUDY with a chance of MORNING SHOWERS.
The DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE is currently at 10967.65.
The OBAMACONOMY is in a RUFOUS state.

>Make a WEAPON appear in your HAND with the Will of your MIND.
This ACTION would normally cause you to DIE. You try to be META in THE FUTURE, garnering the SCORN of YOUR GOD, granting you SUCCESS in your ENDEAVOR.

You make the CUDGEL OF DEATH THE SUBATOMIC AND NOTHING.

>Stop DYING
You die.

You are now at -52 points.

====>
>> No. 43470
examine the CUDGEL OF DEATH THE SUBATOMIC AND NOTHING.
>> No. 43471
[x] Equip CUDGEL OF DEATH THE SUBATOMIC AND NOTHING.
>> No. 43472
[x]Open FRONT DOOR slowly
>> No. 43473
Die
>> No. 43475
>examine the CUDGEL OF DEATH THE SUBATOMIC AND NOTHING.
It is wholly UNAPPEALING and looks like the worst part of the UGLY STICK. A SYMBOL of “-42” is burned onto the shaft POORLY.

>Equip CUDGEL OF DEATH THE SUBATOMIC AND NOTHING.
So let it be WRITTEN, so let it be DONE.

>Open FRONT DOOR slowly
The HINGES are well-oiled and make no NOISE. You enter the grand FOYER. The interior is CLASSICAL and SCARLET.

>Die
You do not know how to “Die”!

====>
>> No. 43476
[X] CRAWL NORTH
>> No. 43478
[x] Appreciate FOYER
>> No. 43483
>CRAWL NORTH
You crawl into a HALLWAY. There is a STAIRCASE headed to the BASEMENT, and a LIFT which may lead to a variety of FLOORS. Several FAIRIES are visible in the distance to the EAST.

>Appreciate FOYER
You do not have the adequate MEMORY to appreciate what you cannot see!

====>
>> No. 43484
[X] Crawl STAIRCASE
>> No. 43485
Your SENTENCE does not make grammatical SENSE! You die.

You are now at -57 points

====>
>> No. 43486
[X] Walk to Staircase
>> No. 43487
[x] TALK to the PERSON who is hiding behind you.
>> No. 43489
[X] DESCEND STAIRCASE
>> No. 43491
[x]Try finding fridge
>> No. 43494
[x] Locate FAIRIES
>> No. 43496
>Walk to Staircase
You approach the STAIRCASE. It is DARK down there.

>TALK to the PERSON who is hiding behind you.
There is no “PERSON who is hiding behind you” to talk to!

>DESCEND STAIRCASE
You are now in the BASEMENT. It is CHILLY and rather QUIET. You feel OMINOUS.

>Try finding fridge
Do, or do not. There is no TRY. You die.

You are now at -61 points.

>Locate FAIRIES
You fail to find any FAIRIES.

====>
>> No. 43497
[X] Jump West
>> No. 43498
[x] Yell "HELLO, do you want to play a game?" into the darkness.
>> No. 43499
Examine OMINOUS.
>> No. 43500
[x] Use YE FLASK on SELF
>> No. 43502
[x]ASCEND STAIRCASE
>> No. 43503
[X] Act delicious.

Maybe if we are too eager we will make all of the vampires uncomfortable.
>> No. 43505
[x] Cast MAGIC MISSLE at the OMINOUS
>> No. 43506
>Jump West
You TUCK AND ROLL down the BASEMENT HALLWAY. There is a STEEL DOOR in front of you.

>Yell "HELLO, do you want to play a game?" into the darkness.
You cannot find any DARKNESS to do this!

>Examine OMINOUS.
It is very FOREBODING. You feel DOOM all around you.

>Use YE FLASK on SELF
This is one of the SMARTEST things you have done all day. You are filled with LIQUID COURAGE.

You are now at -40 points.

>ASCEND STAIRCASE
There is no STAIRCASE here!

>Act delicious.
That is not the current ACT you are in!

>Cast MAGIC MISSLE at the OMINOUS
You attack the OMINOUS. This is an ELF standing next to you. She has a BROWN TUNIC, GREY HAIR, and BLUE EYES.

====>
>> No. 43507
[X] Knock on STEEL DOOR
>> No. 43508
[x] Challenge DOOM to a fistfight.
>> No. 43509
[x] Examine BROWN TUNIC
>> No. 43511
Talk to ELF
>> No. 43512
>Knock on STEEL DOOR
There is no response. The ELF rolls her EYES.

>Challenge DOOM to a fistfight.
You cannot challenge DOOM to a fistfight because you are holding a WEAPON!

>Examine BROWN TUNIC
It is authentic ADVENTURING GEAR. The ELF is clearly an ADVENTURER!

====>
>> No. 43513
[X] Kick ELF
>> No. 43514
[X] Run EAST.
>> No. 43515
[x] Knock ELF out
>> No. 43516
[x] SHED MANLY TEARS
>> No. 43518
[x] Rip CLOTHES off ELF.
>> No. 43521
[x] Become ADVENTURER
>> No. 43524
>Kick ELF
The ELF rubs her SHINS from the SAVAGERY you have just committed! She is CONFUSED and a little OFFPUT!

You are now at -37 points

>Run EAST
You run into a DEAD END! There is a multitude of DOORS around you. The ELF follows you, blocking your PATH.

>Knock ELF out
You do not have enough POINTS to use that TACTIC!

>SHED MANLY TEARS
You only have enough POINTS to shed SISSY TEARS! The ELF finds you extremely PATHETIC.

>Rip CLOTHES off ELF.
You reallocate the BROWN TUNIC from the ELF’S torso to your HAND. She is secure enough with her SELF to disregard her NUDITY! The ELF finds you extremely PATHETIC.

>Become ADVENTURER
You equip the BROWN TUNIC. You are now an ADVENTURER!

You are now at -16 points

====>
>> No. 43525
[x]Deepkiss ELF
>> No. 43526
[x]Make love to ELF
>> No. 43528
>>43527

I saw what you did there~
>> No. 43529
>>43528

Which is why I delete that. My mistake. Move along, now~
>> No. 43532
[x]Subjugate ELF into becoming YOUR SLAVE.
>> No. 43533
[X] Recruit ELF into PARTY
>> No. 43534
[x]MIND CRUSH the DEAD END
>> No. 43535
Taste ELF
>> No. 43536
Kill Flandre
>> No. 43539
[x] Introduce YOURSELF to ELF
>> No. 43542
>Deepkiss ELF
You do not believe that to be a legitimate VERB! Your brain explodes from using SLANG.

You are now at -20 points.

>Make love to ELF
You do not have the adequate INGREDIENTS to make that!

>Subjugate ELF into becoming YOUR SLAVE.
Your VOCABULARY is not advanced enough to use that VERB!

>Recruit ELF into PARTY
You are not having a PARTY right now!

>MIND CRUSH the DEAD END
You have activated the opponent’s TRAP CARD! You die.

You are now at -27 points.

>Taste ELF
You lick the ASSETS of the ELF. They taste of FLESH and CHAOS. The ELF finds you extremely PATHETIC.

>Kill Flandre
You do not see a “Flandre” here!

>Introduce YOURSELF to ELF
You introduce YOURSELF as a MINDLESS NON-ENTITY and an ADVENTURER! The ELF expresses her CONDOLENCES to your many SHORTCOMINGS.

====>
>> No. 43543
[x]Equip ELF
>> No. 43544
An ELF is not a WEAPON PROFICIENCY of an ADVENTURER!

====>
>> No. 43545
[x]Caress ELF's ASSETS
>> No. 43546
[X] Crawl North
>> No. 43547
[x]Treat ELF's SHINS
>> No. 43549
>Caress ELF's ASSETS
The ELF has LIMITS. You die.

You are now at -32 points

>Crawl North
You crawl into an EMPTY BEDROOM. There is a BUNK BED here, and also a WARDROBE.

>Treat ELF’S SHINS
The ELF’S SHINS have already healed!

====>
>> No. 43552
[x] SIT down and refelct on what you learned.
>> No. 43553
[X] OPEN WARDROBE
>> No. 43554
[x]Talk to ELF
>> No. 43556
[x]Examine BEDROOM
>> No. 43557
[x]Hug ELF
>> No. 43558
[x] Search for ADVENTURE
>> No. 43559
[X] Call DIBS on TOP BUNK.
>> No. 43560
[x]Examine Elf
>> No. 43561
Fight LIMITS
>> No. 43582
>SIT down and refelct on what you learned.
You have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how to REFELCT! You die.

You are at -37 points.

>OPEN WARDROBE
There is a collection of MAID UNIFORMS in the WARDROBE. It is too DARK to see the BACK.

>Talk to ELF
Her name is TAIR-I’SSYE. She is looking for ADVENTURE in an attempt to stave off BOREDOM. She also wants some CLOTHES.

>Examine BEDROOM
It is rather SMALL and HOMELY. There is a BUNK BED here, and also a WARDROBE. TAIR-I’SSYE is rubbing herself in an effort to keep WARM.

>Hug ELF
You deliver a FOND EMBRACE to the ELF, getting a good feel for her ASSETS. This makes her WARM. She is somewhat PLEASED.

You are now at -34 points.

>Search for ADVENTURE
There is some ADVENTURE in the BACK of the WARDROBE, and also on the BUNK BED.

>Call DIBS on TOP BUNK.
You now OWN the TOP BUNK. Anyone attempting to use it but you may be DEALT WITH in the name of JUSTICE.

>Examine Elf
Her name is TAIR-I’SSYE. She has GREY HAIR and GREY EYES. Her ASSETS are on DISPLAY.

>Fight LIMITS
You engage in HOSTILITIES with the enemy LIMITS! You attack with your CUDGEL OF DEATH THE SUBATOMIC AND NOTHING! The enemy LIMITS appears to be UNPHASED!

====>
>> No. 43589
[x]Give MAID UNIFORM to TAIR-I ’SSYE
>> No. 43590
[x]Explore BACK
>> No. 43591
Befriend TAIR-I ’SSYE
>> No. 43592
[X]KILL LIMITS
>> No. 43593
[x] Examine ROOM.
>> No. 43595
[x] Examine LIMITS.
>> No. 43600
[x] Compliment ELF on her looks
>> No. 43602
[x]Hold ELF's HAND
>> No. 43603
[X]Ask ELF 'why are you following me?'
>> No. 43605
Sleep together with ELF
>> No. 43607
JUMP up and down
>> No. 43610
explore BACK of the WARDROBE
>> No. 43613
>Give MAID UNIFORM to TAIR-I ’SSYE
You do not have a MAID UNIFORM in your INVENTORY!

>Explore BACK
It is very STURDY and made of WOOD. You are IMPRESSED with its CONSTRUCTION. What an ADVENTURE!

>Befriend TAIR-I ’SSYE
ROME was not built in a DAY!

>KILL LIMITS
You do not have enough POINTS to use that TACTIC. While you are BUSY with failing to use a TACTIC, the LIMITS kill you instead.

You are now at -38 points.

>Examine ROOM.
It is rather SMALL and HOMELY. There is a BUNK BED here, a WARDROBE, and an enemy LIMITS.

>Examine LIMITS.
Her name is TAIR-I’SSYE. She has GREY HAIR and GREY EYES. Her ASSETS are on DISPLAY.

>Compliment ELF on her looks
TAIR-I’SSYE is FLATTERED. Her LIMITS lose POINTS from your COMPLIMENT!

>Hold ELF's HAND
Your HANDS are already holding the CUDGEL OF DEATH THE SUBATOMIC AND NOTHING!

>Ask ELF 'why are you following me?'
You cannot ask 'why are you following me?' because you are a MINDLESS NON-ENTITY! You die.

You are now at -43 points.

>Sleep together with ELF
The TOP BUNK does not have enough ROOM for TWO people!

>JUMP up and down
You jump UP to the TOP BUNK and SLEEP. You jump DOWN from the TOP BUNK. You are REFRESHED. The ELF has disappeared.

You are now at -36 points.

>explore BACK of the WARDROBE
It is very STURDY and made of WOOD. You are IMPRESSED with its CONSTRUCTION. What an ADVENTURE!

====>
>> No. 43614
Remove CUDGEL OF DEATH THE SUBATOMIC AND NOTHING
>> No. 43615
[x] Take MAID UNIFORM from WARDROBE
>> No. 43616
[X] FIND ELF

Find her! We must give her meido uniform.
>> No. 43620
>Remove CUDGEL OF DEATH THE SUBATOMIC AND NOTHING
The PATIENCE of YOUR GOD wears THIN and allows you to uneqip the CUDGEL OF DEATH THE SUBATOMIC AND NOTHING despite not using the correct VERB.

>Take MAID UNIFORM from WARDROBE
You acquire a MAID UNIFORM and put it in your INVENTORY.

Your score is now -33 points.

>FIND ELF
There is no ELF to find here!

====>
>> No. 43621
Go NORTH
>> No. 43623
You cannot go NORTH. Obvious exits are SOUTH.

====>
>> No. 43624
go SOUTH
>> No. 43625
[x]Look for ELF

Update fast. There isn't much to do in that room.
>> No. 43626
>go SOUTH
You are in a HALLWAY. There is a multitude of other DOORS around you, and a STEEL DOOR to the WEST. You are ALONE.

>Look for ELF
You do not find an ELF.

====>
>> No. 43627
examine HALLWAY
>> No. 43631
[X] OPEN ALL DOORS except STEEL DOOR
>> No. 43633
[X] OPEN STEEL DOOR
>> No. 43635
LICK steel door
>> No. 43636
[x] Look for ELF
>> No. 43637
>examine HALLWAY
You are in a HALLWAY. There is a multitude of other DOORS around you, and a STEEL DOOR to the WEST. OMINOUS is everywhere.

>OPEN ALL DOORS except STEEL DOOR
ALL DOORS lead into more BEDROOMS. Some BEDROOMS have FAIRIES in them. Some FAIRIES do not have CLOTHES.

>OPEN STEEL DOOR
You are now by YOURSELF, in a DARK ROOM. The PUNGENT smell of MILDEW emanates from the wet WALLS. There is a SPIRAL STAIRCASE leading DOWN.

>LICK steel door
It tastes of METAL and OMINOUS.

>Look for ELF
You do not find an ELF here, because it is very DARK.

====>
>> No. 43638
[x]Retrieve OMINOUS
>> No. 43639
[X] AVOID GRUE
>> No. 43640
GAIN points.
>> No. 43642
[x]Examine self
[x]Body slam wall
>> No. 43643
[x] Head DOWN the SPIRAL STAIRCASE.
>> No. 43644
RAPE a NAKED FAIRY
>> No. 43645
[X] Eat FAIRY
>> No. 43646
LOOK for traces of ELF
>> No. 43647
updates.

Can you give us a list of activities/tactic/ect for our current point?
>> No. 43648
>Retrieve OMINOUS
You obtain a small PORTION of OMINOUS. There is far too much OMINOUS to retrieve it all!

>AVOID GRUE
There is no GRUE to avoid here! You avoid that which is NOT PRESENT and thus do not avoid EVERYTHING ELSE. You die.

You are now at -38 points

>GAIN points.
You attempt to be META. This action garners the SCORN of YOUR GOD. You die.

You are now at -42 points.

>Examine self
>Body slam wall
Your SHORT MEMORY SPAN fails to remind you that you cannot MULTITASK. Your BRAIN eggmsplodes from the ATTEMPT.

You are now at -47 points.

>Head DOWN the SPIRAL STAIRCASE.
There is an OMINOUS DOOR in front of you. It is rather SMALL.

>RAPE a NAKED FAIRY
There is no NAKED FAIRY here!

>Eat FAIRY
You do not have a FAIRY in your INVENTORY to eat!

>LOOK for traces of ELF
You find traces of CHAOS nearby. The ELF tasted of FLESH and CHAOS. This is a TRIUMPH for BASIC LOGIC!

You are now at -46 points.

====>
>> No. 43649
[x] Follow CHAOS
>> No. 43650
[X] OPEN DOOR
>> No. 43651
BE the ELF
>> No. 43656
[x]Have a PENIS ERECTION

updates
>> No. 43659
>Follow CHAOS
The CHAOS leads you to the OMINOUS DOOR.

>OPEN DOOR
The DOOR is locked!

>BE the ELF
You cannot even contemplate the MULTITUDE of REASONS why you cannot do that. Your brain exceplodes.

You are now at -52 points

>Have a PENIS ERECTION
There is no PENIS ERECTION in your INVENTORY!

====>
>> No. 43660
Talk GOD
>> No. 43661
[X] Search DOOR
>> No. 43663
Pick lock the OMINOUS DOOR
>> No. 43665
[x] KNOCK ON OMINOUS DOOR
>> No. 43666
[x]INVENTORY
>> No. 43667
[x] Make a KEY appear in your HAND with the Will of your MIND.
>> No. 43668
Examine SURROUNDINGS
>> No. 43670
[x] Search KEY
>> No. 43671
[x] Kick DOOR
>> No. 43673
[x] Lick OMINOUS DOOR
>> No. 43674
LOOK for traces of FLESH

I think we're done and already exhaust all options. Update.
>> No. 43675
[x] Hug DOOR

Done. Now update.
>> No. 43677
>Talk GOD
You tell YOUR GOD to update FASTER. YOUR GOD would rather go back to BED. Your REQUEST garners the SCORN of your GOD. You die.

You are now at -60 points.

====>
>> No. 43678
eh??? What about the other previous votes??
>> No. 43679
[x] Search for a SECRET DOOR.
>> No. 43684
>Search DOOR
There is a KEYHOLE on the DOOR.

>Pick lock the OMINOUS DOOR
You do not have a KEY to “lock the OMINOUS DOOR”!

>KNOCK ON OMINOUS DOOR
An ELF answers the door. It is TAIR-I’SSYE! She is wearing new CLOTHES.

>INVENTORY
You have a pair of CLOTHES, a YE FLASK, the CUDGEL OF DEATH THE SUBATOMIC AND NOTHING, a BROWN TUNIC, and some OMINOUS.

>Make a KEY appear in your HAND with the Will of your MIND.
You do not have enough POINTS to enact a SENTENCE of that LENGTH!

>Examine SURROUNDINGS
You are in a DARK ROOM. There is a SPIRAL STAIRCASE behind you. An OMINOUS DOOR is open, and behind it is a SECRET BEDROOM. An ELF named TAIR-I’SSYE is nearby.

>Search KEY
You do not have a KEY to search!

>Kick DOOR
You use AGGRESSION on the DOOR and give it a firm PUNT. The DOOR is made of DENSE METAL and causes you PAIN.

You are now at -61 points.

>Lick OMINOUS DOOR
It tastes of DENSE METAL and OMINOUS.

>LOOK for traces of FLESH
You see no TRACES because TAIR-I’SSYE is now wearing CLOTHES!

>Hug DOOR
You deliver a FOND EMBRACE to the DOOR. TAIR-I’SSYE questions your SANITY.

>Search for a SECRET DOOR.
The SECRET DOOR is a SECRET to EVERYBODY.

====>
>> No. 43685
[X] Jog North
>> No. 43686
[x]Give MAID UNIFORM to ELF
>> No. 43687
[x]Praise ELF
>> No. 43688
Close the DOOR
>> No. 43689
Examine Room
>> No. 43690
[x] Talk to ELF
>> No. 43691
[x]Worry about Elf's safety
>> No. 43693
exercise
>> No. 43695
>Jog North
You trot BRISKLY into the SECRET BEDROOM. TAIR-I’SSYE does LITTLE to prevent this.

>Give MAID UNIFORM to ELF
You have completed the UNASSIGNED FETCH QUEST! Her FENG SHUI has been HARMONIZED.

You are now at -46 points.

>Praise ELF
You laud TAIR-I’SSYE for being an ADVENTURER and having fine ASSETS. She compliments you LIKEWISE for your lack of CONCERN to PROPRIETY.

>Close the DOOR
The DOOR is now CLOSED. This is a FACT.

>Examine Room
It is a SECRET BEDROOM. It is very ANTIQUATED and HOMEY. There is much MISCELLANY here, and also ELECTRONIC ENTERTAINMENT. SOME GIRL is very busy TYPING on a COMPUTER.

>Talk to ELF
TAIR-I’SSYE informs you that SOME GIRL is actually YOUR GOD! She advises you to not be LAME, lest you garner her SCORN. She is very TEMPERAMENTAL.

>Worry about Elf's safety
You fear what YOUR GOD might do to the ELF. The ELF assures you that they are BEST OF FRIENDS, and will always STICK TOGETHER, because they value HOS before BROS!

>exercise
You exercise your ARMS by drinking from YE FLASK. You feel INVIGORATED.

You are now at -42 points.

====>
>> No. 43696
[x] Form a PARTY.
>> No. 43697
[x]Hold ELF's HAND
>> No. 43698
[x] Ask ELF for HINTS
>> No. 43699
use OMINOUS
>> No. 43700
crawl to SOME GIRL
>> No. 43701
[x]Worship your GOD
>> No. 43703
[X] Attack COMPUTER
>> No. 43704
Multitask
>> No. 43705
[X] UPGRADE COMPUTER
>> No. 43708
Snuggle to Elf
>> No. 43710
Sniff ELF
>> No. 43711
[x]GENUFLECT
>> No. 43712
>Form a PARTY
TWO is COMPANY, and THREE is a CROWD. You get this PARTY started. TAIR-I’SSYE searches the ELECTRONIC ENTERTAINMENT for some SWEET JAMS.

>Hold ELF's HAND
You take HER by the HAND for the FIRST DANCE. Her RHYTHM is ECLECTIC and FREE-SPIRITED. You are not the one LEADING this DANCE.

>Ask ELF for HINTS
The ELF suggests you dance with your HEART, not your FEET. If you dance without RHYTHM, you won’t attract SOME GIRL.

>use OMINOUS
You activate the OMINOUS. The SWEET JAMS grow DARK and FOREBODING. This PARTY is no longer very GROOVIN’.

>crawl to SOME GIRL
You drag yourself like a DOG to SOME GIRL over in the CORNER. She is BLONDE and wears a SILLY HAT and SILLY WINGS. She is very busy TYPING, on a COMPUTER.

>Worship your GOD
You prostrate yourself before the THRONE of YOUR GOD. She does not acknowledge your PRESENCE.

>Attack COMPUTER
You assault SOME GIRL’S COMPUTER with your OMINOUS! The COMPUTER becomes RANK with the stench of DOOM! SOME GIRL is accustomed to dealing with DOOM on a daily BASIS. Your HORRIBLE PLAN does not come to FRUITION!

>Multitask
You need POSITIVE POINTS in order to comprehend how to MULTITASK! Your REACH exceeds your GRASP!

>UPGRADE COMPUTER
You have not selected an ITEM to upgrade the COMPUTER with!

>Snuggle to Elf
You get in CLOSE with TAIR-I’SSYE. She is considerably WARMER because of her CLOTHES. The ELF ruffles your HAIR.

>Sniff ELF
You take a WHIFF of the ELF. She smells of DANCE SWEAT and MYSTERY.

>GENUFLECT
You fall to your KNEES begging FORGIVENESS and giving HONOR. SOME GIRL could care less about this MEME.

====>
>> No. 43713
Lead Elf out of room
>> No. 43714
[x]Form a COMPANY with ELF
>> No. 43715
COLLECT ELF'S DANCE SWEAT
>> No. 43716
(x)Compliment on how Elf's smell
>> No. 43717
DANCE with GOD
>> No. 43718
Take CHAIR from OTHER GIRL.
>> No. 43719
[x]Hug LIMITS
>> No. 43720
Cuddle ELF
>> No. 43721
Taste SOME GIRL
>> No. 43722
[x]examine Elf thoroughly
>> No. 43723
[x]EXAMINE ROOM THOROUGHLY
>> No. 43724
[x] Show affections towards ELF
>> No. 43725
remove ominous
>> No. 43726
[Z]Cuddle SOME GIRL
>> No. 43727
[x] Examine COMPUTER SCREEN
>> No. 43730
[x] Ask SOME GIRL for her NAME.
>> No. 43731
>Lead Elf out of room
You cannot go “out of room” because the DOOR is closed!

>Form a COMPANY with ELF
You do not have any CAPITAL to invest into the OBAMACONOMY!

>COLLECT ELF'S DANCE SWEAT
You put the ELF’S DANCE SWEAT into YE FLASK somehow. This is BENEFICIAL somehow.

You are now at -40 points.

>Compliment on how Elf's smell
There is no person named “on how Elf’s smell” here! You die.

You are now at -44 points.

>DANCE with GOD
You ask YOUR GOD if you may have this DANCE. YOUR GOD assures you that you can’t STEP TO THIS.

>Take CHAIR from OTHER GIRL
TAIR-I’SSYE does not have a CHAIR!

>Hug LIMITS
You deliver a FOND EMBRACE to the LIMITS. They are noticeably more SUPPLE because they are wearing a MAID UNIFORM. SOME GIRL rolls her EYES.

>Cuddle ELF
You cuddle up to the ELF in order to appear CARING. TAIR-I’SSYE finds this ENDEARING, if HOLLOW.

>Taste SOME GIRL
You lick SOME GIRL with your TONGUE. SOME GIRL will not stand for this CRAP and punches you through your FACE. You die.

You are now at -49 points.

>examine Elf thoroughly
Her name is TAIR-I’SSYE. She has a MAID UNIFORM, GREY HAIR, and BLUE EYES. She might be an ADVENTURER. She is not really that TALL. Her ASSETS are ENJOYABLE, and her LIMITS are VAGUE. She is UNCONCERNED with the THOROUGHNESS of your EXAMINATION.

>EXAMINE ROOM THOROUGHLY
It is a SECRET BEDROOM. It is very ANTIQUATED and HOMEY. It’s MOTIF is SCARLET, and it is not very CLEAN. There is much MISCELLANY here, and also a stack of ELECTRONICS, including a STEREO SYSTEM, PLAYSTATION ONE, and BOMBERMAN MULTITAP. There are several DOORS leading to other ROOMS. SOME GIRL, who is also YOUR GOD, is very busy TYPING on a COMPUTER.

>Show affections towards ELF
You do not have any AFFECTIONS in your INVENTORY!

>remove ominous
You deactivate your OMINOUS and put it back into your INVENTORY. The SWEET JAMS feel much more FRESH.

>Cuddle SOME GIRL
You cuddle up to the ELF in order to appear CARING. SOME GIRL is very SKEPTICAL of your SINCERITY, and also your EXISTENCE.
>> No. 43733
File 12868013314.jpg - (390.61KB , 1261x561 , thegame.jpg ) [iqdb]
43733
>Examine COMPUTER SCREEN
Something very WRONG happens. Your BRAIN explodes from the REALIZATION. You die AD INFINITUM.

You are now at -∞ points
>> No. 43735
>Ask SOME GIRL for her NAME.
SOME GIRL reveals herself as FLANDRE SCARLET. FLANDRE is getting very BORED with this CYOA and decides to go back to COLLEGE. She disappears, leaving this WORLD to ROT.

THE END.

YOUR SCORE WAS -∞ POINTS OUT OF A POSSIBLE ∞ POINTS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN? N/N/N
>> No. 43736
Oh god... it's a recursion! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

[X] No.
>> No. 43737
[x] N
>> No. 43738
[x] Turn back time.
>> No. 43746
N

About fucking time. Never return here Flandre. Ever.
>> No. 43830
And NOTHING OF VALUE was LOST.