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File 128077033624.png - (325.46KB , 600x600 , DerpWarsTitleScreen.png ) [iqdb]
40914 No. 40914
In an alternate reality…
Where the strongest beings in Gensokyo go to college for no adequately explained reason…
Thirteen girls living together in a Greek house…
Will bicker about who’s turn it is to take the garbage out to the curb.
This is…

DERP WARS

1) YOU are a resident of the sorority house ΣΔΜ: Sigma Delta Mu. Deep down inside you love each and every one of your housemates, but that doesn’t mean they have permission to erase your whiteboard and keep stealing your deli meat from the fridge! You clearly labeled the package!

2) YOU have big plans for tonight, but if you don’t finish your prior obligations fast enough, you’ll be stuck indoors while some other girlfriend enjoys your movie tickets/spot at the bar/hot date! This is to be avoided!

3) YOU must get the better of your housemates, lest they cajole you into performing menial tasks and additional labor. Use violence, stealth, trickery, and friendship to succeed!

4) YOU have three statistics which will be used in exactly zero dice rolls and combat equations!
Power: Can YOU use unnecessary force to foist your opinions on your roommates?!
Speed: Can YOU use unseemly agility to dodge being dragged into washing the dishes?!
Focus: Can YOU hold shift for mental fortitude to creatively graze responsibility?!

5) YOU have a magical ability which is unfair and exploitable! But so does everyone else!

6) YOU do not need to worry about continuity, realism, characterization, or the fourth wall! Such things are madness Sparta blasphemy!

7) YOU will still receive your regularly-scheduled AFT programming. This game is a meaningless time-waster meant to fill dead air, and also a probably horrible idea. Prepare to receive painfully short updates one, perhaps even more than one times per day!

8) YOU will be aided in your quest with oversimplified graphics and absolutely no embellishments whatsoever, courtesy of the infamous create.swf. Watch in awe as characters with up to four different facial expressions simulate the real world by getting dragged around a poorly-thought-out floor plan in Photoshop!

9) YOU are the strongest!


CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER:

[ ] Meiling: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC
Ability “Chi Channel” = She can bend the flow of a creature’s life force. Pack a fist with energy or make the enemy feel unnaturally weak; she may do both!

[ ] Koakuma: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 3 FOC
Ability “Spirit Form” = She can return to her natural(?) form of a black smoky miasma. Foes will be hard-put to find her weak spots like this!

[ ] Patchouli: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Ability “Jack of all Magical Trades” = She knows spells about practically anything. Her opponents won’t know what to expect from her!

[ ] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
Ability “Time Warp” = She can stop time in an instant. Great for a quick retreat or setting up traps!

Complete Story Mode to unlock additional characters!

>> No. 40915
Dunno where you're going with this, Tepes, but...why the hell not?

[X] Patchouli: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Ability “Jack of all Magical Trades” = She knows spells about practically anything. Her opponents won’t know what to expect from her!
>> No. 40916
[ ] Meiling: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC
Ability “Chi Channel” = She can bend the flow of a creature’s life force. Pack a fist with energy or make the enemy feel unnaturally weak; she may do both!

If you ever burn out i shall be true to my former promise of erecting a Statue in your honor, we still have the matter of the silly hat to discuss.
>> No. 40917
[ ] Meiling: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC
Ability “Chi Channel” = She can bend the flow of a creature’s life force. Pack a fist with energy or make the enemy feel unnaturally weak; she may do both!

Life force bendan gaems.~
>> No. 40918
[X] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
Ability “Time Warp” = She can stop time in an instant. Great for a quick retreat or setting up traps!

Trap Rivets, proximity mines, mini-tur-oh wrong trap setter.
>> No. 40921
[X] Koakuma: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 3 FOC

>>Watch in awe as characters with up to four different facial expressions

Four? Four!? You're mad! MAD, I say!
>> No. 40922
[Q] Koakuma: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 3 FOC

Highest focus. Best results.
>> No. 40923
I herped so hard that I derped

[x] Meiling
Every dog has its CYOA!
>> No. 40924
File 128077666570.png - (13.42KB , 197x327 , Derp Meiling 1.png ) [iqdb]
40924
YOU are Hong “China” Meiling, a fourth-year student pursuing a Bachelor of Science in Law Enforcement. You’re also the keeper for the girl’s varsity soccer team, and you’re in about a half-dozen other clubs, like rock climbing and tai chi! Unlike the less-fortunate of your housemates, you’re not stuck slogging away with your gen-eds anymore, so life is good!

It’s late Thursday afternoon, and Coach drilled the team pretty hard today, so you came home exhausted and way behind in your daily schedule. You still need to write that paper on the death penalty, and your head resident Remilia has been on your back for the last two weeks about “fixing the damn front door!” Considering what a piece of crap that door frame is, you might have to end up just replacing the whole door if you’re not lucky. But you were so planning on catching the midnight release of “Face Punch 2: Boot to the Head”! Seriously, you’ve been waiting half a year for it!


[ ] Start writing that paper.
--( ) For the death penalty
--( ) Against the death penalty
--( ) Find a third option and shoot for extra credit
[ ] Get Patchy’s opinion on that paper so you can steal her ideas
[ ] Fix the damn door
[ ] Tell Remilia to fix the damn door herself
[ ] Get Sunny to help you fix the damn door
[ ] Screw this; eat dinner and take a nap
>> No. 40926
>and also a probably horrible idea.
Hey, steer clear of LOL SO RANDUM XD and this may turn out to be a wonderful thing for the site at large. As you seem to have sussed, judging by your e-mail field.

>Flandre's fairies in create.swf form
D'awww.

[X] Get Sunny to help you fix the damn door

My very own (fairy) clone!
>> No. 40927
[X] Start writing that paper
-(X) Find a third option and shoot for extra credit

[X] Get Sunny to help you fix the damn door
>> No. 40930
[X] Start writing that paper.
--(X) Find a third option and shoot for extra credit
>> No. 40934
[Q] Get Sunny to help you fix the damn door

Menial labor, mental labor, fun.
>> No. 40935
File 128078407570.png - (16.73KB , 322x142 , Derp Meiling 2.png ) [iqdb]
40935
It’s time for Sunny to start treating you like the role model she thinks you are and pitch in for a change. Keeping a door balanced by yourself is murder, plus you can make her run to the hardware store for supplies! And by run you mean drive; you don’t have a car.

Unfortunately Remilia heard you slip out of your door, the nosy girl! She whines to you about the very problem you’re about to go fix, and her ears are impervious to your explanations! Someone should stand up to her one of these days; it’s not like she does much to help keep the place looking nice! How hard it is to push paperwork around and keep a Greek house registered anyways? Fortunately she leaves you alone before too long.
>> No. 40936
File 128078409442.png - (16.68KB , 194x323 , Derp Meiling 3.png ) [iqdb]
40936
Sunny’s door is open, so you step on inside. Seems she’s working on some gen-ed linear algebra or something like that. Ahh, sophomore-level classes; the naiveté of being a freshman has been crushed, leaving the university free to pile on as much homework as they please. When you ask her about the door, she says she’ll be happy to help; she needs a break from all the numbers anyways. But she wonders if maybe you can help her out with row-reduced-echelon-form afterwards?

[ ] Be a nice housemate; help her with it right now~
[ ] Sure thing, right after you two get the door fixed
[ ] Promise to help her with it only after all your work is done first.
[ ] Ask her when it’s due, and promise to help her with it a few hours before then.
[ ] Only if SHE helps you with your death penalty paper!
[ ] Punch Sunny in the snout to establish superiority
>> No. 40937
[ ] Sure thing, right after you two get the door fixed
>> No. 40938
>row-reduced-echelon-form
Ugh, bad memories. So much stupid number crunching...

[X] Sure thing, right after you two get the door fixed.
>> No. 40939
[x] Sure thing, right after you two get the door fixed
>> No. 40940
File 128078700069.png - (16.42KB , 325x198 , Derp Meiling 4.png ) [iqdb]
40940
One good turn deserves another; you promise to help her out right after the door’s fixed. She’s certainly relieved; math isn’t her strong point. It’s not yours either, though; you tested out of that class and it’s been years since you had to worry about it. Hopefully it won’t take too long…

Inspecting the door, Sunny is downcast by the obvious state of disrepair, and is afraid it’ll take all night. You know a little more after a quick look. The frame has sagged from the age of the house, so the door no longer shuts properly, and the last people who tried to reset the hinges only made things worse. Of course you should rip out the entire door, frame, and molding and redo everything, but you don’t have time for that now; just need to make it good enough to keep Remi off your back until after midterms.
>> No. 40941
File 128078702041.png - (11.98KB , 326x195 , Derp Meiling 5.png ) [iqdb]
40941
You take some measurements and send Sunny off to the hardware store for hinges, screws, and a few 1x6 boards. Probably more than is necessary, but you can just put it on the house bill and let Remi take care of it. She might be a while; even though she’s not a horrible ditz, home repair isn’t her strong suit. You might have some extra time on your hands for a while.

[ ] Turn off fog of war; you can’t see a thing.
[ ] Go make some supper while you’ve got the chance.
[ ] Start drafting your death sentence paper
[ ] Ask Patchy for help on your death sentence paper
[ ] Go give Remi a piece of your mind!
[ ] Relieve your frustration by shooting bullets!
--( ) These bullets
--( ) Those bullets
--( ) Them bullets
>> No. 40942
[x] Turn off fog of war; you can’t see a thing.
>> No. 40943
[X] Turn off fog of war; you can’t see a thing.
[X] Relieve your frustration by shooting bullets!
- [X] BOOLITS
>> No. 40944
[X] Turn off fog of war; you can’t see a thing.
>> No. 40946
File 128078971229.jpg - (174.08KB , 850x1138 , sample-a4d3aab9731d1cbb88f08958f93c7e0a.jpg ) [iqdb]
40946
[X] Turn off fog of war; you can’t see a thing.
[X] Relieve your frustration by shooting bullets!
--( ) These bullets. These bullets. These bullets. These bullets. These bullets. These bullets.
[X] Afterwards, start drafting your death sentence paper.


Nothing wrong with a smart Meiling
>> No. 40947
File 128078977674.png - (49.62KB , 674x498 , Derp Meiling 6.png ) [iqdb]
40947
Ahh, that’s better. You’re hopeless at real-time-strategy games anyways. You’d take a solid first person shooter any day; fact-paced, fun, and self-reliant. Speaking of which… You should try and pick up that unlockable chocolate shokolad Dalokohs Bar before you forget! It’s the perfect opportunity to relieve your frustration about doors and Remilias.

Steam’s slow today, and you don’t pride yourself in having the best equipment like Patchouli or Flandre, so hopefully your ping isn’t too bad. Not like Heavy is a very speed-intensive class, but you’d still like to be credit to team whenever possible. Fortunately, even if you’re lagging, you’ve yet to meet one that can outsmart boolit! Your favorite server’s got Granary cued up right now, and it looks like your Reds are in trouble. The Engies are too busy running around with their new Mini-Sentries to get teleporter exits built and upgrades, and any that do are getting sapped into oblivion by all the Spys that’ve popped up ever since the Engineer Update. At least you’ve got a good Medic…
>> No. 40948
File 128078991734.png - (50.44KB , 679x504 , Derp Meiling 7.png ) [iqdb]
40948
Oh snap! Remilia was snooping around again and sees you wasting time even though you have time to waste! She’s had it with your excuses and procrastination; all you ever do is sleep and forget to lock the door at night! What if that chick from the Forestry building sneaks in again and does something worse than take all the labels off the canned food?! She’s right pissed now!


[ ] Say nothing; you’re rubber and she’s glue.
[ ] Talk your way out of it! You’re a good person, honest!
[ ] Throw that crap right back in her face!
[ ] You’re boxed in! Jump out the window!
[ ] Special Ability Chi Channel! Make her legs feel all wobbly and make a run for it!
[ ] Screw this! RISING DRAGON KICK!
[ ] Screw this! EXTREME COLOR TYPHOON!
>> No. 40950
[x] Ignore completely the topic by asking Remilia her opinion in death penalty.
-[x] Quote what she says in your paper as 'Random mook' and make a point of going against everything she said.
--[x] If she keeps annoying you, make the muscles in her mouth to stop working properly.
>> No. 40952
[X] You’re boxed in! Jump out the window!

YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE
>> No. 40953
[x] Sure thing, right after you two get the door fixed
>> No. 40954
[X] Special Ability Chi Channel! Make her legs feel all wobbly and make a run for it!
>> No. 40957
>>40953
It's been far too long since you've last graced THP with your presence, Slowpoke. Welcome back.

[X] You’re boxed in! Jump out the window!
>> No. 40960
File 128080355064.png - (9.63KB , 199x199 , Derp Meiling 8.png ) [iqdb]
40960
You’ve only seconds to act; you’re boxed in with only one feasible option! Clearly there is no other logical option than to escape this madness by careening head-first through the window! She’ll never take you alive! Fortunately the window was open, so you have little trouble jumping out of it.

While you’ve momentarily escaped the little vampire, you are disconcerted by the fact that the artist didn’t make a background for the outside of the house. You’re pretty sure this is the front driveway, but it’s a little difficult to tell past the gigantic white void. Hopefully this is only a momentary inconvenience.
>> No. 40962
File 128080363853.png - (13.15KB , 199x199 , Derp Meiling 9.png ) [iqdb]
40962
Before too long you are saved, by the return of Sunny! Jubilations! She is not the main character and thus oblivious to the lack of scenery, but at least she brought the materials for fixing the door with her! Now hopefully Remilia won’t be as desperate as you and jump out the window herself, because if she doesn’t that means you’ve still got some options left!


[ ] Quickly, get started on the door to prove your sincerity!
[ ] Enlist Sunny in your campaign against Remilia and prepare for battle!
[ ] Sneak back inside and catch Remilia from behind!
[ ] Contemplate whether or not the death penalty is more merciful for a man than living in a world of beautiful women who can snap said man in half with ease.
[ ] Have Sunny work on the door while you take refuge in Flandre’s room. She’ll protect you from her sister while you work on that paper.
>> No. 40963
[X] Quickly, get started on the door to prove your sincerity!

We're gonna repair the fuck outta that door.
>> No. 40966
[x] Have Sunny work on the door while you take refuge in Flandre’s room. She’ll protect you from her sister while you work on that paper.
Yes! Let someone do our work for us and then we do our work for us and then... I lost myself
>> No. 40980
[X] Quickly, get started on the door to prove your sincerity!

We'll be safe unless Remi's a micromanager.
>> No. 40981
File 12808202094.jpg - (11.68KB , 400x300 , me_ormzjd7zne1.jpg ) [iqdb]
40981
[X] Quickly, get started on the door to prove your sincerity!

>>40980

Like a boss?
>> No. 40990
[x] Have Sunny work on the door while you take refuge in Flandre’s room. She’ll protect you from her sister while you work on that paper.
Screw sincerity. We can waste time helping her do math later.
>> No. 40991
File 128083371181.gif - (643.37KB , 500x250 , YukiGIF04.gif ) [iqdb]
40991
[X] Quickly, get started on the door to prove your sincerity!

>>40981
Like an alien.
>> No. 40992
File 128083586792.png - (52.00KB , 677x500 , Derp Meiling 10.png ) [iqdb]
40992
How could you have been so afraid? Real women do not run from their problems, but face them! Face Punch 2 is counting on you to get the job done!

Remilia was waiting for you at the front door and gives you a hearty kick in the shins; she is dissapoint, son. Why you thought jumping out the window would solve your problems is beyond her; she inwardly questions your sanity. On the plus side she notices Sunny coming in with the building materials and eases up. Slightly.

You grab a few tools you need from the basement and get started on repairing that door like a boss. It really is a boon to have Sunny working with you; she’s a great go-for whenever you need another miscellaneous tool, and despite your laudable upped body strength you doubt it would have been very easy to hold the door and screw it off and on by yourself.

But now the door actually shuts without leaving air gaps! If anyone ever ends up gifting you Portal you’ll be sure to make a note of “Huge Success” about this project! Huzzah! You check the time: eight-thirty. The night is still young.


[ ] You promised Sunny you’d help with that algebra. No use procrastinating.
[ ] Francesca better not be putting off her homework by watching silly movies again! What’s she watching, anyways…?
[ ] Rub it in Remilia’s face!
[ ] If you don’t get something to eat you’ll be crabby all night. And your brain needs energy to write stuff!
[ ] Conveniently distract Sunny so you don’t have to help her with her homework after all; writing death sentences takes time!
>> No. 40993
[x] You promised Sunny you’d help with that algebra. No use procrastinating.
A promise is a promise... We can be all crabby for all I care.
>> No. 40995
[Q] You promised Sunny you’d help with that algebra. No use procrastinating.

Best option I can think of.
>> No. 40996
File 128084329551.png - (44.20KB , 677x501 , Derp Meiling 11.png ) [iqdb]
40996
Sunny’s counting on you, though! You give her a friendly pat on the back and go back upstairs to help her with her homework. Linear Algebra… the most frustrating thing is that you’re sure Sunny’s calculator can do all this crap automatically, but of course the professor wants them to “show their work so he knows they understand the concept”. Shouldn’t mindless number crunching have expired during high school?

Seems this professor’s a real jerk, and picked the trickiest problems from the book, ones that require additional steps and don’t have any easy shortcuts. And to solidify his place in jerkdom, he added a few homebrew matrices to reduce that are about three times as large as the book problems. Brilliant. This is gonna take all night…
>> No. 40997
File 128084333367.png - (44.21KB , 677x499 , Derp Meiling 12.png ) [iqdb]
40997
Further complications! Monica comes in and was wondering how you register online for classes! You and Sunny give her a quick synopsis, but it looks like she’s hopeless; someone’s going to have to show her. The university website is so outdated; one of the CS students could design a better system for free under the ruse of a final exam! In fact you’re pretty sure a few of them have and the IT faculty is just too lazy to switch it over!

[ ] Sunny seems to have the gist of RREF, though. She’ll be fine; you can help Monica.
[ ] Tell Monica to be more self-reliant; she’ll figure it out.
[ ] Those young kids needs need to learn to interface together. While they’re busy, sneak away and start writing that paper!
[ ] Have Sunny bring out her laptop; you can help them both at the same time!
[ ] You’re boxed in! Jump out the window!
[ ] You’re boxed in! Punch a hole through the floor down to your room!
[ ] Go mad under the pressure
>> No. 40998
[x] Have Sunny bring out her laptop; you can help them both at the same time!
>> No. 40999
[x] You’re boxed in! Jump out the window!
Khm. Let's try that again.
[x] Those young kids needs need to learn to interface together. While they’re busy, sneak away and start writing that paper!
Sneaking away! Face Punch 2 is waiting!
>> No. 41000
[x] Have Sunny bring out her laptop; you can help them both at the same time!
>> No. 41001
[x] Those young kids needs need to learn to interface together. While they’re busy, sneak away and start writing that paper!

Making Meiling do anything unfriendly is simply impossible! But she deserves her Face Punch goodness. I am torn!
>> No. 41005
[x] Have Sunny bring out her laptop; you can help them both at the same time!
The magic of science!
>> No. 41006
[X] Those young kids needs need to learn to interface together. While they’re busy, sneak away and start writing that paper!
>> No. 41008
[B] Sunny seems to have the gist of RREF, though. She’ll be fine; you can help Monica.
>> No. 41009
[x] Have Sunny bring out her laptop; you can help them both at the same time!
>> No. 41014
File 128086413645.png - (46.79KB , 678x501 , Derp Meiling 13.png ) [iqdb]
41014
You can’t help it; these kids are just too precious to let down. You ask Sunny to boot up her laptop and let Monica borrow it so you can help them both out at the same time. It’s like you’re really their big sister after all; d’awww~

Sunny seems to be doing better with her homework now, so you devote more of your attention to Monica. She’s a tricky girl to plan classes for; she hasn’t declared a major yet, so it’s really just hunting and pecking for gen-eds that apply to pretty much anything. Boy in the campus site slow today, though; you wonder if every other freshman is trying to register at the same time. In between leaning over Sunny’s calculations you worth with Monica to plan out a solid next-semester schedule and show her where all the links are for class registration. She even asked you if there was a class she could take you’re going to be in too~ You’ll have to look at what major-required classes are left for you, but wouldn’t that just be the sweetest thing…
>> No. 41015
File 128086417926.png - (54.85KB , 678x500 , Derp Meiling 14.png ) [iqdb]
41015
The sky is dark by the time the younger housemates are finally finished. You feel morally accomplished, but your skin starts tingling with a cold sweat once you realize it’s already nine-thirty! You’ve got a few ideas for a fair paper, but no real game plan, and you’re not the fastest keyboarder either!

[ ] Get your nose to the grindstone now!
[ ] Talk to Patchy, quick! You need her advice more than ever!
[ ] Ask Flandre if she you can dictate your ideas to her; she’s got crazy-fast fingers!
[ ] You need more time: Sakuya! She can’t use a computer in TimestopLand, but she’s got to be of some use!
[ ] This is all Remi’s fault! Maybe complaining her to will solve the problem somehow!
[ ] Force someone else (choose who!) to help you write the paper! Use the threat of VIOLENCE to succeed!
>> No. 41016
[x] Ask Flandre if she you can dictate your ideas to her; she’s got crazy-fast fingers!
Meh... Sounds good enough. We may have to help her with something in return though...
>> No. 41019
>Ask Flandre if she you can dictate your ideas to her; she’s got crazy-fast fingers!
Inb4 our paper is filled with random digressions and obscure memes.

[X] Talk to Patchy, quick! You need her advice more than ever!
[X] Run into Koa on the way there!
Just because!
>> No. 41023
[B] Ask Flandre if she you can dictate your ideas to her; she’s got crazy-fast fingers!
>> No. 41025
[X] Talk to Patchy, quick! You need her advice more than ever!

Even mediocre typing skills can bang out a paper quickly if you don't have to stop and gather your thoughts.
>> No. 41026
[x] Ask Flandre if she you can dictate your ideas to her; she’s got crazy-fast fingers!
This can't possibly go right. I mean wrong.
Yeah, can't go wrong.
>> No. 41027
[Q] Ask Flandre if she you can dictate your ideas to her; she’s got crazy-fast fingers!

Whatever happens, we all laugh.
>> No. 41030
[X] Talk to Patchy, quick! You need her advice more than ever!
[X] Run into Koa on the way there!
>> No. 41032
[X] Talk to Patchy, quick! You need her advice more than ever!
>> No. 41037
File 128092847644.png - (40.97KB , 677x500 , Derp Meiling 15.png ) [iqdb]
41037
An unknown universal force is making you try to do two completely different things at the same time, with equal impulse. You want to please them both, but you can’t be in two places at once… or can you?! You run upstairs to Sunny’s room and explain the situation: you need a clone, quickly! She is sympathetic to your cause and feels sorry for you! Fortunately you’re both the same size, so you run back to your room and have her dress exactly like you; you even give her your spare hat since she obviously won’t look like you if she doesn’t wear a silly hat!
>> No. 41038
File 128092851336.png - (53.03KB , 678x500 , Derp Meiling 16.png ) [iqdb]
41038
You run downstairs to the basement and throw open Flandre’s door with reckless abandon, ignoring the fact that she might be doing something lewd in there. But she’s not; she’s just derping around on the non-pornographic internets again. You ask her that since she’s not doing anything important—she says she is but you know that’s a lie—would she help you type out you death sentence paper please? She seems receptive and takes it as a challenge to not just match your speaking speed, but surpass it and type what you’re going to say before you say it! You hope this wasn’t a big mistake…
>> No. 41039
File 128092854993.png - (54.16KB , 678x500 , Derp Meiling 17.png ) [iqdb]
41039
Meanwhile, in Clone-O-Vision, you run into Koakuma for no Reisin raisin reason! She asks you why the hell you’re dressed like China, which makes no sense; you are China, and this is obviously not some kind of stupid ruse! She deadpans in your general direction and is like, “…whatever”. Perhaps you are slightly out of line when you ask casually “can I touch them~?” but it’s a perfectly legitimate question with no connotations whatsoever! She declines and slams her door shut.
>> No. 41040
File 128092860142.png - (54.53KB , 677x500 , Derp Meiling 18.png ) [iqdb]
41040
You knock on Patchouli’s door. She is unresponsive! You knock even harder! It’s not very effective! You try the knob; it’s locked! You’re getting worried; the meta-map clearly shows that she’s laying on her back. What if she’s dead?! It’s a closed room, the killer must still be inside!


[ ] Break the door down!
[ ] Punch your way through the wall!
[ ] It’s useless! It’s all useless!
[ ] Borrow Shannon’s Remilia’s master key and unlock the door!
[ ] Re-assimilate with your other half for MAXIMUM POWER!
>> No. 41041
File 128092914845.jpg - (12.44KB , 238x212 , big problem in small china.jpg ) [iqdb]
41041
[x] It’s useless! It’s all useless!
>> No. 41043
[x] It’s useless! It’s all useless!
>> No. 41045
[X] It’s useless! It’s all useless!

UUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH!!!
PAAAATCHOOOUULIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!
>> No. 41048
File 128096180327.jpg - (90.05KB , 679x443 , 297747.jpg ) [iqdb]
41048
>>41040
[X] Re-assimilate with your other half for MAXIMUM POWER!

GATTAI DA!
>> No. 41049
File 128097839238.png - (54.18KB , 676x500 , Derp Meiling 19.png ) [iqdb]
41049
No! You refuse to accept it! You live in a normal world where things like this don’t happen! Sure, your life isn’t the best, but you’ve always made it through the hard times, haven’t you? There’s no way somebody would just kill Patchouli out of nowhere! It’s some kind of trick; smoke and mirrors, sleight of hand! There’s a perfectly logical explanation; there always is!
>> No. 41050
File 128097842257.png - (66.27KB , 676x499 , Derp Meiling 20.png ) [iqdb]
41050
Bwah, what’s the point?! Your friends and family are dying all around you one by one; you’re powerless to stop it! At this rate the only one left will be you, but you can’t possibly be the killer yourself! Magic doesn’t exist; you don’t live in a world where old hags use infinite power to toy with people, and magical girls have to wear ridiculous clothing to survive! This can’t be happening, you won’t accept it, you’ll deny it with every last fiber of your soul! Useless, it’s useless, it’s all ussseeleeesssss!!!

*cacklecacklecackle*
>> No. 41051
File 128097846151.png - (53.69KB , 674x497 , Derp Meiling 21.png ) [iqdb]
41051
Oh wait. Patchouli was just listening to music in her headphones and didn’t hear you. She locks the door sometimes so people like you don’t disturb her. Derp.
>> No. 41052
File 128097850013.png - (53.05KB , 676x499 , Derp Meiling 22.png ) [iqdb]
41052
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away in an alternate dimension in a visual novel that makes more sense, Flandre continues to bang out what you certainly hope is a coherent paper out of your miscellaneous thoughts. You’ve decided to take a more open-minded approach to the paper; rather than debate about the pros and cons about the death penalty, you simply point out that you live in a world where everyone solves their problems with non-violent violence, the loser has to buy the tea, and if anyone actually did something that would feasibly merit the death penalty the system would collapse, the world would degrade into a massive civil war, and the justice system would be the least of anyone’s worries. Flandre seems very cooperative with this viewpoint!

The metaphorical clock strikes 11:30, a mere half-hour before the First Twilight faces will be punched. Meiling Jr. and Meiling Sr. have both completed their semi-final drafts of the paper, but a good student would proofread things like this!

[ ] No time for that; just jam both papers into a folder, shove Sunny into her car, and drive bitch drive!
[ ] Tasukete Sakuya-san!
[ ] There’s always time for a quick proofread! You’re a cut above!
[ ] Make someone else proofread them. Use VIOLENCE to succeed!
>> No. 41053
[x] No time for that; just jam both papers into a folder, shove Sunny into her car, and drive bitch drive!

If we don't drive faster than 55 mph, this paper's gonna explode probably!
>> No. 41054
[X] Make someone else proofread them. Use VIOLENCE to succeed!

VIOLENCE SOLVES EVERYTHING! FRANCESCA! GET OVER HERE!
>> No. 41055
[ ] Tasukete Sakuya-san!

"Cleaning stop! Cleaning stop!"
>> No. 41056
[X] Make someone else proofread them. Use VIOLENCE to succeed!
>> No. 41057
[x] Tasukete Sakuya-san!

Sleeping stop!
>> No. 41058
[x] Tasukete Sakuya-san!
>>41050
lol'd
>> No. 41060
File 128101683158.png - (56.24KB , 676x499 , Derp Meiling 23.png ) [iqdb]
41060
Time is of the essence! Sakuya-san Sakuya-san, creaningu stoppu, rwoom, creaningu, stoppu!

Well, okay, she wasn’t cleaning her room, but you couldn’t help referencing that tired old meme. You hold your draft out pleadingly, while at the same time you hold your draft out pleadingly! Prease, Sakuya-san! The college girl who would have no reason to be a maid maid is overjoyed with glee; two submissive Meilings?! She doesn’t know what she’ll do with herself! Of course this is a more realistic world where not everyone is a lesbian Everyone is gay in Gensokyo!

She gladly accepts to proofread the papers for you; she’s done before you even know it! The paper Patchouli helped write is thorough, if patchy in places and lacking precise knowledge about certain aspects of the subject matter. The paper Flandre helped write is a sociopolitical powder keg, filled with random digressions and obscure memes! However, Sakuya tells you that by just adding a transition paragraph at the end of the first paper which actually addresses the prompt, you can easily cast the Flandre-tainted section as a soapbox statement about the stark reality of this unrealistic world!
>> No. 41061
File 128101687013.png - (57.64KB , 676x500 , Derp Meiling 24.png ) [iqdb]
41061
Huzzah! With just a few minutes more of typing and printing, the paper is finished! You still haven’t played Portal yet, but regardless, this was a triumph! The theatre—because the old-fashioned spelling is cooler!—calls your name! You’re feeling so generous you even offer to take Sakuya and Sunny along and pay for their tickets! After all, you couldn’t have done it without them and are clearly not forgetting the contributions of anyone else who helped!

Seems you have a slight problem, though. Sakuya is saying she wants to go see that new romantic comedy sequel, Love Spelled Backwards is You~ She’s looking at you kind of funny… what’s her deal? Sunny was looking forward to punched faces and booted heads, but she admits that she’s just a second-year and shouldn’t get to decide.


[ ] Punch Sakuya in the face to establish superiority
[ ] Spout some lame crap about hard work and dedication to justify getting your way
[ ] You can’t let cute little Sunny down! And majority rules.
[ ] Oh, all right, y-you guess that’s fine… but don’t let her think this means you like her or anything!
[ ] Forget about that little chick; you’re going out with a REAL woman!
[ ] Who cares about the movie? You can have plenty of fun right here~
>> No. 41062
[X] You can’t let cute little Sunny down! And majority rules.

You rule, majority.
>> No. 41063
[X] You can’t let cute little Sunny down! And majority rules.

This update... is threatening to kill me with laughter.

>The college girl who would have no reason to be a maid maid is overjoyed with glee; two submissive Meilings?! She doesn’t know what she’ll do with herself!
SAKUYA IS LOVED
"Sakuya! You can't do them! The future will be cha- oh wait, one of them is Sunny. This isn't a time paradox."

>The paper Patchouli helped write is thorough, if patchy in places and lacking precise knowledge about certain aspects of the subject matter.
I see what you did there.
>> No. 41064
File 128102602756.jpg - (567.46KB , 704x1026 , 5211361.jpg ) [iqdb]
41064
>>41061
[X] You can’t let cute little Sunny down! And majority rules.

Half a year of waiting ain't getting wasted this day!
>> No. 41065
[X] You can’t let cute little Sunny down! And majority rules.
>> No. 41066
[Q] You can’t let cute little Sunny down! And majority rules.

Faces. Punching.
>> No. 41067
[ ] Oh, all right, y-you guess that’s fine… but don’t let her think this means you like her or anything!
>> No. 41068
[X] You can’t let cute little Sunny down! And majority rules.
>> No. 41071
[x] Oh, all right, y-you guess that’s fine… but don’t let her think this means you like her or anything!
>> No. 41072
[x] Oh, all right, y-you guess that’s fine… but don’t let her think this means you like her or anything!

Tsundere Meiling? Strangely appealing to me.
>> No. 41074
[x] Oh, all right, y-you guess that’s fine… but don’t let her think this means you like her or anything!
Geez!
>> No. 41078
[X] You can’t let cute little Sunny down! And majority rules.
>> No. 41079
File 128106712567.png - (57.44KB , 678x500 , Derp Meiling 25.png ) [iqdb]
41079
But just look at that cute little sun-filled face! She worked so hard on that door and pretending to be you! She had to parody a popular deconstruction on the detective story filled with silly faces and poorly-drawn hands, even! She deserves this victory just as much as you! And Sakuya can hit on you when she gets to be the main character!

You talk her down with the tried-and-tried philosophy of “majority rules”. She is slightly downcast, but acceptant, and still wants to go to Face Punch 2 with you anyways. You sneak a bag of Skittles into your pocket (they’ll never check) and advise Sakuya not to sneak two bagels down her shirt (they’ll probably check). Then it’s off to the theatre to wait with the blob of other losers awesome people who like punched faces!

The film is fantastic! The plot is nonexistent, the acting sounds phoned-in, the CG is horrendous, the soundtrack feels stolen, and the fight sequences are beautiful! You haven’t had this much fun watching limbs getting broken since Ong Bak! If only these marvelous scenes, or a picture of the three of you sitting in the threatre, could have been copy-pasted and attached as a picture to the text which is now being read! Regardless, you feel enlightened afterward.

YOUR AN WINNER! CONGLATULATON!
>> No. 41080
File 128106720119.png - (19.23KB , 299x299 , RemiFlanUnlock.png ) [iqdb]
41080
DERP WARS
Deranged excellence. Resplendent pointlessness.


CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER:

[OK!]Meiling: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC
Ability “Chi Channel” = She can bend the flow of a creature’s life force. Pack a fist with energy or make the enemy feel unnaturally weak; she may do both!

[ ] Koakuma: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 3 FOC
Ability “Spirit Form” = She can return to her natural(?) form of a black smoky miasma. Foes will be hard-put to find her weak spots like this!

[ ] Patchouli: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Ability “Jack of all Magical Trades” = She knows spells about practically anything. Her opponents won’t know what to expect from her!

[ ] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
Ability “Time Warp” = She can stop time in an instant. Great for a quick retreat or setting up traps!

NEW CHARACTER!
[ ] Remilia: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 2 FOC

Ability “Scarlet Cloud” = She can change into a fine red mist or a flurry of bats. It’ll be great for unbalancing her enemies or hiding in the shadows for a sneak attack!

NEW CHARACTER!
[ ] Flandre: 3 POW, 2 SPD, 1 FOC

Ability “Four Of A Kind” = Instantly disintegrating the opponent isn’t fun or fair at all! She’d much rather split into four copies of herself like the little hellion she is!

Complete Story Mode to unlock additional characters!
>> No. 41081
[X] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
Ability “Time Warp” = She can stop time in an instant. Great for a quick retreat or setting up traps!

Time to rape passionately make love to hit on Meiling!
>> No. 41082
[x] Koakuma

Woo~
>> No. 41084
[X] Remilia: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 2 FOC

How can you NOT pick the just-unlocked character you just unlocked?
>> No. 41087
[x] Flandre: 3 POW, 2 SPD, 1 FOC

Time to take a walk on the crazy plaid side.
>> No. 41089
[x] Flandre: 3 POW, 2 SPD, 1 FOC
>> No. 41090
[X] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC

I too want the aforementioned hitting on Meiling.
>> No. 41092
[X] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC

I'm approaching this like I approach other games: finish with all the starter characters first. Unlocked characters are either harder to play, or border-line Game Breakers.

Plus, I feel a little sorry for not giving Sakuya a romantic night out (although Sunny was more deserving of a reward).
>> No. 41094
[X] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
Love-a-China marathon!
>> No. 41096
[Q] Koakuma: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 3 FOC
>> No. 41098
[X] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
>> No. 41099
[X] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC

Meiling needs the love!
>> No. 41103
[X] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC

Now we just need to get Sunny dressed up as Meiling again. Maybe Koakuma too, while we're at it.
>> No. 41105
>>41103

THREE Meilings!?

I like the way you think, good sir.

[X] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
>> No. 41106
[x] Remilia: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 2 FOC
Ability “Scarlet Cloud” = She can change into a fine red mist or a flurry of bats. It’ll be great for unbalancing her enemies or hiding in the shadows for a sneak attack!
>> No. 41107
[X] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC

If we get enough hairdye we can have as many Meilings as we want.
>> No. 41108
File 128111769679.png - (12.45KB , 186x316 , Derp Sakuya 1.png ) [iqdb]
41108
YOU are Izayoi Sakuya Sakuya Izayoi, mild-mannered girl about town! You’re currently a third-year student, working on a degree in Interior Design! You are also perfect. Your grades are perfect, your room is perfect, your body is perfect, and every task you perform is perfect! Those other hos wish they were that perfect, but they can’t step to this! Bitches don’t know about your ZA WARUDO!

Okay, some of that was a lie. But you’re still pretty awesome; you can stop time and all that. Except that means your always stuck doing about a million tiny little things around the house; stupid slave-driver Remilia. Just because she’s rich doesn’t mean she has to beat everyone over the head with a wad of cash! Not being able to use your computer in “The World” kind of sucks too.

But tonight’s the night! You’ve been looking at that cute, strong girl Meiling for years now, and it’s about time you made your move! You just know she’ll accept your feelings for her, because everyone is gay in Gensokyo! Except Rinnosuke, but that’s fine, because he’s the goddamn Batman or something like that. But that’s not important right now! You’ve got to plan out the perfect night for you two; nothing must be allowed to go wrong!

One problem with that, though; you are currently flat broke. This is a substantial inconvenience.


[ ] Love has no need for money! She’ll understand!
[ ] Stop over at the local bank. They won’t miss a few Benjamins.
[ ] See if you can get Remilia to beat you over the head with that wad of cash again.
[ ] Beg (insert character here) for some money! You’ll pay them back, honest!
>> No. 41110
[x] Stop over at the local bank. They won’t miss a few Benjamins.

yes, use ZA WARUDO to get some untraceable cash.
>> No. 41111
[ ] See if you can get Remilia to beat you over the head with that wad of cash again.

How do you know Rinnosuke isn't gay?
>> No. 41112
[X] See if you can get Remilia to beat you over the head with that wad of cash again.
>> No. 41113
[X] See if you can get Remilia to beat you over the head with that wad of cash again.
-[X] Then when she leasts expect it, ZA WARUDO and take it from her!
>> No. 41114
[Q] See if you can get Remilia to beat you over the head with that wad of cash again.
>> No. 41116
[x] Love has no need for money! She’ll understand!
>> No. 41120
[x] Stop over at the local bank. They won’t miss a few Benjamins.

Obvious choice is obvious.
>> No. 41126
[X] See if you can get Remilia to beat you over the head with that wad of cash again.
>> No. 41129
[X] Beg Flandre for money!

Her sister gives her an allowance right? And she doesn't know how to have a good time. Maybe you can pass it off as an double date and then ditch her and who ever would be crazy enough to stick it in crazy. (Wait, does that saying apply to lesbians..?)
Of course she *is* rich..Who is that greedy? Cirno will do anything on a dare.
Maybe one of the freshmen who don't know better.
>> No. 41152
File 128127109436.png - (17.90KB , 317x188 , Derp Sakuya 2.png ) [iqdb]
41152
Fortunately, your bitchy head resident is loaded, as previously stated! Perhaps if you were to go over to her room and complain about your circumstances she will regale you about the hardships of her life and bludgeon you over the head with PERSPECTIVE… and greenbacks! Or, yellowbacks, maybe… Are you living in Japan or America? It’s rather unspecific.

You ZA WARUDO do the Time Warp again into Remilia’s room, ignoring her personal privacy in an attempt to draw more aggro; you’re a Rouge, so that’ll make Remilia even more ticked off at you! She is thoroughly miffed at your complete ineptitude to not be a Peeping Tom-antha. Pervert. But she wasn’t doing anything perverted anyways, probably just Facebooking or some important thing like that.

You start whining to her about how none of your dreams ever come true and the world is so harsh for a young lady with amazing powers; it expects so much out of you! You just want to take it easy and not ever have to worry about the big things in life; after all, if things get tough the bank’ll never miss a few Benjamins, right? You magnificently ham up the fact that you’re just a lonely little orphan and oh woe is you.

Remilia is not impressed, and verily so. Clearly your complaints demand retribution; no actions are without consequence! You’ve violated the head resident’s privacy and mental well-being and should be held accountable! She opens the bottom drawer of her dresser, revealing all sorts of naughty BDSM stuff, made entirely of cold hard cash! You’re such a bad girl… Bad girls need to be punished, don’t they?


[ ] Yes, yes, punish me Remilia~!
[ ] Yes they do… but it’s REMILIA who’s the bad girl~ Teach her a lesson!
[ ] Suddenly, knife to the head! It’s a comedy world so she can take it!
[ ] Ahh, screw this, just timestop and steal that riding crop from her.
[ ] Complain to the ceiling about not getting any updates yesterday
>> No. 41153
[Q] Yes, yes, punish me Remilia~!

Money, my dear.
>> No. 41155
[X] Complain to the ceiling about not getting any updates yesterday

I wonder what this will do.
>> No. 41156
[X] Complain to the ceiling about not getting any updates yesterday
[x] Ahh, screw this, just timestop and steal that riding crop from her.

In that order. We need to complain and she needs cash. It's win-win-lose.
>> No. 41157
File 128127989454.jpg - (75.35KB , 640x480 , Rouge_powder.jpg ) [iqdb]
41157
Fuck yeah rouge

[X] Complain to the ceiling about not getting any updates yesterday
>> No. 41158
[X] Yes, yes, punish me Remilia~!

>ignoring her personal privacy in an attempt to draw more aggro; you’re a Rouge, so that’ll make Remilia even more ticked off at you!
Rouges are overpowdered!
>> No. 41160
>Complain to the ceiling about not getting any updates yesterday
Monsters. Don't blame the poor, innocent ceiling for something it played no role in.

[X] Yes, yes, punish me Remilia~!
Shit was so cash.
>> No. 41161
[X] Complain to the ceiling about not getting any updates yesterday
[x] Ahh, screw this, just timestop and steal that riding crop from her.
>> No. 41163
File 128129953642.png - (17.49KB , 317x188 , Derp Sakuya 3.png ) [iqdb]
41163
What is this crap?! You didn’t work at all yesterday! Your contract clearly stated that you’d be getting screentime one, or perhaps even more than one times per day! You need this job, hasn’t it already been made perfectly clear that you’re broke? And since when has women’s makeup been a class in World of Warcraft?! You look for the fourth wall so that you can break it, only to discover that you’re in an overhead-view world, and all four walls are clearly visible! This is a travesty! You break the fifth wall instead by looking up at the non-existent ceiling and complaining to the director about this.
>> No. 41164
File 128129962936.png - (10.51KB , 281x188 , Derp Sakuya 4.png ) [iqdb]
41164
“What are you looking up here for? How’d you get this number? Oh, wait, I forgot to update yesterday? Dang… Really dropped the ball there; these posts takes like just fifteen minutes to make, too. Guess I was too busy working on that AFT update; I mean, there’s like, SRS BSNS and stuff! Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m skirting the border of melodrama and cheese, but it’s Remilia; charisma break and all that, but that’s a lame excuse. Oh, what now…? Rouge and rogue are two different words? Do you actually expect me to proofread these posts? The title’s called Derp Wars; you were expecting quality? I think you have a scene to be performing.

“Oh, th-the bag? Well, obviously I don’t want you to, uhh, to see my face just yet… It’s not like I don’t like you or anything! G-Get back to work!”
>> No. 41165
File 128129967071.png - (17.23KB , 316x187 , Derp Sakuya 5.png ) [iqdb]
41165
Wow! That was relatively less rewarding than you had hoped! But now for some reason the plot magically resolved itself during the cutaway, and you’re now conveniently loaded! However did it happen; it shall forever be a mystery! Money’ll be no object now! Time to get this show on the road!


[ ] Call a fancy restaurant and make a reservation for two.
[ ] Wonder if there’s any good movies out this week…
[ ] Maybe there’s some cultural-type thing that’s atmospheric and enriching?
[ ] Remilia is the master of romance and elegance! Ask her advice politely!
[ ] Remilia is the master of romance and elegance! Use VIOLENCE to get her to tell you everything she knows!
[ ] Let the details work themselves out. Profess your love to Meiling immediately!
[ ] Why not a threesome? That Sunny chick’s legal, right? Let’s see how she takes it.
>> No. 41167
[X] Maybe there’s some cultural-type thing that’s atmospheric and enriching?
[X] Why not a threesome? That Sunny chick’s legal, right? Let’s see how she takes it.

>The title’s called Derp Wars; you were expecting quality?
You used "resplendent". That raises the quality bar.
>> No. 41169
[X] Maybe there’s some cultural-type thing that’s atmospheric and enriching?
[X] Why not a threesome? That Sunny chick’s legal, right? Let’s see how she takes it.

With enough time stopping anything will work.
>> No. 41175
[X] Maybe there’s some cultural-type thing that’s atmospheric and enriching?
[X] Why not a threesome? That Sunny chick’s legal, right? Let’s see how she takes it.
>> No. 41176
[] Slap Remila with wad of cash. You wish to know how it feels now as you may never get another wad of cash with which to try such an act.
>> No. 41178
[x] Maybe there’s some cultural-type thing that’s atmospheric and enriching?
[x] Remilia is the master of romance and elegance! Ask her advice politely!
Hilarity and tragedy ensues!
>> No. 41198
[ ] Remilia is the master of romance and elegance! Use VIOLENCE to get her to tell you everything she knows!

I work good with housemates. People like me. Because I FORCE them to!

>>It’s not like I don’t like you or anything!

Reverse tsundere?
>> No. 41199
[Q] Why not a threesome? That Sunny chick’s legal, right? Let’s see how she takes it.

This will be hilarious, basically no matter how it ends.
>> No. 41200
File 128136316657.png - (12.59KB , 189x318 , Derp Sakuya 6.png ) [iqdb]
41200
Let’s see now, where should you take her out to… Dinner’s boring all by itself, and movies are passé. Maybe some culturally-enriching thing that’s hopefully not as boring as such a label connotates? After all, you’re both in the 18-24 demographic; who cares about museums at that age, seriously?! Might as well check that social events calendar on the campus website; what’re they hosting at the performing arts center this weekend? The Prismrivers would have been nice, but they’re not slated for another two months. Let’s seee… hmm, looks like it’s just a production by the Fire Arts students. But it looks promising: “Sleight of Heart: Border of Magic and Mind!” Says here it’s a night that will make you redefine just what “magic” really means! Those Komeiji sisters are in it looks like—that one rabbit chick too—and a bunch of other people you probably don’t care about. It’s got potential, maybe…

Oooo~ You suddenly have a devilish little idea. Who says you can only take out one girl? That Sunhilda’s pretty cute too, almost like a younger and less-serious China! You wonder if she’d be open to a little Ménage à trois~? And anyways it’d be a great opportunity to test out your flirting skills!
>> No. 41201
File 128136322899.png - (23.99KB , 280x315 , Derp Sakuya 7.png ) [iqdb]
41201
You think about just timestopping up there, but it’s a little annoying using it like a light switch when you don’t need to, truthfully. You settle for just walking up there normal-like… Curses! She’s already occupied with talking to that new girl Francesca! They seem to be discussing good choices for the requisite P.E. credits everyone’s gotta take! Knowing Fran’s relative newbieness and Sunny’s helpful attitude, they could be at this for an unacceptably long time!

[ ] Oh well, you tried. The best love is love you don’t have to share, anyways~
[ ] Sweetly ask if you can borrow Sunny for just a quick second~
[ ] Harem route! Impress them with your knowledge of how to beat the P.E. registration system!
[ ] Timestop Francesca away whilst giving her a note with the perfect P.E. choices.
[ ] Hide in the closet! For some reason it must be a good idea!
[ ] They’re boxed in! Make them jump out the window!
>> No. 41202
>Harem route! Impress them with your knowledge of how to beat the P.E. registration system!
Maybe once we acquire some red hair dye.

[X] Sweetly ask if you can borrow Sunny for just a quick second~
>> No. 41205
[X] Sweetly ask if you can borrow Sunny for just a quick second~

You'll catch more flies fairies with honey instead of vinegar.
>> No. 41207
[x] Sweetly ask if you can borrow Sunny for just a quick second~
>> No. 41210
[x] Hide in the closet! For some reason it must be a good idea!
>> No. 41214
[x] Oh well, you tried. The best love is love you don’t have to share, anyways~
>[] Hide in the closet! For some reason it must be a good idea!
I thoguht the idea was to get out of there.
>> No. 41223
[X] They’re boxed in! Make them jump out the window!

SEND THEM INTO THE VOID!
>> No. 41225
[x] Harem route! Impress them with your knowledge of how to beat the P.E. registration system!

A Fran is more than fine too.
>> No. 41228
[X] ZA WORDO away whilst giving her a note with the perfect P.E. choices.
>> No. 41238
[X] They’re boxed in! Make them jump out the window!
This! This is always the true answer!
>> No. 41240
[x] Oh well, you tried. The best love is love you don’t have to share, anyways~
>> No. 41243
[x] Harem route! Impress them with your knowledge of how to beat the P.E. registration system!
>> No. 41246
[x] Harem route! Impress them with your knowledge of how to beat the P.E. registration system!
>> No. 41310
File 128158597547.png - (14.63KB , 322x142 , Derp Sakuya 8.png ) [iqdb]
41310
These underclassmen possess soft spines, however, and if you’re nice enough to them they’re like butter in your hands. Which would be great, expect normally when you have butter in your hands you either drop it on the ground or take a knife to it, put it on a piece of bread, cook it, and eat it.

You rather not think about the stipulations of that simile.

You lean into the room and sweet ask if you can just ask Sunny a question in private real quick. She is accepting and bounces out the door, closing it behind her and probably hoping Francesca doesn’t touch her music-mixing computer.

So, uhh… you ask her how she’s been, how her day’s going, hope classes aren’t too tough for her… How does her night look? Oh, she’s not doing much of anything? Well, ‘cause see… you were wondering if maybe you’d like to go out to that Fine Arts production with her and Meiling? A special Girls’ Night Out, she could call it~ She’s rather oblivious about any possible subtext you may or may not be insinuating, and agrees without any real question. Exactly as planned, which is really not much of a plan at all yet! But you can pull a plan out of thin air whenever you want, ‘cause you’re Nazrin Sakuya!

You head back to your room to celebrate your victory and pretty yourself up for Meiling, but suddenly there is commotion! Oh no, that hole in the fifth wall hasn’t been fixed yet, and stuff is falling through it! A plastic container of something or other drops from the message board above and hits you on the head! What is this? It’s, it’s…
>> No. 41312
File 128158606750.png - (15.51KB , 189x318 , Derp Sakuya 9.png ) [iqdb]
41312
da da da daaaah! Zounds!

You got a bottle of Magic Red Hair Dye!

A note is tied to the neck of the bottle with the words “Harem Route” typed on it in sub-standard Trebuchet MS font. Could this be the legendary Harem Route that a message board you’ve obviously never heard of before has been waiting for their entire life?! Probably not, but that’s their loss, not yours! After all, it’s you who’s got a thing for redheads! The bottle has convenient instructions on it:

100% guaranteed to turn even the lamest girl’s hair into a sporty shade of red! Directions: Equip in main hand, approach melee range, and do it from behind. WARNING: Do not exceed recommended dosage. Application may cause slight infatuation with the main character. Cannot be used in ZA WARUDO because that would be hax. Lrn2backstab ya freakin’ SPAH.

Your hand now glows with an awesome power. This is probably a good thing.


[ ] Use your awesome power on the unsuspecting (insert character here)!
[ ] Cheap imitations can wait! You need the real thing!
[ ] Try and climb through the fifth wall.
>> No. 41314
[x] Use your awesome power on the unsuspecting (Francesca)!
>> No. 41315
[X] Cheap imitations can wait! You need the real thing!

Red hair dye doesn't give people the fiesty attitude redheads are known for.
>> No. 41316
[x]>>41314
>> No. 41319
[x] Try and climb through the fifth wall.
>> No. 41321
[X] There is one person you know won't resist. Yourself!

Meiling + Sunny dressed as Meiling + Sakuya dressed as Meiling is three Meilings.
I see no flaws with this plan!
>> No. 41322
[x] Try and climb through the fifth wall.
>> No. 41323
[X] There is one person you know won't resist. Yourself!
>>41321
Took the words right out of my mouth, buddy.
>> No. 41332
[Q] There is one person you know won't resist. Yourself!

This... this will go well.
>> No. 41333
[x] Try and climb through the fifth wall.
>> No. 41337
[x] Try and climb through the fifth wall.
>> No. 41338
[x] There is one person you know won't resist! Yourself!
>> No. 41339
[x] There is one person you know won't resist. Yourself!
Well, that is pretty awesome. FASTER UPDATES
>> No. 41340
>>41321
You have convinced me.

[X] There is one person you know won't resist. Yourself!
>> No. 41344
Isn't it Sad, Fran?
>> No. 41346
[X] There is one person you know won't resist. Yourself!
Or will she?
>> No. 41350
File 128167151562.png - (15.56KB , 189x318 , Derp Sakuya 10.png ) [iqdb]
41350
But what if it’s some horrible plot by evil monsters that don’t belong in this world?! This hair die may steal women’s souls, and make them your slaves! Which would be pretty cool, actually; your character sheet shows a FOC of 1, which probably means if you tried to romance girls the normal way you might not get very far. But you still need to test this stuff to see if it’s legitimate business! And you’ve got the perfect test subject: yourself! You see no flaws or horrible repercussions with this plan! Head-on; apply directly to the forehead! Or… backhead.
>> No. 41351
File 128167153336.png - (12.29KB , 188x317 , Derp Sakuya 11.png ) [iqdb]
41351
Well… this is certainly an odd feeling. Within seconds your hair is on fire with style and sexiness! You’re feeling particularly turned on to yourself right about now; if you were Flandre you might have to tap your own ass! This stuff is amazing! Soon this town won’t be able to contain the burning passion that are a harem of redheads! Nyahahaha!
>> No. 41352
File 128167156851.png - (19.05KB , 284x319 , Derp Sakuya 12.png ) [iqdb]
41352
Meiling was just wondering if she could borrow… wait. Oh. Wait, what…?

Well, this is awkward.


[ ] Fap… wait, you’re a girl. That doesn’t work. Schlik?
[ ] Pretend to be Meiling’s mirror image!
[ ] Don’t move! She can’t see you if you don’t move!
[ ] Profess your undying love! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!
[ ] Use the red hair dye on Meiling! What could possibly go wrong?
[ ] TOKI WO TOMARE!
[ ] You’re boxed in! Jump out the window!
>> No. 41354
[x] Pretend to be Meiling’s mirror image!

IF that doesn't work:

[X] Profess your undying love! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!
>> No. 41356
[X] TOKI WO TOMARE!
[X] Fret!
[X] After you've got that out of your system, profess your undying love! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!
>> No. 41359
[X] TOKI WO TOMARE!
[X] Fret!
[X] After you've got that out of your system, profess your undying love! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!
>> No. 41365
[X] TOKI WO TOMARE!
[X] Fret!
[X] After you've got that out of your system, profess your undying love! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!
>> No. 41366
[X] TOKI WO TOMARE!
[X] Fret!
[X] After you've got that out of your system, profess your undying love! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!

Perfect and elegant, when observed.
>> No. 41371
[X] TOKI WO TOMARE!
[X] Fret!
[X] After you've got that out of your system, profess your undying love! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!

derp
>> No. 41373
[X] TOKI WO TOMARE!
[X] Fret!
[X] After you've got that out of your system, profess your undying love! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!
>> No. 41382
[x] Fap… wait, you’re a girl. That doesn’t work. Schlik?

>[ ] Use the red hair dye on Meiling! What could possibly go wrong?
Paradox!
>> No. 41385
[Q] Pretend to be Meiling’s mirror image!

Duck soup
>> No. 41391
File 128170839484.png - (18.03KB , 279x318 , Derp Sakuya 13.png ) [iqdb]
41391
ZA WARUDO! TOKI WO TOMARE!

Now that that’s taken care of…

Waaah! Why’d she have to come in now and see you like this?! It was supposed to be a secret plan she didn’t know about, or at least a surprise to placate her with! Why didn’t you lock the door, why didn’t you close the door?! You’re such a screw-up, always forgetting every little thing and then just running back here before anyone really finds out! It doesn’t matter if everyone else thinks your perfect if you can’t even convince yourself first!

Oh hell, what are you going to do?! China just saw you strutting around like a streetwalker in there! It’s, it’s ruined, everything is ruined! All your dreams and plan of a romantic night out, they’re all gone! She’ll never want to see your face or perfect-natural sexy red hair ever again! You’re a disgrace to lesbians everywhere! Maybe they’re right, maybe girls kissing girls just wasn’t meant to be…

No! You can’t be like this, you’re the main character! It’s destiny, it’s meant to be! Just like Bella and Edward! Wait… no, nevermind. Cleary Bella’s one true pairing should have been with Alice. But they’re not real, and you are! You can find a way to turn this around; after all, you’ve got all the time in ZA WARUDO the world to think up of a plan!

You’d never let anyone know, but you’re actually quite the slacker. Stopping time means there’s no such thing as deadlines or urgency, so who cares if you just derp around for seven hours before actually finishing the homework assignment that’s due in ten seconds? Of course at the moment you’re boxed in, you’re not allow to jump out the window for some reason, and you’d never even think about touching Meiling without her permission, so you don’t laze around that much.
>> No. 41392
File 128170846618.png - (19.37KB , 282x316 , Derp Sakuya 14.png ) [iqdb]
41392
UNPAUSE!

“Meiling, I, I… I love you! I’ve loved you ever since I moved into the house! Your personality, your compassion, your strength… y-your hair! Your hair’s just so beautiful! I, I thought… if, if I changed my hair you’d notice me! I’m just so shy, I don’t ever let people see the real me… I’m still just such a girl… Please, Mei, don’t leave me! I can’t bear to live without you anymore!”

You throw yourself at her feet, tears of love and joy streaming down your face. Meiling is speechless; after all, what would you have said immediately after if she’d done the same?! She stutters and searches for the right words… Eventually she pulls you back up to your feet and gives you a soft hug. If she’d have known you felt like that, maybe she’d have been a little more prepared for this, she says. She offers to sit down and talk about your feelings with her.


[ ] CHARISMA BREAK!
[ ] Y-Yes, please… You don’t want to be alone anymore…
[ ] N-No, you just want to be alone… (So you can keep working on that harem!)
[ ] Keep milking it! Maybe you can get her to kiss you!
[ ] Now! While you’re close, kiss her! True love’s kiss conquers all!
[ ] Now! When she’s distracted, use the hair dye on her!
[ ] Knife to the head! Bitch better get back to work and do what I say!
>> No. 41397
>[ ] CHARISMA BREAK!
Wrong character. Though does this Sakuya derive pleasure from Remi's CBs?

[X] Y-Yes, please… You don’t want to be alone anymore…
Don't take it too fast, or she'll think it was all an act.
>> No. 41398
[X] CHARISMA BREAK!
[X] Y-Yes, please… You don’t want to be alone anymore…
>> No. 41399
> [ ] Knife to the head! Bitch better get back to work and do what I say!

She's not the gate guard of the SDM here Sakuya, why did you even think of doing that? Unless your a Yandere, then you need help.

[X] CHARISMA BREAK!
[X] Y-Yes, please… You don’t want to be alone anymore…
>> No. 41400
[x] Keep milking it! Maybe you can get her to kiss you!
>> No. 41401
[X] CHARISMA BREAK!
[X] Y-Yes, please… You don’t want to be alone anymore…
Delicious
>> No. 41402
File 12817144141.jpg - (34.46KB , 275x275 , gasaiyuno.jpg ) [iqdb]
41402
>Unless you're a Yandere, then you need help.

Silly Anon! Yanderes don't need help, they need to help others!
>> No. 41404
>[ ] Now! When she’s distracted, use the hair dye on her!

What the hell

[X] Y-Yes, please… You don’t want to be alone anymore…
>> No. 41406
[X] Y-Yes, please… You don’t want to be alone anymore…
>> No. 41412
File 128173276650.png - (17.29KB , 189x319 , Derp Sakuya 15.png ) [iqdb]
41412
You sniffle and pout as you relax in Meiling’s strong arms, on the verge of all-out crying like this one little girl with lilac hair and a poofy hat you’ve heard about. You don’t know if you can bear to be apart from her after this heart-wrenching incident. Together she helps you to you bed, and you sit down to talk about things like adults.

You tell her how you’ve always admired her studiousness and hard work around the house, how she always seem to know just what to do and what to say to make people feel better. You never knew that you were going to fall in love with her, but it just… happened. And now that you’re both over twenty-one, you figured now was as good a time as any to finally try to break out of your cold shell.

She’s very considerate of your emotions. Why you’re a little disappointed that she doesn’t outright say that she loves you back, she’s nice enough to not drop you flat on your back and give you some sort of speech about impulsive love and “it’s just a phase people go through”. When you finally ask her if she’d like to go to the magic show with you tonight, she gladly agrees, and even gives you a little peck on the cheek! It’s better than nothing, right?

Although… Oh crap! It’s already eight-thirty! Luckily enough the second showing isn’t until nine, but how’d time sneak up on you like that?! You, of all people! This is unacceptable; there’s so much planning left to do, isn’t there?!


[ ] Stop that clock! Get a game plan for your wonderful night (write-ins are FUN and AWESOME!)
[ ] You’ve still got time to get that harem together! Target (insert character here) while you still have the chance!
[ ] Calm down, calm down! You’ve got Meiling right here; just let whatever will be will be.
[ ] Meiling + You + Alone + Bed = Sexy time?
[ ] Exceed the recommended dosage of dye on Meiling to activate EX-Meiling!
[ ] Is that hole in the fifth wall still there? Ask Tepes for advice!
>> No. 41413
[x] Meiling + You + Alone + Bed = Sexy time?

...the frick would we consider any other option?
>> No. 41414
File 128173476619.gif - (309.77KB , 650x450 , ps758.gif ) [iqdb]
41414
>Exceed the recommended dosage of dye on Meiling to activate EX-Meiling!
No! We must wait until the night is nearing its close to unleash our final technique!

[X] Stop that clock! Get a game plan for your wonderful night!
[X] Calm down, calm down! You’ve got Meiling right here; just let whatever will be will be.
>> No. 41415
[X] Calm down, calm down! You’ve got Meiling right here; just let whatever will be will be.
[X] Is that hole in the fifth wall still there? Ask Tepes for advice!
>> No. 41416
[Q] Meiling + You + Alone + Bed = Sexy time?

I cannot predict how this will end, thus I am obligated to choose it.
>> No. 41418
[X] Meiling + You + Alone + Bed = Sexy time?

This choice calls to me
>> No. 41419
[X] Stop that clock! Get a game plan for your wonderful night!
[X] Is that hole in the fifth wall still there? Ask Tepes for advice!
>> No. 41420
[X] Harem rout! How could we forget Sunny? It was her dieing her hair that finally gave us the strength to think about doing this!
>> No. 41422
[x] Is that hole in the fifth wall still there? Ask Tepes for advice!
Do it
>> No. 41423
[x] Is that hole in the fifth wall still there? Ask Tepes for advice!
Want paper bag face.
>> No. 41426
[x] Calm down, calm down! You’ve got Meiling right here; just let whatever will be will be.
>> No. 41428
[x] Is that hole in the fifth wall still there? Ask Tepes for advice!
>> No. 41429
[X] Meiling + You + Alone + Bed = Sexy time?

Yes please.
>> No. 41430
[x] Is that hole in the fifth wall still there? Ask Tepes for advice!
>> No. 41434
[X] Stop that clock! Get a game plan for your wonderful night
-[X] See if there's a place you can grab take-out on the way. It's not a candle-lit romantic dinner, but neither is the cold food you are restricted to making while time is stopped.
-[X] Do you have a car? If not, pile into Sunny's. Oh yeah, don't forget to bring her.
>> No. 41440
[x] Is that hole in the fifth wall still there? Ask Tepes for advice!
>> No. 41475
File 128180676663.jpg - (6.81KB , 100x100 , Derp Sakuya 16.jpg ) [iqdb]
41475
Umm… hello? Is anyone there?

What an interesting view. It’s all shades of green and Trebuchet MS font as far as the eye can see; unless for some reason you set your screen to something other than Photon, but who does that, really? Looks like you can’t get your comically-fat head out of this hole here, but you can still look around a bit.
>> No. 41476
File 128180679462.jpg - (18.28KB , 300x300 , Derp Sakuya 17.jpg ) [iqdb]
41476
Why, it’s Princess Tepes, apparently hard at work on the next update for A Fairy’s Tale! You’re in that story, and you’re not a cold heartless bitch! You’ve always wondered if Tepes was a boy or a girl, but with that stupid bag on his/her head it is exceedingly difficult! And quite obviously there are no other telltale body parts to aid you; oh well. You wonder if you can trouble her/him for a minute or two. After all, there’s no betta’ knowledge than meta-knowledge!

“What? Ahh, Sakuya, how’d you get in here?! I really need to slap some plywood over that thing… Hey, did my hair dye fall down there? …It didn’t? …Even though I can plainly see that your hair is red? …And you’re going to stick with that story? …Right then. On your own head be it. Yes, pun intended; most horrible puns I make are intentional. So why are you here, anyways? You do know that every time I have to deal with your derpage the AFT update gets kicked back another half-hour to an hour. And no I am not a Pac-Man ghost!
>> No. 41477
File 128180686299.jpg - (17.29KB , 300x300 , Derp Sakuya 18.jpg ) [iqdb]
41477
“The heck? Meta-knowledge? That ruins games, you know. Oh wait, you just want advice on how to deal with Meiling and stuff? Well, I’m horrible with that kind of drama; I’m not a lesbian, you see. Maybe I should just give you the meta-knowledge instead; that’s easier. Especially considering it’s not like I plan out Derp Wars anyways, so half of this could just be me trolling you.

“Well, China’s gonna act like she does in AFT, so trying to get into her pants is a dead end and will probably trigger some random happenstance to clit-block you. You probably wasted more time than you needed to bearing your feelings, but at least she’s in the harem now. The hair dye is basically a carte blanche to make girls do whatever you want them to—it’ll lower their inhibitions but not erase them—so go ahead and red-ify those chicks all you want; just be aware that I’m not handing them to you on a platter. Most likely I’ll have the fact that you dyed yourself come back to bite you in the ass for amusing hijinks when you least expect it, but that was an awesome write-in so it’ll be fine. Haven’t decided what I’m going to do once you leave the house for the magic show, but I’ll probably throw in a reference to AFT when Koishi is on stage. Other than that, uhhmm, abuse timestop for max stat gains per level, vaguely remember that you only have 1 FOCUS, and OH DANG YOU’RE BOXED IN! JUMP OUT THE WINDOW!”
>> No. 41478
File 128180701652.png - (17.15KB , 189x317 , Derp Sakuya 19.png ) [iqdb]
41478
You are compelled to jump back down the hole, even though there was clearly no walls around with which to box you in. You might have enjoyed spending some more time in that strange place, but knowing Tepes (s)he’d probably put a whole bunch of locked doors everywhere to make you come back later with a character better suited for exploring TH-P. Regardless, you are now informed about the future! Wha’chyu gonna do?!


[ ] You see this? This right here? This doesn’t mean that Tepes wants you to have the illusion of free will by only giving you a write-in. This means that Tepes is too lazy to come up with half-a-dozen options that are all absurdly worded. It also means there’s a good chance his/her monitor is wonky and didn’t perfectly color-match Photon green.
>> No. 41480
[X] The show's about to start! Grab Meiling and Sunny, and go, go, go!

>It also means there’s a good chance his/her monitor is wonky and didn’t perfectly color-match Photon green.
Next time, use a transparent background. No need for color matching and it works with the other themes.
>> No. 41481
File 128180876893.jpg - (687.13KB , 1500x1063 , Flandre I cho-cho-choose you!.jpg ) [iqdb]
41481
>knowing Tepes (s)he’d probably put a whole bunch of locked doors everywhere to make you come back later with a character better suited for exploring TH-P
S/he's a bastard! Well, I guess I know what I'll do next route...

Anyway!
[x] Stop that clock! Get a game plan for your wonderful night
-[x] Wonder if there’s any good movies out this week…
--[x] Fearless (2006) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0446059/plotsummary
-[x] Call a fancy restaurant and make a reservation for three.
(On hold)[x] Exceed the recommended dosage of dye on Meiling to activate EX-Meiling!

Just so you now, I'm not choosing that movie because China is from China or to get into her pants (although it'd be welcomed... dead end my ass... or hers) That movie is really well done, equal parts homely and epic and it made me cry when I saw it. Twice.
If you haven't seen it, do so. Thank me later.
>> No. 41482
[x] Stop that clock! Get a game plan for your wonderful night
-[x] Wonder if there’s any good movies out this week…
--[x] Fearless (2006) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0446059/plotsummary
-[x] Call a fancy restaurant and make a reservation for three.
(On hold)[x] Exceed the recommended dosage of dye on Meiling to activate EX-Meiling!

I have no problem with this...
>> No. 41484
[x] Stop that clock! Get a game plan for your wonderful night
-[x] Wonder if there’s any good movies out this week…
--[x] Fearless (2006) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0446059/plotsummary
-[x] Call a fancy restaurant and make a reservation for three.
(On hold)[x] Exceed the recommended dosage of dye on Meiling to activate EX-Meiling!

Surely Kung-Fu is the best way to get into China's pants.
>> No. 41486
[x] Stop that clock! Get a game plan for your wonderful night
-[x] Wonder if there’s any good movies out this week…
--[x] Fearless (2006) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0446059/plotsummary
-[x] Call a fancy restaurant and make a reservation for three.
(On hold)[x] Exceed the recommended dosage of dye on Meiling to activate EX-Meiling!
>> No. 41487
>>41481
So you're taking a BIG risk disregarding word of god?
>> No. 41488
[X] Stop that clock! Get a game plan for your wonderful night
-[X] Call a fancy restaurant and make a reservation for three.
(On hold)[X] Exceed the recommended dosage of dye on Meiling to activate EX-Meiling!

Magic show and movie is pushing it, but dinner would be nice, and since we probably aren't going to be getting anything more than a goodnight kiss and a second date from Meiling, there's no harm in inviting Sunny along.
>> No. 41489
[X] Stop that clock! Get a game plan for your wonderful night
-[X] Call a fancy restaurant and make a reservation for three.
(On hold)[X] Exceed the recommended dosage of dye on Meiling to activate EX-Meiling!
>> No. 41492
>>41487
Yes and no. I'm going to change what can be changed, and ignore what cannot. What I'm not doing is giving up.
>Well, China’s gonna act like she does in AFT, so trying to get into her pants is a dead end and will probably trigger some random happenstance to clit-block you.
>The hair dye is basically a carte blanche to make girls do whatever you want them to it’ll lower their inhibitions but not erase them.
We can only get into her pants if we lover her inhibitions first, and, to do so, we can use the hair dye.
Regarding the clit-block... well, we can't do anything about it. You can fight against fate, that's what I'm doing right now; but you can't do anything against chance (that's why Remi's brother is stronger than her and... oh wait, wrong story)
Why? Simple. Chance, if my law teacher is correct, is something that can't be foreseen or prevented, like an accident. What can you do if a plane crashes right into you when you're about to kiss your lover? Or if a guy goes nuts and kills everyone in the vicinity? Not even stopping time is foolproof.
Since no defense is good enough against that, just take your precautions and go for broke.
>> No. 41495
>>41492

>Well, China’s gonna act like she does in AFT, so trying to get into her pants is a dead end and will probably trigger some random happenstance to clit-block you.
>The hair dye is basically a carte blanche to make girls do whatever you want them to it’ll lower their inhibitions but not erase them.

The answer: Use the red hair die on Remilia, post-haste.
>> No. 41530
File 128193034857.png - (15.86KB , 188x317 , Derp Sakuya 20.png ) [iqdb]
41530
When in doubt, stopping time is always a good option! It’s not like there’s an MP cost to use it or anything, right?

You think things through. All right… Tepes said Meiling’s pants were off-limits… or were they? After all this red hair dye is some pretty hax stuff, you bet, and Tepes isn’t in control of your life, YOU are! You just need a good plan. The magic show is cute, but it doesn’t have the impact you need to snare Sunny and Meiling! It’s got to be something that’ll really get them going, something they’ll really thank you for. A killer movie, perhaps? If it’s moving enough you can attack their weak points for massive damage! You just hope that you’re lucky enough that such a movie is conveniently playing in theatres downtown.

ZA WARUDO is like a big truck, which dumps stuff and clogs the Internet’s tubes, so you have to fly over to the theater yourself. Hmm… “Face Punch”? What the crap kind of movie name is that?! Now this one’s called “Fearless” with Jet Li; it looks perfect, and perfectly Chinese! What luck that the present time is just such that it’s the movie’s opening weekend! It must be fate; you’ll have to thank Remi later or something.
>> No. 41531
File 128193040063.png - (17.49KB , 190x317 , Derp Sakuya 21.png ) [iqdb]
41531
Time resumes, and you apologize to China for all the ruckus you’ve been causing. She asks about what ruckus; you were just milling about the room, right? Silly you; meta-actions take no time at all, even breaking the fifth wall! You ask if, maybe just to humor her, you’d go out to dinner and a show with her and Sunny? After all, if you do anything uncouth Sunny would stop you… right~?

She doesn’t exactly buy it, but since her FOC is only 2 instead of 3, she doesn’t call your bluff and politely agrees to humor you. Lovingly thanking her for the opportunity, you wander out the door and flip out your cell phone, making some calls to a few other friends-who-are-girls that have actually gotten laid. Do they have any good ideas for a lovey-dovey restaurant that might give you a shot at scoring?
>> No. 41533
File 128193045894.png - (16.84KB , 225x319 , Derp Sakuya 22.png ) [iqdb]
41533
As you’re minding your own business in the living room, hearing some good things about this “Mystica’s Palace” place, that weirdo Thérèse sticks her head in the door and bothers you about using your time-hax to help her with some crap that’s probably lame. Can’t she see you’re on the phone?!

[ ] Just use the phone as an excuse to shirk responsibility.
[ ] Timestop someplace else; you won’t lose the connection. At least you usually don’t.
[ ] Give her an ultimatum; only if she goes out with you tonight! After all, she can turn herself into ANYONE!
[ ] Timestop behind her and use the hair dye; that should shut her up.
[ ] Be a good girl and think of others before yourself; like China would!
[ ] You’re boxed… wait. There’s two doors to this room. Jump out the window anyways.
>> No. 41535
[X]See what she needs.
[X]If its easy just do it, but also die her hair.
[X] Then when her defences are down, Ask her to come with you.
[X] I bet you can get her to want Meling too. I mean who could posibly resist that oh so wonderfull China, the ever watchfull girl, the one whith the key to your heart! I bet she just needs a push. (And if not after a favor and an die job, wispering of Melings beauty into her ears will do it!)
We shall build an army of Melings!
And they shall worship her! Hail Meliniatania! Ftagan, China, Ftagan!

Wait you can feel it madness calling..Lets do the time warp again!
>> No. 41536
>[ ] Timestop behind her and use the hair dye; that should shut her up.
Would it even work on someone who changes their appearance frequently?

>[ ] Be a good girl
That would require using green hair dye.

[X] Just use the phone as an excuse to shirk responsibility.
"Can't this wait? I'm on the phone."
>> No. 41537
[x] Be a good girl and think of others before yourself; like China would!
We'll make her proud!
>> No. 41541
[x] Be a good girl and think of others before yourself; like China would!
>> No. 41548
[x] You’re boxed… wait. There’s two doors to this room. Jump out the window anyways.
yes
>> No. 41552
[x] You’re boxed… wait. There’s two doors to this room. Jump out the window anyways.
do itttt
>> No. 41553
[Q] Timestop behind her and use the hair dye; that should shut her up.

Expanding harem.
>> No. 41562
[X] You’re boxed… wait. There’s two doors to this room. Jump out the window anyways.

...And when that inevitably fails:
[X] Timestop behind her and use the hair dye; that should shut her up.
>> No. 41580
[X] Timestop behind her and use the hair dye; that should shut her up.
>> No. 41581
File 128201600122.png - (15.89KB , 228x318 , Derp Sakuya 23.png ) [iqdb]
41581
The pressure is too much for you! Everyone expecting so much, and there’s so much to plan, and oh no what if you screw up what if they really don’t like you what if you’re coming on too strong what did Tepes put in that hair dye?!?! Gaaaaah! You can’t take it anymore, you’ve got to get out now! With reckless abandon you careen head-first into a plate-glass window! Your red hair is accustomed to being impaled with sharp pointy objects, as are all redheaded girls!

The fact that you weren’t actually boxed in and could have run out the door hits you a little later than you might have liked.
>> No. 41582
File 128201608774.png - (10.12KB , 188x319 , Derp Sakuya 24.png ) [iqdb]
41582
Brr, it’s cold! Look at all of this snow that is most definitely not hiding laziness and covers the ground in a perfectly uniform fashion! On the plus side you’ve got much better reception here; you huddle against the corner of the house and keep chatting with your friend. Yup, Mystica’s Palace definitely sounds like the place to be if you want a memorable first date. That Lorelei girl’s mom owns the place, and she even works part-time singing on-stage to deepen the mood! You’ll definitely have to pay her a little something-something to get her to sing a good song~
>> No. 41583
File 128201612464.png - (17.38KB , 322x319 , Derp Sakuya 25.png ) [iqdb]
41583
Thérèse is not an uncaring and oblivious idiot, and sticks her head out the window to ask you why the heck you just did that. You very clearly show that you are busy talking on the phone, the red in your hair is not blood, and you’ll fix the window later. With her impressive FOC of 3 against your puny FOC of 1, she clearly deduces that you’ve got a hot date tonight and probably need to get laid so you stop being so high strung and keep jumping out of windows. She leaves you alone; problem solved! You should solve more problems like this!
>> No. 41585
File 128201622782.png - (12.42KB , 191x319 , Derp Sakuya 26.png ) [iqdb]
41585
Climbing back inside you put in the call to Mystica’s and order up a reservation for three in a plot-relevant number of minutes. But alas, the last table was just reserved not seconds ago! What a completely unrelated coincidence! You ask if there’s any chance of a cancellation, but in the time frame you require that’s simply not going to happen, because this is a perfectly realistic world where everything makes sense.

Your Derp Wars script tells you that the evil perpetrator who has bested you this night resides in this very house! Tepes is trolling you, just like he/she said! Your almighty red hair burns with passionate fury! You’ll not be denied your perfect and elegant night out because one of your housemates is trying to oust you! Vengeance is at hand!

[ ] Thérèse is obviously the one! Who else would have known?!
[ ] It’s Remilia! It’s always Remilia with things like this! She fated it!
[ ] Could it be Patches? She might have been spying on you with magic!
[ ] Flandre! You bet she’s probably going on a foursome date with herself, herself, and herself!
[ ] Koa and Wendy! They just became friends in AFT, didn’t they, DIDN’T THEY?!
[ ] Uuuwwwaaah! Beatriiiiiiice!
[ ] GODDAMN IT KOISHI!
>> No. 41586
[x] GODDAMN IT KOISHI!
>> No. 41587
>[] Uuuwwwaaah! Beatriiiiiiice!
OH DESIRE
[x] GODDAMN IT KOISHI!
The culprit is obviously Fran, who saved money for months in order to get Sakuya and her fairy friends out for dinner to show appreciation for all her hard work in the mansion.
Of course, she doesn't need to know that.
>> No. 41589
[X] It’s Remilia! It’s always Remilia with things like this! She fated it!

>[ ] Flandre! You bet she’s probably going on a foursome date with herself, herself, and herself!
She really would tap her own ass?
>> No. 41590
>>41588
Slowpoke! I was beginning to wonder where you ran off to.

[X] Koa and Wendy! They just became friends in AFT, didn’t they, DIDN’T THEY?!
>> No. 41593
[x] Uuuwwwaaah! Beatriiiiiiice!
This... is an awesome option...
>> No. 41594
File 128203124988.png - (606.16KB , 705x600 , mansion.png ) [iqdb]
41594
[x] GODDAMN IT KOISHI!
STOP SCREWING WITH MY MIND
>> No. 41596
[x] Flandre! You bet she’s probably going on a foursome date with herself, herself, and herself!
This way, we can have a table for four, and bring along Sunny and another miscellaneous harem member. Hooray!
>> No. 41605
[x] Uuuwwwaaah! Beatriiiiiiice!
-"Accept this, gwrrraaaah!"
-Throw the hair dye as far as possible to begin the ceremony.
>> No. 41606
[x] Flandre! You bet she’s probably going on a foursome date with herself, herself, and herself!
>> No. 41610
[x] GODDAMN IT KOISHI!
>> No. 41616
>>41589
>>[ ] Flandre! You bet she’s probably going on a foursome date with herself, herself, and herself!
>She really would tap her own ass?
I am not a fan of regular Flandre or Remi H at all, let alone loli.
...but for some reason, the idea of Flandre doing dirty things to/with herself by utilizing Four of a Kind is terribly arousing to me, as is Remilia x Flandre.

It is weird to see myself compromise my own standards.
>> No. 41619
>>41616
Tepes' Flandre is not the cute innocent little sister type, so that might be it.
>> No. 41642
Sage for more derp!
>> No. 41643
Additional derpage depots are required!