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19220 No. 19220
I came from Hell.

Ages ago, I stood at the surface of the water and looked at the reflections cast upon the pond. They were ugly. The people, standing by the pond, knew that I saw their ugliness, and they cried out and fled, though I said not a word. Then I was alone.

I wished to walk among the people, so I dove into the pond and washed in their beautiful hideousness.

I drowned in their reflections.

Beneath the surface I found my own reflection, and the strange and nameless things that cast the shapes I had seen on top of the pond. They spoke to me, they cried for the freedom the reflections never had, and I became their master and led them back up to the light.

I walked among the people, but they saw only reflections. Below every person there swum a nameless thing, and I brought them out of the water and into the cave.

Because I felt like it.

As I walked, I heard the voice of another nameless thing, whispering above the surface, far below the surface, in a locked room to keep others out and the nameless thing in. It said there would be none, but there were many in the hell above.

There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.
There was another thing, proud in a tower of satin and glass.
There was a fragile thing, bent out of order and into time.
There was an ancient thing, full of knowledge and empty.
There was a thing from hell that reached for heaven.
There was a thing of the flesh that could not touch me.
There was a thing from the earth that no longer flew.
There was a thing from far away with many nameless things inside it.

I thought it might be fun to touch...

-------
This is not a full fledged story, just a short because I could not sleep. It will have only two posts, this and the outcome. Pick one character, and one action to perform upon their subconscious. (You can just name someone directly if deciphering the descriptions is too difficult.) I'll write the most interesting choice.

>> No. 19225
[x] There was a fragile thing, bent out of order and into time.
[x] Lady Patchouli's cough has been bad lately to the point of making the Mistress worry, yet the Librarian is obstinate in her self-neglect; you may have to see that doctor for some medicine to mix into her food.
>> No. 19230
File 121979151019.jpg - (266.96KB , 591x773 , hellyeahextra.jpg ) [iqdb]
19230
[X] There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.
[X] ITT epic crazy-bitch-on-crazy-bitch action.
>> No. 19231
[x] There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.
[x] The caged thing is loosed upon the world.
>> No. 19232
File 121979296530.jpg - (298.89KB , 571x800 , 1219766380272.jpg ) [iqdb]
19232
[x] There was a thing from hell that reached for heaven.
[x] Ronald McDonald vs Flandre Scarlet
>> No. 19233
[X] Flandre Scarlet
[X] Hitting puberty.

Too lazy to try to decipher anything, and yes, I know vampires don't age, but a man can dream, can't he? Besides, it woud be awesome, and you know that.
>> No. 19234
>>19231

Ooh, interessing.

Seconding.
>> No. 19236
[1] There was a fragile thing, bent out of order and into time.
-[1] Lady Patchouli's cough has been bad lately to the point of making the Mistress worry, yet the Librarian is obstinate in her self-neglect; you may have to see that doctor for some medicine to mix into her food.

[2] There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.
-[2] I see. Not only is she locked inside the dark depths of her own home, but she is also locked in the obliviousness and immaturity of childhood. Both of these must change. If I help her reach beyond the limits of childhood, then perhaps she will free herself.
>> No. 19240
>>19236

Holy fuck, do wwant

[2] There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.
-[2] I see. Not only is she locked inside the dark depths of her own home, but she is also locked in the obliviousness and immaturity of childhood. Both of these must change. If I help her reach beyond the limits of childhood, then perhaps she will free herself.
>> No. 19241
[1] There was a fragile thing, bent out of order and into time.
-[1] Lady Patchouli's cough has been bad lately to the point of making the Mistress worry, yet the Librarian is obstinate in her self-neglect; you may have to see that doctor for some medicine to mix into her food.
>> No. 19244
[†] There was a fragile thing, bent out of order and into time.
-[†] Lady Patchouli's cough has been bad lately to the point of making the Mistress worry, yet the Librarian is obstinate in her self-neglect; you may have to see that doctor for some medicine to mix into her food.

[♤] There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.
-[♤] I see. Not only is she locked inside the dark depths of her own home, but she is also locked in the obliviousness and immaturity of childhood. Both of these must change. If I help her reach beyond the limits of childhood, then perhaps she will free herself.

Favoring either of these, but I'm sure your writing will be gold regardless, RAN-blankfag.
>> No. 19245
Guys, I'm pretty sure
>There was a fragile thing, bent out of order and into time.
is Sakuya, while
>There was an ancient thing, full of knowledge and empty.
is Patchy.

[X] There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.
[X] The caged thing is loosed upon the world.
>> No. 19253
[x] There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.
[x] I see. Not only is she locked inside the dark depths of her own home, but she is also locked in the obliviousness and immaturity of childhood. Both of these must change. If I help her reach beyond the limits of childhood, then perhaps she will free herself.

Oh YES.
>> No. 19256
[X] There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.
[X] I see. Not only is she locked inside the dark depths of her own home, but she is also locked in the obliviousness and immaturity of childhood. Both of these must change. If I help her reach beyond the limits of childhood, then perhaps she will free herself.
>> No. 19257
>I'll write the most interesting choice.

inb4 "[x] Ronald McDonald vs Flandre Scarlet" wins
>> No. 19258
[x] Ronald McDonald vs Flandre Scarlet
>> No. 19273
[x] There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.
[x] I see. Not only is she locked inside the dark depths of her own home, but she is also locked in the obliviousness and immaturity of childhood. Both of these must change. If I help her reach beyond the limits of childhood, then perhaps she will free herself.

\Flandre/
>> No. 19279
File 121994047319.jpg - (213.21KB , 1000x780 , Flan Giant.jpg ) [iqdb]
19279
... the thing in the deep. It was locked away in its own stunted immaturity, five hundred years a child. I swam to it in its dark nursery, gave it the key to the door, and whispered for it to free itself.

Then I watched, as it curiously put the key in the lock and turned...


"Good morning, sister!" Remilia Scarlet nearly dropped her teacup as Flandre suddenly appeared at her evening breakfast table. "How are you today?"

"Haa? Fine, I'm fine! Good morning to you too, Flan! What a nice surprise to see you up for breakfast, that's all. Ah, Sakuya!" The elder vampire recovered from her shock and snapped her fingers. In an eyeblink, the mansion's maid appeared.

"At once." Another eyeblink, and the previously sparse table was covered in sweets, rolls and cookies. "Would the young mistress like juice, or milk?"

"I would prefer tea, actually. Thank you, Sakuya." Looking over the spread, Flandre frowned slightly and selected the plainest croissant from the pile to nibble on. "Dear sister, are you going out this evening?"

"That's what I was planning to do, yes," Remilia answered. "I thought I'd go tease the shrine maiden a bit. It's not important - would you like me to stay and play with you instead?"

"Oh, no. In fact, I would like to accompany you."

"That's fi- wait, what did you say?" Freezing in place, Remilia blinked and let go of her cup entirely. It fell about a centimeter before reappearing perched on its saucer; Sakuya bowed in the background.

"I said that I would like to go out to the shrine with you. Is something wrong with that?" The two sisters searched each other's faces for a few moments, Flandre innocently and Remilia suspicious.

"My, Flan. That would be such an... unexpected pleasure! No, there's nothing wrong, I suppose, as long as it's just the shrine. Tell me, though, why do you suddenly want to go out?" Remilia was the first to relax, though her laugh maintained the slightest edge to it. Flandre remained completely earnest, perched forward, and contemplated her answer for a while.

"I don't know," she replied eventually. "I just thought that if I'm one of the Mistresses of the Scarlet Mansion, I should get out a bit more, and not stay cooped up in the basement all the time. It's hardly fitting for a lady, after all, and I'm sure you must be disappointed about having to keep me down there. For that matter, perhaps I should move up into one of the rooms near yours, when we return. Would that be acceptable?"

"Acceptable - ah - well, if you really want to..." Caught off guard again, Remilia paled and sought refuge in her tea. "It's no trouble the way things are, dear Flan, really it isn't. I'm certainly not embarassed of you, if that's what you're thinking. We made that special room for you so that nobody would disturb you, and you wouldn't have to wear yourself out by - using your talents. Don't you remember?"

"Yes, I do remember, and I owe you so many thanks for all you've done. But I feel so much better now, and I've really grown tired of hiding. It seems so childish to sit down there, when I could be up here with you instead." Flandre beamed in appreciation this prospect, and her eager smile spread out fifteenfold, reflecting off every crystal of her wings. Remilia melted instantly when confronted with this.

"Certainly, certainly! I see, you want to feel like an adult? No problem! Sakuya, dear, fix up a room for her while we're out, would you kindly?" The maid bowed again in silent assent and vanished into the background.

"Feel like?" Flandre murmured, confused. "Sister, I'm nearly five hundred! Really, now!"

"Ah, but we're vampires, Flan! That means we get to stay children forever!" Having decided that her sibling was simply going through another indulgent phase from her elegant language, Remilia laughed, tipped her chair back and went to get her parasol and hat. And, of course, to ask Patchouli to encircle Flandre with storm clouds when they flew to the shrine. Just in case.
>> No. 19280
>>19279
>to ask Patchouli to encircle Flandre with storm clouds when they flew to the shrine.

Oh you!
>> No. 19283
File 12199452002.jpg - (494.42KB , 750x750 , Scarlets and Reimu.jpg ) [iqdb]
19283
"Reeeeiiiii-muuuuuunnnnnn! Guess who's hee-eere!" Remilia squeeled as she arrived at the shrine, hopping inside immediately. Flandre followed behind her, peering curiously at all the plants, the cobblestones, the stairs and magnificent gates. Shaking her head at the crashing noises issuing from inside the shrine, she quietly removed her shoes and bowed before entering.

"A damned pest and a bloodsucking monster. Am I right?" Grumbling, Reimu stomped out of her bedroom into the shrine's makeshift living room and gave Remilia a whack on the head, prompting an "Uu~" from the vampire.

"Good evening, Miss Hakurei. If I may ask, which of those is my sister, and which is me?" Flandre stepped from the doorway fully into the room, giving her host a polite curtsey. Reimu's head swiveled from Remilia to Flandre and back several times before she stepped back with an involuntary shudder.

"Both are your sister. I meant, um, we're just playing! I call her names all the time, it isn't serious, haha, right, Remi?" Stepping away from the younger vampire a bit more, the shrine maiden patted Remilia's head more gently and recieved a 'play along' wink in return. She hastily pulled out another cushion, and the three girls sat around the kotatsu and talked.

Together, the three of them struck quite the odd portrait. Remilia rarely sat still, bouncing around the room constantly commenting on various knickknacks, while Reimu relaxed lazily and cast the occasional curious look in Flandre's direction. Flandre, for her part, sat in quiet poise with her hands folded in her lap and her wings interlaced behind her. She spoke only when prompted to by Remilia, and then only to compliment the shrine and Reimu's tea, which in turn made the latter blush and fidget.

"... and we went outside and found China asleep, again!" Remilia cackled uproariously at the conclusion to her own story, and Reimu smirked a bit in spite of herself. Flandre frowned and muttered "You shouldn't be so hard on Meiling, sister," but nobody heard her as a crashing "ZEEEEEEEEE!" from outside filled the room. A cruel grin came to Remilia's face, and she silently lept to the ceiling, hiding above the doorframe.

"Yo, I'm here, where's the sakYAAAAAAA!" As Marisa Kirisame flounced into the room with her broomstick in hand, Remilia dropped onto her head, knocking the witch to the floor and battering her with her wings. Flandre winced in sympathy, Reimu rolled her eyes, and both of the fallen parties began a tussle amongst laughter as they struggled to rise.

"Ahh, get off me, ya damn bat!" Ending her dainty efforts for freedom, Marisa grabbed Remilia's ankles and rapidly swung the small girl around, releasing her to go crashing into a wall. As luck would have it, the particular section of wall she aimed for was blocked by an unexpected second vampire. Flandre squeaked as she was bowled over, and the sisters rolled across the floor together, impacting the wall as one. When the dust cleared, Flandre rose, coughing, but turned back around when her sister did not.

"Uu, it hurts..." Remilia sniffled as she rolled over, exposing a set of bright red bleeding scratches on her arm.

"Sister!" Flandre exclaimed, dropping to her knees again. Suddenly panicking, Remilia cleared her head and blinked, and the scrapes disappeared. The traces of blood along the sharp edges of the crystals on Flandre's wings did not, but of course nobody pointed that out. As the elder sister crawled back to her place at the table, Flandre turned back around. Marisa cowered against the wall, eyes saucer-wide and looking as if she'd rather be anywhere else in Gensokyo at the moment; Reimu, similarly pale, maintained a firm a grip on her gohei.

"F-Flan! Didn't expect to see you here. Um, sorry about that, I didn't mean to - " Marisa apologetically began to wring her hands, unable to stop herself from staring at Flandre's palms, but the other girl simply nodded and redonned her pink bonnet.

"Don't worry about it. I know you were just playing. You could try to be more gentle with my sister in the future, though." The two humans relaxed slightly at these words, but Remilia raised an eyebrow at her sister. After verifying no further reaction was forthcoming, though, she giggled happily and patted Flandre on the back.

"Isn't Flanny wonderful? She's doing such a good job at being a big girl!" So exclaiming, Remilia flopped on her back and sighed with pride while the other girls shared an uncertain chuckle.

"Actin your age, eh? Nice, nice, so you elder bloodsuckers'll tolerate a bit of horseplay from us kids, right?" Marisa was the next to sit, and snatched Remilia's leftover tea, much to the vampire's dismay. Reimu joined her after a second, inconspicuously sitting on her gohei, and a bit of calmness returned to the shrine for some fleeting seconds as the four relaxed. Then Flandre spoke again.

"I think that is the second time I have heard someone refer to sister in that way. Please, do tell me, what makes her a 'bloodsucker?'"

The calmness left the room as quickly as it had settled, replaced by icy silence. Flandre looked around to the other's faces, surprised that no one was answering her.

"Ah, well, she's a vampire, right? And vampires, well, they su-" Marisa broke the silence, only to be quickly interrupted by Remilia.

"SUSTAIN ourselves on special foods, like the ones Sakuya prepares for us. Come, Flan, you know that. There are all sorts of nasty stories about me in the village, because I'm so scary, but of course they aren't true. Reimun here can tell you that everything is all above board, right?"

"Right. Yes, very. Everything is legitimate, according to the agreements we made with Yukari and the people in the village. I know, because if they weren't, I'd have to get upset with you." Reimu fixed Remilia with a stare as she spoke, and everyone but Flandre nodded gravely.

"So, it's just a name. Don't worry about it," Remilia concluded, then half stood in alarm as her sister rose. "Flan, dear, it's fine... are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes, dear sister, I'm fine. I'm terribly sorry, but I would like to return home now. Thank you all very much for allowing me to join you. I will see you later," she finished, stressing "later" as Remilia made a motion to come with her. "Please have a very good night." And, bowing deeply to the three in turn, Flandre Scarlet left the Hakurei Shrine.

On her flight back to the mansion, she stopped halfway and stared out into the rainclouds surrounding her, then traced a figure in her palm. The clouds rent themselves and vanished, revealing a clear, starry night... then replaced themselves in seconds. Flandre floated among them for a while, thinking, before returning home.
>> No. 19286
fuuuuuuuuuck
>> No. 19289
Awesome
>> No. 19290
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19290
"Not right," the vampire muttered as she reentered the Scarlet Devil Mansion and peered up and down its halls. "Not right, not right, not right. MISS SAKUYA!" At her call, the maid appeared to materialize out of the air.

"Young mistress. I have prepared the room you asked for." Flandre nodded absently, still looking down the halls for something. A fairy maid turned the corner, spotted the pair, and ducked back around it again.

"I'm afraid I don't want it after all. Sorry to have wasted your time."

"As you wish." Far from being disappointed, Sakuya looked relieved at Flandre's dismissal. "Will you be returning to your old room, then?"

"Yes, but not just yet. Sakuya..." Turning, Flandre took firm hold of the maid's arm. "Please, tell me, how do you prepare my dear sister's meals? And... mine?"

"Through complicated means, and with the utmost care," Sakuya calmly recited. "Please allow me to take care of the details. If you would like to try to cook something, simply tell me and I will be glad to help you through it. It might be quite fun."

"No. No, I do not wish to cook anything, and no I will not allow you to take care of the... details." An odd fire entered Flandre's eyes, and her grip on her servant's (her sister's servant's?) arm strengthened. "I would like to know if there are any unusual ingredients or processes you use."

"Young mistress?" Sakuya blinked, still completely nonchalant despite the growing pain she must have felt. "There is nothing for you to be concerned about. Your food is quite safe. Has someone been putting strange ideas into your head?"

Flandre released her arm, and stared up into her eyes. Taken aback, Sakuya had no choice but to return her gaze.

"You are lying to me."

A nameless thing began to swim to the surface.

"I am sorry if I have offended you, young mistress, but I am telling the truth. Everything is as it should be with the food preparation." Inhumanly patient, the human stared down her monstrous charge. She was used to this sort of thing, or must have thought she was. Monstrous children throw tantrums on occasion. What she did not count on...

"Stop calling me 'young mistress.'"

... was facing something that was no longer a child. Flandre's hand tightened further, then snapped shut on empty air. She turned around, finding Sakuya standing behind her with a bruise spreading on her exposed arm. Her expression, the perfect and elegant maid's mask, betrayed nothing, but the small knife sheath on her inner leg was empty.

"You are not well, Miss Flandre. Would you please consider going to bed?"

Flandre growled in response, stepped forward - then checked herself and shrank back, noticing the bruise. Her face softened into concern, bordering on horror, and she glanced at her own hands.

"Oh, Sakuya! I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to..."

"You did not. Please worry about yourself, Miss Flandre. Call me if you are in need of something." Sakuya spoke a bit more kindly than before, then disappeared again.

"... lying again. How many times have I hurt you?" Left alone in the hallway, Flandre whispered to herself. She walked, dazed and slow, down each individual stair to her room in the basement, then began doing a most curious thing. She ran her hands over her entire body, feeling it with care, and on occasion mumbling observations like "cold..." and "sharp..." When she reached her head, she opened her mouth, reached inside and felt her teeth, tracing and retracing the shapes of her long canines and testing their edges with her fingers. Then, she reached backwards and felt her wings, pausing when she met a bit of moisture. Her hand came back with a bit of red smeared on it - her sister's blood. Flandre sniffed at it, deeply, then paused.

Then she lifted the trembling finger to her lips, parted them, sucked on it, and began to cry.

She made no sound whatsoever, after that, simply let tears roll down her face for seconds upon minutes. Then she faded from view, in time becoming nothing more than a haunting presence, a force that drifted back upstairs, through the halls, past Sakuya the maids undetected, and through certain doors on the ground level. In time, she found the other stairs to the other basement, the ones that had floated in the back of the maid's mind during their confrontation, and descended them. A few seconds in that place was all she needed to see before she fled, quick as a flash, back to her room. There she slammed the heavy doors shut, every one of them, and locked each in turn, returning to her usual form. Flandre cried there for a long time.

"What," she panted between violent sobs, eventually, "is HAPPENING to me? Sister? Sakuya? Why did you do this? Why can I THINK of all this?" She clutched at her wings, her teeth, her head, rocking back and forth on her posterbed. The matted stuffed bear in the corner had no answer for her, no matter how long she stared at it in agony, and in turn she stabbed her thumb into her hand and vaporized it. Then she destroyed the light and plunged the room into blackness.

I sat there and watched her in the dark.
>> No. 19291
File 12199530422.jpg - (209.39KB , 700x487 , Flandre19.jpg ) [iqdb]
19291
"I'm going insane," she wailed, though it was a lie. "D-damn! Hell! Poop! I don't even know any words to say..."

She shifted from the bed to the floor, to perching on the ceiling, then dropped from the ceiling like a stone. Perhaps she remembered her sister, playing with Marisa. I couldn't tell.

"Monster. Bloodsucking monster, with the power to destroy. Everyone flinches when they see me. They're not weird! I am! I e-ee-eat people! I hurt people!" Flandre gasped. I watched the nameless beast surface and crest as she rammed herself into each wall of the room in turn.

"I didn't know before. Why didn't I know? Why do I know? It all, why does it all seem so stupid? I should have, I should have..." Choking on her own saliva, she was forced to stop speaking, but regathered herself quickly. Too quickly, quickly enough that it pained her. "I woke up, and I could TELL. I can think, I can see that it's wrong to be this way, I can..."

She paused again, watching with me as the nameless things breeched the waves and swam about their chamber.

"I'm not a child anymore. That's it. That shouldn't be. I'm a vampire, vampires are always children. Look at me, look at sister, look at Mr. Bear-r-r-r-r..." Flandre squeezed her eyes shut, trying in vain to stem the tears. "I didn't! I didn't do anything! I was- there was a voice."

Suddenly paranoid, she shrank back in a corner and covered her face with her hand, tensing it almost to the point of tearing her own flesh, and started licking it. Each brush of her toungue touched a different spot, and after each one, she whispered something, and the eyeball bulging out between her fingers flickered to a different place in the room.

"Wall. Wall. Wall. Door. Bed. Ball. Mr. Bear isn't there anymore. Me. Picture books. The quilt Sakuya knit for me. My water cup. Dresser. Nighties. Blocks. Train." She licked her hand again, and this time her eyeball fell on me. "Something I don't know. ThErE yOu ArE, I FoUnD YoU!"

I smiled. Shrieking with laughter in the pitch black, Flandre launched herself across the room and stopped inches from where I stood watching. Her hands traced patterns in the air. My patterns.

"I want to play a children's game again, voice. Let's play I Spy. I spy, with my hand's little eye, two eyeballs and a smile floating in the air, and another closed eyeball in a heart with all its roots torn out. You look very scary floating there in my room, voice. Your turn."

I didn't feel like playing, but it was funny, so I laughed. Flandre laughed with me.

"You did this to me," she whispered.

"Yes," I whispered back.

"Did you know... who are... where are..." Eyes wandering, she whispered questions at me. I waited until she asked the one the nameless thing wanted.

"Why did you do this?" She whispered.

"It seemed fun," I whispered back.

"Put it back," she whispered forth. "Put it back! I don't want to think anymore! I don't want to know anymore! I can't even threaten to kill you, because I know it's wrong! Vampires are supposed to be - to be children! Like sister said! I can't live like this, I can't think of all this! I want my old life back! I want to not know when they're lying to me!"

"You remind me of me," I whispered back and forth, excited. This was much funner than I'd hoped. "I know exactly - how - you - feel!"

"Flandre! Flandre? Are you all right? May I come in?" Her sister knocked lightly at the vault doors, a world away from where we swam.

"Really, voice? Really? Then how? How do you live?" She already knew the answer. In fact, she was clawing at it, scrabbling not like a child but like a desperate adult, trying to pry it open.

"It's easy. Just close your eye!" I whispered.

"Flandre?" from outside.

Her face sallowed, and her eyes drooped. She let go of my heart, and flinched from the door.

"Flandre, dear? Could you at least answer me? Please say something!"

"Feelings," she whispered. "Feelings. There were too few."

"Flan? We're worried about you. I'm worried about you! You did a good job today, you know! I was really impressed!"

"Then," she whispered, and her hand came up, warding off me, Remilia, the door, "then there were too many."

Silence.

"Flan, I love you. Won't you please let me in?"

"And then there were none," she whispered, and clenched her fist.

I was alone in the room.

Someone knocked on the door, so I opened it.

"Flan? Wait, where's Flan? Who are you?" Remilia Scarlet blinked as the light came in, and the nameless thing below her surface tossed and shrank from it.

"Don't you know me? I'm the little sister from Hell." I smiled at her, and the nameless thing decided to please itself with the reflections on the surface.

"Yes... of course, sister. Just checking. Did you not like the room Sakuya made up? Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Flan." Sluggishly, the vampire turned and departed.




I, too, sank through the water of the land and ran as a legless rose back to my home. My sister looked up as I entered, and her cat jumped off her lap and ran away to hide somewhere. I was sad. That cat is very fun to pet.

"Ah, sister. Where have you come from?"

I rejoiced in knowing that I was the only one in the world she would ask this question of, and I answered her as I always do.

"From wandering the earth, and going to and fro in it."
>> No. 19292
...holy crap, Flan offed herself.

Disturbing, but awesome.
>> No. 19293
Fucking awesome.
>> No. 19294
>>19291
whoa...
what the fuck just... happened?
>> No. 19295
Evil Koishi
>> No. 19296
You know, at first I was like "HOLY FUCK THIS IS AWESOME"

Then I remembered who was writing it, and it was like "Aww, no new blood..."

But only for a second, because it was still fucking incredible. I love you, Blankfag.
>> No. 19297
...I really liked her like that. She didn't have to...they would have stopped lying when they realized she wasn't playing around, that she wasn't thinking like a child anymore. She had a better moral compass than a lot of the characters seem to. She isn't the only one around who could kill most people with little effort, and she wouldn't do it. If anything, she would be a balancing force in Gensokyo.

I want to help her. Fuck. This is depressing.
>> No. 19302
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I don't know what to feel.
>> No. 19304
Are these manly tears? Or are these bitch tears?
>> No. 19306
FFFFF-what the FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-awesome-FFFFFFFFF-Jesus-FFFFFFFFF-Blankfag you-FFFFFF-awesome-FFFFFFFFF-bitch tears-FUCK.

I never saw it coming.

Well done Blankfag, well done.
>> No. 19307
>>19304

Salty, salty bitch tears my friend. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to re-read Flandre's parts of the LA while crying into a bowl of ice cream. Bathrobe optional.
>> No. 19320
That was fucking amazing.
>> No. 19321
FLAN

I both love and HATE you blankfag
>> No. 19322
Oh. My. Gawd.

Now I see why the /underground/ youkai are kept underground.
>> No. 19323
Simple fucking amazing
>> No. 19324
>>19320
And there goes my 'HY is RAN blankfag' theory. Would've been strange if my two favourite CYOA's here were written by the same person, mind.
>> No. 19325
>>19322
>God
fixed to not sound like a faggot.
>> No. 19326
> Various comments
Thanks!
>>19324
Thank you, that's flattering and hilarious, but quite impossible. HY's style is the complete opposite of mine - he does brisk dialogue, I do monologue and moody description.

On that note, this turned out to be a much more difficult writing exercise than I anticipated, since it forced me to write in non-omniscient third person and rely on action and reaction to convey the story. Save for Koishi, of course, but she has no emotions to speak of anyhow. Any detailed comments on how it came out from the reader's side would be much appreciated.
>> No. 19328
I really want to see more of Flan being smart. Any chance of an alternate ending, or something?
>> No. 19333
>>19328
>I really want to see more of Flan being smart.

We'll have more whenever HY starts up LA/sdm/ again.
>> No. 19336
>>19326
It was all great, and although sad plots are always sad, I only really had one thing I was completely confused about.
What happened here?
>"And then there were none," she whispered, and clenched her fist.
>I was alone in the room.

What did flan do?
>> No. 19337
>>19336

Killed herself
>> No. 19342
>>19333
It's not the same. This Flan wasn't childish or pretending to be, she was intelligent, mature and compassionate. It created a whole new dynamic between her and the other characters.
>> No. 19344
>>19342
>she was intelligent, mature and compassionate.

Flan was like that in the endgame, when she revealed herself. And similarly, Remilia didn't know how to deal with it then either.
>> No. 19345
>>19344
I read it. She was more aware than she seemed, but it only really came out when she was angry, after that she was just a kid again. Did she really seem the same to you then as she does in this story?
>> No. 19347
Cool story, !T1e/DmU8Jg. Will you do another?
>> No. 19350
>>19345

She kept it up. Cursing out her own sister, blasting the lock off Sakuya's cell door and interrogating her (despite your assurance you would see her together), and then attacking the monster on her own. The change in her character was quite stark.
>> No. 19352
>>19347

You know blankfag is running RAN in /other/, right?
>> No. 19363
>Someone knocked on the door, so I opened it.
>"Flan? Wait, where's Flan? Who are you?" Remilia Scarlet blinked as the light came in, and the nameless thing below her surface tossed and shrank from it.
>"Don't you know me? I'm the little sister from Hell." I smiled at her, and the nameless thing decided to please itself with the reflections on the surface.
>"Yes... of course, sister. Just checking. Did you not like the room Sakuya made up? Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Flan." Sluggishly, the vampire turned and departed.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

This pisses me off more than anything.
>> No. 19383
>>19363

Yeah, that part was a real punch to the gut.
>> No. 19385
>>19347
Thanks. Eh, maybe. Kinda feeling like this one failed, if people can't tell what happened in the end or tell Flan apart from HY's version.
>> No. 19386
>>19385
Unless you spell things out for people in big, bold, blinking letters that practically scream "HEY GUYS THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED" you're always going to have at least a few people who don't understand something. There's always going to be some who just don't connect the dots all that well, but so long as there are people who DO figure out what happened it's far from anything remotely resembling a failure.
>> No. 19387
>Kinda feeling like this one failed

If by fail you mean "caused Anonymous to shit so many bricks that he's changed his to vocation to masonry" then yeah.
>> No. 19391
Well, as one of the group of people for whom intricate subtlety and symbolism often zoom right fucking overhead, would someone mind telling me just what the fuck happened?
>> No. 19393
>>19385
You know, honestly, there's a thin line between being symbolic or mysterious and just being an asshole.

You are most certainly not of the latter party. You can spin a tale like none other, and I'd love to see more come out of you.

I'd also like to see how many people read these and have no experience with deciphering plots, despite how depressing that may be.
>> No. 19396
Thank you again. The issue here, though, is that the change in Flandre's personality and its result are the entire point of the story. If they aren't being understood then I've definitely screwed up somewhere along the line.
There isn't anything in this that I'd call intentionally subtle or cryptic, except maybe the last line, but I may not be the best judge of that. I'm torn on whether or not to write a response for >>19391 myself or sit back and see what anon comes up with. The latter will probably be more helpful.

I might write another one of these later today, maybe somewhere else... or start another, somewhat longer story here, or just go back and concentrate on RAN more. Still deciding.
>> No. 19397
>>19396
How about you give us another choice with who to mess? I'm kind of torn between want and don't want because of the sad ending.
>> No. 19399
>>19397
Here, or another area/set of characters?
>> No. 19400
>>19391

Okay, so. Her name escapes me, but heartbitch from SA Extra. She comes and opens Flandre's eyes - She alters her heart to that of an adult, something that shouldn't be possible, because the entire trade-off for being a vampire is your time. You'll live forever, sure, but it's as a child.

So, suddenly maturing - or, rather, suddenly being mature - Flandre is exposed to the outside, the way people treat each other and the way they view her and her sister. Gradually it dawns on her that something's wrong, and upon questioning Sakuya about her meals, she realizes that they all see her a child, as a danger, as a liability. They lie to her to keep her happy and to keep her stupid.

Now, having suddenly been given the ability to think things through and have an actual set of morals, when she discovers that her whole life she's been living off of other people, thriving off murder, she snaps. Crying alone in her room for what she is and what she was, trying desperately to find out what happened to her, she remembers hearing heartbitch - "I didn't! I didn't do anything! I was- there was a voice."

This of course dips her into an even deeper paranoia, wherein she starts self-mutilation and looking desperately for heartbitch, the outside factor that she didn't know before all this. The proof that she didn't just go insane, that someone did this TO her.

Now hopefully you can grasp what was going on with the dialogue there, because fuck I don't wanna type all that out.

Now, having been given only one sign (It's not like she can trust anyone to give her honest advice judging from how they've been treating her), namely "Just close your eyes.", she concludes that she's out of options.

There were too few emotions - A child, unaware and uncaring.
There were too many - An adult, suddenly bearing the full weight of the sin that is her very existence.
And then there were none. Flandre offs herself.

Heartbitch tweaks Remi's heart so that she sees Flandre in her, and goes home.

That quite good enough or should I start overanalyzing things? I could write a fucking report on this.
>> No. 19401
>>19400
Also, have I got this about right, Blankfag? I don't wanna sound all conceited just because I can copy and paste.
>> No. 19402
Yeah, pretty much.
There's also a bit of conflict between Remi and Flan as Flan begins to see how immature her "refined" sister really is, and the realization of her own potential for damaging even the people she cares for.

No self mutilation, though. According to the books, the way Flandre's power of absolute destruction works is that she can "see" the weakest points of everything around her in the palms of her hands, and attack them with a touch. Once she realized that there was an unseen force involved, she began to hunt for it by using her power to analyze her surroundings until she found the weak points of something that didn't belong there, thereby negating Koishi's subconscious invisibility jazz. I guess this was a bit hard to follow for those who hadn't read the books, sorry.

Flan could just kill Koishi, but the curse of maturity denies her even that solace. She can't avoid realizing that it won't solve any of her problems. There's also a token reversal in that she goes from actively seeking out Remilia to being unable to face her again.

Remilia's heart didn't need much active tweaking. She saw what she wanted to see, and possibly went as insane as Flandre used to be.

The only intentional, explicit reference I put in is the last line of the story. Google it if you don't know it offhand.

>> No. 19403
>>Now, having been given only one sign (It's not like she can trust anyone to give her honest advice judging from how they've been treating her), namely "Just close your eyes.", she concludes that she's out of options.

I wonder if perhaps the difference between Koishi's idea of an "eye" (basically, a being's heart and emotions) and Flandre's idea of an "eye" (what she crushes in her hand to destroy things) caused Flan to misinterpret what Koishi meant when she said to "just close your eye!"
>> No. 19405
>>19402
Ah, I just got the self mutilation bit from "I watched the nameless beast surface and crest as she rammed herself into each wall of the room in turn." Guess I missed something going on with that.

Spoiler tags to respect your tags.

>> No. 19406
Oh, all right, that counts I guess. Doesn't really hurt a vampire but yeah, you're right.
>> No. 19411
File 122028325979.jpg - (69.91KB , 457x640 , Flandre17.jpg ) [iqdb]
19411
Now that the analysis is over with, I feel less cheapened by posting this. Alt ending by popular demand.

I was alone in the room after the other vanished. Feeling nothing in particular, I waited.

After a while a single, tentative knock echoed through the dark.

"Flan? Flandre, I heard you talking in there. Are you still up?"

Silence.

"Are you asleep?"

Silence.

"Well, I'm going to bed, too. I just wanted you to know - I'm glad that you came with me tonight. They say vampires oughtn't visit shrines, but Reimun is nice, and..."

Her voice cracked and dropped to subvocal levels. But I could still hear it.

"When I visit there, I say a prayer in my head for you, Flan. Every time. Isn't that silly? It's a pagan shrine, and I know God wouldn't listen to me anyway, but I pray that you'll get better. That you'll be able to come out and play with us every day. It's a selfish prayer, but that's why - why I was so happy tonight. You made me so happy, even if it was for only half an evening... If it can happen once, maybe it can happen again, some day. It feels like I can get through anything for you now. Thank you, sister. Sweet dreams."

Silence. I smiled.

"Look at me, talking to a door. Must get Pache to inspect my head, I must be going batty."

Footsteps retreated. I opened the door, and they stopped. Remilia blinked as the light flooded in around me like an ocean, and I took a tentative step into the deep.

"Flan, you are still up! Ah - you've been crying. What's wrong? Who were you talking to?" My flawed, monstrous, childish, beloved sister rushed to my side, dabbing at my face.

"Nothing." I murmured, and embraced my future. "Nothing and no one."

>> No. 19417
>I must be going batty.

awesome.jpg
>> No. 19421
>>19399

Might as well do the other SDM characters.
>> No. 19423
>>19411

FFFFFFlandre is still dead, you must rewrite it.

And fuck you ZUN, for making SA so hard it's impossible to unlock extra stage.
>> No. 19424
>>19396
>I might write another one of these later today, maybe somewhere else...

Do want!
>start another, somewhat longer story here

Do fucking want!
>go back and concentrate on RAN more.

DO MOTHERFUCKING WANT
>Still deciding.

DECIDE FASTER
FASTER
>> No. 19426
>>19424

Seconded. This is like deciding between HY's Pirates of Gensokyo and /sdm/LA. I will be at once both satisfied & disappointed either way.
>> No. 19427
>>19423
I thought it was a sudden change of perspective. If she accepted that she would have to kill one more time, and offed Koishi, we can't really follow her in the first person any more.

In that light, I'd say it was a good end, and an interesting method of twisting it which would also rely on our knowledge of the BAD END, lest the DESPAIR not be immediately set upon seeing that the narrator was alone.

>> No. 19432
Well, thank you all, Analysis Force 5.

This helped a lot.
>> No. 19433
The job is not done yet, Analisys Force 5. There is one final quest for you.

What characters are the riddles in the OP?
>> No. 19434
>>19433
Inconsequential.

Analysis force 4, now.
>> No. 19457
>>19433

"There was the thing in the deep. It was like me." is Flandre.
>> No. 19460
>>19433
My guess:
Flandre = There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.
Already confirmed.

Cirno = There was another thing, proud in a tower of satin and glass.
Proud? Cirno IS the strongest. satin is as reflective as a lake and glass is like ice.

Sakuya = There was a fragile thing, bent out of order and into time.
Fragile being the only human. Time is the big tip off.

Patchouli = There was an ancient thing, full of knowledge and empty.
Patchouli knowledge. Full of knowledge. Hoping it was meant to be obvious.

Remilia =There was a thing from hell that reached for heaven.
Scarlet devil. Thing from hell. Tried to make a permanent claim on land in EoSD.

Koakuma = There was a thing of the flesh that could not touch me.
Something that was "of the flesh" and can't touch people. Succubus.

Meiling = There was a thing from the earth that no longer flew.
No longer flew? Everyone in Gensokyo flies... This one chosen by process of elimination.

Rumia = There was a thing from far away with many nameless things inside it.
Lives furthest from the mansion. Inside her darkness things can't be named because they can't be seen.
>> No. 19462
>>19460

The last two could go either way.

>Meiling = There was a thing from the earth that no longer flew.

According to some fanon portrayals, Rumia had wings before she was sealed.

>Rumia = There was a thing from far away with many nameless things inside it.

China is from far away; literally, she's from China.
>> No. 19463
I hadn't heard that about Rumia. Anyway that was my first guess (china = a faraway place where many anons live), but then Rumia had no spot because I didn't think she could ever not fly, nor could I justify why she would be "from the earth." I guess that fanon would do the trick though.
>> No. 19465
>>19462

>she's from China.

A very arguable point. Meiling, after all, is: tall, red-headed, blue-eyed, and healthy.

self sage for unrelated
>> No. 19466
>>19465

Remilia is from France, but has blue hair and red eyes.

They're youkai; your standard racial phenotypes do not apply.
>> No. 19467
>"from the earth."

Yeah, that doesn't really fit with either of them well. You could say it's a reference to Rumia's genesis, that she arose ex nihilo, rather than most youkai who had been either animals or human. But I'm sure you finagle a similar thing with China.
>> No. 19468
>>19465
I always imagined that Meiling was at some point a human. Her actions and habits seem to follow that. Besides, in China, the color red is considered a very auspicious color. That and the eyes are likely just a youkai thing.

And since we're off-topic, I'll spout some theories on Meiling's origin.

I always imagined her as one of the Red Lanterns of the Boxer Rebellion. The faith of the people, who believed the Red Lanterns possessed supernatural powers, coupled with her own extensive knowledge of chi and martial arts, may have been what triggered the change. I suspect she was around for the Maoist revolution, judging by her clothes.
>> No. 19473
>>19460
This is mostly quite off, I'm afraid.

Anyhow, I was preparing something else, but it is much like the beginning of U N Owen's new story and I'd rather not conflict with them, so if folks want to vote up another choice here that'd be fine.
>> No. 19475
>>19473
Your metaphors are deeper than pot holes, and your reasoning more tangled than the web of lies from a politicians mouth. Like some ungainly beast of fives arms who flies from the south to kill the king of the age-old realm and loses four arms fighting the guardians who come to his aid from each cardinal direction yet still possesses one arm when the time comes to face the tyrant, I wish to slap you.
>> No. 19477
>>19475
This message, it brings a wide smile to my face. Would that all insults could be delivered as such. Applause, you doth receive.
>> No. 19479
>>19475
>from the south
Hey hey hey now let's keep this thread clean. No need for that kind of language.
Other than that I am not sure what to say.
>> No. 19481
Well, if you're going to write another one of SDM, then why not
>[1] There was a fragile thing, bent out of order and into time.
-[1] Lady Patchouli's cough has been bad lately to the point of making the Mistress worry, yet the Librarian is obstinate in her self-neglect; you may have to see that doctor for some medicine to mix into her food.

Since this had the most votes after Flandre.
>> No. 19507
>>19475
>Your metaphors are deeper than pot holes

Did you mean "shallower"?

>>19481

Also, do want.
>> No. 19510
>>19507
No. Shallow metaphors would be too easily understood; barely metaphors at all. DEEP metaphors was what I meant, and coincidentally enough, what I said. You're silly.
>> No. 19515
>>19510

You're speaking Double Dutch, kid. Back to work.
>> No. 19518
>[1] There was a fragile thing, bent out of order and into time.
-[1] Lady Patchouli's cough has been bad lately to the point of making the Mistress worry, yet the Librarian is obstinate in her self-neglect; you may have to see that doctor for some medicine to mix into her food.
>> No. 19706
There was an ancient thing, full of knowledge and empty.=Patchouli (Need no explanation)

There was a thing from hell that reached for heaven.=Koakuma (Succubus duh!)

There was a fragile thing, bent out of order and into time.=Sakuya (Due to her temporal manipulations)

There was another thing, proud in a tower of satin and glass.=Remilia (She was in the tower during EOSD)

There was the thing in the deep. It was like me.=Flandre (Another DUH!)


That's as far as I can get. I think China might be the one who can no-longer fly but that's impossible 'cus she was flying in EOSD. Also, don't forget that there was one character in the SDM who never appears even though she's in EOSD.
>> No. 19713
>>19706

FRISCA??
>> No. 19715
>>There was a thing from the earth that no longer flew.

Everyone in Gensokyo can fly, so the "no longer flew" probably isn't meant to be exactly literal. If it "no longer" could do SOMETHING, that means it could do that something before, but lost the ability to do so. Since it can't be flight itself, it must be some other thing that was lost. Or, at the very least, limited.
Though not in the Mansion itself, there was someone in EoSD who might have had some sort of limitation placed upon them at one point, rendering them incapable of doing something they might have once been capable of doing. Perhaps due to something on them? A ribbon or amulet of some sort?

Or it could be Remi's rocket. It sure as hell isn't flying after it crashed on the moon like it did. But then again, it's also not alive, and so would not have a subconscious to be probed by Little Sister.

>>There was a thing from far away with many nameless things inside it.

If Meiling is from China, China could be sort of considered "far away". Yet, wherever Remilia and Flandre hail from is bound to be even more far away, so that couldn't be it. It could be Eirin making a house call, since the moon is far away, but she's not really a regular at the mansion, so it's probably not her.
Of course, the "far away" might not be literal, either, but hell if I know what it could mean.

God, how I hate cryptic riddles.
I love them, but goddamn do I hate them. They make me want to have an aneurism.
>> No. 20069
>>19713

Rin Satsuki
>> No. 20072
File 122158619622.jpg - (44.12KB , 500x706 , rinimage.jpg ) [iqdb]
20072
>>20069
AHA

>There was a thing from the earth that no longer flew.
>花符 (Flower Sign)
>風符 (Wind Sign)
>> No. 20153
>>19411
But why is Satan referring to Remilia as her sister?
>> No. 20154
Because it's Flandre speaking. Alt end = she lives.
>> No. 20210
>>20154
Then why the perspective/person shift? Switching first person like that is... eh...
>> No. 20211
>>20210
Because the writer is a moron and whipped it off in 10 minutes to cheer up all the crying people.
>> No. 20243
>>20211

You're so cute when you beat yourself up over the little things, blankfriend.

Now get back to work.
>> No. 20251
>>19430
>To tell the truth, what I really want to see is more stories with Mature!Flandre. You know, her interactions with the rest of the characters, and all that.
Exactly, I want to see more of her and how things go from here. This isn't the end of a story, it's the beginning.
>> No. 20252
>>19507
>pot holes
>shallow

Haha... what? Seriously, have you seen a real pothole?
>> No. 20291
>>20211

Why don't you start your own SDM LA? We know it will be awesome, and somone needs to replace HY while he is gone. Yeah, U.N. Owen is good, but he doesn't give that awesome vibes you and HY give me. At least not yet.
>> No. 20401
>>20291

He's got enough on his plate with RAN.
>> No. 22108
>>20243

Just think of it as a "Good End" and "True End" split.

Even though the good end ends nicely for most parties involved...you know deep down that it isn't meant to be and that the true end lies in wait.
>> No. 22137
>>22108
Last I checked, True Ends preceded Good Ends.
>> No. 22210
>>22137

Wrong.