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23404 No. 23404
He stands in the middle of the room. His face is one of death. Simultaneously expressionless and disgusted. The room is dark, but a light shines upon him from above. He’s handcuffed, and poorly dressed. A door opens, and he winces in the light. the man steps in. That horrible man, with his breath that reeks of bourbon and raw flesh. He walks forward slowly, deliberately, angrier than any man has ever been.

“The council voted. You get it. And goddamnit, you better not mess this up like were all expecting.”

“Go fuck yourself. Where is it?”

The horrible, wretched man takes out a small blue gem from his inner robes. He hands it over to our hero.

“With this... Masterpiece, comes certain expectations of you”

Our hero wishes he could drown himself in heavy liquors right about now.

“You are being trusted with the pride of our tribe. The most powerful magical object in our lands.”

“You don’t think I know what I’m doing?”

“I know you don’t. Like you could ever handle this. This is the.....the....”

“Your afraid to say it?”

“The....The Blue Touhou.” The disgusting man slowly walks backwards from the powerful object. “The question know, is will you go to the council for orders, or as I’d expect, continue your life as the rogue you’ve always been?”

Choice 1! Go to the Blue village council and find out what they want you to do

Choice 2! Continue your life of rogueishness, and leave the blue village in your dust

Choice 3! Reject the offer of the Blue Touhou, and go in search of true power.

>> No. 23405
[X] He chooses to mock you? He shall die for his insolence. Kill him while he's still in your sights!

Oh God this has to be a troll but it could be so great
>> No. 23407
2
>> No. 23409
[X] 1 Adjust your feathered headdress and stride triumphantly in to the Blue Village Council. Make them fear your Sexy Touhou.
>> No. 23411
>>23409
>> No. 23412
>>23409
Sound plan. I'll begin writing immediately.
>> No. 23413
He stares at the horrid man. He has no time for him. Adjusting his Feathered Headdress, He takes out his flask and takes a swig. Our intrepid hero is well known for his choice of drink, the only drink that he ever drinks. Pure Alcohol. He wastes no time on flavor, and enjoys no other liquid. He decides to go visit the Blue Village Council. Who knows what they’ll ask of him, or whether he’ll do it. But one thing is for certain. He will make them fear his wildly erotic new Touhou.

Stepping out of the room, he carelessly tosses the Blue Touhou up and down in the air, as the village people around him gasp, first at his ownership of such an honorable possession, and also his clear carelessness about it. He strides forward confidently, the feathers in his headdress flowing freely in the salty breeze that comes from the ocean. At last, he arrives at the council room, where the Blue Council is already in session. The leader of the council, Yazmaf, greets him at the door.

“I hear you’ve accepted the honor of being our champion, and come before us for your first assignment?” says Yazmaf, with a goofy grin on his face.

“I’m here to see what the council has to say, no more. But I have accepted the Blue Touhou, if thats what you mean.”

“Of course, of course. Come, the council is waiting.”

Our brave hero enters the council room, and they rise and salute him. He waves off their erections.

“Welcome, champion. We have an assignment for you.” said Yazmaf proudly.

“And what’s that?”

“We need you to parlay with the champion of Red Village, and plan out a peaceful cooperation between our two villages, bringing about a new era of peace.”

“The Red Touhou has been given out??”

“Indeed. Will you meet with him?” Said Yazmaf happily.

“I will. But it won’t be a mission of peace. I need that Touhou.”

Yazmafs smile disappears and look of worry springs upon his face. “But, my friend, that is the Touhou of their village, we have no right-”

“Like I care. This Touhou gives me the power to duel those who have the others. And I’ve made my decision. I’m going to become the Great Touhou, at any cost. And that means obtaining all 8 Power Touhou.”

The council begins talking angrily to each other, and Yazmaf declares “You will do no such thing! I am the ruler of the Blue village, to which the Blue Touhou answers too, and while I live you shall do as I say!”

Our hero feel compelled to do as he says. The Blue Touhou has given Yazmaf some power over him.

Choice A: Kill Yazmaf and seek out the Red Village champion, and with him, the Red Touhou.

Choice B: Do as Yazmaf says for now, and find ways to make it profitable for yourself.

Choice C: Use the Touhou to challenge the power of Yazmaf, and hold an election to be the head of the council.
>> No. 23421
[X] Choice C: Use the Touhou to challenge the power of Yazmaf, and hold an erection to be the head of the council.

Our path to true power starts here!
>> No. 23431
Choice A: Kill Yazmaf and seek out the Red Village champion, and with him, the Red Touhou.

Political power is in no way true! The world shall fear the name of...whoever the hero is.
>> No. 23435
[X] Choice B: Do as Yazmaf says for now, and find ways to make it profitable for yourself.

We can always change our minds later.
>> No. 23446
Why'd our hero blab about his plans to the council anyway?
>> No. 23448
>>23446

Because we're awesome, that's why.
>> No. 23487
[x] Choice B: Do as Yazmaf says for now, and find ways to make it profitable for yourself.
>> No. 23489
Choice B for has won, I'll write it up today, post later.
>>23446
Our hero fears no man. And in passion will announce as he pleases. He also loses social sense when erect, as he was during chapter 2 (read between the lines).
>> No. 23490
Choice B for has won, I'll write it up today, post later.
>>23446
Our hero fears no man. And in passion will announce as he pleases. He also loses social sense when erect, as he was during chapter 2 (read between the lines).
>> No. 23491
A silence falls over the group. No one speaks for 6 days straight. But eventually....



“As you wish,” Our appearing humbled hero says to the council, who relax’s. “What would you have me to do first?”
“The peaceful parlay, of course. Meet with the Red Champion. His name is Gary BlessFire Willow.” Said Yazmaf, clearly relieved that our indomitable hero didn’t choose to destroy all of their weak human bodys with a single swing of his enormously erect hand.
“I will meet with him. I in no way can guarantee peacefulness. The hot-headed red lands are simply wretched folk, and simply talking to them may make the calmest of us strike them.”
“Still....If you could keep your calm, that would truly be a blessing” Said Yazmaf, worry creeping back into his voice.
“Bah!”

Our hero finds himself in the derired meeting place of the Red Champion. It is the halfway point between the two villages, in a small woodland area, with stone seats around a stone table, where the two lands have made peace before.

The Red Champion approaches. His face is awful. Instantly, Our resourceful and honorable protagonist wants to bash that stupid smug look of his terrible, terrible face.

“Hello!” Said Gary. “Glad to see your willing to meet with us. Our people want peace more than anything, and this meeting could make very important changes to the unpleasant dynamic between our two lands.”

Unable to take this wildly uncalled for insult, our hero is literally shaking with rage. We truly only have one choice, but it can be presented in 3 ways.

1! Attack Gary. Use your fists like man, and tear him apart, for his body, like mind, is weak like woman.

2! Attack Gary. Use your Blue Touhou and its incredible water magic to fight him, and defeat him with your skill.

3! Attack Gary. Use your intellect and unsurpassable debate skill to fight him with your big manly power words, beating him a to pulp, while also constantly flexing and playing with magic to let him know you COULD also do the first two if you so choose, you fox you.
>> No. 23492
We seem to have the mentality of a primitive space marine...

[3!] Attack Gary. Use your intellect and unsurpassable debate skill to fight him with your big manly power words, beating him a to pulp, while also constantly flexing and playing with magic to let him know you COULD also do the first two if you so choose, you fox you.
>> No. 23493
[x] Use your SUPERIOR INTELLECT and convince Gary that he doesn't exist.
>> No. 23494
>>23493
Your edit goes without saying.
>> No. 23496
3. 3. 100% 3. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. you have no idea. you are my HERO this is an amazing concept. i'm sure your gonna turn out to be trolling but still.
>> No. 23498
Alright 3 won, not sure if I'll use the convince doesn't exist, but I will write up tonight the next chapter, <3 y'all.
>> No. 23502
>>23496
Your why I do it, you know. ;)




*fwoosh*. *fwoosh*

The noise of running water fills the air as the Blue Touhou blasts a liquid burst into the air, with every casual toss from a bicep the size of a large family of elephants.

*Fwoosh*. *Fwoosh*

The noises get louder. And by god, the bicep gets bigger as well.

*FWOOSH*. *FWOOSH*

Our beautiful hero stands up. He has taken off his robe, and is wearing nothing but a plain, white T-Shirt, Jean shorts, and a grin that would make god stare. Clearly fully erect, and also clearly presenting it proudly, he continues juggling the magnificent Touhou between his two indescribably muscular arms. He has presented his incredbile physical and even holy powers. Now it is time to disarm his opponent with his mind.

“Tell me, Gary. When’s the last time you were without flaw? When’s the last time you could truly say, I have the right to be the wretched, judgmental leader figure that I am, for I lack any negative qualities? If you have any answer to that question, if you’ve EVER felt that, I want you to forget that memory. It was a lie. Much akin to the lie that right now, you and I are equal champions. A lie that I’m sure both our villages think. Because, when push comes to shove, I am the erect hearald of the gods. And you? Your not a fucking thing. Your just an old boozed up waste of life. Everyone in existence hates you. But none of that, NONE, compares to how much you hate yourself. And I know you do, Gary. I can see it in your-”

As our hero wakes up on the ground of the forest, he feels a warm sticky feeling on his upper lip. Touching it, he realized it was blood. He had been punched in the face, and left unconscious!

“That mother fucking Gary Willow.”
1! Chase after that rat bastard and demand a rematch

2! Return to your village with an elaborate lie about how me managed to beat you, despite you being the most civil gentleman alive.

3! Maybe.....Just sit here and cry. Just for a little bit.
>> No. 23508
Dig.
>> No. 23511
Search underground!
>> No. 23520
2! Return to your village with an elaborate lie about how me managed to beat you, despite you being the most civil gentleman alive.

I ask, nay, DEMAND we wage TOTAL WAR against those bastards!
>> No. 23521
2! Return to your village with an elaborate lie about how me managed to beat you, despite you being the most civil gentleman alive.
>> No. 23524
1! Chase after that rat bastard and demand a rematch
IT ISN'T OVER UNTIL I SAY IT'S OVER
>> No. 23525
We have a tie vote. I'm gonna have us both dig and then return to the village in the explosive double-part installment y'all getting next. Sound good?
>> No. 23526
Our hero is known for many things. His stealth, his guile, his fortune, his violence, and above all else, his passion. His passion sometimes leads directly into his good fortune. And more often than not, is tied in with his violence. Slamming his fist into the ground, he shatters a boulder, making it fly into countless pieces. The boulder was half protruding from the ground, but half stuck in it, and wear it once was, their is clearly powerful magic. Noticing this, our hero begins to swiftly dig away at the ground with his hands. He digs and digs and digs, and eventually, finds one of the most beautiful things in the world.

“The Golden Touhou.....”

The Golden Touhou was one of legend. Though to be a thing of rumor, it was known far and wide as the most beautiful of the Touhou. It was said that with this magnificent Touhou the worlds wealth was meaningless, and the worlds beauty insignificant. Our hero leans over the pit he has formed, balancing erectly as he grabs the gorgeous Touhou. A grin across his face, he runs back to his village, planning an elaborate lie for when he gets there. Around dawn he reaches the village, and the council is waiting for him.

“Well? How went the talks? Is this conflict over?” said Yazmaf, looking hopeful.

“Far from it. It was an ambush. The weak Fire Champion was afraid to attack me himself, but he had like 40 guys there waiting, and they all beat me up. I won the fight, naturally, and didn’t do any harm to any of them. Then, as I began to plead powerfully for peace between our two people, and offered compromise and teamwork, they again attacked! This time they did immoral acts in their fighting, dirty tricks, even racist acts, and it was even more difficult to win. But yet again, I prevailed, using my glorious Touhou. But as they ran away, they said they would lie about what happened, and that in.....7 days they’ll attack our village. Which means, my brave, beautiful people, we must strike first! We must lead an attack against the Red Village. The horrible, rancid, cursed lands where joy goes to die, until such day as they are fully destroyed! I ask, nay, DEMAND we wage TOTAL WAR against those bastards! And who is with me???
The village is silent. They didn’t expect this. It seems our hero doesn’t have the immidiate support of his village.

1! Rally the village more! These are your people, your family, you want them by your side, and these weak minded fools don’t know better!

2! Find another army! Your a Touhou Champion, goddamnit, why couldn’t you? I’m sure theirs even weaker minded warriors out there, who could help you defeat your arch nemesis.

3! TEAR THE RED VILLAGE APART BRICK BY BRICK. YOU DON’T NEED HELP. YOU DON’T NEED ALLIES. THE WORLD IF YOUR OYSTER AND YOU WILL FUCK IT UNTIL IT DIES.
>> No. 23527
1! Rally the village more! These are your people, your family, you want them by your side, and these weak minded fools don’t know better!
We should keep trying. If he fails, he can just go alone if he wants to... after killing everyone here, that is.
>> No. 23529
1! Rally the village more! These are your people, your family, you want them by your side, and these weak minded fools don’t know better!

>THE WORLD IF YOUR OYSTER AND YOU WILL FUCK IT UNTIL IT DIES.

Tempting...
>> No. 23530
3! TEAR THE RED VILLAGE APART BRICK BY BRICK. YOU DON’T NEED HELP. YOU DON’T NEED ALLIES. THE WORLD IF YOUR OYSTER AND YOU WILL FUCK IT UNTIL IT DIES.

>IF
Obscure Olde English rules? I like.
>> No. 23531
>>23530
Not a misspelling, definitely not.
>> No. 23545
>>23531
If I know the author, which I am almost certain I do, it wasn't.
>> No. 23553
"My people. Please listen to my stoic wording, for it is that of our beautiful Touhou”

Clutching the Golden close to his heart, he feels a beauty in his voice like never before.

“These are dire times. DIRE. The world is standing on the balance. People don’t know whether to shit or get off the pot. My people. I demand we do both. We will get off the pot and we will shit on everything. We will spew shit all over this earth, and the beauty of our culture will shine into it, turning turd into diamond. The world, now our diamond, will shine for all the galaxy to see, until god himself turns to this planet, blinded by its shine, and screams for horror. But everything starts somewhere. We begin simply. We must break the worst of this world. The Red Village. Where rape was born, and the born anew. Where hate first began. The home of treachery. The land, so evil, that any who follow a single of the ten commandments are murdered instantly. Founded the douchebag of satan, Gary, must be murdered for the sake of our children getting a chance to live in a world free of these horrors.”

Our dauntless hero stands in front of his people, saying these non-sensical things, that could not convince an asshole to shit. But somehow, in some fashion, as he said these things, the Golden Touhou translated it into a blend of Shakespeare and Tony Robins. And by god, did the people weep. They wept, and they wept, for days it seemed they wept, until one man picked up a sword, a gun-shooting sword, and wiped away his last tear, morphing his fear into outright rage. With a roar, he throws his gun-sword (sword-gun?) into the air, and anyone for miles for could see the power in his eyes. The whole village rose as one, roaring, and without a single word of planning, ran at the red village, carrying the bricks of their homes as armor, and their children as weapons. For who can stand against the future.

The horrible man of the first chunk of story came and approached Blue Champion. “I underestimated you, kid.” he belched.
“NO.” said our magnificent hero. “You underestimated yourself”

The horrible man pushed a tear from his eyes, and with an erection joined the rest of the group. The mob formed, it no less than sprinted toward red village, guns ablazing.

Our hero finds himself torn. He needs to continue his quest, and as their going to do the work for him, he need not destroy Red Village too, right? I mean...what to do now?

1! Follow your fist! Go with them! This is your glorious war.

2! follow your heart! Find more Touhou, search for the power Touhou’s of prophecy.

3! Follow your nose! (wherever it goes.)
>> No. 23554
1! Follow your fist! Go with them! This is your glorious war.
2! Follow your heart! Find more Touhou, search for the power Touhou's of prophecy.
>> No. 23556
[x] Follow your ears. Let's see what he hears.
>> No. 23562
1! Follow your fist! Go with them! This is your glorious war.
This is mindless destruction and pillage! How can someone refuse to participate on it?
>> No. 23572
1! Follow your fist! Go with them! This is your glorious war.
2! Follow your heart! Find more Touhou, search for the power Touhou's of prophecy.
>> No. 23573
Lot of double voting happening. As someone who voted for our last two presidents 6 times each, I respect that. It seems 1 is the winner, and I will deliver a new post anywhere between 15 minutes and 15 hours.
>> No. 23599
TIME IS RUNNING OUT JEFF

I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD FRIEND
>> No. 23618
You have no intention of missing the greatest war that you ever instigated. It is war time.

You look at your village. You perhaps inspired them to much. They've formed up the people of the village into one being, sheltered in armor by the collective houses of the village, marching forward as a giant evil mass of power. The children of the village are all roaring with greatness. They have formed into the villages weapon, a huge club of screaming sophomoric rage. A screaming mass, our hero hopes only one thing, that this anger mass he has created will ever dissipate, and the world will not be torn asunder. But that probably won't happen.

You reach the Red Village. Instantly, the land begins to crumble under the might of Blue monster, as we decided the name of our village now is on the hour long journey. You dart around with your two Touhou spinning overhead, but you cannot find your nemesis, the wicked Gar. Cursing Gar's evil hide under your breath, you realize how meaningless it was to destroy this peaceful village, if that asshole isn't even here. Soon the battle is one, with the ease of stealing candy from a handicapped suicidal orphan. Your newly monster has no time to celebrate, and continues its rampage even farther ahead, in areas that were never your enemies. You shrug it off and make camp for the night. As your just about to get some food, you hear wailing cry's from a distance. It appears your nemesis has returned. You put that shit-eating grin your so well known for on, and march over to your enemy. He is crying, his tear ducts as weak as woman's arms.

“Not so tough now, huh? Looks like you can't win them all. Your village is destroyed!”

“Did you do all this because punched you? You ruined my home? Killed my family? Destroyed my life?”

“You started this!”

“No. No I absolutely did not.”

“But I shall end it!” Our hero roars and blasts a golden water bomb with his Touhou, unleashing ultimate power on his opponents fragile heart. Blocking it expertly, Gary steps forward, with a fiery Touhou induced erection in his eyes.

“I will have my revenge. You will die for this, Blue Champion. You will pay the price of your evil.”

1! Fight Gary, his pussy ass crying bitch ass doesn't have a chance.

2! Run! He's won before, and he's now fueled by his unexplainable negative feelings towards you.

3! Make peace with Gary, unite and gain power Touhou together.
>> No. 23619
3! Make peace with Gary, unite and gain power Touhou together.

Somewhere along the line we're going to need to sacrifice our earliest friend for the sake of a Touhou. We'd best make a friend that we don't particularly care about so we can keep all the good characters.
>> No. 23620
3! Make peace with Gary, unite and gain power Touhou together.

Let's see if we can make another speech like the last one.
>> No. 23621
3! Make peace with Gary, unite and gain power Touhou together.

Í'm curious about how the fuck is he gonna convince him to be partners after he created a raging horde of apcalypse that will destroy the world and killed his friends and family.
>> No. 23624
3! Make peace with Gary, unite and gain power Touhou together.

We have the Golden Touhou; this should be easy.
>> No. 23639
3! Make peace with Gary, unite and gain power Touhou togeth-PSYCHE!

1! Fight Gary, his pussy ass crying bitch ass doesn't have a chance.
>> No. 23640
The story's been going on this long and we haven't fucked anything yet? What the hell kind of CYOA is this?

[x] Bugger Gary
>> No. 23642
Damn near unanimous. Y'all gonna get what you want I guess...
>> No. 23643
“LOOK. Were both champions. Maybe....united, we could do a lot more. We could really change this world. Make it better. I’ve learned the error of my ways.” The golden Touhou worked its magic, and Gary’s face fell. He couldn’t stay angry at such a sincere.... well not apology, but an erection of a plan for world happiness. A slow, hopeful smile breaks onto Gary’s face. And then, our hero realized, he had no reason to hate this man. They could unite and do anything, save this world, condemn this world, anything. He also had a smile break its way onto his face as he put out his hand to shake Gary’s outstretched one. One handshake, and this powerful rivalry will turn into the most beautiful friendship-

Wait. “I fucking hate you, Gary. Your the worst kind of person.” Upon this realization, our hero grabs Gary’s arm, yanking it down, And uppercut’s him right to the face. Fuck that arrogant prick, he’ll get what he deserves. Our hero begins beating Gary senseless. He soon gives up on reasonable fighting and begins ripping Gary’s flesh of with his teeth, clawing at his eye’s, and using rocks to try and beat Gary’s knee until it begins to shatter.

“Why.....” Murmers a Gary, on his way to death. But our hero doesn’t want him to die. That would be to easy for him.

“You messed with the wrong champion this time, queer” Says our hero. His face is distorted from a strange blend of anger and disgust. He drags Gary into the most intact structure of the village, turns off the lights, and slowly unzips his pants.

>>23640 (All for you, bro.)

The next day, Gary is still unconscious from the savage actions of last night, and is permanently scared by the more sensual actions that followed. Our hero stretches and decides to leave him alive, knowing he’ll never get to forget what happened. Walking out side, he wonders which of the Power Touhou he knows of to go after next.

1! The Stone Touhou, to the north. It is the Touhou of stern stability.

2! The Wildlife Touhou to the north-east, the Touhou of animalistic rage.

3! The Electric Touhou of the north-west, known for its incredible fighting ability in shooting lighting.
>> No. 23644
4! Follow the destruction of the Blue Monster, You may be able to find other Touhou's in what is left of whatever village they crushed next.
>> No. 23645
2! The Wildlife Touhou to the north-east, the Touhou of animalistic rage.
Animalistic rage pretty much defines our MC
>> No. 23646
1! The Stone Touhou, to the north. It is the Touhou of stern stability.

>>23645
Are you mad?! That touhou will drive him to an even further rage! He might never come back out if he uses it, and knowing our MC there's no way he won't...
>> No. 23647
1! The Stone Touhou, to the north. It is the Touhou of stern stability.
>> No. 23648
1! The Stone Touhou, to the north. It is the Touhou of stern stability.
>> No. 23723
Our glorious hero, powerful from his night of vanquishing the power of Red Village, begins to walk directly north, towards the mountains where the Stone Touhou lies. As he walks forward, he meets a beggar.

“Please” He begs, showing his namesake. “Help me....I’m so hungry, just spare the slightest bit of food.”

Our hero looks disgusted by this groveling wimp. “We’re all hungry for something. I don’t beg you for the world to be at my knees, do I?” He walks away, smiling from his clever remark.

“Ah ha!” Said the beggar.

Our hero whips around.

“I am no beggar. I am a wizard! And in my possession I have the gentleman’s Touhou. It has the ability to make anyone appear to be a civil, kind person in the eyes of others. But you clearly, despite your great power, haven’t earned it!”

He’s hardly even able to put up a fight. Within minutes, our hero DOES obtain the gentleman’s Touhou.

He enters the mountain lands. He climbs for days, trekking over mountain after mountain. He soon sees a small outpost where people seem to live. Savages. He enters what appears to be a local pub.

“Barkeep! direct me towards your local village Champion, the holder of the Stone Touhou!” He bellows disgustingly, chunks of rage flying out of his open mouth.

“Well, since ya asked nicely and all” The Barkeep says with a warm smile, being disillusioned by the glorious Gentleman Touhou. “I’ll tell ya. The Stone champion lives underground, in a much larga village in tha mountains. Our champion only had a small levitation Touhou, hardly tha same, righ?”

Our hero kills him in disgust of his dialect. Truly, the power of three Touhou is too much for our hero to handle, and he has gone moderately mad, especially considering how balanced and decent he started as. He finds the local champion.

“You. I need to duel the Stone Champion this night.”


1! Ask him for help finding the Champion.

2! Fight him for his Touhou, and use it against the Stone Champion.

3! Ask him to join you in glorious combat against the Stone Champion.
>> No. 23724
1! Ask him for help finding the Champion.
And when you do,
2! Fight him for his Touhou, and use it against the Stone Champion.
>> No. 23727
3! Ask him to join you in glorious combat against the Stone Champion.
!Don't forget to bretray him afterwards!
>> No. 23741
3! Ask him to join you in glorious combat against the Stone Champion.
!Don't forget to betray him afterward!
>> No. 23743
3! Ask him to join you in glorious combat against the Stone Champion.

and like the others said:

!don't forget to betray him afterward!
>> No. 23752
SEQUEL

“And you shall join me, in [GLORIOUS COMBAT] against him. Are you ready?”

The Levitation Champion stares at him. “You.... you hold a Power Touhou, don’t you? I feel the strength of a multitude of Power Touhou emanating from you.”

A multitude? our hero thinks puzzelingly. No, I have but the one. He whips out his 3 Touhou, The gentleman, the Blue, and the Gold.

“I have but one Power Touhou, you asshole. Don’t lie to me.” Our hero says provocatively.

“No, two! Do you not see the power emanating from that Golden Touhou?”

Our hero looks down, and indeed notices a great power coming from the Golden one, nearly on par with that of his Blue one.

“You posses to Power Touhou, but the Golden one’s Champion must still be alive, for its full power is not in your grasp. When you best him, the Touhou you already posses will be yours.”

Our hero lost interest some time ago, and is looking his surroundings. He notices a sign, pointing to a cave, that says “Stone Champion: Inquire within”. He quickly grabs the far too talks levitation champion by the neck, and runs erection first into the gaping hole of the cave. Once inside, he realizes this cave is puzzling indeed. Their are three quite erect paths to take, and he’s not sure which to go by.

“Use your first Championed Touhou to lead the way” says that asshole, who has not taken the hint to be quiet.

Our hero uses the Blue Touhou, and it points straight ahead. But suddenly, the Gentleman Touhou points to his left, and The Glimmering Golden Touhou of true Beauty (buet) points to his right! Our hero is baffled, as his collected Touhou don’t seem to agree.

1! The Path of the Golden Touhou!

2! The Gentleman Cave.

3! True Blue blast-tastic adventure!
>> No. 23754
The blue one's the first touhou we picked up.

3! True Blue blast-tastic adventure!
>> No. 23755
3! True Blue blast-tastic adventure!
>> No. 23756
But a gentleman never lies.

2! The Gentleman Cave.
>> No. 23774
3! True Blue blast-tastic adventure!
>> No. 23787
>>23774
Winner! I'll update, you know, soon.
>> No. 23962
WHERE ARE THE UPDATES JEFF
YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE UPDATES
>> No. 23989
>>23962
I'm a filthy, awful liar.


Fuck, alright I'll do it now.
>> No. 24049
THE BLUE BLAST-TASTIC ADVENTURE BEGINS.

Our glorious hero stands in front of a cave's tunnel. No ordinary tunnel. He feels a very real sense of importance at the sight of this tunnel. He knows this is the path to greatness. This tunnel will change who he is, what he is, and his life will never be the same. He turns to his companion, the other Touhou Champion he has allied with. Out of a lack of feelings he suddenly feels a brotherly bond. The gravity of this moment is hitting him, right in the face, neck and shoulders. He vows, then and there, to put his dick inside this life and fuck it, as he will forever transcend time and history with this mission.

It is time (which he hasn't yet transcended).

He walks forward slowly. There are monsters in this cave, but they are of no consequence. He knows they are powerless to stop him now. Letting the Blue Touhou guide his actions, his thoughts, and his passion, he walks forward. He hates and loves the stones around him, knowing they are his enemy, until such time as he posses and champions the powerful, stone touhou. The very air of this cave is his enemy, and he masters it with his powerful, ox-like lungs, ripping nourishment from it, leaving it feeling used and dead.

“This is a dangerous land. I will think no less of you if you turn back” said the levitation champion. His size is big, but his heart is small. The blueness of his extremities make it clear that passionate life blood has never reached them.

“I will think far less of you if I turn back now. We end this tonight.” Walking forward, our rippling hero walks forward, proud, joyous, and drunk. Battling monsters of the body and the mind constantly, he purges ahead. Soon, he sees a small opening in the tunnel, to a larger cavern. Inside, he sees a small village of Gen-so-q. “Goblins!” he snarls, recognizing their stench. Firing Touhou blast after touhou, he disables the guards. They stand motionless and defeated, seeing the face of true power.

“Su-to-ba! Chiung cha, kna kna!” they shout in their moonspeak dialect.

Attempting to communicate in the native tounge, our hero takes out his trusty feather headress and loincloth, and speaks in their language, rapidly shouting a tongue flapping sequel, while slapping his hand against his mouth. Accepting his dominance, they flee. Apparently, they had a prisoner. A sensual looking blonde woman, with the rack of a god with enormous breasts. She has the slender jaw-line of a modern homo-sexual. She gazes at our hero gratefully, with a slight twinkle of orgasm in her eyes. Our hero knows immediately that this, this woman, is the source of his passion in this mission, and she is totally down for like, anything. He steps forward, offering her help up from the ground, and says to her:
“hey um...you don't have to like worry about goblins anymore, I did that. I mean, I'm sorry if you didn't want me too. It's just, I don't usually do this.” The Golden Touhou translates his shitty words into the most beautiful poetry this world has ever heard. He hates her for making him uncomfortable, but he forgives her.
“Thank you so much! I have so many sexual ways to repay you!” she says, embracingly.
“My fair lady” says the levitiaion champion. “there is no need for that. Were here to help, to save this world. We ask for nothing in return.” He keep saying all these faggy things, but our hero is far more concerned with the tunnel leading out of the cavern, where he feels the power of the earth Touhou. He must have the Stone power, to be able to plow the earth, and probably plow her too.
They move forward cautiously. He attempts to make small talk with the woman. “So, what fetishs do you have? I'm....I have lots of them. Just, tons. Their all pretty intense stuff, some are basically impossible.” he says, in a fawning tone, rubbing his hands together slowly.
Before she has time to answer, (she's totally into feet) they had found the Stone champion. He stood alone, meditating, lifting huge rocks in the air, forming very exact lines with them,. And taking them apart, for they weren't “just so”.

“Champion!” Our hero exclaims. “I'm here to commandeer your Power Touhou!” the Stone Champion moves to go wash his hands quickly, licks his lips, wipes his mouth, licks his lips slower.

“you'll have to pry it from my cold, dead, completely clean, FILTHY” he washes his hands again. “HANDS!”

Our hero sees his weakness, and sets to work. As the large breasted woman flees for cover as is the habit of her flighty sort, and The levitation champion flies into the air for the duel, Our hero expertly shoots a strong blast of blue directly at his witless opponent. The stone champion fixes his rock formations so their perfectly aligned, and then begins blasting them at his new enemies, in very exact patterns. The fight lasts a while, and they all pause wearily, the woman's breasts just jiggling with anticipation.

“Three Power Touhou will NEVER be enough to stop me. I'm the greatest champion in all of Star Wars!”

“What? Three? I posses two, you fucking clown shoes!”

The stoney one quickly washes his hands perfectly and builds the remaining rocks into an isosceles triangle. You know its perfect because he includes stone notations of his numbering for it. “Your ally is the wind champion! Tell me your not that oblivious to the obvious!”

Not listening even a little, our hero blasts him using his Touhou and the ground itself, leaving the dirtiest water known to man or Touhou strewn across his obsessive compulsive opponent. Bleeding mentally (from the ears) from the attack, Our enemy slowly opens his mouth and lets off a piercing scream, as he melts to death. Quickly, the Stone Touhou flies to our hero, its new leader. He now has Three Power Touhou!

“And you!” he bellows at his ally. “I saw right through your clever erection! You'll pay for this one!”
“You saw through it when he told you” Said the Wind Champion, in his dying words, as mix of blue and stone rip him to pieces.
“That may be so, but you're dead! Who's fat now?” Our hero has now championed 4 Power Touhou, although one isn't really for fighting, and he deems it pretty sucks. And yet, our hero feels empty, for he has never tasted the flower of a woman. He's not really sure what that even means.

1! Go after the Green Touhou, we have all the elementals now.
2! Master the Power Touhou we have, as we are a mastering sort
3! Deflower the woman. Do it imitatively before someone cooler shows up. So, real quick.
>> No. 24054
3! Deflower the woman. Do it imitatively before someone cooler shows up. So, real quick.

Preferably with a penis. Our penis. But our vagina is fine, too.
>> No. 24055
3! Deflower the woman. Do it imitatively before someone cooler shows up. So, real quick.
>> No. 24056
3! Deflower the woman. Do it imitatively before someone cooler shows up. So, real quick.
>> No. 24057
>>24054
We do have ALL the genitalia.
>> No. 24058
Wait, just how many is 'all'? I can't count very well.
>> No. 24063
2! Master the Power Touhou we have, as we are a mastering sort

Come on, we're so close to sanity...
>> No. 24067
>>24058
Be the first on your block to collect all five!
>> No. 33663
A friend contact me and asked me to continue the story. For the sake of starting fresh, I think I'm gonna leap forward in time a bit (new season of heroes style) and get this going again. Also, can't exactly remember my trip, so hopefully I got it right.
>> No. 33664
>>33663
Oh my god yes. I thought I was the only person on this entire site who was sad to see this go. Oh man, today's a good day.
>> No. 33676
File 13037738174.jpg - (171.57KB , 600x300 , 230183696.jpg ) [iqdb]
33676
!!!
>> No. 33680
File 130380998611.png - (225.43KB , 443x333 , GARY MOTHERFUCKING WILLOW.png ) [iqdb]
33680
>>33663
Does this mean we won't be seeing GARY MOTHERFUCKING WILLOW again? B-but, he's the best character!
>> No. 33898
Blue Touhou, Part II: What if their aren't any Touhou left?

6 MONTHS LATER

Late Dusk. Smoke rises slowly from a small pile of embers and stones on the floor of a forest. Prodded by a stick, the embers slightly reignite. A content growl escapes the handicapped, scarred lips of the man holding the stick. He drops it to the ground and sighs. He's been out here for months, and found nothing. Not his power, not his enemy, nor a single survivor of his village. Nothing.

"I should've died," He murmurs too no one in particular. "I would've taken the place of any of them and given my life instead."

Gay with emotions, he looks down at a small pouch on his belt. It's labelled with the symbol of fire, and reads "Too our hero, our friend, our champion, we give you the honor and power of the Fire Red Touhou. May you never let sociopath's engineer villages too kill us, (not that you would)". A slow tear pours down his face.

"It should've been me…"

Meanwhile, miles away from here, a cloaked man walks in powerful, angry strides toward a small hut. He opens the door without knocking and a gasp comes from inside. He slams it behind him.

"I'm sorry to come here like this. But I need too find him." Says the man, taking off his hood to expose his aged, ancient, gross face. He turns too the woman, a pregnant blonde woman with a rack men have snapped their necks trying to glance at.

"I know not where he is. It's been 6 months since I've seen him, and I'd like too keep it that way. Please leave, Yazmaf. I have nothing for you here." She says, exasperated with this man.

"Fine, dammit." says Yazmaf, and walks too the door. Slowly looking back over his shoulder, in a gentle tone, he adds, "It's his child, isn't it?"

She gentle laughs, her nipples glowing with amusement. "No, someone cooler came along seconds after he made his move."

Yazmaf looks relieved, and leaves without another word.

And in yet another locale…

A man who looks for all the world like a child made of Kenneth Branagh and Jon Hamm grew up more elegant and handsome than the both of them walks forward, in a suit of all gold, cape blowing in the wind, a small cane helping his movement. Stroking his neatly trimmed and maintained goatee, he strides confidently toward a small patch of wild trees and bush's. Slicing open what is in his way, he laughs at the site in front of him. Lying in rags and fit, reeking of the grossest of liquors, blacked out and clearly having wet himself, lies our hero. A miserable ghost of who he once was, he truly, truly likes lame right now. He awakens too being spit on by this gloriously dressed gazelle of a man.

"Look at you. I heard such good things, that you were a hero, a leader, an erection among men. Now look at you. Your not fit too erect anything, let alone a power Touhou. And how many do you posses?"

"Who-in-da-fuck wants ta know?" mumbles our fallen hero.

"The Gold Champion" Sneers the elegant mug, laced in golden-blonde goatee hair that trails down too his crotch. "Of the Glorious Golden village of Vakasinoff. And I believe you have something that belongs too me."

With a wave of his hand, the Golden Touhou flies out from the loincloth of our hero (Ugh, gross) and into the hands of the new grossed out Golden Champion.

"Now," Says the EVEN MORE ELEGANT looking man, "We need too clean you up. I have big plans for you.

Our hero is pretty fucked right now, but he still analyzes his options.

1!) Do as the man says, we definitely need the help.

2!) Fight him for the Golden Touhou! How dare he take what is his?

3!) Seduce him, attempting to gain a sexy sidekick and your Touhou back in one round.

Vote quick before I forget too write this story again!
>> No. 33900
S! Accept his help for only as long as it takes you to betray him!

GO GO GO
>> No. 33909
3!) Seduce him, attempting to gain a sexy sidekick and your Touhou back in one round.
>> No. 33913
1!) Do as the man says, we definitely need the help.
>> No. 33914
[x] Fight him for the Golden Touhou! How dare he take what is his?

Our hero may be down on his luck, but that will not change who he is. Hero would never stand for this shit, and would slaughter the infidel where he stands, erectly.
>> No. 33928
YOU CAN'T ALL JUST VOTE FOR DIFFERENT THINGS THAN I CAN'T MAKE A STORY DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT
>> No. 33929
"I want to put my business in you so super hard. I have so much for you to have sex with" our hero gurgles out of his mouth, rum pouring all down his chin and bare chest.

"Lovely" He says, delighted by his unpleasant display. "I can only assume your seduction technique is a bit rusty without my Touhou?"

"It never was that….fuck it." Our hero says, realizing he's probably not going to have sex out of this exchange.

"Well, a bit of its rubbed off on you. You have a very unwashed-homeless charm too you. Or my proper upbringing has me feeling pity for you." The elegant man says. He picks you up by the arm and lifts you onto his shoulder. You fall asleep on his golden shoulders.

Our hero wakes up some time later, cleaned, freshly shaven, wearing an elegant golden erection with a silver sash on top. The Handsome fellow from earlier is in the room with him.

"You've been asleep for nearly two days, Blue Champion." He says lovingly. "I had my handsomest maidens clean you and make you presentable."

"Good of you" Our hero mumbles in a newly sober tone of voice.

"I hope you don't mind, but as a visitor you'll need to always wear the silver sash. It is one of our few rules here."

"Any others I should know?" Says our hero, searching his new clothes for his flask.

"No… Drinking on weekdays, no public nudity, none…" He stares as our hero scratches his crotch. "of any of that."

"Jesus, this place has a lot of stupid rules. Now tell me, what're your big plans for me?"

"I want what you want. To obtain all the Power Touhou and unleash the ultimate power held within."

Our hero looks up surprised. "You know the prophecy then?"

"I know that the ancients separated the Touhou years ago, because something happens when their combined. That's all I know. And I want to find out what." Explains the man.

Our hero is puzzled and intrigued. This man may not know that one of them would have to kill the other too champion all 8 power touhou. His sexy sidekick would not see his betrayal coming. This would be like taking candy from a sexy, elegant baby.

"I'm in." Our intrepid hero says. "I say we begin immediately."

"Glad too hear it!" Says this man, a smile cracking along his face. "And we won't do it alone! I've met another Champion in my Travels. Very nice guy, really likable and easy too get along with."

Excited too meet their ally, our hero follows the Golden Champion out of the room and into the streets of the Golden Castle. It's beauty and sparkle bother our Hungover-after-6-months-of-drinking hero. He finally steps into a grand hall and his eyes adjust too the indoor light he see's a figure standing in front of him.

"Hello, old friend." Says a familiar, snarly, evil voice.

Gary….Motherfucking… willow. Of all people. "What in the fuck…" whispers our hero under his still horrible breath.

"You two know each other!" The Golden Champion says happily. "Good. Tomorrow, our quest begins. But tonight, we feast!" The hall erupts with noise as all the important locals and visiting golden delegates begin feasting on the finest golden food in the world. What a weird place this is. But our hero has bigger concerns.

"What're you doing?" Says our hero.

"I'm going on this quest with you. We're going to be friends now" says the annoying Gary, his shit-eating grin replaced with an evil snarl.

"Liar."

"True. I'm here to kill you. But I need to prove too the golden champion your evil first, so he doesn't strike me down in return, and instead I become the hero who stopped you. I'm going to watch you die, Blue Champion. And I'm going to do everything you did too me too you. Destroy your village. Your people. And then I'm going to prevent you from doing the same too anyone ever again." Says Gary.

"You don't have the balls to do everything I did too you." Says our rapist Hero with an evil wink.

"Oh? Because I assured the Golden maidens who we're supposed too care for you that you'd prefer if I… Took care of you. Bathed you in the finest golden showers, and no, not the showers with the golden faucets they have here. Then I took you." Says this evil, grotesque enemy.

"Motherfucker…" Our hero is without words. He doesn't have enough of his strength too kill Gary, or his persuasiveness too convince the Golden Champion Gary's evil.

1!) Kill Gary anyway! Fuck that guy. We could use a fire Touhou.

2!) Go along with the quest and attempt too use his own plan against him.

3!) Realize that all this pointless tension and back-and-forth sexual assault is coming from a place of romance, not anger towards Gary.
>> No. 33936
[x] Kill Gary anyway! Fuck that guy. We could use a fire Touhou.

Not enough strength to kill him? You have got to be joking me. We're the motherfucking hero, and we always come out on top. Always.
>> No. 33939
2!) Go along with the quest and attempt too use his own plan against him.
>> No. 33965
3!) Realize that all this pointless tension and back-and-forth sexual assault is coming from a place of romance, not anger towards Gary.

REEED AND BLUUUE
GO TOGETHER LIKE...wait, I don't even know the words to ebony and ivory. Why am I trying to parody it?
>> No. 34041
1!) Kill Gary anyway! Fuck that guy. We could use a fire Touhou.
>> No. 34046
>>34041
I sincerely hope you are affirming the vote that won, and not actually attempting to vote for it yourself. That would be about as pathetic as YAF's antics.

[spoiler]Waiting warmly.[spoiler]
>> No. 34067
>>34046
haha I was declaring a winner, since the vote was a tie. Not sure if thats common practice here, this is my first (and only) chose your own adventure. I wouldn't do that for most votes, but ties are becoming common practice.
>> No. 34107
>>34067
No, it's common, just that usually it's something like "calling it for X" or "voting is closed, X won" or "X won, writing now".
>> No. 34126
"Motherfuck….You… Gary… Oa-I mean willow" Our hero bellows across the entire hall, as he lunges forward, clutch his Water and Wind Touhou in each fist, beating Gary into an oblivion. His already scared face is now a bloody pulp of his former self when the Golden Champion pulls our hero off of him.

"What are you doing??" He urges, praying for a logical reason behind our glorious hero's move.

"Gary is pure evil!" Our handsome hero bellows, fighting for his freedom. His surge of adrenaline after witnessing the evil of his enemy has brought much of his former strength and sexiness back; He is barely restrained by the Golden Champ. "He watched my village burned too the ground! He abolished needed social services at the federal level that would grant healthcare too the lowest economic bracket! He-"

Cutting him off, the Golden Champion Bellows "He doesn't stand for progressive ideas of healthcare?" And with that stops holding back our hero, and erect with his own power, bellows at gary, "What is wrong with you? Know you not that many of the working class lack proper healthcare opportunities, and medicare offers but the bare minimum???"

Gary is taken back by this progressive policy. "The reason the working class isn't given healthcare," Gary urges "is because it INCENTIVES people to not work for what they need! This is the land of opportunity. We should not help people give up and require the government too pay their bills, we should fight for our people becoming self-sufficient. What's wrong with that?"

The Golden Champion, a total green party Dick-a-Saures Rex, jumps behind Gary and starts blasting with with blocks of gold, a power our hero never managed too accomplish. Our hero joins in by continuing his assault on Gary's face, a never ending battle to hurt his enemy.

"Why… Won't…. You… DIE," Our just hero yells at his once powerful, now truly disgusting opposed, right as a blast of fire knocks them both backwards.

"ENOUGH!" Bellows Gary, who has taken too the flying in a large amount of fire, (the showoff) "I have no need for this injustice! You call me a villain?? Fine! I shall be the greatest villain of them all! Blue & Gold Champions, you fools shall die by my hand!" And with that, he burst out the closest window, and sped away.

"Wow." Says the Blue Champion. "How rude can you be?"

"I know!" Says the Golden Champion, his eyes watering. "It's like, what did we do too him, right?"

1!) Chase down Gary. His death is our priority forever.

2!) Begin our quest with the Gold Champion.

3!) Party while we can, life is short, we never do anything for ourselves anymore.
>> No. 34128
>Says the Golden Champion, his eyes watering.

Gentlemen, this is our chances. The Golden Champion is unready. He is not prepared too face our wraith and glorious return to the front light.

4!) Throttle the Golden Champion while he is oblivious! Take back the Golden Touhou.
>> No. 34130
3!) Party while we can, life is short, we never do anything for ourselves anymore.
>> No. 34151
3!) Party while we can, life is short, we never do anything for ourselves anymore.

We're about to get totes inapprotes.