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13517 No. 13517
Behold the fruits of a twisted mind's labours.

This will probably be a slighty slower story than the Saga, as I don't want the side project to slow down my main story too much. For public knowledge I'll be using Alexander Pope's translation of the Iliad, partly because of personal preference and partly because it's one (and by far the better) of the two translations that I own.

As always, suggestions are welcome.

---------------------------------

Reimu's wrath, to Greece the direful spring
Of woes unnumber'd, heavenly goddess, sing!
That wrath which hurl'd to Eiki's gloomy reign
The souls of mighty chiefs untimely slain;

Whose limbs unburied on the naked shore,
Pigtailed cats 'neath the ground bore.
Since great Reimu and Scarlet strove,
Such was the sovereign doom, and such the will of Kanako!

Declare, O Muse! in what ill-fated hour
Sprung the fierce strife, from what offended power
Luna's daughter a dire contagion spread,
And heap'd the camp with mountains of the dead;
The queen of men her reverent priest defied,
And for the queen's offence the people died.

For Youki sought with costly gifts to gain
His captive daughter from the victor's chain.
Suppliant the venerable father stands;
Eirin's awful ensigns grace his hands
By these he begs; and lowly bending down,
Extends the sceptre and the laurel crown
He sued to all, but chief implored for grace
The sister-queens, of Scarlet's royal race

"Ye kings and warriors! may your vows be crown'd,
And Youkai Mountain's proud walls lie level with the ground.
May Kanako restore you when your toils are o'er
Safe to the pleasures of your native shore.
But, oh! relieve a wretched parent's pain,
And give Youmu to these arms again;
If mercy fail, yet let my presents move,
And dread avenging Eirin, daughter of Moon."

-----------------------------------------------------

From my vantage I gaze down upon true Pandemonium. The voices of the assembled Achaeans roar all around me, kings and commoners alike shouting their opinion. The heroes stand assembled, foremost Noble Reimu, greatest warrior among the heroes of Greece, shouting her assent. She is angry, this warrior without peer, her short temper lending force to her voice. At her side waits the inseparable companion, green-haired Mima. It would be nice if she reined in Reimu a bit, all this noise is really taxing my ears. The gods know that good hearing sometimes is a heavy burden.

The next figure is unmistakable as well. With god-forged armour glittering in the sun, there stands the second of the warriors of Hellas, Argive Ran whose spear and godsend favour have created widows uncounted among the women of Ilion. Her annoyed expression matches my own feelings, as befits one of the few voices of wisdom in this insane venture. Her tails flail and whip the ground as she muscles her way through the crowd, roaring like the rest of the assembled throng.

Surprising. Beside the Argive walks venerable Patchouli, lady of Pylos, whose wisdom is second only to her garrulous manners. The frail queen struggles to kep pace with the long-limbed Ran, somehow managing to keep up despite her weak physical strength.

The sight of great Suika of Telamon, as usual drunk before noon, never fails to amuse. The diminutive warrior stumbles around, happily lending her voice to the uproar while taking great swigs from her ever-present jug of wine. Not without a certain amusement I see her trip over something and fall flat to the ground. The Telamonian giant's companion, Locrian Yuugi, plucks up the little heroine, and amidst riotous laughter the pair sets off for new drunken escapades. How I have survived nine long years with comrades like this is another thing that only Omnipotent Kanako knows.

And finally my eyes behold sullen Flandre of Sparta, clutching her battle-rod like a petulent child. And irony of ironies, for is not the cause of this long war nothing more than a single woman, a toy that the little red-eyed killer refuses to let go of? A dangerous girl though, perhaps more dangerous than anyone else of the assembled armies of Hellas, for the blonde girl fights for her own cause, something that not even her sister truly can claim.

But among this diverse cast only two actors have taken the center stage this day. Venerable Youki and our lady commander, the priest's neck bowed in supplication as he grovels before imperious Remilia Scarlet, High Queen of Achaea, warlord and commander of ten thousand warriors. The priest begs with honeyed words, the queen stares with bloodred eyes. Finally the white-haired cleric drops to his knees in supplication, his voice pained and desperate as he pleads a final time for his daughter.

"Please, O Queen of Danaans. Have you no mercy for an old man? I'll glady give you anything you desire, both wealth and the blessings of Delphinian Eirin. Just return my Youmu, this is all I ask."

My ears twitch with irritation as I see the rage burning in Remilia's eyes, the foolish, wounded pride that has kept us all here for nine long years. Nine years of meaningless death, hardship and little prospect of ultimate victory. And worst of all, the plunder has been pathetic- in fact so worthless that the high queen herself now stubbornly refuses to part with some pretty girl that she captured. By Olympian Kanako! Why risk the wrath of the archer goddess just for that? Aren't there countless girls for the taking if we ever manage to tear down the walls of that damned mountain? I look up at the impressive ramparts and imagine how the defenders must laugh at us from up there.

I turn back to the scene before me and note that Remilia's knuckles have somehow become even paler than usual as the high queen grips her great spear tight. All around her the voices of Achaean warriors shout their support for the white-haired priest. Foolish, for the pride of Scarlet's daughter must burn fierce right now. What better way to fan the flames than to urge her to give up the very thing that she desires?

Finally cunning Ran and Gerenian Patchouli reach the queen's side and appear to start a heated argument as soon as they open their mouths. I sharpen my ears, but even then I can barely hear what they are saying over the din of the throng. At least nothing that Remilia wanted to hear, judging from her furious reaction. Once again it seems to be my job to shepherd this group of incompetents before they start killing each other. But it probably wouldn't work to simply jump over there and talk to Ran and Remilia, would it? Perhaps I should try something sneaky instead?


[ ] No, I should get over there and talk some sense into Remilia. This siege isn't going to breach the walls of Troy all by itself, now is it?

[ ] Perhaps the priest's daughter could disappear from Remilia's tent without a trace? And perhaps the priest could then be miraculously reunited with his child? And perhaps a certain someone is cunning and sneaky enough to pull this off?

[ ] I should get away from here. My ears hurt already, and little good will probably come out of this anyway.

[ ] I think I'll just stay back and watch. Might see something funny

>> No. 13519
[ ] Perhaps the priest's daughter could disappear from Remilia's tent without a trace? And perhaps the priest could then be miraculously reunited with his child? And perhaps a certain someone is cunning and sneaky enough to pull this off?
>> No. 13527
[x] No, I should get over there and talk some sense into Remilia. This siege isn't going to breach the walls of Troy all by itself, now is it?

Now, what is this here
>> No. 13528
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13528
>>13517
[X] Perhaps the priest's daughter could disappear from Remilia's tent without a trace? And perhaps the priest could then be miraculously reunited with his child? And perhaps a certain someone is cunning and sneaky enough to pull this off?
>> No. 13529
[X] Perhaps the priest's daughter could disappear from Remilia's tent without a trace? And perhaps the priest could then be miraculously reunited with his child? And perhaps a certain someone is cunning and sneaky enough to pull this off?
>> No. 13537
[X] Perhaps the priest's daughter could disappear from Remilia's tent without a trace? And perhaps the priest could then be miraculously reunited with his child? And perhaps a certain someone is cunning and sneaky enough to pull this off?


Hmmmm Perhaps...
>> No. 13539
[x] Perhaps the priest's daughter could disappear from Remilia's tent without a trace? And perhaps the priest could then be miraculously reunited with his child? And perhaps a certain someone is cunning and sneaky enough to pull this off?
[x] Make sure the bastard pays what he promised. Remilia may be stubborn, but you are a shrewd businessman who knows what is of value and what is not. Have it all delivered mysteriously and make sure it cannot be traced back to you.
>> No. 13707
[ ] I think I'll just stay back and watch. Might see something funny

C'mon, it will be hilarious!
>> No. 13730
New rule: Write-ins that don't duplicate the rhyme and meter of the story itself will be disregarded.
>> No. 13741
>>13730

How about no?


And writing is currently underway.
>> No. 13742
>>13741
>>And writing is currently underway.

YES YES YES
>> No. 13743
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13743
[ ] Perhaps the priest's daughter could disappear from Remilia's tent without a trace? And perhaps the priest could then be miraculously reunited with his child? And perhaps a certain someone is cunning and sneaky enough to pull this off?


I slip away from the assembly, looking back long enough to see Remilia haughtily dismiss the old priest. The venerable one trembles as he listens to the high queen's withering insults, not only fueled by the queen's anger, but also from her desire to show the assembled warriors who is in command. Were this any other man I would not care, but to insult a priest is to insult his god, and the lady of the silver bow is not known to be forgiving. As if we have not had to contend as fiercely with the fickleness of the divine as we have with Ilion's warriors. By Kanako, what must be done? What can I do?

I can't shatter the gates of Troy by myself. I can't convince the High Queen to see reason. Damn it, I can't even leave this forsaken shore. What can I do? The thought comes to my mind suddenly but so clearly, as if I had known it all along. I can do only one thing, I can end this war.

Not by strength and not by authority, not even by wisdom can I do it. But by cunning I can buy us victory, even if it means tricking both my allies and enemies. Cunning, they call me, when trying to mock me. Fools all if they don't realize that the word they use as an insult should be considered a badge of honour. Worse for them when they feel the results of my schemes. And the first step is simple. The priest must have his daughter.

-----------------------------------

The Greeks in shouts their joint assent declare,
The priest to reverence, and release the fair.
Not so Scarlet; she, with royal pride,
Repulsed the sacred sire, and thus replied:

"Hence on thy life, and fly these hostile plains,
Nor ask, presumptuous, what the queen detains
Hence, with thy laurel crown, and golden rod,
Nor trust too far those ensigns of thy god.

Mine is thy daughter, priest, and shall remain;
And prayers, and tears, and bribes, shall plead in vain;
Till time shall rifle every youthful grace,
And age dismiss her from my cold embrace,
In daily labours of the loom employ'd,
Or doom'd to deck the bed she once enjoy'd
Hence then; to Argos shall the maid retire,
Far from her native soil and weeping sire."

Thus spok'n, well high queen does declare,
For priest's plea scorn, to keep maiden fair
Royal voice does so command,
And royal pride stay not its hand!

The trembling priest along the shore return'd,
And in the anguish of a father mourn'd.
Disconsolate, not daring to complain,
Silent he wander'd by the sounding main;

His rage was quiet, to find its way
Open his lips, to the goddess pray
Call Eirin to raise silver-shaft'd bow
And hissing fly the feather'd fates below.

But follow'd he was, by crafty knave,
Whose sceme would Scarlet's captive save
To cause for Eirin's wrath unmake
And perhaps for her a profit create?

-------------------------------------

The old priest silently leaves the camp, and from the looks of it I suspect he carries the wish for revenge in his heart. Problematic. Were he any other man I could take my time, but a vengeful man won't wait to invoke the anger of his god. Better to speak to him before he does than after.

As usual the watchmen are complacent, and I easily slip away from the dissolving crowd, making my way from cover to cover until I leave the Achaean camp. Running swiftly for a few minures I make sure to catch up with the priest as soon as he's well out of sight from out camp.

"Wait, Youki of Ilion. I want to speak with you." As I call out to him the old man turns towards me and looks me over, not a hint of fear or concern on his features. But of course he knows that Remilia would never dare to send an assassin after one of vengeful Eirin's priests. Insulting a priest is one thing, but to kill one tends to invoke the unbridled wrath of a goddess. No man would dare to make that gamble, not unless he was mad or gripped by the worst kind of Hubris, one that you think and hope Remilia still is uncapable of.

"What do you want Achaean?" The priest finally says. Simple, plain and straight to business. A man that can be bargained with. Good.

"It is within my power to return your daughter to you." I softly answer. "Give me three days and she shall be at your side, it is a promise."

"I know you do not act out of generosity. What is your price?" Youki immediately replies. Oh ho, a sharp one he is. Very well then, I want...


[ ] A prayer to Eirin to spare the Achaeans from her wrath.

[ ] A prayer to Eirin for my good fortune.

[ ] The gold he promised Remilia.

[ ] Something else (write-in).

[ ] Why, I want nothing at all.
>> No. 13744
>>13743

[x] "I wish nothing else but to return a daughter to her father."
>> No. 13748
[x] "Do not misunderstand. I care not for the sake of others, priest. This is merely a stepping stone to end this futile war; I want of nothing else".
[x] "While the lash of my tongue may be harsh, not a drop of honey coats it. This invokes the wrath of Remilia, and endangers my life. I know that I am not the only citizen who grows weary of tides that never turn. Save you, though, pray to your god for a better future, if nothing else".
>> No. 13759
In order of appearance:

Reimu - Achilles
Mima - Patroclus
Ran - Diomedes
Patchouli - Nestor
Suika - Ajax the Great
Yuugi - Ajax the Lesser
Flandre - Menelaus
Remilia - Agamemnon
Youki - Chryses

Not appearing but mentioned:
Eiki - Hades
Kanako - Zeus
Eirin - Apollo
Youmu - Chryseis

The protagonist is probably Odysseus. Fittingly, our number one priority should be getting the fuck home:

[x] "Do not misunderstand. I care not for the sake of others, priest. This is merely a stepping stone to end this futile war; I want of nothing else."
[x] "While the lash of my tongue may be harsh, not a drop of honey coats it. This invokes the wrath of Remilia, and endangers my life. I know that I am not the only citizen who grows weary of tides that never turn. Save you, though, pray to your god for a better future, if nothing else."
>> No. 13770
>>13748
>>13759

Just popping in to say that this write-in is pretty much the same as "[ ] Why, I want nothing at all.", but with added text. I hope there won't be protests if I count them as such (naturally taking the dialogue into consideration).

>The protagonist is probably Odysseus.

But who is Odysseus?
>> No. 13771
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13771
[x] Your daughter's hand, in marriage
>> No. 13772
>>13770
Just trying to get into it, man. Besides, I'd count them more as A) A wish to stop the war, and B) Asking for prayer and understanding from the enemies in helping to stop it.
>> No. 13773
[x] A prayer to Eirin for my good fortune.
>> No. 13785
>>13772

No, the write-in itself is fine. It's just that the question asked is what you would like as reward. Of course the dialogue will be included.

And just to point it out, in the source material the end of the war meant the sack of Troy and the killing or enslavement of her inhabitants.

>>13771

Good idea, but I can reveal that the protagonist is already married.
>> No. 13788
>>13785

But who? The Touhou equivalent of Penelope obviously, but as we don't know which Touhou Odysseus is, this tells us little.

All the characters mentioned already are right out, for obvious reasons. Reimu being Achilles makes Sanae a probable Hector. Flandre being Menelaus means Marisa is probably Helen, which means Alice is Paris. Yuyuko is unlikely, since the prior assigned roles of Youki and Youmu leaves her without a believable Telemachus. Remilia as Agamemnon means that Sakuya is a likely Clytemnestra, seeing as Remilia is fated to die by her wife's dagger, as revenge for the sacrifice of their daughter Iphigeneia to appease the gods and carry on the war effort (Iphigeneia possibly being Meiling or even Momizi).

We can guess as to who it is by looking at who the protagonist is likely to be. As far as Touhous that have traits fitting Odysseus, we have Mokou (rough & single-minded), Tewi (clever), Cirno or another fairy (tricksy, obvious potential for hubris). Mokou would make Keine or Kaguya the likely Penelope. Tewi would seem to fit best with Reisen, but Kaguya is possible, leaving Reisen as Telemachus. Cirno would mean Letty or Daiyousei, though Daiyousei could well be Odysseus with Letty as Penelope and Cirno as Telemachus.

As far as good candidates for the faithful and stalwart Penelope, we have Meiling, Letty, and Keine. Kaguya too would be interesting, since delaying her suitors with her "Impossible Requests" lends itself well to the narrative, but Eirin being the god Apollo makes this less likely. Kaguya's Odysseus could variously be Mokou, Tewi, or Reisen.

Of course, PC-98 characters has less well defined fanon characterizations, so it might be one of them. Or, we might simply have a well known character with a novel characterization (e.g., RAN's Cirno). Finally, there's the possibility that the protagonist is Kourin, in which case all bets are off.
>> No. 13793
>>13788
>Iphigeneia possibly being Meiling or even Momizi

Momizi makes a better Orestes, and Meiling makes a better Aegisthus or Cassandra (though I think Hina is better suited to the latter role). Iphigenia means literally "born to strength" which of course points to Cirno, who is at the least /sdm/-related. Rumia is another possibility, since a number of her fanworks featuring a sacrifice motif (i.e., crucifixion).
>> No. 13811
Let me start by saying that I love the idea of Touhou Iliad. Let's just hope that the execution stays solid.

[ ] A prayer to Eirin for my good fortune.

Trying to convince the priest won't work. If we're Odysseus we already have a reputation of cunning and dishonesty, so why would he believe us?

>>13788
>Finally, there's the possibility that the protagonist is Kourin, in which case all bets are off.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
>> No. 13913
Votes seem to be tied, unless I count >>13744 as trying to convince the old priest. Then again, the two write-ins have certain differences so I don't know if I could count them as the same in good conscience.

So I guess vote's open until tomorrow, and if no new votes are inbound I'll flip a coin or something.


And I really like the speculation. You are on the right track, I'll reveal that much.
>> No. 13914
[z] A prayer to Eirin for my good fortune.
>> No. 13915
>>13913
>Votes seem to be tied, unless I count >>13744 as trying to convince the old priest. Then again, the two write-ins have certain differences so I don't know if I could count them as the same in good conscience.

They both claim to want no reward from the priest, as you said, they're materially the same as the provided choice: "[ ] Why, I want nothing at all."
>> No. 13918
[X] I wish to duel the greatest hero of Troy.

And so it ends in one thread.
>> No. 13931
>>13918

I can think of no greater honor than dying in combat with Hector.
>> No. 13935
Odysseus wasn't that big on the dying part. Honour, sure, but priority #1 is getting the fuck home.
>> No. 13938
>>13935

Yeah, and killing Hector (if we do manage that) is surely going to demotivate Troy's army enough to make some difference in the war.
>> No. 13939
>>13915

They are, at least as far as the general progression of the story goes, but the tone of the dialogue is a bit too different to easily reconcile the intent of the respective write-ins.

Basically they're asking for the same thing, but in very different ways.

>>13938

Didn't work in the Iliad. Just pointing this out.


And as I can see three votes for one option I guess that asking for a prayer wins.

Writefag is doing his best now and is composing poetry. Please watch warmly until it's ready.
>> No. 13976
>>13939

Then, how about this?
>[X]"Return HELEN to us."

Where HELEN is whoever may have her role in the story. Marisa, maybe?
>> No. 13978
>>13976

Youki isn't a Trojan, so no.
>> No. 13979
>>13978

Uh, he isn't? Hmm...I guess I need to read the tale again, it's been so long.
>> No. 13981
>>13979

Returning his daughter would be meaningless if he were a Trojan, since they'd all be enslaved or killed anyway, but Chryses is from a neighboring town. The point of this part of the tale is that this is an entirely hubristic act on Agamemnon's part.