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4014 No. 4014
Time for the Write-a-thon voting time! The nominees are.

"The seat in front of me"
>>/th/116008

"Simple Karakasa"
>>/th/116013

"Newest invention"
>>/th/116026

"Don't be a chicken"
>>/th/116033

"No leaves in my tea"
>>/th/116040

"The Alleyway"
>>/th/116044

"Marisa"
>>/th/116069

"It's big"
>>/th/116075

"It's a long way down"
>>/th/116083

"It's morning, dear"
>>/th/116086

There was one entry for the erotic contest so I guess he wins. Congratulations I guess.

The winner of the drawing contest was Nobody! Not satisfied with just snowball fights I see. Seriously, /i/ is dead

The voting shall stay open until Thursday morning GMT.

I'm not touching the Erotic and drawing threads in case some screwball finds them and tries to post content in them. Thus free content.

Thanks for writing! I hope this helps you out of writing slumps and in my opinion, you're all winners!

>> No. 4015
putting down a vote for
[x]It's morning dear
>> No. 4016
[x] "Don't be a chicken"
>> No. 4017
[x]It's morning dear

I thought it was really good.
I'm seriously wishing that the guy who wrote it would write more.
>> No. 4018
[X] "The seat in front of me" was kinda "aww" inducing.
>> No. 4019
[X] "It's big"
Not enough people writing happy stories.
>> No. 4020
[X] "It's big"

I'm a sucker for happier endings.
>> No. 4021
[X] "It's a long way down"
>> No. 4022
[X] "It's big"
>> No. 4023
[X] "It's big"
>> No. 4024
>"It's big"
Well, i really liked this but after it already got so many votes

[x] "It's morning, dear"
It's beautiful and deserves it.
>> No. 4025
[x] "It's morning, dear"
>> No. 4026
[x] "It's morning, dear"

Anyone else notice how most of the stories were heartbreaking or horror or dark humor, but the two stories getting most of the votes were the least depressing ones?

I'm glad we agree on this.
>> No. 4027
[x] "The seat in front of me"
>> No. 4028
[x] "It's morning, dear"
>> No. 4029
>>4026

Say what? I think "Morning, dear" was awesome, but I find it awesome because it creeped the living shit out of me. Maybe I just read wrong but I can't fathom it being cheerful.

At any rate:

[x] "The seat in front of me"

'twas a fight between this and "Morning", but eventually this one won out. I just... like it.
>> No. 4030
[x]"The seat in front of me"

It was bittersweet.
>> No. 4031
To be honest, I didn't realize the first story was apparently a prelude to that Sanae CYOA in /youkai/, though it could look like a "What if MC never went to find Sanae end" or something to it, what with the last line. Didn't take away the sad feeling of the ending however.

Sage'd as I already voted, and such.
>> No. 4032
I think my vote it's going to be for
[x] "The seat in front of me"
I really like it
>> No. 4033
[X] "It's big"
>> No. 4034
[x] "The seat in front of me"

I BAWWWW'd hard at this one.
>> No. 4035
>The winner of the drawing contest was Nobody! Not satisfied with just snowball fights I see.

Oh ho ho ho.
>> No. 4036
{X} "The seat in front of me"
>> No. 4037
[x]It's morning dear
>> No. 4038
>>4029
It was creepy, but it had a happy ending at least. Most of the stories didn't.

>>4031
Was it? It's not the same writer.
>> No. 4039
[x] "The seat in front of me"
>> No. 4040
>>4038
Wow, I wasn't really looking at the names, and read the Sanae story afterwards.

I guess I saw "Classmate of Sanae point" and put two and two together, whoops.
>> No. 4043
>>4040
You can tell it's not the same canon because in the CYOA Sanae didn't SUCK EVERYBODY'S MEMORIES OUT OF THEIR SKULLS
>> No. 4044
>>4043

I suspect that is more a side effect of "using up" all the faith than an intentional action.
>> No. 4046
>>4044
Faith?

Well, you know what I have faith in? MY TINFOIL HAT

LET'S SEE YOU SCOOP THOSE MEMORIES OUT NOW, MEMORY-SCOOPERS
>> No. 4047
Goddamit it's so hard to pick...

Don't be a Chicken and The Alleyway are my two favorites though, both having a sort of horrific element mixed with a kind of tragic sweetness.

If i had to pick though...
[x] Don't be a Chicken
>> No. 4048
[x]"The seat in front of me"
>> No. 4049
[x]"It's morning, dear"
So good.
>> No. 4050
So many good choices.

[X] "Don't be a chicken"

I'm not sure if I really understood it fully in the end (what did the window have to do with anything?), but something about the style really appeals to me, and the ending fills me with complicated emotions, which is always good.

"It's a long way down" as a close second.
>> No. 4051
[X] "Don't be a chicken"

I'm glad it's getting more attention now.
>> No. 4054
[x] "It's morning, dear"
>> No. 4055
>There was one entry for the erotic contest so I guess he wins. Congratulations I guess.

Hooray!
>> No. 4060
9 votes for "It's morning dear" and "The seat in front of me."
5 votes for "It's big."
4 votes for "Don't be a chicken."
1 vote for "It's a long way down."
>> No. 4061
[] "Newest invention"
>> No. 4063
No one ever likes Simple Karakasa or No Leaves In My Tea. How sad.
>> No. 4065
A little critique, because everyone who submitted something deserves to get something back; if not validation, then at least tips for improvement. My only qualifications are as the writer of one of the four stories I haven't critiqued below, so I may be way off base or I may not. I tried to avoid unnecessary vitriol; if you're offended anyway, remember that I'm telling you these things because I want to help you improve.

>Simple Karakasa
Flat characters; Murasa is downright cookie-cutter, and Kogasa has very little discernible personality of her own outside of her reactions to what happens to her. Also suffers from "first person introspective" POV; the first two paragraphs are filled with reflection on events that haven't happened yet, and she even manages to wax thoughtful during the assault scene. Technical problems, too: "Rather disappointed, I sighed, sulking a bit" tells, shows, then tells again for good measure, which is a pretty good example of the writing style of the whole piece. Plot's pretty cliched, too.

>Newest Invention
Writer isn't a native English speaker, and it shows: sentences rarely advance beyond the complexity of "See Jane run", idioms are misused with reckless abandon, and pairs of single quotes are used in place of double quotes. "Nitori builds a gun and goes nuts" is a plot with potential, though; reminds me of "Men at Arms".

>No Leaves in my Tea
Overshoots "tragic" by a wide margin and ends up in "maudlin" territory. The "If only..." PSA-style narration at the end is particularly cringe-inducing. Doesn't really sell the idea of a cup of tea being the straw that breaks Ruukoto's eleven years of submissive tolerance too well, either. Also, about 50% of the commas in the piece are used incorrectly and should be replaced with a semicolon, a parenthetical clause, or deleted entirely.

>Alleyway
Pretty short, and the two-sentence paragraphs only make it seem shorter (although they also set the atmosphere well). The horrific parts are timed well, but they need to be greater in either number or magnitude, because I just wasn't as creeped out as I think I was supposed to be. An excellent premise for a short, though, and pretty good.

>Marisa
It's hard to care about the 'curse' side of Orreries Sun when all we hear about it is typical platitudes ("ignoble corruption", "dark ritual", lah dee fuckin' dah). Also short, even for a short. A flashback to Mima's death might have killed both of those birds with one stone, and paralleled Marisa's death nicely. Generally well written, though.

>Long Way Down
Pacing is a little weird; a little more description of the return to the surface would have been good. Parsee seemed kind of shoved in there, too. This was my second choice for best, and I have a feeling that goes for several voters, too.

There you have it. If someone else wants to critique the four stories I left out, that would be nice.
>> No. 4066
Extended a day because I'm a lazy git. Midnight on thursay GMT.
>> No. 4067
[x] It's morning dear
[x] The seat in front of me
[x] It's big
[x] Don't be a chicken

idort.jpg
>> No. 4069
Slowpoke.jpg

[x] "The seat in front of me."
[x] "It's big."

I only just now was able to finish reading through all of them, and from a technical standpoint, these two are the best. If you can only count one, go with [x] "It's big;" it's the more original.
>> No. 4070
>>4063
I can only vote for one. But i read them all and there was not one that i did not like.
>> No. 4073
[x] "It's morning, dear"

Needs more Medicine.
>> No. 4085
[x]"No leaves in my tea"
[x]"It's morning, dear"
>> No. 4104
>>4067
>>4069
>>4085

I'm not too sure if I should count these. I hate damn non-conformists

It doesn't make a difference anyway as "It's morning dear" is the close winner by one vote even if I do count those double posts! I'd like to thank everyone who took part in this contest.
If you didn't get any votes then take the criticism helpfully given a few posts above me and try again next year!

And to the winner you get the feeling of winning and beating Lion while you're at it! Congratulations!
>> No. 4107
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4107
>And to the winner you get the feeling of winning and beating Lion while you're at it!
>> No. 4108
>>4107
Don't cry Lion, maybe next time.
>> No. 4109
So with the winner announced, I guess it's time for people to come out of hiding if they're so inclined. The Yamame story was mine, and while I can't say I wasn't a little disappointed that it didn't do better, I do appreciate the votes it was given and I do see the flaws. I'm not very good at that style of narrative and took it as an opportunity to practice, which I think came out technically all right but failed to convey a lot of what I had hoped to. The ending was a bit rushed, as my endings almost always are, which was partially on account of the character limit creeping up on me and partially because I'm lazy and impatient. I was also trying something new with the ending, hoping to create a sense of mystery and let the reader come to their own conclusions. Based on comments on the board and IRC, results were...mixed.

I suppose it doesn't matter now, though, so here goes.

First off, the protagonist was blinded by some horrid spirit within the forest which snatches eyes away to some pocket dimension the physics of which I never bothered fleshing out. Yamame, too, was blind, and the reason she repeatedly checked his eyes was to see whether she could make out her reflection in them, which would tell her whether he had already become a victim. This phenomenon was shown, though rather briefly and without explanation. As for how he came to live with her, they went back to his home the next day. Yamame was chased away, assumed to be at fault, and the boy proceeded to live a life of torment and ridicule until one day he gave up, running into the forest. As luck would have it, he found himself in Yamame's embrace once again.

If I forgot anything and you still care, feel free to ask. I'm one of the three people that actually comes in here regularly.
>> No. 4112
I was the Nitori-Nazi story writer.
I am sorry for what I have done.
>> No. 4117
>>4109 Good idea.

In case you couldn't guess, I wrote "The Alleyway."

The general idea is that the protagonist is insane/hallucinating, but in fact might not be. I actually had to go out and research anti-psychotic drugs for this.
>> No. 4124
I wrote the objectionable piece of shit that is the Kogasa story in the second post. I really didn't take this whole write-a-thon seriously as I was writing it and it proves my horrible ability to write decent UFO depictions.

On the other hand, the contest on whole was full of depressing entries so I feel somewhat better not being a part of that margin.
>> No. 4125
>>4109
If she was blind, how the fuck could she see his eyes?
>> No. 4126
>>4125
His position by sound, his eyes by feel. Over and over again.
>> No. 4130
Doesn't take much to see I wrote, no leaves in my tea.

I'll say that it's surely not my best (if that can be said of any work of mine), but when it was first coming into fruition the piece itself was alot WORSE than what it was before. Still, there's no excuse for what was wrong with it. Goes to show, I'm still not good enough...

In all honesty, this is my attempt to write up something that's darker than what I normally do...and it looks like I fucked up a good deal with that. Terrific.

Nothin' left to do, but take this in stride and improve on it in future works. If you read that, sorry to have wasted your time with my bullshit.
>> No. 4132
I wrote "It's morning, dear." I'm glad people enjoyed it, and thank you all for your kind words and votes; they make me happy in a unique way which cannot be replicated through other means.

Writerly ruminations spoilered.

I'm actually a bit surprised it was as well-received as it was; I felt like I rushed it a fair bit, both in terms of real-world writing time and in-story event progression. My original plan was to have the story play out over two days, increasing the amount of actual interaction with Wriggle and Yuuka. In addition to letting me make the introduction of Su-san's voice more gradual (read: less of an asspull), it would have given Medicine some time to think about what was going on, leading her to draw the conclusion that Wriggle and Yuuka were lying to her... by hiding her mother's death from her. That would have, in turn, motivated her disobeyal of her maker's instructions a bit better, and increased the shock factor when she realized that they were, in fact, hiding something completely different from her.

No point in dwelling on what wasn't, though. The concept carried the story along well enough, and the Yuuka card hand crush scene turned out nicely, if I do say so myself.


>>4112
>>4124
>>4130
Don't get too down on yourselves. >>4065 isn't wrong, per se, but it downplays the good parts of your works.

>>4107
Your delicious tears; they sustain me.

>>4073
Correct.
>> No. 4135
>>4132

Allow me to say that you are a saint among saints.
>> No. 4136
So, it's official: Glasnot is our second best writer overall. Congrats!

... I don't suppose this will make you update faster do I?
>> No. 4140
>>4136
Our best writer left a long time ago.
Blankfag...;_;
>> No. 4141
>>4136
That statement is fucking retarded, and I want you to sit and think about why that is.
>> No. 4144
>>4141

It's retarded because it expects glasnost to update faster.
>> No. 4145
>>4140
>implying he was good
>> No. 4147
>>4145
>implying

Go back to /v/.
>> No. 4148
>>4147
>implying I frequent /v/
>> No. 4149
Both of you stop, this is an incredibly childish debate.
>> No. 4152
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4152
>>4145
>>4147
>>4148
>> No. 4165
Pretty obvious that I wrote "It's big."

Actually was a bit blindsided by the contest. Didn't even know there was going to be a vote at first. I'm glad people liked it, though. I used OCs after asking an author or two whether they thought that was kosher. Didn't seem to be a strike against it, at least.