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File 125461010050.jpg - (151.78KB, 896x1268, Eirin testtube.jpg) [iqdb]
18344 No. 18344
After clawing my way through several weeks of despair, I finally was reunited with you guys. At long last, the second installment of Bob's adventures.

I hope you enjoy it. I'm gonna go have a deeply emotional moment over this reunion, before resuming my normal cold and emotionless robotic state.
~~~~~~~~~~~
[X] Offer to help Eirin.

“It would be a pleasure to do whatever I can for you, Miss Yagokoro.” You respond, bowing slightly “I am at your disposal.” Marisa groans and buries her head in her hands “Dammit, Bob…” Eirin just smiles sweetly.



A little while later, you and Marisa (riding atop her broom, as Eirin didn’t offer you a ride, much to your dismay) land outside of a large Japanese-style mansion, surrounded by the bamboo forest which the magician recklessly navigated. As you step off, Shanghai removes herself from your head—apparently being a doll doesn’t make her immune to the anxiety accompanying one of Marisa’s hellish rides.

“Excellent. I was afraid for a minute that I had lost you.” Eirin says, before adding with a gesture to the mansion “Welcome to Eintei.”

Before you can respond, nearly a dozen rabbits—which, you note, look every bit as soft as normal rabbits—come running out of the mansion’s front gate, pursued by a girl. “No! No! Get back here and get to work, damn you!” She screams at the fleeing horde. As she nears, you manage to get a better look at her.

She has long, purplish hair and a pair of rabbit ears on her head. She’s wearing a business jacket over a white shirt with a red tie flapping across her chest, and a short (but not too short) skirt over her legs. “Come back here!” She screams at the rabbits, to no avail. Slumping down to her knees, she falls prostrate on the ground, moaning pitifully.

Finally taking notice of you, she sits up “Oh, mistress Eirin. You’re back.” She stands up and brushes herself off. “We have guests, Undogein.” The doctor says. “Oh… Er, welcome to Eintei.” The bunny-eared girl mutters, glancing at you. She freezes as she sees Marisa, however, and whimpers “Oh no…”

Marisa grins reassuringly “Don’t worry, don’t worry. I’m not here to blow your stuff up today. I’m just keeping a friend safe from your evil, mad scientist boss.”

“Enough. Bob, please, follow me to the lab.” Your hostess says impatiently.

After leading you through a winding maze of hallways, Eirin unlocks a metal-reinforced door and brings you into the laboratory. Ushering you past a number of expensive-looking pieces of lab equipment, she comes to a cabinet marked with a biohazard symbol. Pulling out three vials filled with liquids, she places them before you.

“Now, it wouldn’t do to have you ingest all of them at once, so you’ll need to choose which one you want to test first…”

The vials and their contents are all identical—a clear, colorless liquid. Which do you drink?

[ ] Vial 1.
[ ] Vial 2.
[ ] Vial 3.
Expand all images
>> No. 18345
[ ] Vial 2.
>> No. 18347
Welcome back, Nobody!

[x] Vial 2.
It's the one in the middle. So it can't be wrong! Right?
>> No. 18348
[x] Vial 2.

I wonder what this does.

Also welcome back, finally Anon has a outlet for their stupid voting impluses. (It is that kind of story where you can get away with it)
>> No. 18349
[x] Vial 2.

2 is best.

BOB THE WEIRDO RETURNS.
>> No. 18350
[x] Vial 2.

Fuck yes, you are back.
>> No. 18351
[x] Vial 3.

Suddenly I'm having flashbacks >>/gensokyo/597

Soon we, too, will be soft~
>> No. 18353
Calling it. Bob will get ye flask number 2.
>> No. 18361
Ah, it feels good to be doing this again.


Grabbing the second vial, you pop the top off and, briefly sniffing at its contents, down it all in one gulp. You retch slightly at the taste—something like bacon grease and balsamic vinegar combined into a conglomerate of disgustingness. “I don’t feel any different.” You comment, glancing at Eirin “What was that sup--”

You are suddenly interrupted by the sound of choked laughter; looking over, you see Marisa, cheeks puffed out and knuckles stuffed into her mouth. “What?” You mutter, perplexed, until Eirin offers you a small hand mirror. Gazing into it, you immediately notice that, in place of your hair which was moments ago brown, is a poofy mane of dark blue. “…Cool.” You think aloud, tentatively rubbing your new hair.

Although nothing like what you’ve come to expect from the girls of Gensokyo, this new endowment is quite soft. Much more so than any hair you’ve ever had before. “So soft…” You whisper, prompting a bout of unrestrained laughter from Marisa. Eirin merely takes note of the effect on a clipboard. Recovering from her outburst, the witch steps up to you “Lemme have a feel, Bob.” Without waiting for a response, she rubs your head. You briefly have the ridiculous mental image of yourself as a cat, sitting in Marisa’s lap as she strokes you lovingly.

Actually, maybe it’s not that ridiculous. Marisa is a witch, right? Shouldn’t she be able to turn people into animals? For some reason, this train of thought leaves you feeling uneasy. You’re yanked from your thoughts as Eirin performs an examination and several (thankfully painless) tests on you.

“Well, Bob, thank you for your time.” Eirin says politely, “I’ll take you two to the front door now.” After escorting you both back to the entrance—after a brief encounter with the rabbit-eared girl, who is staggering drunken through the hallways muttering about sex appeal—and bids you farewell.

“Saddle up, Bob, it’s getting late and we need to get home.” Marisa says, scooting up on her broom to give you more room. As you’re mounting the broom, though, that same thought from earlier returns: is Marisa the kind of witch that changes people’s forms? Now seems like as good a time as any to ask…

[ ] Ask her.
[ ] Just keep quiet.
[ ] Custom.
>> No. 18363
>>18361
These options are just not weird enough for Bob
>> No. 18364
[x] Ask her.

I doubt she is, and she'd sum it up to his weirdness.
>> No. 18365
>>18363
Cut me some slack. It's been a while and my Weird lobe is slightly atrophied.
>> No. 18367
>>18365
I am not blaming you, just waiting for some Anon to make a write in.
>> No. 18371
[x] “Do you think that rabbit-eared girl was soft?”
>> No. 18372
[x] “Do you think that rabbit-eared girl was soft?”
>> No. 18375
[x] Ask her.
[x] "If you are though, I hope you turn me into something soft."
>> No. 18380
[x] “Do you think that rabbit-eared girl was soft?”
>> No. 18381
Alright, I'm calling it.

Hot damn, I was just over in underground reading Grue's story. That stuff is smoking.
>> No. 18382
>>18381
Yes, we loved it until he decided to just stop it without any reason given.
>> No. 18384
>>18382

The man burned himself out and someone decided to start some crap about him being HY (Not true)
>> No. 18426
HUZZAH FOR NOBODY'S RETURN...

Now I feel like that giant from the Odyssey. "Nobody is attacking me!"
>> No. 18429
Pushing aside your concerns in favor of far more important topics, you allow your mind to wander back to the rabbit-eared girl. “Hey, Marisa. About that rabbit-eared girl in the suit… was she soft, do you think?” You venture.

Marisa shrugs “I dunno about soft, but she was pretty squishy when I last fought her.” You nod thoughtfully—as attributes go, squishy isn’t bad. Not as good as soft, though. “Are you gonna come, or do I have to leave you behind?” Marisa asks, prompting you to mount the broom behind her.

After a few moments in the air, you realize that you’re becoming more and more accustomed to Marisa’s reckless flying. You feel rather ambivalent about this, however—if you get used to this kind of risk-taking behavior, you might very well end up seeking out adrenaline rushes instead of softness. And that would be, quite simply, unacceptable.

Unacceptable.


Shortly thereafter, you touch down on Marisa’s front lawn once again, rubbing your aching legs “Marisa, you’re going to get me killed with your flying.” You whine at your aggravatingly unaffected companion.

“Hey, Bob? Quit complaining. If it hadn’t been for my flying, you wouldn’t have that nice new mop of hair.” She responds, patting Shanghai “Besides, the doll didn’t seem to mind, did she?”

“Well, I suppose not…” You mutter, knowing that arguing about a doll’s feelings would probably just end with you getting blasted. Tripping over one of the many articles scattered through her hallways, though, you feel your ire rise and come out in one great eruption of energy.

”GODDAMN, MARISA, YOU NEED TO CLEAN YOUR STUPID HALLWAYS.” You roar, nearly deafening yourself and clearly startling Marisa. “B-Bob?” She stutters, her eyes wide as saucers and her face pale as a ghost’s, “What the hell?”

[b]”YOUR HOUSE IS A BLOODY PIGSTY, MARISA. I AM NOT AMUSED BY YOUR PACK-RAT-LIKE ANTICS.”[b] You respond, your ears ringing with the shouting.

“Bob, what’s wrong with you?” She says, barely regaining her composure “Have you lost your mind?”

[b]”NO, BUT I’VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU B—“[b] Suddenly, you find yourself cut off by a loud tearing sound. Marisa stares at you with a horrified expression, one hand going to her mouth and the other hand pointing at you “Y-your hair…”

“What?” You mutter, reaching up to your head… only to find bare skin where moments ago there was a poofy head of hair. “What?!”

A scuttling noise draws your attention to the floor, where your hair, having separated from you, stands proudly. The fuzzy, self-propelled mass ‘looks’ back at you and makes a strange burbling noise before shuffling with alarming speed between Marisa’s feet and into the depths of her lair.

“A-after it!” Marisa urges you, spinning around and quickly making her way through the crowded hall. Standing for a moment, you find yourself wondering what kind of sick, twisted god puts you into these situations.

[ ] Help Marisa.
[ ] Don’t help Marisa.
[ ] Save the poor hair-creature.
[ ] Custom.
>> No. 18430
[x]Tackle Marisa. SAVE THE SOFT BEING AT ALL COSTS.
>> No. 18431
[x] Help Marisa.
>> No. 18432
[x] Help Marisa.
[x] Mount it on the wall as a trophy for all of your softness hunting deeds.
>> No. 18435
[x] Help Marisa.
>> No. 18436
[x] Help Marisa.
[x] Mount it on the wall as a trophy for all of your softness hunting deeds.
>> No. 18439
Calling it.
>> No. 18512
You have no idea what’s going on, but you know this much: you don’t want some crazy creature running around Marisa’s house and potentially ruining her day.

Well, no creature aside from you.

Grabbing a somewhat hefty table lamp (briefly pondering why Marisa would have one at all—there doesn’t seem to be any electricity in Gensokyo), you dutifully follow the witch on the hunt. You might not have any fancy magic to shoot around, but you most definitely can swing a cudgel.

However, you immediately see the trouble that this particular prey presents—despite its bright color, it was easily small enough to hide in one of the piles of rubbish lying about, waiting without cause for fear until you and Marisa passed, to slip away. Your fellow hunter has noted this as well, as she kicks over various mounds of this-and-that to check them for unwanted occupants.

“C’mon out, little fella” Marisa says in a singsong voice “We don’t wanna hurt you.” Her intended victim, though, isn’t buying it. You have the feeling that this will end unsuccessfully unless you have a plan of some sort. Of course, you could just get lucky and find the little bugger by sheer chance.

[ ] Just search areas at random.
[ ] Go pile-by-pile to find the hair creature.
[ ] Custom.


Sorry this one was a little short. I'm slightly sleep deprived and grumpy, so my creativity gland is shriveled up.
>> No. 18513
[x] Go pile-by-pile to find the hair creature.
>> No. 18516
[x] Go pile-by-pile to find the hair creature.
>> No. 18520
[x] Run through the house screaming and destroying everything in your path!
>> No. 18521
[x] Go pile-by-pile to find the hair creature.
Slow and steady...
>> No. 18523
[x] Go pile-by-pile to find the hair creature.

No problem, haven't managed to sleep more than 4 hours daily for a week too.
>> No. 18530
Awwww, y'all so unadventurous. Taking 20 like that.

Why, back in MY day, if we wanted to hunt hair creatures we burned them out of their lairs.

Anyway, writing now.
>> No. 18593
There’s only one way to take on such a ridiculous task—go after the creature slowly and steadily, taking the piles one at a time. It might not be the quickest way to go about things, but it’s probably the safest, and you really don’t like the thought of that little hair thing crawling about while you and Marisa are sound asleep. Steeling yourself for a lengthy labor, you crouch down and begin sifting through the first pile…



Some 90-odd minutes later, you slump down into sitting position against the wall, your back smarting from all the bending. “Marisa” you whine “Can we take a break yet? It’s not like my hair is going to burn your house down.”

“You don’t know that!” The black-white replies, tossing aside another pile of garbage futilely. Stomping angrily, she gives a shout “Where are you hiding you stupid hair thing?! Come and out and fight me like a man!”

After a moment’s silence, she allows her arms to drop to her sides and kneels down on the ground, mirroring your own tired expression “I just don’t know what to do Bob. I’ve dealt with a lot of crap in my time… but almost never inside my house!” She groans, planting her face in her hands “I mean, what am I gonna do if I lose all this stuff?”

You’re not entirely sure why she thinks she would lose anything, but you feel for the witch nonetheless. “You know what? I’m going to make us some tea.” You chime in, standing up and heading for the kitchen “You just relax until I get back.”

Rummaging through her cabinets, you come across something that looks like tea leaves and smells enough like tea, putting a cauldron on the wood-fire stove (and briefly wondering whether or not Marisa uses it for making magic potions), you begin to heat some water. Struck by sudden curiosity, you begin to look around her kitchen for something else—does Marisa have any cookbooks? You figure, if you’re going to be her guest for a while, you might as well make yourself useful.

A bit of exploration brings you to a tiny shelf high above her collection of spices (which, you note, is quite extensive). Though you can see some of the books clearly, you can’t quite reach. Standing up on your tip-toes and stretching out to your fullest, you just barely graze one of the books—damn! Making another pass, you manage to get a slight hold of one of the edges, but not enough to give you any leverage.

Growling impatiently, you make another futile swipe at the book… only to find it suddenly falling towards you. Reacting with cat-like quickness (if nor grace) you catch it in mid-air, looking up at the shelf instinctively. There, resting languidly behind where the book was, is the hair-creature. It burbles at you passively.

[ ] Back slowly away and get Marisa to blow the thing away.
[ ] Hit it with something.
[ ] Custom.
>> No. 18596
[x] Take it home, call it Fluffy the Destroyer.
>> No. 18597
[x] It tries to communicate. Maybe it wants to help you making something to eat.
[x] Examine the book. Is it a cookbook?
-[x] If yes, make food.
-[x] If no, hit the the creature with it.
>> No. 18598
[x] Take it home, call it Fluffy the Destroyer.
>> No. 18599
[x] Take it home, call it Fluffy the Destroyer.

So how do we win, anyway? Cuddling Youmu?
>> No. 18600
[x] Take it home, call it Fluffy the Destroyer.
>> No. 18613
Alright, calling it.

Why did Anon suddenly swing from 'kill it with a blunt object' to 'gonna taek u hoem'?
>> No. 18615
>>18613

Because Bob's silly like that.
>> No. 18618
>>18613
Anon
>> No. 18700
Looking at this strange creature of your own flesh and blood (well, hair and dandruff), you’re suddenly struck by how soft it looks. What were you thinking, trying to destroy it? Putting all that perfectly good softness to waste would be a terrible crime!

Offering it your hands as a platform, you beckon the creature to come to you. It obliges you with a gurgling noise, sliding into your hands and sitting there, jiggling slightly. Gazing at the creature, you feel a revelation come upon you “Fluffy” You mutter “You shall be Fluffy the Destroyer”.

Satisfied with your choice of name, Fluffy crawls up your arm and perches on your head, warbling quietly. “Hey Marisa!” You call “I don’t think we need to worry about Fl—the hair creature!”

“You kill it?” She replies, sounds incredulous. “No. Tamed it.”

A pronounced silence follows your exclamation. “What?” Marisa asks, her voice edged slightly. “I tamed it.” You repeat. You hear Marisa scrambling to get into the kitchen.

“Have you lost your mind?!” She shouts, drawing up short at the doorway and staring incredulously at the creature atop your head.

Taking a deep breath, you begin “Marisa, I--” but are promptly cut off as she begins to gather magical energy about her, a telltale glow surrounding her. She is going to attack the creature, regardless of your position!

[ ] Stand your ground.
[ ] Dodge! Duck! Dip! Dive! Dodge!
[ ] Custom.
>> No. 18701
[x] Stand your ground.
[x] Protect the soft creature at any cost!
-[x] Flee if you must, you can always come back when Marisa has calmed down a bit.
>> No. 18703
[x] Stand your ground.
[x] Protect the soft creature at any cost!
-[x] Flee if you must, you can always come back when Marisa has calmed down a bit.
>> No. 18704
[x] Stand your ground.
[x] Protect the soft creature at any cost!
-[x] Flee if you must, you can always come back when Marisa has calmed down a bit.
>> No. 18706
[x] Stand your ground.
>> No. 18716
[x] Stand your ground.
[x] Protect the soft creature at any cost!
-[x] Flee if you must, you can always come back when Marisa has calmed down a bit.
Must...protect...Fluffy...
>> No. 18717
[x] Stand your ground.
[x] Protect the soft creature at any cost!
-[x] Flee if you must, you can always come back when Marisa has calmed down a bit.
>> No. 18721
Alright, calling it.

CAN ANON WITHSTAND THE MAGICIAN OF LOVE'S MIGHTY HAIR-DESTROYING BARRAGE? TUNE IN NEXT YEAR TO FIND OUT!
>> No. 18957
>>18721
Only 2 months left!
>> No. 19379
Work work work work work. I feel like a slave these days.


You heave a sigh, disappointed in the
black-white witch. You had thought that your star pupil in the art of softness seeking would understand this better. “Listen to me, Marisa. We ca—JESUS!”

Barely dodging a burst of danmaku, you scramble away from the witch, shrieking in a most unmanly way. “Marisa, please, you have to listen to me! Fluffy wo--”

“You named it?!” She shouts, sending another blast your way (which, you note, dissipates harmlessly before it damages the interior of the room. At least if you survive you won’t need to help with repairs) which you clumsily avoid.

Quickly regaining your balance, you dive behind one of the counters to avoid another stream of glowing projectiles. In your flight, however, Fluffy is dislodged from his perch and goes sprawling. “No!” You cry, frightened for the creature, but it lands with far more grace than you and goes scuttling under the table.

Marisa, however, seems not to have noticed this, and continues her dogged pursuit, sending the occasional blast of energy at you, which you avoid each time by a narrow margin. You feel your breath begin to come in ragged gulps, and a realization strikes you—you will run out of stamina long before Marisa’s destructive rampage ends.

Figuring that you have to break this cat-and-mouse game, you decide upon a plan of action to get yourself to safety.

[] Flee the house; Marisa probably doesn’t even know that Fluffy is still inside, so he should be safe.
[] Try to disable her with a frontal assault.
[] Custom
>> No. 19380
[x] Try to disable her with a frontal assault.
[x] Probe her softness.
>> No. 19383
[x] CHARGE!!!
[x] Take each bullet like a man! Endure the pain with blinding passion! Let go of all worldly sensations! This is the only path, you have no regrets...
[x] Unlimited Snuggle Works
>> No. 19399
[x] Try to disable her with a frontal assault.
Hey ho, let's go!
>> No. 19427
[x] Try to disable her with a frontal assault.
[x] Probe her softness.

Poor Bob.
>> No. 19433
[x] Try to disable her with a frontal assault.
[x] Probe her softness.
>> No. 19434
>>19399
Who you callin' a Ho?!

Anyway, writing now.
>> No. 19494
Nobody certainly writes for a long time.
>> No. 19495
>>19494
He's another Weirdo. It will come in the next month i guess.
>> No. 19971
[x] Try to disable her with a frontal assault.
[x] Probe her softness.


You take a deep breath to steady yourself; if Marisa wants to play it like this, you reason, then you’re more than happy to oblige. With a mighty roar, you spring towards her, wind milling your arms threateningly.

The witch is taken by surprise, but not enough to completely throw her off. Summoning another blast of energy, she sends it hurtling your way!

Time slows to a crawl as the dazzling burst of danmaku flies towards you. Acting on some long-dormant warrior instinct (or just spazzing out), you deftly jink to the side and avoid the attack. With an Olympic show of agility, you lunge at Marisa and bring her down with a flying tackle.

“Hah!” You cry, reveling in your triumph. Marisa thrashes violently, nearly knocking you off, but you hold tight. “Now, my fallen disciple, I shall return you to the pa--”

You’re cut off in mid-sentence as something slams into your back; tumbling head over heels you catch a glimpse of dark blue accompanied by a flash of red: Shanghai! Taken by surprise, you can’t help but tumble to the floor, giving Marisa enough time to scramble to her feet.

Lamenting this turn of events, you slowly stand up, giving your black-white adversary more than enough time to send another blast of energy your way, which knocks you right back down. “Uncle. Mercy. I give.” You groan, waving your hand feebly. The witch steps over and looks down at you, hands on her hips and a glare in her eye. You’re fairly certain that your life is at an end.

Instead, she grabs you by the collar and drags you, not taking any particular care to avoid obstacles in the hallway, to the front door. She hurls you out onto her front porch, and slams the front door with a cry of “And stay out!”

You glance around, noticing that it’s well into the evening; sunset will be in about an hour. What now, tough guy?

[] Beg to be let back in.
[] Leave and try to find somewhere else to stay
[] Wander blindly through the forest.
[] Custom.
>> No. 19972
[x] Leave and try to find somewhere else to stay
Beaten by a doll? How weak!
>> No. 19974
>>19971
Allow me to clarify something: if you choose "[] Leave and try to find somewhere else to stay ", then specify where.

Thanks and have a great time starving to death in the forest
>> No. 19982
[x] Leave and try to find somewhere else to stay
-[x] The Village, hopefully someone there will be nice enough to lend a box.
>> No. 19983
[x] Leave and try to find somewhere else to stay
-[x] The Village, hopefully someone there will be nice enough to lend a box.
>> No. 19989
Right, calling it.
>> No. 19992
It's so delightful to write about the village! You get much more leeway in terms of who one can meet...

~~~~~~~~~~

[x] Leave and try to find somewhere else to stay
-[x] The Village, hopefully someone there will be nice enough to lend a box.

You get the feeling Marisa isn’t going to let you back in, so the next best option seems to try the village-folk. If nothing else, you’ll have a nice street to sleep on for the night. Turning towards the forest, you set off in what you recall as being the direction of the village.

After a brief, uneventful trek through the forest (which, in the evening’s dim light, manages to give you the willies like none other), you arrive at the village. Unlike on your earlier excursion, the village is now settled down for the night; settled down for drinking, carousing and all manner of other activities.

The villagers fail to catch your eye for the most part; they look like standard-issue small crowds of unwashed peasants from a movie. Interestingly, their garb ranges from feudal Japanese to something more like Anglo-Saxon, but with far more of the former than the latter. The few that do take notice of you seem less than friendly, and you have trouble speaking with any of the respectable-looking residents about a place to stay for the night.

Passing by what appears to be a tavern of some sort, you see a short girl come staggering out. The first thing that catches your eye is a pair of spiraling horns that rise up from the sides of her head. Clearly drunk, she staggers right into you and delivers an accidental headbutt (thankfully missing you with her horns), and knocks you down. You’re beginning to think that every single short, humanoid thing you meet is fated to knock you on your ass.

Somehow managing to keep her balance, the girl staggers backwards and glares at you with red-rimmed eyes that seem horribly out of place next to her pouty expression and button nose. “Wash were y’going!” She roars in a childish voice “People tryin’ ta walk here!”

Are you gonna take that from a little kid?

[] Get up up and….
[] Yell at her
[] Firmly but calmly demand an apology.
[] Apologize

[] Stay down and…
[] Whimper in pain.
[] Pretend to be dead.

[] Custom
>> No. 19993
[X] Stay down and…
[X] Pretend to be dead.
>> No. 19994
[x] Get up up and….
-[x] Apologize

Good way to get on her good side, and not end up paste on the road.
>> No. 20000
[X] Stay down and…
[X] Pretend to be dead.

HONK HONK
>> No. 20001
I could've sworn I had voted earlier.

[X] Stay down and…
[X] Pretend to be dead.
>> No. 20002
[X] Stay down and…
[X] Pretend to be dead.

What could possibly go wrong?
>> No. 20006
Calling it.
>> No. 20007
File 126158760932.png - (130.89KB, 300x902, HONK HONK.png) [iqdb]
20007
>>20000
>HONK HONK
oh wow
>> No. 20024
[X] Stay down and…
[X] Pretend to be dead.

Utilizing your famous corpse-impression technique, you remain perfectly still on the ground. “Wassa matta with you?!” The little girl roars, prodding you with her foot. When you fail to respond, she shrugs, mumbles something to herself, and wanders off. You give her a few moments to leave before sitting up and taking a deep breath.

“Didn’t think he was dead.” A male voice utters disinterestedly. Turning around, you see that, in place of the little girl, two men have wandered over and are staring at you. One of them is dressed in a pair of trousers, boots and a loose shirt with patches stitched onto it, grinning in a slightly unhinged manner. The other one looks like something out of a book on Rome—he has a white toga and a pair of braided sandals on, and his lip is curled upward in the disdainful sneer of an upper-class person of some wealth.

“I never said he was.” The Roman-looking fellow replies. Snorting at some private joke, the first man offers you a hand and helps you to your feet. “I’d wager that hurt like all get out.” He says “The oni—that wee little girl—I seen her take down lumberjacks an’ the like with one punch.” He doffs an imaginary hat “Name’s Tom, by th’ way.”

“I’m Bob. Bob the Weirdo.” You reply, taking a liking to this maniacally-grinning fellow “Wou--”

You’re cut off by the second man “And I am Marcus.” He proclaims, pronouncing his name in a very posh way “You have the honor of speaking to the most brilliant man in all of Gensokyo.”

Tom cackles and slaps you on the back “Innt he somethin’? Even b’fore he came here he was like that. We’re both outsiders, him and me. Or with you here, we’re all three of us outsiders.”

You nod, wondering why you’re currently on a dark street talking with two madmen instead of snuggling Marisa in the safety of her cottage. “Look…” You reluctantly say “I need a place to stay for the night and… As a fellow outsider could you maybe…?”

Tom grins even more widely and nods eagerly “Why sure, sure! I know a place for you ta rest your head.” Marcus eyes his friend warily “You’re not suggesting he stay with me, are you? Because that simply will not do.” He cautions. “No, nothing like that. Nothing like that at all.” Tom assures him “I think we oughta drop ‘im at the Shrine.”

“Shrine?” You ask, less than happy with the prospect of another long walk. “Yeah, the Hakurei Shrine. The mistress of it’s a priestess what helps outsiders get on their feet.” Tom says “It’s a big shrine, and she’ll have a bed for you, though no food or nothin’. She’s a bit of a miser. Still, it’s better than sleeping on the street, right? The Shrine’s not far from here; what’dya say?”

They seem like trustworthy fellows, and a nice bed at this shrine should be much softer than the street.

[] Follow them to the shrine.
[] Politely decline.
[] Custom.
>> No. 20025
[x] Follow them to the shrine.

I love to see Marisa's expression about now.
>> No. 20026
[x] Follow them to the shrine.
SUIKAAAAAAAA! I'M THE GHOST OF THE OUTSIDER YOU KILLEDDDDDDDD!
>> No. 20027
[ぜ] Follow them to the shrine.
>> No. 20030
Calling it.
>> No. 20032
[x] Follow them to the shrine.

“Oh, yes, a bed would be wonderful!” You reply happily, shaking Tom’s hand “Thank you so much!” Tom just grins.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ugh” You groan for the umpteenth time “How much farther to the Shrine?”

“Oh, not long now.” Tom says, and even though he’s facing away from you, you can hear the grin in his voice “Not long at all.”

“You said that a mile ago!” You cry in exasperation “Are we just going to walk until sunrise? How far could this shrine be?”

“Yes, I agree.” Marcus says disinterestedly “I think we have walked far enough, Tom.”

“Good enough fer me.” Tom snickers. Suddenly, he pitches forward onto all fours and begins to moan in pain, his body convulsing. Where once a fairly normal looking human had been, there is now a monster. Grey-skinned and muscular, it stands nearly 7 feet tall.

Turning, it grins at you, revealing shark-like teeth and eyes as black as coal. “Now then” It growls, its words distorted by a mouth not meant for speech “Time ta eat.”

You turn to flee, but come face-to-face with Marcus, whose ‘toga’ has unraveled itself and now squirms in the air around him like the tentacles of some sea creature. His body is covered with rough scales and knobs, though his face remains unchanged. “Don’t run” he says in a voice that seems to echo back on itself “You’ll just die tired.”

You jump to the side and run past him, but one of his tentacles grabs you around the legs and throws you to the ground. The two monsters loom over you “Any last words, human?” Marcus asks.

[] Custom only.
>> No. 20035
>>20032
[x]'You do know that by asking that question you've assured my survival, right? Every time the bad guys (I.E: You) hesitates before eating the Main character (I.E: Me) something or someone appears from fucking nowhere from nowhere and saves him, I mean, me. Come on, it's basic storytelling: do you live under a rock or something?'
>> No. 20036
>>20035

Oh my, what an apt name.

Well, seeing as I'm coming up blank...

[x]'You do know that by asking that question you've assured my survival, right? Every time the bad guys (I.E: You) hesitates before eating the Main character (I.E: Me) something or someone appears from fucking nowhere and saves him, I mean, me. Come on, it's basic storytelling: do you live under a rock or something?'
>> No. 20047
[x]'You do know that by asking that question you've assured my survival, right? Every time the bad guys (I.E: You) hesitates before eating the Main character (I.E: Me) something or someone appears from fucking nowhere and saves him, I mean, me. Come on, it's basic storytelling: do you live under a rock or something?'

I'm no good at writing write ins. Oh well. This sounds interesting, at least.
>> No. 20052
[x]'You do know that by asking that question you've assured my survival, right? Every time the bad guys (I.E: You) hesitates before eating the Main character (I.E: Me) something or someone appears from fucking nowhere and saves him, I mean, me. Come on, it's basic storytelling: do you live under a rock or something?'

“Well…” You begin, taking a deep breath “Don’t you two know that by asking me that question you’ve assured my survival? Every time the bad guys, i.e. you, hesitates in a dramatic manner before killing the main character, i.e. me, someone or something appears out of nowhere and saves him? I mean me. Saves me. Really, it’s basic storytelling. Do you live under a rock or something?”

Your response is greeted by silence, which Tom eventually breaks with a murmur of “Y’know, I take offense at that. My mum lived under a rock…”

For once, however, it is Marcus who smiles “How delightful.” He says “A comedian, Tom. We’ve found a comedian for dinner. I know a few jokes myself, actually. Here’s one…” He clears his throat:

“What did the youkai say to his friend whilst eating a comedian?”

“I dunno, Marcus, what did he say?”

“’Does this taste funny to you?’”

Tom guffaws and you groan in agony “Please, no more! Just kill me before you spout off another joke like that.” You beg your captors.

Tom looks at you thoughtfully “Okay.” He replies as he bends down and snaps your neck with a twist of his hand.

If it’s any consolation, you didn’t taste funny at all. Rather gamey, actually.

‘YOU WERE ASKING FOR THIS’ End

Rollback and choose new option?
>> No. 20054
>>20052
>“Y’know, I take offense at that. My mum lived under a rock…”
Hahahahaha

Oh well, my work here is done. What should we do now...?
>> No. 20055
[X] Roll back 2 choices.
[X] Politely decline.
>> No. 20056
[X] Roll back 2 choices.
[X] Politely decline.
That went well...
>> No. 20057
I think I'll call it.
>> No. 20058
[X] Roll back 2 choices.
[X] Politely decline.

“No thanks.” You reply, massaging your temples to ward off a sudden onset headache “I don’t feel like walking through the forest again.”

Tom’s grin falters for a moment, but he shrugs away his disappointment “Suit yourself.” He says, and turns towards his companion “Off we go, then.”

The two wander off into the village, leaving you standing by yourself outside the tavern. A quick glance around tells you that things are winding down for the evening. Wandering over to the recessed doorway of a building, you sit down and close your eyes…



“Wake up, Bob.”

Stirring from an uneasy slumber, you open your eyes and yawn widely. “Dammit, Bob, rub the sleep out of your eyes and get up! We’re under attack.”

Your eyes snap open at those words and you scramble to your feet. Staring you right in the face is Corporal Marisa Kirisame, the one person you can look up to in the hell that is this war. “Attack?” You mutter, pulling on your grey-green fatigues.

“Yes, Bob. Grab your gun and meet me out front.”

After you secure your boots and helmet, you grab your M1 Garand and shove a clip into the feed, rushing out of your sleeping-tent and into the early morning light. You see Marisa a few feet away, binoculars pressed to her face, surveying the oncoming enemy. Though they are too far to see, you can easily make out the distinctive flag of the Japanese Empire.

“Well, Marisa, I think that today is a good day to die.” You pronounce, putting on a brave face for your comrade. She nods grimly and replaces her binoculars at her hip, grabbing her rifle from the ground next to her.

Your company was deployed to the Pacific theater about 2 months ago, and since then you and Marisa have experienced several close brushes with death. But each time you’ve managed to pull through with each other’s help. Never far from each other, you’ve weathered the worst that this campaign has to offer.

“Here they come.” Your trusted friend mutters, raising the rifle to her shoulder and taking aim “Let ‘em have it!”

Along with the rest of your company, the two of you open up on the advancing enemy forces, cutting down hundreds of the pale-faced, glassy-eyed enemy combatants as they come. But for every one that falls, another takes his place.

Eventually they close in and, after one last shot, you’re reduced to hand-to-hand fighting with this vicious enemy. Whipping out your trench-knife, you lay into them with wild abandon.

“Bob, help me!” You hear Marisa cry, and you turn just as the enemy brings her down by sheer weight of numbers. You fight your way over to where she lies, but it’s far too late. Now consumed with rage, you become a whirlwind of death, striking left and right, high and low and leaving a path of devastation in your wake. All the while you can hear yourself shouting three words over and over again:

“GOD DAMN VAMPIRES!”



A less-than gentle prod to your side wakes you up (for real this time), and you open your eyes to daylight in the village. Your back and legs are painfully stiff from sleeping propped up, and you feel hardly refreshed at all by your slumber.

“Bob, wake up.” A feminine voice whispers.

Rubbing your eyes, you turn and find yourself looking at the school-teacher whom you met before. “Miss…. Keine?” You croak, hoping you didn’t get her name wrong.

She nods “Yes, Bob. Why are you out in the street?”

[] Tell her the truth.
[] Avoid the question.
+
[] Ask her for breakfast.

[] Custom.


The dream sequence was based on a real dream. I think I forgot to take my medication that night.
>> No. 20059
[x]Her chest looks soft.
[x]Really soft.
>> No. 20060
[x] Say there was a terrible disagreement with Marisa over something and she kicked you out.
-[x] Kindly ask for something to eat, even if it's bread.
-[x] Try to work your way into her favor; she looks to be very soft.
>> No. 20062
[X] "Because that's where I landed. How's my hair?"
>> No. 20065
[x] Say there was a terrible disagreement with Marisa over something and she kicked you out.
-[x] Kindly ask for something to eat, even if it's bread.
-[x] Try to work your way into her favor; she looks to be very soft.
>> No. 20066
What happened to Fluffy, anyway?
>> No. 20067
[x] Say there was a terrible disagreement with Marisa over something and she kicked you out.
-[x] Kindly ask for something to eat, even if it's bread.
-[x] Try to work your way into her favor; she looks to be very soft.
>> No. 20068
[x] Say there was a terrible disagreement with Marisa over something and she kicked you out.
-[x] Kindly ask for something to eat, even if it's bread.
-[x] Try to work your way into her favor; she looks to be very soft.
>> No. 20072
Calling it.
>> No. 20407
Apparently I slipped into hibernation mode for the worst of winter. I apologize deeply for the delay.

~~~~~~~

[x] Say there was a terrible disagreement with Marisa over something and she kicked you out.
-[x] Kindly ask for something to eat, even if it's bread.
-[x] Try to work your way into her favor; she looks to be very soft.

“Well” You reply, standing up and dusting yourself off, “I had a most unfortunate disagreement with my dear host, Marisa. An argument ensued and I was thrown out of the house. And, having no place to stay, I wandered into town and slept out in the street.”

Clutching your stomach dramatically, you continue “Miss Keine, might you have any food to offer me? Even simple bread would suffice; I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday.”

“You must be starving.” She comments without much emotion “Come by the schoolhouse and I’ll see if I can get something together for you.”

As you follow her back to the school, you carefully observe every single one of the teacher’s motions; you carefully catalogue every turn of her head, placement of her feet, and so on. By the end of the walk, you’re satisfied that she might be suitably soft.

A few minutes later, after wolfing down the last of a slightly stale loaf of bread, you bow your head respectfully “A thousand thanks for the meal, Miss Keine.”

“You are very welcome, Bob.” She says, pausing briefly. “Now” She continues, leaning forward and resting her chin on her hands “Tell me about this ‘disagreement’.”

Despite being reminded uncomfortably of a nasty experience in high school with a school psychiatrist, you summarize the events leading up to your ejection for Keine, carefully avoiding mention of your snuggle-molestation of Marisa. The schoolmistress takes a moment at the end to your tale to think.

“Well, I’m afraid you can’t stay at the schoolhouse, Bob. I need to conduct class here, and I’m afraid you’ll be… Disruptive.” She says finally, much to your disappointment. “Perhaps a stroll through town will do you good, or you could try to visit the Hakurei Shrine if you intend to cross the border back into your own world.”

[] Wander around town; you could meet someone soft.
[] Head to the Shrine; this place is getting less hospitable by the day.
[] Custom
>> No. 20408
[x] Wander around town; you could meet someone soft.
>> No. 20412
[x] Thank her for her kind assistance.
[x] Wander around town; you could meet someone soft.

So Keine lives in the school house in this story? Since I'm trying to remember if it was clarified where she lives; the school house or her own place.
>> No. 20413
[X] Wander around town; you could meet someone soft.
>> No. 20414
[x] Wander around town; you could meet someone soft.
The Adventures of Bob the Weirdo to find the Ultimate Soft Being.
>> No. 20415
File 126687852164.jpg - (230.97KB, 700x700, gato.jpg) [iqdb]
20415
>>20412
It's assumed that she has a place.


[x] Wander around town; you could meet someone soft.
>> No. 20433
inb4 Bob declares Youmu as "not soft" as she's too buff from her swordsmanship training.
>> No. 20456
>>20433
I would never do something so reasonable mean!

Anyway, calling it and writing now.
>> No. 21354
Patiently hoping for updates.
>> No. 21355
File 127955546553.jpg - (343.27KB, 660x660, fd2da7f7aaaad94b4858fcf51b29443b.jpg) [iqdb]
21355
>posted >>21354
>Four days later, nothing on the board has been bumped above it
>my face
>> No. 21371
>>21355
How can something be bumped if nothing is written here.
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