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12694 No. 12694
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MISSION #1: SOLES OF DARKNESS

Operative Note: It may be advisable to first return to base before embarking on a new mission: >>/others/14859
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


(Good. It’s bright tonight. This is gonna be easier than I thought.)

These words, or words quite possibly similar to it, are thought to yourself as you creep as silently as you can through the comfortably-dense trees of the Forest of Magic. Which really isn’t that silent at all, snapping twigs and rustling leaves like a noisy bear, but at least you’re ahead in principal. The drowsy evening sun casts its golden, bounteous light through the many leaves of the forest, keeping your view clear as you search for tonight’s mission objective: Rumia, Youkai of Darkness. She’s quite a bit below the level of quarry your masterful skill level deserves, but after that fiasco with Hong Meiling, you’d really like to restore your ego with something easier for a change. And you did manage to at least get the China-girl’s left shoe when all was said and done. Granted, she threw it at your head, but it’s her loss, your gain either way. Left a rather impressive welt, though.

But that’s not important right now. In fact, it’s much less than important. Shoes in the past are already gone. Shoes in the future can wait until later. But shoes in the present are shoes worth taking. And Rumia’s are the closest to your present at the current point in time, so on you go, looking for that distinctive blob of darkness which so often marks the girl’s presence.

Accidentally catching your foot on a root, you stumble and fall to one knee, feeling your right foot slip out of its hiking boot. And you just tied it up five minutes ago, too. You slip your foot back into the shoe, and look it over a little before continuing. Pair Number 4H, seven eyelets, grey rubber soles with nut brown leather tops. A year and a half old, and showing their age more than you’d like. It’s been quite a good pair to you, as far as hiking boots go. Not that you really have much time for hiking these days, mountain, forest, or otherwise; you’re far too busy getting new shoes to waste time not getting new shoes.

Wait, where were you again? Oh yes, of course: shoes.

You stare at the floppy shoelace, twisted around itself limply after the knot of thirty seconds ago decided to stage a miniature coup against practical footwear. Well, you’ll show it who’s wearing the shoes in this government! Staring down at the small cord intently, you try to tap into the marvelous, marvelous power sleeping within you that is the manipulation of footwear. What a lucky girl you are to have such an ability! And who else should have it but you anyways? Everyone else would just ignore it, or turn it into some awful, awful battle technique, rather than something useful and practical, like tying shoes without having to bend down! You see the lace struggling against gravity, but you win it over, and like magic—actually, it’s much more than just something like magic, but that’s for other people to argue over—it slowly rises up and starts to loop itself around, before—

(This is taking too long. I should be finding Rumia and grabbing shoes by now!). You give up your completely legitimate attempts to tie your shoe through sheer force of will and just bend over and knot it tight by hand instead. Which is not to say that you couldn’t have done it! Because you’re confident beyond a shadow of a doubt that you could; it just would have taken longer than doing it manually, is all. But you’re ahead in principal!

Wait, where were you again? Oh yes, of course: shoes.

You stand up and brush the dirt off your ragged blue overalls. They’re old and smell like damp books, but are actually much more comfortable than they look, which isn’t very comfortable at all. Perfect for sneaking around looking for shoes. Only when looking for shoes, though; you just can’t have everyone thinking you’re some kind of weirdo with a shoe fetish that can’t even look after her own clothes! If you wanted to you could go back home right now and put on something much nicer and more fitting of a girl of your stature, but doing so would take up precious time better spent looking for Rumia’s shoes, and that just simply will not do.

Moving the goggles on your forehead to a more comfortable position, you look around you, and suddenly freeze. There it is! The target! A lumpy mass of moving blackness is slowly wandering ahead of you through the forest, stumbling around even worse than the stumble you took due to your rascally—but still positively wonderful—right hiking boot. She’s talking to herself like some kind of crazy person, something which you most definitely are not, and cannot relate to whatsoever.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

INVERTORY:
@ One (1) pair of night-vision goggles, currently on your head. With a proper electrical power supply, they with be an invariable ally against the armies of darkness. Unfortunately, you currently lack a proper electrical power supply. At the moment, the goggles do nothing.
@ One (1) squirt gun, currently in your pocket. A smashing shade of translucent blue-grey, no fire will dare think twice when you brandish the business end of this little honey. It is currently at 85% Liquidity, due to a rather bothersome leak.
@ Two (2) hiking boots, currently on your feet, as shoes normally are (expect the ones you’re not wearing; those are hidden safe in a place that is very safe). Your trusty 4H’s have seen you through many-a caper, and would gladly sacrifice their lives for you. A protagonist of “Shoe Proficiency: Laudable” or higher may remove them and use them as melee or ranged weapons with no detriment to Finesse. And it just so happens that you are a protagonist of “Shoe Proficiency: Laudable” or higher.
@ One (1) set of clothes, currently on your body, as clothes normally are. A combination of grey socks, blue overalls, and hot pink shirt, they supposedly shield you from nature’s elements and the ogling stares of perverts…whatever that means. They are currently at 5% Liquidity, due to the aforementioned bothersome leak of your one (1) squirt gun.

OBJECTIVES:
Primary: Duh! Steal Rumia’s shoes!
Secondary: “Hide And Go Sneak!”
Secondary: “Boom! Headshot!”
Secondary: “Firefighter Extraordinaire!”
Secondary: “Give Logic The Boot!”

WHERE TO, MISS?
[+] Rush in full speed! Nobody expects that! (Activate Night-Vision Mode? Y/N)
[+] Sneak around in a sneaky fashion. Remember: this is a sneaking mission.
[+] Open negotiations with the enemy. You’ll take her shoes through shady, underhanded business strategies!
[+] Engage Combat Mode! Stealth Schematic: Sniper Shoe!
[+] Go back home right now and put on something much nicer and more fitting of a girl of your stature.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

NO LOGIC.

NO EXPLANATION.

NO DESPAIR.

STEALING SHOES ONLY.

FINAL DESTINATION.

>> No. 12695
[+] Go back home right now and put on a sneaking suit.
[+] Sneak around in a sneaky fashion. Remember: this is a sneaking mission.

Oh, Owen, you crazy bastard.
>> No. 12696
[+] Engage Combat Mode! Stealth Schematic: Sniper Shoe!

Owen, did ASSM burn your brain? Anyway, I'm very interessed in this potentially awesome story(ies), and wish to ask how the fuck did you come up with this?
>> No. 12697
[x] Rush in full speed! Nobody expects that! (NVG On: Yes)

Dear lord, the shoes.
>> No. 12698
[+] Rush in full speed! Nobody expects that! (Activate Night-Vision Mode? Y/

Are we going to steal Rumia's precious things as well? Since we're going though all this effort...
>> No. 12699
Mother of God, Owen's gone completely batshit insane.

Shoes.

[x] Open negotiations with the enemy. You’ll take her shoes through shady, underhanded business strategies!
>> No. 12700
Haha, so this is what you meant by a more light hearted story, let the games begin!

[+] Rush in full speed! Nobody expects that! (Activate Night-Vision Mode? Y)
>> No. 12701
[X]Quickly fashion two water containers and a pump out of nearby wood.
[X]Fill tubes with water. Attach pump.
[X] PUMP AIR INTO THE TUBES LIKE THE MOTHERFUCKING FIST OF THE NORTH STAR.
[X]Plug Tubes and tie to shoes.
[X]Ivy, Plugs, Tie it.
[X]ROCKET SHOES
[X] USE IN EMERGENCIES GODDAMMIT.

ANYTHING FECKING GOES. TOP SCORE.

[+] Rush in full speed! Nobody expects that! (Activate Night-Vision Mode? Y)
>> No. 12702
>Unfortunately, you currently lack a proper electrical power supply. At the moment, the goggles do nothing.

The goggles, they do nothing.

>[ ] Engage Combat Mode! Stealth Schematic: Sniper Shoe!

While a viable strategy for one of our skill, however seeing as we don't have a direct line of sight of our target firing blindly into the darkness is not suitable, as we do not have magic shoes. Were we able to project them as missiles, making them considerably magical, it may just be a strategy worth taking in order to accomplish our Secondary Objective: "Boom! Headshot!" but alas our powers are only over shoes state of being. Not that it's a bad thing, mind you, but it's just not worth doing yet since we are unable to see our target.

>A protagonist of “Shoe Proficiency: Laudable” or higher may remove them and use them as melee or ranged weapons with no detriment to Finesse.
>may remove them and use them as melee or ranged weapons
>may remove them

What!? What is this?! You are clearly not properly trained in fighting with your shoes! You are disrespecting these marvelous creations by removing them from their most comfortable position. If this wasn't such a low level mark, I'd have you go back into your house and start training yourself to be one with your shoes.

As for my vote.

[+] Sneak around in a sneaky fashion. Remember: this is a sneaking mission.

Remember the basics of CQC.

In order to properly stalk. You must walk heel first and slowly place your foot down, shifting the front end of your foot appropriately to avoid any objects such as twigs and the like.
>> No. 12706
... Best... CYOA... Ever!

[+] Sneak around in a sneaky fashion. Remember: this is a sneaking mission.

Better than firing into the darkness!
>> No. 12711
It's nice to see you took the "write a happy story" suggestion to heart.

[x] Sneak around in sneaky fashion. This is a sneaking mission. of shoes.
>> No. 12713
[+] Open negotiations with the enemy. You’ll take her shoes through shady, underhanded business strategies!
I don't see how ANYONE could not vote for this CLEARLY optimal strategy.
>> No. 12714
[♫] Go back home right now and put on something much nicer and more fitting of a girl of your stature.

Sombrero~♪
>> No. 12715
[+] Open negotiations with the enemy. You’ll take her shoes through shady, underhanded business strategies!
It doesn't have to be shady, or underhanded!
>> No. 12716
[M] Return home, exchange outfit for red Inquisition outfit.
[M] Use your weapon of surprise, and fear... your two weapons of surprise and fear and ruthless efficiency. Three weapons, surprise, fear and ruthless efficiency to steal shoes.
>> No. 12719
>What you do care about is shoes. Lots of shoes. Everyone’s shoes. So much so that you will not rest until you have stolen each and every Gensokyan’s shoes for yourself

Jesus Christ, this will be awesome. Owen you fucking genius.

[x] Sneak around in a sneaky fashion. Remember: this is a sneaking mission.
>> No. 12723
>>12719
>Jesus Christ, this will be awesome. Mystia and Kedama, you fucking geniuses. Owen you amazing writer.
fixed for accuracy.

I'll be writing missions some time later.
>> No. 12724
...

This is both brilliant and insane.

[+] Open negotiations with the enemy. You’ll take her shoes through shady, underhanded business strategies!

If we trade her human meat we'd also get the human's shoes.
>> No. 12725
[x] Put China's shoe on your head as a makeshift hat.
>> No. 12726
How large are our feet? Because if they're relatively small, we should wear some tight-fit dress shoes and then slip some oversized boots on top of those. This gives us extra ammunition and doesn't leave us barefoot after firing. From there, just improve our kick...
>> No. 12728
[X] Open negotiations with the enemy. You’ll take her shoes through shady, underhanded business strategies!
You are now imagining trying to steal Aya's awesome shoes.
>> No. 12731
...If you're going to parody a writefag, there are more popular ones to do it to.
>> No. 12736
>>12731
Then get back to writing. Why did you stop?
>> No. 12737
>>12731
Who are you?
>> No. 12739
[+] Sneak around in a sneaky fashion. Remember: this is a sneaking mission.

It is quite obvious what you have to do; your mind voted upon it not but a few minutes ago. You’re going to be sneaky, sneaky like a sneaker, which is actually a dumb name for those shoes because they squeak far too much to be sneaky at all. Who named them “sneakers” anyways? “Squeakers” is a much cooler name in your opinion; makes you think of little mouse shoes. Well, mice don’t wear shoes, but if they did, they would most definitely be very cute and cuddly and worth stealing a pair of. Probably two pairs even, since mice have four feet. Even better!

You crouch slightly lower to the ground and become more aware of the undergrowth beneath your feet. Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe, being ever so careful to not step on twigs and give your position away. The Rumia-blob continues to wander aimlessly around the trees, muttering to herself and contacting every other tree she passes out of dumb luck. As you close in on her you can make out her words:

“Unnnnhh, why’s it so hot and bright tonight, anyways? I thought it was going to be a nice, cloudy day where I could actually see people! Ow! Stupid trees, why’d you have to go and plant yourself in front of me? I’m not hurting you, why you gotta hurt me, huh? Oh, is that so? You don’t like me because I can walk around and you can’t? I bet you could if you would stop sitting around like lumps and tried to! Uhmph! You too, stupid hole-in-the-ground? Well fine, maybe I’ll just fly instead!”

No, not flying! You break out into an uncomfortable cool sweat. If, if she flies…you won’t be able to follow her! And then the shoes…no, the shoes, th-they’ll…they’ll be gone! And after you’ve come all this way! You pick up the pace, hoping to catch her before she runs away to the sky you can’t touch. Come to think of it, walking everywhere isn’t that bad at all, really. It gives you more muscles and lets you appreciate shoes for the awesome things they are! But still, flying would be nice for a change; you wouldn’t get your precious shoes dirty, for one!

A mistake, no! In your haste to retrieve the precious things, your boot falls down onto a dry twig, which snaps louder than a twig should by far. Rumia stops mumbling, and the blob rotates around like a spinning rubber ball.

“Who? Who’s, who’s there?”

You don’t move. You can’t have your cover blown! She can’t see you, no matter what you do. If you don’t make any more noise, then…wait, that’s right! She can’t see you, no matter what you do! That means if you take your boots off and sneak up closer, she won’t see that, either! The perfect plan for being sneaky! Quickly untying your laces, you slip off your beloved footwear and pad around in your socks. The cool, fresh earth feels good on your feet, even if it’s a bit lumpy. Your boots you keep suspended by their strings in your right hand, ready to use them at a moment’s notice, even if it means throwing them at your target. Surely they’ll understand; you’d gladly do the same for them if your positions were reversed.

Rumia’s voice grows both more nervous and more annoyed. “Hey! Hey, you! I know someone’s there! Where are you? This isn’t fair, you know I don’t like the sun before it sets!”

(Yes, that’s right, Rumia. This isn’t fair. But it is fair, see? When it comes to shoes, everything is fair, and everything is foul. If you wanted fairness, you should have just left your shoes on that rock last week like I asked you. Too late now, though; they’re all mine. Just a little closer…)

You’re am arm’s reach away from the black bubble now, but annoyingly you can’t see through it. You can hear Rumia just a few feet away, breathing nervously and tossing her hair about as she looks in vain for your position. What a silly girl, to cripple others by crippling yourself. You’ll never get anywhere in life like that! You’ve gotta take the lead and have a go get’em attitude! That’s how you’ve acquired so many shoes already! And that’s how you’re going to acquire Rumia’s right now!

You know what you have to do. It’s a brilliant plan, one that’s sure to succeed. Against someone like Rumia, she’ll have no chance against your superior skill! You’re gonna…You’re gonna…!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

YOU’RE GONNA…
[+] Dive in head-first and arms outstretched like a vicious tiger!
[+] Pull out your pistol and open fire!
[+] Tie your shoelaces together and use the boots like a bola to trap her!
[+] Toss a stick in the other direction and swipe the shoes while she’s distracted!
[+] Go “Boo!”
[+] Initiate Battle Tactics! Foreign Offensive: Das Boot!
>> No. 12740
[+] Toss a stick in the other direction and swipe the shoes while she’s distracted!
>> No. 12741
+] Dive in head-first and arms outstretched like a vicious tiger!

Full Frontal Assault!
>> No. 12742
[+] Toss a stick in the other direction and swipe the shoes while she’s distracted!

Soon we shall be known as the shoe-stealing terror of Gensokyo!
>> No. 12744
[+] Tie your shoelaces together and use the boots like a bola to trap her!
[+] Dive in head-first and arms outstretched like a vicious tiger!

First trap then rape
>> No. 12752
[x] Yank her legs out from under her and remove the shoes in one swift motion. Then, you run.
>> No. 12786
[+] Toss a stick in the other direction and swipe the shoes while she’s distracted!

Something needs to win.
>> No. 12788
[+] Toss a stick in the other direction and swipe the shoes while she’s distracted!
>> No. 12789
[+] Toss a stick in the other direction and swipe the shoes while she’s distracted!

You are going to acquire this discarded small tree limb from off the earthy ground in a strategic maneuver which involves lofting said stick in a direction opposite of where you are in relation to the target, thereby creating a misleading noise upon impact which will distract the target into assuming your location is in a false position, rendering her defenses severely compromised and allowing you to take the offensive in order to procure her precious footwear.

Unfortunately, that’s much too complicated. So instead, you’ll just toss a stick over there and swipe Rumia’s shoes while she’s distracted. Yes, that’s much easier.

Let’s see now…boots in one hand, throwing stick in the other. This is problematic. With only one hand free, your ability to pilfer shoes will be severely hindered. It appears that you’ll have to return your shoes to their former location in order to maximize your shoe-stealing efficiency. After all, it just wouldn’t do to fumble around like an amateur when you’re so close to success. That would be most foolish and demeaning to your cause.

Ever so quietly, you place your trusty boots back down onto the ground and slip your feet into them, lacing the strings up with deft precision from years of expert practice. Grabbing a stout, broken branch from the ground, you look for the best place to throw it. Someplace that will make a lot of noise. Noticing a large boulder as a prime target for sound-making hijinks, you quickly take aim and toss the branch at the rock, striking it with a satisfying “tnnk-khunck!” A gasp emanates from within the orb of ebony.

“Aiee-ah! It’s you, isn’t it! I know you’re there, so stop it! I’m not bothering you at all! Well, unless, maybe do you want to talk? That could be fun, right? I haven’t had anyone to talk to in a while, isn’t that so?”

She’s fallen for your clever ruse without a hitch. Her back must be turned away from you; she’ll never see it coming. You flex your shoe-grabbing fingers and get ready to spring. Gotta be quick, quick and fast, fast and silent, like a ninjaing shoe ninja. Feet planted solidly on the ground…right leg back to push off on…center of gravity low to the ground…visualize the target ahead…steady…steady…GO! Your boots leave the ground at your soar like a dart just a few feet forwards into the darkness, hands outstretched in eager anticipation to receive your hard-earned prize.

It appears that you have encountered a small snag in your plans. In your eager enthusiasm, you seem to have forgotten the difficulty of seeing things in pitch darkness; more accurately, the difficult associated with not seeing things in pitch darkness. You eyes, unfortunately, do not share the same enthusiasm about stealing shoes as your feet and hands do, and have become most uncooperative at this point in time. Thus, despite your steeled soul and mind-blowing confidence, you find your face shamefully coming into direct contact with a hard object that is most likely Rumia’s shoe; her right shoe by the feel of it. It is altogether an unwholesome feeling, and certainly one you could do without.

Your gratuitous forward momentum carries you through the darkness with limited success, and your hands come in contact with exactly zero shoes or ankles on the way through, though they and your face both come into contact with exactly one ground when your journey through the air is complete. As you do not precisely enjoy the taste or texture of dirt in your mouth, you waste little time in removing yourself from this unappetizing position.

“Gaaiie! It’s right under me now!” a voice above you that is most definitely Rumia’s yells.

Realizing the precarious position of your operation’s success, you waste approximately zero-point-three seconds in spinning around and rushing into the darkness once again, using a “bear hug” strategy to maximize you chance of contacting the enemy, which is met with satisfactory levels of success. Shimmying down Rumia’s legs, your hands finally come into contact with…yes, yes! Smooth little dress shoes with a simple clasp; probably black. Easy to remove without much trouble. Perfection.

“Get away from my legs, you pervert-thingy! What are you doing to my shoes?!”

At a different time—say, thirty seconds ago—you probably would take offense to being called a “pervert”, whether or not the accusation is true, which it isn’t. However, your mind is busy with more important things at the moment, such as shoes, and shoes are most definitely more important. Take this shoe here, for example. Why, you’ve just stolen this perfectly awesome shoe from a person’s foot and put it in your pocket, despite the fact that said person is currently pulling at your hand and yelling some irrelevant words at you, probably about thievery or personal privacy or something like that. Without this shoe, well, you’d have one less shoe! And what kind of miserable person has one shoe less than the shoes she has? In fact, in just a few seconds, you’ll have one more shoe than the shoes you have!

Oh, wait. Hmm…

Rumia appears to have bitten down on your fingers in an attempt to halt your progress. She also seems to be attempting to fit your entire left hand into her mouth.

This is most unfortunate.

Without two functioning hands, you simply cannot steal shoes with ruthless efficiency. You will have to, reluctantly, put off stealing Rumia’s last shoe and deal with this new inconvenience. And you were so close, too. Ahh, what a bother.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

OBVIOUS EXITS ARE NORTH, EAST, AND…
[O] Pull out your pistol and blast her in the face!
[O] Forget the hand! Hands grow back, right?! Steal the last shoe one-handed!
[O] Clock Rumia in the head with her own stolen shoe!
[O] Activate Awesome Alliterative Attack: “SHOE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM” Kick!!
[O] Go about your normal life, dragging Rumia around like a mildly cumbersome leech. Several weeks later, consider getting that hand looked at by a doctor.
[O] Curse the heavens for not letting you steal shoes yesterday due to the author’s laziness!
>> No. 12790
[O] Activate Awesome Alliterative Attack: “SHOE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM” Kick!!

why not?
>> No. 12791
[♪] Go about your normal life, dragging Rumia around like a mildly cumbersome leech. Several weeks later, consider getting a sombrero~♫
>> No. 12792
[O] Forget the hand! Hands grow back, right?! Steal the last shoe one-handed!

Fuck it. Shoes are more important than the own life and wellbeing! Body Parts have to be sacrificed in order to achieve the goal. For the greater good.
>> No. 12793
[O] Go about your normal life, dragging Rumia around like a mildly cumbersome leech. Several weeks later, consider getting that hand looked at by a doctor.
>> No. 12794
[O] Curse the heavens for not letting you steal shoes yesterday due to the author’s laziness!

GOD DAMN IT OWEN!

And with that done...

[O] Activate Awesome Alliterative Attack: “SHOE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM” Kick!!
>> No. 12795
[O] Curse the heavens for not letting you steal shoes yesterday due to the author’s laziness!

You also keep forgetting to bring the pads with you.
>> No. 12796
[x] Pull out your pistol and blast her in the face!
[x] Activate Awesome Alliterative Attack: “SHOE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM” Kick!!

COMBO!
>> No. 12797
Owen, did you fuse set off or something? Because after all the seriousness you've taken the path of insane hilarity.

------------

[x] Pull out your pistol and blast her in the face!
[x] Activate Awesome Alliterative Attack: “SHOE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM” Kick!!
>> No. 12798
[X] Use your free hand to give her a wet willy.

Nah, that's too mean. I like Rumia too much to do something like that.

[X] Pull out your pistol and blast her in the face!

Slightly more merciful. Now, if we could just see Rumia soaking wet...
>> No. 12799
>if we could just see Rumia soaking wet
No need. We're a perverted thing under her, remember? She'll narrate for us just how soaked her panties are getting.
>> No. 12800
[O] Curse the heavens for not letting you steal shoes yesterday due to the author’s laziness!
[O] Activate Awesome Alliterative Attack: “SHOE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM” Kick!!

Awesome post!
>> No. 12804
[x] Pull out your pistol and blast her in the face!
[x] Activate Awesome Alliterative Attack: “SHOE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM” Kick!!
>> No. 12821
>>12797

Believe me, he had help, but I digress, Owen, I almost feel like reading the, how many sheets of paper did your last story fill up? Anywho, you are a great writer.
>> No. 12826
Surpass the impossible and kick off with momentum.
[]SHOE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!!
>> No. 12830
[x] Activate Awesome Alliterative Attack: “SHOE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM” Kick!!
>> No. 12865
[O] Activate Awesome Alliterative Attack: “SHOE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM” Kick!!

That’s it. You’ve wasted too much time already. You’ve done all the failing you need to do for today; it’s time to take destiny into your own two hands. It is also time to take Rumia’s last shoe into your own two hands. However, there still is that little problem of you not exactly having two hands at the moment. It’s time to remedy that.

From the uncomfortable tingling of the cute little monster gnawing on your hand comes a surge of resolve, flowing from the depths of your soul to the depths of your soles. A lesser woman would just give up now, beg for forgiveness, and run away. A more foolish woman would flail around comically, somehow assuming that Rumia’s vice-like jaws would actually be knocked loose from such a stupid display. Are you lesser? Are you foolish? Heck no! This vagabond youkai, wandering around without purpose…who does she think she is?!

You stand up to your full height and shout right at the invisible face attached to your hand. Your words echo loud and long through the evening quiet of the forest, stirring the little creatures and making the resident youkai cock their heads in your direction.

“Hey! You there!” you exclaim to Rumia at point-blank range, pointing your free hand at her. “Eating my body like you own the place! You’re think you’re all that, just gonna bite off more than you can chew?! Yeah, that’s right, I’m talkin’ to you! I’m more than just one opponent, you know! When you attack me, you don’t just attack me; you attack my sole! I am the sole of my shoe, and their soles are my soul!”

Rumia sounds about as confused as a child youkai trying to go “What?” with a mouthful of hand. You reach into your pocket and withdraw Rumia’s shoe, slipping your hand into its depths. If shoes were mittens, it would fit like a glove. You draw your arm back for a mighty swing: the kick to defy all other kicks.

”Just shoe the hell do you think I aaaaaam?!!

Rumia goes reeling backwards as your kick connects with her face, turning the black void into a barely noticeable dusky fog as she loses focus of her sphere of night. She rubs her eyes and face, fresh with the imprint of her own shoe on her cheek.

“Aaaaoooww! Wha…what just happened?!” she yells, hands covering her eyes as sun streams into her face. Aww, you has hoped to take her out with just one attack. But she’s stunned! The perfect time for a finishing move! Pouring all your fighting spirit into your two simple hiking boots, you take a running step forwards and jump into the air for a flying kick aimed right at Rumia’s chest. Let’s see her sneak her way out of this one!

”No more questions! I’m putting my foot down on the matter, NOW!!”

You victoriously slam Rumia into the leaf-covered ground as your heavy boot drives her down, aided by the marvelous power of gravity, and the even more marvelous power of shoes. Your left hand already healing just fine, you nonchalantly unclasp the dark girl’s other shoe and slip it on so that you now wear not one but two full pairs of matching shoes! Sighing with pleasure, you click the shining, sparkly heels together. Ahh, there’s no place like home…

Rumia groans and coughs below you, and you glace down at her. She looks like she’s in pa—oh no! Your boot! Your precious boot! The force of the kick might have just been a little too much for the ol’ girl; the sole is almost completely split off from the leather upper half. A single tear falls from your eyes, which you wipe away slowly. Removing the fallen comrade with gentle care, you look it over. Hmm…not a total loss. A little stitching here, and maybe some tape or glue, and you’ll still be able to spend months more with this brave soldier! And wait…what’s this? Noticing a wrinkled wad of paper resting inside the split, you pull it out and smooth it out. Oh yeah! That old bike voucher you got from the old man a few months ago! You wondered which pair of shoes you’d hid this in for safekeeping! Now you can give your faithful footwear a rest for a change! Remembering that Rumia’s still lying there, you roll your eyes and pat her on the head.

“Sorry kid. Guess you’ll need to learn to dance from the heart, now…‘cause your feet ain’t got no sole.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

MISSION COMPLETE!

OBJECTIVES:
Primary: Duh! Steal Rumia’s shoes! – Success!
Secondary: “Hide And Go Sneak!” – Failure…
Secondary: “Boom! Headshot!” – Failure…
Secondary: “Firefighter Extraordinaire!” – Failure…
Secondary: “Give Logic The Boot!” – Success!
Hidden Objective!: “Om Nom Nom!” – Success!

YOU RECEIVED:
@ One RUMIA’S LEFT SHOE
@ One RUMIA’S RIGHT SHOE
@ One GOLD TOOTH
@ One BIKE VOUCHER

LEVEL UP!
+1 Dash!
+1 Crash!
+1 Smash!
+1 Slash!
+1 Splash!
+1 Brash!
+1 New Ability: Shoe-Ting Star!

OVERALL RANK: 79% (Fun Times!)

[X] Return to base and wait for a new mission from StarCommand the bowels of your shoe-crazed mind.
>> No. 12867
Gold TOOTH?
>> No. 12868
Poor Rumia. Oh well, SHOES!
>> No. 12869
Those puns. Oh Owen you.
>> No. 12870
>When you attack me, you don’t just attack me; you attack my sole! I am the sole of my shoe, and their soles are my soul!”

hahaha, oh wow.
Owen proves that he is up to write some crazy comedy story too beside a serious and dark.
Can we get a liste of whose shoes we can go for next? With % how easy it will be at our current level? I really would like to choose.
>> No. 12878
The forest was quiet, but not silent. The breeze caused a subtle hiss in the foliage above, and birds twittered in crisp tones, getting their fill of vocalism before the last traces of sunlight left the night sky. And yet the softest sound was the most noticeable.

Rumia lay on her side, half-curled into a ball. The small youkai was shaking uncontrollably, as her every labored breath sent trembles through her body.

“… Aaa… It hurts--”

Her weak voice is cut off by a sudden, hacking cough, sending a scant few droplets of blood across the ground in front of her-- blood, no doubt, that had seeped into her wind pipe after her rib cage was shattered under the full weight of her much larger aggressor. The coughing only worsened the pain that wracked her torso, and she found herself involuntarily coiling up even further.

“B-but… I don’t understand… I… I didn’t do anything wrong… did I…?”

One of her eyes was almost completely shut from the swelling around her cheekbone, but due to the sheer volume of tears, that didn’t stop a small pool from forming at the foot of her head.

“… So… why...?”

A new orb of darkness slowly, gradually, grew to enshroud the crumpled form, even though the stranger had left minutes ago. Perhaps the young youkai was simply afraid of her return, and sought comfort in the familiarity of the shadows. Perhaps it was anguish, brought on by the intense agony that Rumia felt, which compelled her to irrational action. Either way, she didn’t want to be seen again. Not tonight.

----------------------------------------

What you did was bad, and you should feel bad.
>> No. 12880
>>12878

She bit us. It was a fight amongst youkai. Rumia understands a youkai's nature.
>> No. 12882
>>12880>>12880

To be fair, that sounds pretty flimsy. She bit us, sure, but that's a rather mild reaction to what could only be assumed was an unprovoked attempt at molestation by an unseen attacker.
You could have a small boy and his father fight and call it "a fight amongst men", too. This may come as a shock, but it isn't considered "normal" for youkai to suddenly gank each other.
Like Owen said:
>>NO LOGIC.
>>NO EXPLANATION.
>>NO DESPAIR.
He was 2/3 right.
>> No. 12883
>>12878
;_;
>> No. 12885
>This may come as a shock, but it isn't considered "normal" for youkai to suddenly gank each other.

Yeah well, this story isn't quite "normal". It's supposed to be a silly story with a silly premise, and shit like >>12878 is like writing a Dexter's Laboratory fanfic where Dee Dee gets raped.

Shitsux.
>> No. 12886
>>12885
Agreed, this is supposed to be a comedy, we stressed that fact to him.
Oh well, Owen I salute you.
>> No. 12888
>>12878

Am I the only one who lol'd?
I think this was supposed to be a joke, too.

>>"What you did was bad, and you should feel bad."
>> No. 12889
>>12888

--Oh, or it could've been a troll (in which case I still lol), or possibly even erotic lit. for softcore guro-types.
>> No. 12890
>This may come as a shock, but it isn't considered "normal" for youkai to suddenly gank each other.
>> No. 12897
Awesome! Now there is success! Onward, to more sole searching!

>>12878

Awww... Poor Rumia! Kinda sad, but doesn't dampen my enthusiasm for more shoe-stealing.

... Girl could use some hugs, though!
>> No. 12899
>>12890

Lol tsundere-yandere hybrid is not a good example of "normal"
>> No. 12905
>>12899
"I'll shoot if you don't shoot first"
Does Wriggle being the aggressor count as "normal"?
Also, "Turn over the lady of the mansion!"
>> No. 13168
Owen's got a new story in /others/ started.
>> No. 13169
>>13168
So this means this one is on hold?
>> No. 13186
>>13169
This story is being written in Round Robin format, so Mystia's going to take over for awhile.

...So yeah, it's basically on hold. Given the speed Mystia writes at I'll be surprised if we see an update before May.
>> No. 13203
MISSION #2: YOUR SHOES ARE HISTORY!
TARGET: Keine Kamishirashamallamakawakawa
DIFFICULTY: She doesn’t grade on a curve

“School’s out for the summer! Shoes’ll out, forever!”

Super-Healthy Outline! Extreme Style!: >>/th/79592