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File 128458430396.jpg - (179.46KB, 800x721, sample-2f80bd675b045ea7ea4084522b4d0ad9.jpg) [iqdb]
22951 No. 22951
Ok. This is my first CYOA and I finaly got the huevos to atempt it so heres hopeing it all goes well. Write ins are more then welcome.


part 1: Off the rails
Your name is Makenzie Stuart, archeologist by profession and today is definately a bad day for you. Right now you are on the roof of a speeding train locked in a stare down with the man across from you. Austrian in decent ,his name is Wilhelm Heinrich and he has an artifact that belongs to you. This is not the first time this mad nobleman has crossed your path. Infact he is a bit of a nemesis of yours. In his hand is a thick cloth wraped around a very dangerous artifact. The Sessho-seki. "I must thank you once again for bestowing such a wonderful gift upon me herr Mack. I'll be sure to put it to good use." He gives a sickening smirk. It's times like this you wish you could just strangle him. "It's your move now boy. Surely you won't let an old man like me win so easly?"
Indeed it is your turn...but what will you do?

[x] Pick 1 melee weapon.
[x] write in.
Expand all images
>> No. 22955
>>22951
Oh yes and I forgot to mention.
Im happy to answer any relivant questions you may have so feel free to ask away.
>> No. 22960
Might be good to grab a spellchecker.
>> No. 22962
>>22960
I noticed. Im considering deleteing this thread and running it through one before reposting it.
>> No. 22974
File 128459808742.jpg - (22.57KB, 300x167, Indiana_Jones_concept_art.jpg) [iqdb]
22974
>>22962
For first timers: use a spellcheck and proofread all you can. Also, do not try this unless you have shtiloads of free time and will do in the future.
For your first time, you may want to write a short story. And, if the characters and style is well-liked, you can use the same ones for the CYOA. The MC and the name of the story are really good by the way: I see potential.

If you decide to go through with it and learn on the way (not a bad choice) here's my vote:
[x] Pick 1 melee weapon
-[x] Whip
...as you can see, originality is not one of my traits.
>> No. 22977
>>22974

I'll agree that it needs a shitload of free time, though I can't comment on the "start with a short story" bit, as I don't think anybody here has ever done that.

NARH excluded, but he's a special case.
>> No. 22979
>>22974
>>22977

Thanks for the input. I actually tested this CYOA with some friends of mine and they loved it so I thought you guys might as well. On the subject of free time I have more then I could ever ask for so it's a non-issue. Glad to have my first vote for the CYOA. The question now is if I should wait for more or not. If not then expect an update soon. Oh and whips are always a fun choice for a hero even if they aren't the most original.
>> No. 22982
This is pretty uninteresting.
>> No. 22983
[x] Fists of steel
[x] knight to E4
>> No. 22987
[ø] A magically enchanted ornate dagger crafted by a certain alchemist.
[ø] Challenge Herr Heinrich to a duel.

if there aren't enough votes to fom a winning choice,
[ø] Whip
[ø] Knight to E4.

Also, I must agree that this s one kick-ass title.
>> No. 23004
[x] Spellcards
-[x] Challenge him to a danmaku battle.

Heh, you want originality? How about a guy who knows about magic and danmaku BEFORE getting into Gensokyo?
>> No. 23005
[X] A pickaxe. You're a archeologist and you should have one.
[X] Chase after the Austrian, you must recover the artifact before all hell breaks loose.
>> No. 23008
>>22977
Who the hell is NARH?
>> No. 23019
Glad to see I have some interest here. Calling vote and getting to work. Expect more soon.

Winner: [x] whip
[x] knight to E4
>> No. 23020
>>23019
Oh yes and I forgot one.
[x] Spellcards
The idea was far to interesting to pass up.
>> No. 23022
File 128466243612.jpg - (44.27KB, 286x225, Durandal.jpg) [iqdb]
23022
Mack's status: HP:50/50
Gear: Whip, archeology kit, 3 bottles of water, 1 bag of beef jerky: Teriyaki, 1 miner's cap,1 spellcard, and 1 survival kit.
Spellcards: Unwavering sword [ Durandal ]

Staring this foe down Mack knew he would have to take him down fast and intelligently. He smiled slightly and took a massive risk but calculated risk and rushed along the very edge of the train to try and flank Heinrich. It had become almost like a routine game of chess for them but Heinrich was a delusional man who had convinced him-self he was a high ranking member of the SS and Mack was at one time just a run of the mill archeologist. This was far from a friendly game of chess and in the end one of them was going to die. Heinrich just stood by as Mack rushed at him and prepared for the battle to come...but then someone else decided to step in. The train shook un-naturally and rapidly started to be consumed by a large purple void Heinrich seemed confused as to why Mack had stopped rushing him and was wearing an expression of shock.

cont.
>> No. 23023
>>23022
To make matters worse it seems it isn't just that the train is going into the gash in space and time but that it is also rapidly advancing on both of them. In moments both are pulled into it, never getting a chance to react. For a brief moment Mack sees a woman in purple, she is quite beautiful but there is something terrifying about her. another figure is next to her, less defined and harder to make out. The woman in purple seems to be doing something to her. There are screams of pain. "Miserable servant! I own you body and soul! Never forget that!" The vision fades to black and you awaken on a hard stoney ground, almost like a brick path. Thick slightly purple fog surrounds you at all sides. Which way will you go?

[x] Maybe north
[x] possibly south
[x] could be west
[x] Might be east
>> No. 23027
>>23023
Now is also the time to vote if I should add music to the CYOA or not.
[X]Yes
[X]no
>> No. 23031
>>23022
[x] could be west
[X] Yes
Music's not necessary, but it's always interesting to see what the author decides to choose as a bgm.

oh and
>him-self
>un-naturally
you don't need the hyphens there.
>> No. 23033
[x] could be west
[X] Yes
All choices seem the same, so let's build a consensus quickly.
And music is always good.
>> No. 23039
Ok. Adding BGM and typeing up the next part.
>> No. 23041
BGM so far

Train conflict: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jTw4eQaeds&feature=related

The demon in purple:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4h4Hcp7YQ4s&feature=related

The foggy crossroads:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eZ88_3Lt4A&feature=related
>> No. 23042
File 128467462823.jpg - (17.12KB, 500x375, tree-in-fog.jpg) [iqdb]
23042
Bugger. I just realized I accidently changed perspective. Oh well.

West...it seems like as good a direction as any. You can't even be 100% sure it is west but you walk regardless. There are few defining features here. Every once in a while there will be a broken timber or a few shattered bones. After a while you come to what seems to be a makeshift camp. A long burned out fire at it's center and a tattered tent near it several logs are around the fire and there is a small pile of wood. You can just make out what seems to be a foot locker in the tent. There is a small bundle near one of logs you immediately recognize. It's the Sessho-seki! A faint chill is in the air and you cannot sake the feeling someone is watching you. Maybe there is something of use in this camp?
[X] write in.
>> No. 23048
>>23042
great BGM, I should get Okami.

[ø] Status
[ø] Inventory
[ø] Search around for items which may be useful for navigating and surviving in this foreign land.
>> No. 23062
>>23042
[X] Status
[X] Inventory
[X] Search around.
>> No. 23063
Status and Inventory are go. I'll wait a bit before I call the vote though.

Inventory: Whip, archeology kit, 3 bottles of water, an engraved stone necklace(equip, Effect:???), 1 bag of beef jerky: Teriyaki, 1 miner's cap w/ head lamp (battery:50%), 1 spellcard, and 1 survival kit.

Status:
lvl:1
HP:50/50
Race: Human
Hunger: Not hungry
Thirst: Mild
>> No. 23064
[x] Look around for useful items and food.
[x] Examine Sessho-seki.
>> No. 23065
>>23042
[x] Look around for useful items and food.
[x] Examine Sessho-seki.
>> No. 23066
Calling vote.
[x] Look around for useful items and food.
[x] Examine Sessho-seki.
>> No. 23069
File 128470413195.jpg - (95.94KB, 394x569, tamamo_chikanobu.jpg) [iqdb]
23069
Deciding to make the most out of your find your walk into the camp. You peek into the tent to find an old skeleton with it's clothes still one. They seem to be military fatigues of Russian origin.You don't dwell long on how they met their fate. Kicking off the rusted lock to the foot locker yields some M.R.E.s and a half empty bottle of vodka. There is a lighter in the pocket and a blood stained letter wrapped around it. It's in Russian, You cannot read Russian though. There is also an old grenade in one of his other pockets as well as a few 9mm mags. Strangely no guns. An empty oil lantern sits on an end table next to an empty tin cup and a small set of sewing needles. Strangely there is a small magnet under the remnants of a bed frame. Top priority is to make sure the artifact has not be disturbed so you gather the possibly useful items, stop messing around, and slowly creep over to it. It seems the cloth has come off it slightly as a faint pale blue glow shines out.Without ever realizing it was there the new necklace you are wearing starts to resonate as your get close to the stone. The light...it's strangely alluring...

BGM: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bBUfLeBEmc&feature=related

You can feel someone near you. It doesn't feel threatening though. Still cautious you take a look around. To your shock there is now a woman in strange and distinctly eastern attire sitting on a log across from you. She is relatively tall with black hair and dark brown eyes that seems to hold a lot more age and knowledge then her appearance would normally indicate. A pair pair of pale white fox ears rise from her head. It's hard to say if she has the tails to go with them due to the billowy nature of her attire. Despite this she is rather enchanting but you are too shocked to notice. She has her head tilted slightly like a curious dog. She seems to be expecting something from you.

[X]Say something. (write in)
>> No. 23108
[x] "Hello."
[x] "Is there something on my face?"
[x] Introduce yourself with a bow.
[x] "And your name is?"
[x] "Where are we? And how did I get here?"
[x] "What was that light?"
[x] "I hope you don't mind me asking, but what exactly are you? I can tell you're not human by your appearance."

Here's my shot on this.
>> No. 23181
[ø] "Hello."
[ø] Introduce yourself with a bow.
[ø] "Who are you and where are we?"
>> No. 23379
I suppose i've waited long enough for votes.
Calling it.

[X] "Hello."
[X] Introduce yourself with a bow.
[X] "Who are you and where are we?"

Since it is a tie I picked at random.
>> No. 23473
You look at her in surprise for a moment before speaking. "Umm...hello." You can't help but feel the need to do a bit of a bow as well. You can't be sure why. It just feels right. She just smiles a little and gives a slight bow as well. She starts to speak. " あなたはそうですか? いいえ。..けれどもあなたは彼の血液ラインであるに違いありません。.. いずれにしてもそれはあなたを友人にします。.." ... It's a good thing you know Japanese pretty well otherwise this could be a lot harder. Translation: "Are you? No...you must be of his blood line though... In any case that makes you a friend..." well that doesn't help you confusion... you need answers though. You hope these will get you some. "Excuse me..but who are you...and where the hell are we? I'm kind of confused right now."
She smiles for a little and sighs. "My name is Tamamo-No-Mae. To be honest...I think your just as lost as I am." she gives a sweet if half-hearted smile but your blood runs cold...is she the same one from the tales? Is it possible she might have hostile intent?
As a bit of a mythology and folklore buff the name is definitely familiar. What are you going to do now?

[X] Panic!
[X] Try not to freak out. Lets play it cool and maybe we can get some more answers.
[X] Disbelieve. We clearly have suffered some serious head trauma or something.
[X] write in
>> No. 23477
[X] Try not to freak out. Lets play it cool and maybe we can get some more answers.
>> No. 23511
>>23473
eh, MC isn't Japanese, so I wonder how 玉藻の前 knows of his ancestors...

do go on.

[ø] Try not to freak out. Lets play it cool and maybe we can get some more answers.
[ø] "Although I do not mean any disrespect, I must inquire, if you are the real fox spirit, how is that you know of my ancestors?"
>> No. 23642
[X] Inquire about the necklace.
[X] Protect the Sessho-seki.
>> No. 23647
>>23511
Either he's faintly japanese or one of his ancestors went mucking about in japan.
>> No. 23670
Ok. I think I've given this enough time. Writing the next segment. I will try to get to the main portion of the CYOA soon enough. Remember, I am happy to answer questions and I gladly accept constructive feedback.
>> No. 23675
Ok...so you stranded in an abandon Russian military camp with a presumably several thousand year old demon fox that supposedly almost killed an emperor and could just as easily kill you. One mistake and your dead. No sweat right? It could be risky but if you play the cards right you might be able to benefit from this. Instinctively you snatch up the cloth wrapped artifact and put it in your satchel. It's death dealing powers could be devastating in the wrong hands. She doesn't seem to mind much. It's time to ask some questions... "Ok...so let me get this straight...you a full blown kitsune that somehow knows one of my ancestors and where apparently on good terms with them. Care to elaborate? " She smiles lightly and seems to be lost in thought. " Just a kindly priest I once knew in a previous life. We where...close. I can't really say much else at the moment." She snaps back into focus. "In any case you are here for an important reason. I can tell just by looking at you... I am sure it will become clear in due time."
You can't help but frown at this. It answers little and makes more questions.
"Well then what about this necklace? Care to share some info on that?"
She stares at it and frowns a little. "I see...it would seem I am in a sort of binding contract. Basically I'm going to be helping you with...something... In return I get full freedom and return of all my powers. Seems fair enough I suppose. He must have been preparing for this day..." It's your turn to frown now. "So wait...Basically you're my servant?" She scoffs at this. "Hardly. I'm just here to assist you. You really can't order me around...I think I can do something for you right now though." She waves a hand and suddenly several spell cards appear in it. She fans them out and holds them towards you. "Take your pick. Chances are you will need it here. If you're feeling up to it we can have a practice match as well."

Which card?:
[ ] left (brown with a gold compass rose)
[ ] middle (white with gold trim)
[ ] right (white with red flame)
[ ] ???(Mystery option)

Practice match?
[ ]Yes
[ ]No
>> No. 23676
>your!=you're
>where!=were
please look out for those.

[ø] middle (white with gold trim)
This or the mystery option sound good
[ø]Yes
>> No. 23715
[x] left (brown with a gold compass rose)
and
[x] No
>> No. 23746
[x] middle (white with gold trim)
[x]Yes
>> No. 23751
http://ljconstantine.com/column3.htm

Please, please, please read this before your next update. Pay very close attention to numbers 8 and 16.

As for a vote...
[x] White with gold trim.
[x] Yes.
>> No. 23770
>>23751
Alright. Thanks for the advice. I'll try to keep that in mind. In anycase vote called. With any luck the next update will be a good one.

[x] middle (white with gold trim)
[x]Yes
>> No. 23791
Three cards for you to pick from...The white and gold one calls out to you. It seems nice enough. Besides it's free. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth and such. You carefully take it from her. "so you have chosen. Let's see what you got." gently the card is flipped over and it's nature reveled to you.

BGM: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4vozUAubKE

Spellcard get!: 1st tail [ Will o' wisp storm]

It seems a pretty decent card. You put it with your other card taking a brief moment to notice she is missing a tail. You don't bother to consider her offer for a practice match. Your pretty sure you want to go for it. It's not like you have anything to lose. In fact you could use a bit of practice since you don't really have many people that know danmaku as well last you checked. You reach for one of the cards and say "I'm up for a practice match. two card limit." She grins pretty widely. "Ok then. I'm eager to see just how good you are human." she draws a spell card and prepares to call it.

BGM: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFW3mm6SpAg&feature=related

Strategy
[X] Focus on dodging her shots more then hitting her
[X] Take her down fast and hard
[X] Write in

First card
[X] Unwavering sword [Durandal]
[X] 1st tail [ Will o' wisp storm]
>> No. 23798
[X] Focus on dodging her shots more then hitting her

First card
[X] 1st tail [ Will o' wisp storm]
>> No. 23868
Strategy
[X] Focus on dodging her shots more then hitting her

First card
[X] 1st tail [ Will o' wisp storm]
>> No. 23882
Strategy
[ø] Focus on dodging her shots more then hitting her

First card
[ø] 1st tail [ Will o' wisp storm]
>> No. 23967
calling vote.
[X] Focus on dodging her shots more then hitting her

First card
[X] 1st tail [ Will o' wisp storm]
>> No. 24900
Hi there. Author of Sufficiently Advanced Science here. Since this story has been inactive for so long I think i'll take over it.
Kinda seems a waste to just let it rot.
Hopefuly we can expect an update soon.
>> No. 24901
>>24900
ANON HIJACKS THIS STORY! WE ARE DOO- no wait, it was Anon since the beginning.
>> No. 24902
>>24900
Please don't and pretend you did. This story somehow managed to be simultaneously more boring, and terribly written than even your story. Just let dead dogs lie, yeah?
>> No. 24903
Your lungs thunder the card name "1st tail [ Will o' wisp storm]!" As she calls her own card.
" 2nd tail [Konoe's loyal confidant]." Her voice is less forceful and she seems very focused on the task at hand. You on the other hand almost lose focus as a surge of what feels like energy and vigor floods your body. You feel so alive. As if by instinct you understand how to wield this new power accordingly. As rings of light appear around her made of arcane runes you move your body fluidly like a trained martial artist and from the tip of your fingers pale blue flames start to appear in the air around you.
Slowly the flames start to move all seeming to aim for her position and rapidly accelerate as they progress. She makes minor adjustments to her position and the rune circles start to unleash a steady bombardment of spheres of light. They are golden yellow in color. You focus less on targeting her and more on avoiding the spheres. The duel is more like strange ballet then a battle between two people. Her attacks grow faster and more things are added to them as time goes on and you almost feel you might be overwhelmed.
Suddenly your concentration is broken by a sound not un-like shattering glass. You take a moment to look and see that her bullets seem to have vanished along with her rune circles. You feel a small increase in your overall power and proficiency over this curious new art. She chuckles lightly as you feel the power of your spell card fade.

BGM:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZoYYa0NE3Q

Gained abilities!: Unfocused shots, Graze.

"Pretty impressive for a first time kid. Most people don't win their first duel."

She pauses for a moment. You both notice the fog is slowly encroaching in you both. "Well I suppose this is goodbye for now. Keep that stone close to you and I'll be able to remain in contact with you. I really hope you find what your looking for. " She smiles a bit sadly and fades. You are alone again but the stone feels somewhat warm now and that seems to bring you some comfort.

[X] Run into the fog head first heading due east. Better to increase your chances of actually finding someone.
[X] Make a fire and rest. Perhaps the fog will be cleared by then? You don't know if that purple color means it will have dangerous side effects.
>> No. 24904
>>24902
Im just gonna give it a shot. If it doesn't work out i'll just focus on mine only. Besides. If people don't like it they don't have to read right?
>> No. 24905
[X] Run into the fog head first heading due east. Better to increase your chances of actually finding someone.
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